#ingiiwm

[markermage]

It's Not Gay If It's With Monsters - Part 2.2 Mistakes Were Made (Continued)

<<Part 2.1

🧚 Hugh's heartrate rose as he saw who was coming to grab the order. At the table with the big and scary arachne lady, there was a second arachne, much smaller. Hugh hadn't noticed him earlier. He wanted to hide, but his body refused to move as the second-biggest spider he had seen today approached him. The spider lower half was fluffy and colorful, and about the size of a large dog, like a labrador. His human upper half was halfling or child-sized and was wearing a green shirt with the text "NON-EDIBLE" printed on it.

🧚 Midway to the counter, he stopped, raised two of his middle spider legs into the air, and started moving side to side. His face, which appeared very human-like if you ignored the extra eyes to the side, showed an anxious expression as if not sure what to do, but still he approached slowly. He reached for the drink carrier with those raised spider legs. Hugh was able to spot a blush as the spider person grabbed the drinks and hurried off.

Foby?🕷️ *Scurrying off* Thank you!

Hugh👨 OK, so there's two of them... Whatever... I got another order to fill. A marrow cocoa for Grikka'mu. Just gotta take some hot chocolate, add some orange zest... some pig's blood... and a cut bone for garnish. GRIKKA'MU!

🧚 A gnoll woman approached the counter. Some would describe her as looking like a hybrid between a neanderthal and a hyena that had been hitting the gym. She had a sleeveless blouse that left her powerful biceps and her... pectorals... competing for attention. She had a leather skirt to cover her thighs, and some sort of animal skull hanging from the front in a way that would lead to Hugh looking up the difference between a skirt and a kilt once he had some free time.

Grikka'mu🐺 Is Grikka'mu's cocoa ready?

Hugh👨 *Getting distracted* Yeah... right here.

Grikka'mu🐺 Grikka'mu love this chocolate stuff humans make! *Notices Hugh's attention is elsewhere* What's wrong? *Follows Hugh's gaze*

🧚 What both were now looking at is Kiby shooing the arachne lady back to her table. There was some yelling with the occasional slur.

Grikka'mu🐺 Little man scared of spider lady?

Hugh👨 *Nods*

Grikka'mu🐺 Don't worry. If spider lady start fight, Grikka'mu keep you safe. *Pats Hugh's head before taking her marrow cocoa*

Hugh👨 I just want this day to be over...

Foby?🕷️ Me too...

Hugh👨 AHH!

Foby?🕷️ AH!

Hugh👨 *Ducking behind the counter* I don't have a drink order ready for you right now.

Foby?🕷️ *Ducking down on his own side of the counter* I thought it'd be safer to wait for my newest order over here. Is that alright?

Hugh👨 *Realizing that because the arachne boy is shorter, the counter does a decent job of obscuring the view of his lower spider half* I guess so. Oh, here's the ticket for your order and it's... That is a lot of coffee. *Gets to work on preparing it*

Foby?🕷️ I think it might be able to distract her while I sneak out.

Hugh👨 Isn't she your mother or something?

Foby?🕷️ No... no... She's my... I think the human word for it is "date".

Hugh👨 Uhmmm...

Foby?🕷️ You think that all arachne grow up to be around her size, don't you?

Hugh👨 Well...

Foby?🕷️ It's just the women that get that big. The men grow up to be *gestures to self* this size.

Hugh👨 So the date isn't going as well as you hoped?

Foby?🕷️ I've had worse.

Hugh👨 Well, hopefully this will help you out, er... *checks order ticket* Foby?

Fobian🕷️ F... Foby... an... Fobian. And could you step back a bit? I don't mean to be offensive, but you humans have that whole big and scary look to you.

Hugh👨 *Surprised* Oh, uh... sure. *steps back*

Fobian🕷️ *Grabs tray of coffees* Thank-

Arachne Lady🕷️ What did you say, you impudent bird?!

Chloe🦚 I said the only thing more offensive than that top is your decision to wear it.

🧚 Things were spiraling out of control with the arachne lady, and it wasn't that long before...

Hugh👨 *Repeatedly pressing silent alarm button while cowering behind the counter* C'mon! C'mon!

Big & Scary Arachne Lady🕷️ *Throwing a chair* I'LL PLUCK EVERY LAST ONE OF THOSE FEATHERS OFF AND STEW YOU, YOU DAMN CHICKEN!

Chloe🦚 *Dodging a chair* At least you'd have something with taste!

Grikka'mu🐺 *Trying to restrain the arachne lady* Just... Calm... DOWN!

Kiby🧔🏽‍ *Trying to free self from webbing* HMMF!

Foille💧 *Cutting the dwarf free of webbing with a sword made of slime* Ze webs... zey won't 'old you much longer.

Fobian🕷️ Can I hide here?

Hugh👨 AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Fobian🕷️ AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Hugh👨 ...Sorry. You can hide here, I guess.

Fobian🕷️ Do you think they'll be OK out there?

Hugh👨 *Holding up hand to block view of Fobian's lower spider half* I've sent out the alert for the subjugation squad. I'm sure they'll get here before any deaths happen. Afterall, it's... at least 3 competent fighters against her.

🧚 A loud crash precedes a shower of coffee beans and glass scattering across the floor.

Hugh👨 *Other hand gripping the rapier he has with him* Just a little collateral damage. They can do fine without me. They just have to last until the subjugation squad arrives. Kiby would understand. He knows that I can't handle spiders...

Fobian🕷️ I haven't heard the dwarf's voice in awhile.

Hugh👨 Ki... Kiby? I... I'm sure he's still alive... I...

🚨 *Sirens* This is the subjugation squad! Drop to the ground or we will begin to fire!

🧚 The subjugation squad proceeded to end the conflict through tranquilizers, gas, and a bit of tazing. There were no casualties, and minimal injuries. After the fighting had stopped, they were able to get people's stories and review security footage.

Kiby🧔🏽‍ I get it. You just have that one little hangup when it comes to spiders.

Hugh👨 But I should have been able to do something there. Maybe the shop wouldn't have been ruined if I had been out there with you.

Kiby🧔🏽‍ I'm sure that insurance thing will handle it. We'll have the place fixed up soon.

Hugh👨 And in the meantime, we're going to have so many ingredients go bad since the fridge got destroyed.

Kiby🧔🏽‍ Well, if we're losing them anyway, we might as well use them. Free drinks all around?

Hugh👨 Free drinks all around.

Subjugation Squad Member👮 Ah, there you are. We've finished our investigation.

Hugh👨 So how long will that spider be stuck in South Crossbridge for?

Subjugation Squad Member👮 We think it's going to end up as a minimal sentence.

Kiby🧔🏽‍ After that violent outburst?

Subjugation Squad Member👮 We have a fun facts about animals guy who was quick to point out that spiders have been known to get drunk off of caffeine, and are looking into the possibility that it applies to arachne as well. We plan to put a temporary ban on serving caffeinated beverages to arachne as a stopgap while we figure this out.

Hugh👨 *Crosses the name "Fobian" off of one of the cups* Good to know. Anyway, would you and the rest of your squad like any coffee? This stuff's going to waste otherwise, so we might as well serve it.

Subjugation Squad Member👮 Of course. Thank you.

Hugh👨 *Looking towards the customers that are still around* Hey, Kiby, sorry to leave you with the work, but...

Kiby🧔🏽‍ It's fine. Work is how we dwarves calm down. You humans have your own ways.

Who will Hugh personally serve a drink to?

Fobian🕷️ (make sure it's decaf)

Foille💧

Chloe🦚

Grikka'mu🐺

Voting ended onDec 25, 2025

>>Part 3

[markermage]

It's Not Gay If It's With Monsters - Prologue

~Introduction~

🧚 Hello, and welcome to the author's attempt to write an interactive romantic story. My name is Woe, and I will be the narrator for this tale. This post is pretty much just to ease you in and let you know what to expect.

Woe🧚 As you can probably guess from the title, this is intended to be a story with monster romance and some queer themes. It's also going to have a male main character. The author thought this was a good idea for a visual novel, but the fool handles a brush like I handle iron, so we're going with this text-based approach and will let polls handle the player choices.

Woe🧚 The general idea is that every Saturday, the author is going to be posting story segments that each end in a 3-day poll to decide where the next segment will go. They intend to keep this up for the rest of the month which will cover... 3 more posts. After that, they'll decide whether to keep at it for another month, switch to it being an infrequent thing for them to do, or simply stop altogether.

~Warnings~

Woe🧚 So let's get the warnings out of the way. In addition to monster romance and queer themes, there's going to be some re-evaluation of one's own gender and sexuality. There's going to be spider people that might frighten people with arachnophobia. There's going to be some fantastic anatomy and biology that can get a bit strange. Depending on the route, there could be people getting tied up or doing competitive sword fighting. There will also be references to, but not depictions of vore. Also, there may be some scenes that are skipped over but will end up being posted elsewhere.

~Routes~

Woe🧚 There's going to be 4 main routes to choose from, each associated with a different character to romance. Poll options that lock into a particular character's route will be made obvious. The author is planning to go with some early commitment to a route, but the other characters won't disappear, and it might even be possible to switch over to another route later on.

Woe🧚 There are plans for an asexual arachne🕷️ route about overcoming arachnophobia and dealing with being mistaken for the opposite gender. Another is going to be a trap harpy🦚 route about exploring one's own sexuality and gender. There's also going to be a tomboy gnoll🐺 route about being the softer one in the relationship. And the last of the main routes is a competitive slime girl💧 route that has some genderbending through fantasy hormones.

~Setting~

Woe🧚 This story takes place in a modern day setting that had various fantasy races introduced to it around 30 years ago in an event that became known as the Displacement. I'm talking elves, dwarves, goblins, centaurs, dragons, fairies like myself, and various other things that are found in stories of labyrinths and leviathans, as well as questionable browser histories. No signs of wizards yet. They were either able to use their magic to return home or secret government agencies captured them, depending on who you ask. There's been enough time for people to learn and accept that these people from another world had arrived, enough time for there to be adults belonging to both groups that have no experience of the before times, but not enough time for everyone to fully adapt and integrate. An American city called Crossbridge has become one of many locations chosen for integration of the more monstrous races, a place where humans, monsters, and government officials will get first hand experience of what not to do.

~Protagonist~

Woe🧚 The character that we'll be following is Mr. Mann👨. Yes, that's his surname, Mann. He will be playing a straight-man role (let's see how long that lasts) to the various non-human characters. He is a rather average man in his 20's. In his highschool years, he had taken up the sport of fencing, and had won some awards for it. He is proud of his athletic achievements, but couldn't really go professional with them. His fashion sense is rather drab, putting in the bare minimum required not to be an eyesore. He defaults to nature colors like greens and browns, and sometimes wears camo pattern clothes. He's also terrified of spiders, which is of course going to be important. You DID read what romance options we're giving him, didn't you? Anyway, Crossbridge offered cheap and affordable housing and job opportunities with maybe the chance to meet cute elves and mermaids. He had gotten a job as a barista and has a dwarven coworker🧔🏽‍.

Woe🧚 Mr. Mann is going to need a first name for us to refer to him with. I vote that we call him "Hugh". Get it? Hugh Mann? But in the interests of audience participation and keeping the initial stakes low, we're letting a poll decide whether to use it or whatever reader-suggested name in the comments is most popular. Whatever name you decide on, my fairy poll magic will give it to him.

What Should The Protagonist's Name Be?

Hugh

Reader Suggestion (from comments)

Voting ended onDec 10, 2025

Woe🧚 Next week, Mr. Mann is going to have a new name to start an eventful day at work with.

[markermage]

It's Not Gay If It's With Monsters - Part 3 Responsibility for Feathers

<<Part 2.2

Woe🧚 The poll has given us another tie, so I've got to use one of your human decision disks to deal with this. I'm also going to be trying out a new technique with it this time. I've gone and got myself a ramp that I can roll it down like this... It's made it to the bottom... Crashed into a wall... And it's toppled over to reveal... TAILS! We're going with the Chloe🦚 choice.

🧚 And so, Hugh approached Chloe, a drink in each hand.

Hugh👨 *Offering drink* Do you think you'll be alright?

Chloe🦚 *Stops preening wing feathers to grab drink with foot* Yeah. This isn't the first time I've had a fashion victim get violent with me.

Hugh👨 I... I should have been out there helping restrain her. Instead, I was hiding behind the counter pressing the silent alarm button.

Chloe🦚 You were doing what you could handle, and that's enough.

Hugh👨 I HAVE PRACTICED WITH THIS RAPIER FOR 5 YEARS, AND WHEN I HAD THE OPPORTUNITY TO PROTECT SOMEONE, I HID!

Chloe🦚 Shhh... *Wraps wing around Hugh* My safety is not your responsibility.

Hugh👨 But...

Chloe🦚 You are not part of the subjugation squad. Your responsibilities today were to serve coffees and teas. Anything you can do with that sword is just a bonus.

Hugh👨 I'm sure that I could have...

Chloe🦚 *Interrupts Hugh with a kiss to the forehead* Just let the pretty bird do the talking for a bit.

Hugh👨 *Blushing* O... OK...

Chloe🦚 You are not responsible for any trouble that these beautiful feathers get into. These feathers are a challenge to others to either rise to my beauty or drag me down to their ugliness, and dragging me down is what that arachne tried to do. Their care is my responsibility.

Chloe🦚 But if you really want to take some responsibility for their health, perhaps we can discuss that over dinner. Say, tomorrow at 8?

🧚 Chloe took a final sip of the drink held in his foot... I mean...

Woe🧚 OK, so I thought I would be able to last longer without spoiling things through gendered pronouns. I guess we'll just move onto the poll.

Accept Chloe's offer?

Agree to the date (Lock into femboy/trap🦚 route)

Politely decline (Keep things open and serve a drink to Fobian🕷️)

Voting ended onDec 31, 2025

Woe🧚 This will end the weekly updates for now, but the author intends to continue this, but at a more relaxed pace as he figures out how to plot out things past the route split. Some exploration of other directions the story could have gone will happen (I've even been told that there's a route for me as well), but the polls will decide what the main focus will be. Also, I'm not going to use the decision disk for this one. That thing was tough enough to get to the top of the ramp. If it's a tie, I'm just locking it into Chloe🦚's route.

[markermage]

It's Not Gay If It's With Monsters - Part 2.1 Mistakes Were Made

<<Part 1

Woe🧚 I've counted up the votes for the poll, and it's a two-way tie. Luckily, I've snagged one of your human inventions that can resolve this. I found it at the bottom of a well. I just have to *huff* carry this... up... high enough... and let it drop.

Woe🧚 ...

Woe🧚 HEADS! Hugh will be taking the "stay still" option.

Hugh👨 *Trying his best not to move* ...

Arachne Lady🕷️ Are you deaf or something? I said I'll have a large and a small.

Kiby🧔🏽‍ Just a moment. *Pulls Hugh aside*

Kiby🧔🏽‍ *In hushed voice* Is it that fear of spiders again?

Hugh👨 *Nods*

Kiby🧔🏽‍ *Still hushed* Would ye like to switch until they're gone? Ye'll be able to hide while they grab their drinks.

Hugh👨 *Nods*

Arachne Lady🕷️ *Leaning over the counter* Will you serve me or am I going to have to help myself to this delicious little hairball?

Kiby🧔🏽‍ I'm not on the menu ye overgrown tick! Now get back on the other side of the counter before I give the subjugation squad a call!

Kiby🧔🏽‍ *With axe drawn* Maybe they'll get here while you still have more legs than me!

Woe🧚 And I think we'll just tune out the dwarf/arachne violence, and focus our attention on Hugh.

Hugh👨 *Barely holding it together* OK, I just need to finish the order Kiby was working on, move on to the... spider's... order. It's fine. The machines here will block my view of her and her view of me. I just need to hold it together. Just pretend that Australia's newest crime against nature isn't in the same building as me.

Hugh👨 OK, so cucumber iced tea, café noisette, and a cupa joe... wait, that was the name the turtle girl gave. I had to look online to find out what a noisette was. And... done. CUPA JOE!

🧚 The one that came to claim the order was not the turtle girl, but a slime girl. She had a hazelnut color to her slime, and a golden orb inside of her.

Slime Girl💧 I'll take that.

Hugh👨 Wait, I remember this was for...

Slime Girl💧 Oui... er-yes. It was my kappa friend that did the ordering. She says you always write her name wrong and *checks* she was right. Oh, is that a rapier you have there?

Hugh👨 Oh, yeah! I took fencing classes in high school. I was even the best in my class.

Slime Girl💧 I do love fencing, and I could use a new sparring partner. Maybe after you finish up, we could have a match?

Hugh👨 Sure, I guess I could, miss...

Foille💧 F-O-I-L-L-E Foille (pronounced like "toy" but with an "F", "foy"). I wouldn't want you getting my name wrong. And your name?

Hugh👨 Hugh. And I hope you and your friend enjoy your drinks.

Foille💧 I'm sure we will. Bye.

Hugh👨 OK, so the next order is... just plain coffees in a large and small size for... KIBY! I seriously doubt this was the name she gave. PLAIN LARGE AND SMALL COFFEES FOR THE SPIDER LADY! *ducks behind counter*

🧚 Hugh hid behind the counter, not daring to look until he heard what sounded like the drinks being grabbed.

Hugh👨 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... I think she's gone now. *Peeks* Yeah, she's taken her drinks. *Stands back up* The next drink order is a ghost pepper spice latte for Clo. Since it's not a bucket size for the drive through, I'm guessing its for a bird person instead of a dragon. Done. ORDER FOR CLO!

🧚 The one that came for the drink was a harpy with feathers in seemingly every warm color with some blue accents. A matching messenger bag worn over a low cut blouse covers fluffed up chest feathers. A loincloth provides some modesty down below while keeping as much leg exposed as possible.

Clo🦚 Hmmm... How do you service workers manage to look so cute? *Raises leg and uses a taloned foot to grab Hugh's apron* This brown would make such a lovely contrast to me, perhaps over dinner.

Hugh👨 *Blushing* Uhmm... Ma'am?

Clo🦚 Oh, sorry. *Releases Hugh's apron and reaches into bag with same foot* You do have a job to do *Pulls out a card* so I'll leave you with this *Kisses the card before placing it down on the counter* and the pleasure of watching me leave.

🧚 As the harpy walked away, wings pressing the latte into a feathery chest, Hugh couldn't help but stare at the tail feathers swaying left and right before they lifted up and slammed down while fanning out as the harpy turned. His glance went downwards to the card. It had her picture, the name "Chloe", a phone number, and the words "call me" accompanied by a fresh lip print.

Hugh👨 I'll just... uh... put this away. *Pockets the card* And the next drink is... 4 large plain coffees for Foby... Hmm... Well, whatever. Easy enough to do. And... Done. FOBY!

Woe🧚 And we're going to cut things off here because the names on the Monbucks cups weren't the only mistakes. It seems our author has let procrastination and winter holiday stuff get the best of him and wasn't able to finish this, so we're going to divide this into part 2.1 and part 2.2, which will be posted tomorrow and will include not just Foby's introduction, but also the 4th romance option and a poll that will decide who Hugh spends some extended one-on-one time with next week for part 3, so make sure not to miss it.

>>Part 2.2

[markermage]

It's Not Gay If It's With Monsters - Part 1: Why'd It Have To Be Spiders?

<<Prologue

Woe🧚 And with the decision to go with the default name of Hugh for our protagonist, we'll get this story properly started. Ahem...

🧚 Location: Monbucks Coffee Interior

Hugh👨 *Repeatedly pressing silent alarm button while cowering behind the counter* C'mon! C'mon!

Big & Scary Arachne Lady🕷️ *Throwing a chair* I'LL PLUCK EVERY LAST ONE OF THOSE FEATHERS OFF AND STEW YOU, YOU DAMN CHICKEN!

Harpy🦚 *Dodging a chair* At least you'd have something with taste!

Gnoll🐺 *Trying to restrain the arachne lady* Just... Calm... DOWN!

Dwarf🧔🏽‍ *Trying to free self from webbing* HMMF!

Slime Girl💧 *Cutting the dwarf free of webbing with a sword made of slime* Ze webs... zey won't 'old you much longer.

Much Smaller Arachne🕷️ Can I hide here?

Hugh👨 AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Small Arachne🕷️ AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Woe🧚 Whoops! That's a bit too far in. Let's just find an earlier point to start at.

<<

🧚 And so, they called the bridge connecting the two cities "Crossbridge".

>>

Woe🧚 Nope! That's way too early.

🧚 The Displacement changed every...

>>

Woe🧚 Nope. Still too early.

>>

⏲️ BEEP! BEEP!

Hugh👨 *turns off alarm clock and turns on radio*

📻 -just think it's insane that we are letting a dragon get away with murder. He said himself that a hundred years of imprisonment in South Crossbridge is nothing to him, and they think they can convince him to "play nice" in only 5 years?

Woe🧚 Maybe we can speed through the boring morning routine stuff.

>>

Hugh👨 *Finishing shower*

📻 They just don't want the negative publicity of executing a member of an endangered species. These dragons ARE the danger, and there are more in that world the Displacement took them from. This isn't their natural habitat. We should-

>>

Hugh👨 *Eats cereal*

📻 Goblins are being allowed beyond the bridge district and into North Crossbridge. If no incidents happen with them, they can expect to be granted full citizenship in another 10 years, giving them similar rights to elves and dwarves.

>>

📻 The government needs to accept that these are invasive species, not endangered species.

Hugh👨 *Spots a spider and panics* AH!

📻 We should have a right to defend ourselves with deadly force.

Hugh👨 *Throws a slipper at the spider and misses* Hgn!

📻 Not with the swords and bows they allow civilians to bring into the bridge district...

Hugh👨 *Pulls a sheathed rapier out of a nearby umbrella stand and throws it at the spider, only to miss* Wah!

📻 ...but with the same guns that the subjugation squads use.

Hugh👨 *Slams down shoe on spider* Whew... *Turns off radio*

>>

Woe🧚 OK, I've found a scene where we got Hugh talking to someone.

🧚 Location: Car interior

Hugh👨 *In driver's seat* Hi Kiby!

Kiby, the dwarf🧔🏽‍ *Getting in* Ho Hugh!

Hugh👨 So, how much longer until you'll be able to be the one driving me around?

Kiby🧔🏽‍ I think I might be able to get the hang of it before the new instructor reaches retirement age.

Hugh👨 New instructor?

Kiby🧔🏽‍ Eddy was looking for some sort of victory before he quit and decided one of the gnomes getting their license was it.

Hugh👨 I suppose I'd be looking for another job after more than 20 years of driving instruction for the same group of people.

Kiby🧔🏽‍ And I spent more than 60 in a world without these trackless carts. You, meanwhile, grew up seeing all of those road signs and playing with toy cars. It became part of your foundation.

Hugh👨 I suppose it does hit upon some of the same problems as teaching old people about computers.

Kiby🧔🏽‍ Which I'm also being expected to learn along with dozens of other things like your paper money, your language, and two systems of measurement.

Hugh👨 I think that last one is just an American thing. A number of other countries make fun of us for still using the older one.

Kiby🧔🏽‍ As they should. It makes no sense to switch from pints to liters just because I'm getting soda instead of beer.

Hugh👨 Umm...

🧚 The drive would eventually bring them to Monbucks Coffee in the bridge district. The place from the beginning of the post, yes. It's where they work. We've got less than a thousand characters left for this post and only two more weekly installments, so we're fast forwarding a bit more.

>>

🧚 Location: Monbucks Coffee Interior.

🧚 After having served a number of goblins, centaurs, and even a mermaid that was in some sort of wheel bowl setup, in steps an arachne woman. She has to bend her humanoid torso down to fit through the double doors of the building. Her lower body is an arachnid that itself had barely fit through the width of the doors. Her eight legs moved like machine pistons as she scuttled up to the counter where Hugh stood. Hugh shivered as she towered over him, looking down at the human with more eyes than Hugh was used to. She also had a Karen hairstyle that made Hugh regret the manager nametag on his chest. She was saying something, but Hugh barely heard it over the sound of his own heart trying to escape from his chest in a bid for survival.

How should Hugh handle this?

Send her to the drive through.

Stay still and hope her eyesight is based on movement.

Draw his rapier.

Delegate to Kiby.

Scream.

Voting ended onDec 17, 2025

Part 2.1>>