I'm currently in the midst of this Everything I Write is Stupid But Also The Most Important Thing I'll Ever Do phase of the writing process. I know it's a wave that will eventually crash, but I feel caught in this paralysis--because as I'm progressing towards the ending of this story, I'm starting to get terrified that it's just... going to dissolve when I hit post. Amount to nothing. Even though it has been my everything since I started working on it a year ago.
Like, this dumb little MTV werewolf show I've turned into an angsty small town drama about identity and codependent friendships and generational trauma has been one of the few threads tethering me to sanity since last fall. It's been a place for me to dump and heal and untangle all these things about life and myself that I don't understand, and I feel like part of me will never actually be "done" with it. That I'll never actually be able to let it go and be free and imperfect out in the world (and be SEEN) because I've tangled up my self into it, and I don't know what'll happen to me when it's gone. Out there.
(Which all feels ironically full-circle, for a story about emotional enmeshment aha ahaaaaa...)
Anyway. Writing that helped me swing to the other side of the pendulum, where I'm like, Bruh it's a Teen Wolf fanfiction it's not that serious so imma get over myself.
On another note, I'll probably be posting more about it in the coming weeks and months as I wrap it up, to try and disentangle/unstick/separate myself from it, and warm up to the idea of it actually being out there. I'm still working on a title (current frontrunner is What We See In The Flames but I'm ehhhh? about it) but once I do, it'll be tagged so if that's not something you want to see, you can block it.
Thanks for reading, pals. ✌️
