lower lip caught between her teeth, hands gripped tightly to the cushioned chair, the mask of worry from before has been replaced with anticipation, suspense bubbling in her chest. the utterances of excitement by the mc is no match to her own; for a second, it is just sangmi and that award, a girl and the validation of her worth. let’s not forget the valleys and trenches that had once spanned between them, but now the possibility seems so close, so plausible. a tangible goal, a shot at true success.
leaned forward in her seat, eyes constantly darting between the members of the group and the elegance of the stage, she forgets how limited the numbers imprinted on her wrist are, how meticulously close they’re coming to a row of zeroes. “thank you to our nominees, to girl group gold for their performance today...” heavy breaths, light applause. she gulps down the entire glass of water sitting before her. “...and now we present the artist of the year award, which goes to -- !”
it’s not her, it’s not gold. it’s not the three years of hard work that had brought them here, it’s not the trials they’d faced, nor the hospitalization of an ill member. the award goes to none of that, and in that moment she stills, the only movement on her face a trembling lip, a gaze which cuts to the group that had been named. the rapid beats of her heart are enough to drown out the roaring applause of the crowd, and she excuses herself -- quietly, calmly, call her a sore loser. it’s not possible -- they screwed up. excuses run through her head and she feels so overwhelmed by the stares -- those fucking sympathetic stares -- as she makes her way out to the lobby, desperate for fresh air. wasn’t one award enough? no. this was their dream, their aspiration. the make-it-or-break-it of whether three of their members would stay or not, the one last hope keeping their group together. she hears the pause in footsteps, and she doesn’t bother to turn around to look at her company. “don’t bother trying to comfort -- i’m not upset.”