Low And Lost Without You
For Kanera Week day one: "Alternate Universe". Dedicated to @chaoticdumbassrogue, who requested the original fic that this is a continuation of!
Rating/Warnings: Rated T (mention of canon typical violence and the Dark Side)
Taglist: @accidental-spice @laughingphoenixleader @heckin-music-dork @day-to-day-thots @firefoxtessa @auroramagpie @opalknight @kaneraweek
Read on AO3!
One year, six months, a week and two days.
That was how long it had been since the Third Brother had returned, unsuccessful, from his mission to Thabeska, and been summarily punished. Painfully. Some of the scars still ached after long days or training sessions. He’d also been confined to the Imperial Palace for a few months, ostensibly to heal. However, it was more likely that it was so the other Inquisitors could exact their vengeance on him.
But that was also how long it had been since Kanan had joined the Rebellion as a spy, in the heart of the Inquisitor’s ranks.
It had been the most terrifying and exhilarating year and a half of his life. The fear of being caught was almost constant, but Kanan was good at working through fear.
And it was oddly reassuring that he wasn’t the only one. He had Fox, who’d been spying since the very beginning, and had pushed to have him recruited. And he had Hera. Hera, who repeatedly risked her own life by sneaking into the Imperial Palace disguised as a servant. Not just to collect intel, but to check on him. To make sure he was okay, and every time, to offer to get him out.
He would never say yes. But he appreciated it, just the same.
Most of the secretive meetings he and Hera would have were in the dead of night, in the furthest reaches of the palace. They planned carefully, checking guard rotations and the locations of the other Inquisitors repeatedly before confirming anything. They were spying right under the Emperor’s nose— and Kanan, for one, had no intention of getting Hera caught.
Everything was planned down to the second. Which was why Kanan was very confused when Fox woke him the night before he was supposed to meet Hera.
The clone commander had commed ahead with the warning that had woken Kanan up. His mind spinning with curiosity and exhaustion, he’d gotten dressed and was waiting outside the door, helmet on, when Fox arrived.
“We have a problem,” the clone said without preamble as he approached. Kanan didn’t take offense— that was just Fox’s way, and he’d gotten used to it by now.
“The kind we can solve fast so I can go back to bed?” he asked.
Wordlessly, Fox handed him a disposable cup of caf and kept walking. Sighing, Kanan muttered, “Guess not.”
He followed Fox down the hall, maneuvering off his helmet and sipping at the hot caf tentatively. The caffeine helped clear his head as they stepped into one of the meeting rooms that the Inquisitors often used for briefings. Kanan and Fox had cleared a few of them, making sure there were no bugs and that they could handle the security cams if necessary. Which it often was.
Fox closed the door behind him, and Kanan hastily knocked back the rest of his caf, wincing as it scalded the roof of his mouth. “Okay, what’s going on?” he asked.
“The Empire nabbed a runner for the Path,” Fox said, his voice grim, and Kanan cursed.
“That is not good.”
He’d only been made aware of the Path a few months ago, when he’d needed to smuggle a Force sensitive kid off of Coruscant before the Empire caught onto their existence. Hera had told him about them then— how they protected Force sensitives, hiding former Jedi and children from the Inquisitorus and anyone who would hand them in for a ransom. For the Empire to have captured one of theirs…
“Exactly,” Fox said. “The good news is that they don’t know who they have. He was taken in by the Coruscant Guard for pulling a blaster in a public place, and is currently detained. His ship has been impounded, but they haven’t found the cargo.”
“That’s good,” Kanan said, resisting the urge to run his hand through his hair. “Then we have time to act. We can make it look like he got out on his own, but we’re not gonna be able to get his ship out, are we?”
“I contacted Nephele,” Fox said, using the code name Hera had chosen when they’d first started. “She’s going to meet you in the usual place, and you can discuss the pilot and the cargo getting a ride out.” He paused, and Kanan frowned. There was something… off. Like he wasn’t saying something.
“What is it?” he asked.
To Fox’s credit, he didn’t try to deny anything. Handing Kanan a datapad he’d had tucked under one arm, he said, “You’re going to want to see the pilot’s file.”
Frowning, Kanan glanced down at the datapad, already opening his mouth to ask what Fox was talking about. And then he froze, his gaze locking on the name at the top of the page.
Janus Kasmir.
Kanan couldn’t breathe, his body humming with shock. A thousand questions swirled through his mind, but the only one he managed to get out was, “How did you know?”
“When I was first given this post, I made it my business to know,” Fox said. His voice wasn’t sympathetic, but it held a calm, in control note that was almost soothing, strangely enough. “I wanted to know what I was dealing with, so I read what I could find of your files.”
“Didn’t know there was one of those available to the average trooper,” Kanan muttered, staring blindly at the datapad. He’s here. How is he here? What is he doing with the Path, of all things? Kasmir had never been out for anyone but himself.
But here he was. “Are you sure he’s part of the Path?” Kanan asked, glancing at Fox, who nodded.
“It was confirmed by a source who couldn’t be wrong about this.”
Taking a deep breath, Kanan swallowed down the questions he felt bubbling inside of him and nodded. “Okay. I’ll make contact with Nephele in the usual spot. Get Kasmir and meet us at the back entrance of the palace.”
“On it,” Fox said briskly. He keyed open the door, disappearing down the hall, and Kanan took a moment to steady himself. Although how he planned to do that, he wasn’t quite sure. He just couldn’t think past the fact that it was Kasmir. Kasmir was imprisoned, and he was working for the Path. Why? Kanan wondered. What made him decide to do this?
It was a mystery that he couldn’t solve, not here and now. One thing at a time. First things first— go find Hera. Putting on his helmet, he headed out of the room.
Their usual meeting spot was down on the very first level of the Imperial Palace, in a back hallway near the kitchens. It was incredibly rare that anyone was seen down there, other than the servants and the odd guard. Which made it the perfect place for a discreet meeting.
Hera was waiting for him in their usual spot. Seeming to hear him coming, she turned to face him, and Kanan felt his heart skip a beat as he met her eyes. Force, she’s beautiful.
Upon deciding to commit to the Rebellion, Kanan had known there would be risks. The biggest one was being caught, and giving away his companions. There wasn’t much he could do, especially for Fox. But Hera was his link to the outside world, to the bigger Rebellion. There was no way he could let the Empire have that.
So, with a little experimentation, he’d figured out how to mess with his own memories using the Force. And every time one of their meetings had finished, he wiped the specific memory of her face away, leaving only the vaguest impressions.
Kanan recognized that this was dangerous, and possibly stupid. But he couldn’t risk her, and this was the only way he could protect her. So every meeting, when he saw Hera, it was for the first time. And every time, without fail, his heart skipped a beat.
He had a feeling it would be like that whether he remembered her face or not.
“Hi,” she said, and Kanan felt a shiver go down his spine at the sound of her voice. That was one thing that he could never forget, not that he would ever try. “What’s wrong?”
“Turns out, the Coruscant Guard nabbed a pretty important prisoner,” Kanan told her. Keeping his voice low, he quickly recounted everything Fox had told him, how a member of the Path had been caught, but his cargo hadn’t been found yet.
Hera listened intently, her eyes narrowed in thought as she tapped a finger against her chin. “One of us needs to get to the impounded ship, get the cargo off without anyone catching us. And with a guard at the impound lot, it isn’t going to be easy.”
“Fox is locating the pilot,” Kanan said. Kasmir, his brain whispered. Janus Kasmir. The man who protected you for as long as he could. It just wasn’t long enough.
Shut up, he told his brain, refocusing on Hera. Who was frowning at him with concern.
“Are you okay?” she asked. “You seem a little off.”
“Just… tired,” Kanan said vaguely. “We should focus on the job.”
It wasn’t really that surprising when Hera didn’t accept his excuse. “That’s half the problem,” she pointed out gently. “You can’t focus, Kanan. Do you want to talk about it?”
Kanan opened his mouth, ready to tell her it wasn’t a big deal— but he couldn’t. Instead, he blurted out, “I know the pilot.”
One of Hera’s eyebrows lifted briefly in surprise. “You do? How?”
“From… before,” Kanan admitted. “Before the Empire caught me.”
Now that surprised Hera— he could see it in her eyes. “I’ve never heard you talk about your past before,” she said.
“There’s nothing to talk about,” Kanan said. “Nothing that isn’t regret or pain, anyways. But this situation… my judgment is compromised. You should know what’s going on.”
Hera nodded, but didn’t speak, leaving the silence for him to fill. Kanan tugged off his helmet— he wanted to really see her for this conversation, although he’d probably regret that later.
“His name is Janus Kasmir,” he said. “He hid me after… after Order 66.”
Just the words left a sour taste in his mouth, the sound of blasters and a familiar scream ringing in his head. Taking a deep breath, Kanan plowed forward. “He was a smuggler back then— gave me a place to hide, although it wasn’t exactly willingly at first. I worked with him for about a year. We managed to evade the Empire for the whole time. Until one day, I came back to the ship and… there they were.”
He squeezed his eyes shut, remembering the sight of Gray’s blaster pressed against Kasmir’s head. “They had him at blaster point. I had a choice between running, and turning myself in. I was so close to running— but then I heard my master’s voice in my head. I knew what she would have done, if she’d been there.”
“You turned yourself in,” Hera said softly.
“I did. And the rest of my life—” Kanan hefted the helmet in his hand— “has been this. The Empire breaking me down and rebuilding me into their little slave.”
Opening his eyes, he stared at the ground, unable to meet Hera’s gaze. “Anyways. I haven’t seen him since. I don’t know if he’ll remember me, or why he’s working for the Path now, but— I thought you should know.”
Something brushed his hand, and he twitched in surprise before realizing it was Hera. Taking his hand, she said, “You’re not their slave any more. And… I’m so sorry, Kanan.”
There was something about her hand around his, about the soft sympathy laced with determination in Hera’s voice, that lifted the dark cloud around Kanan. He offered her a small smile. “Could be worse. At least I met you.”
It was a dangerous thing to say, just as dangerous to think. But her return smile made it all worth it. Kanan opened his mouth to speak— then froze as a warning flashed at him through the Force. “Someone’s coming,” he breathed.
Hera’s eyes widened. Her hand tightened around his, and she darted towards a nearby door, yanking him after her. She slapped the button to open the door, and they both dove into the room, the door sliding shut behind them.
The room turned out to be a supply closet, the shelves fully stocked, with barely enough space for the two of them to fit in. Kanan leaned backwards, leaving Hera as much space as he could in the back of the closet.
“Where are they?” she whispered.
Closing his eyes, Kanan reached out with the Force tentatively. “Almost at the door,” he responded, his voice equally low. “They’re not Force sensitive— but I think the officer heard something.”
They were both silent for a moment, straining their ears. Kanan caught the sound of footsteps outside the door, and low voices. And then they stopped.
“They know we’re here,” he breathed, meeting Hera’s eyes in the dark.
Hera seemed to hesitate, then stepped closer to him. “Play along,” she whispered, slipping her arms around his neck.
Kanan’s heart somehow managed to skip a beat and pound harder as she tugged his hair free from its usual tie. “What are you—” he started, and then she kissed him.
For a moment, Kanan froze, his helmet slipping from his hands. What— why— And then it registered, and he slid an arm around her waist, pulling her closer as he kissed her back.
It was a cover. He knew that. But that didn’t stop him from kissing her like he wanted to for months now, like he knew he never really could. He cupped the side of her face gently, and he could have sworn she leaned into his touch as her fingers tangled in his hair, drawing him closer still. And in that moment, he could think of nothing but Hera.
And then the door to the closet hissed open. “What is going on here?” a crisp Imperial voice snapped. “You’re not supposed to be… here…”
The officer’s voice trailed off, and Kanan knew he’d seen the helmet at his feet, the armor and the symbol that told anyone who saw it that he was an Inquisitor. Not to be messed with, and not to be questioned.
Reluctantly, he pulled away from Hera. It took some effort to conjure up his iciest voice. “Is there something you want?”
“I— no, sir,” the officer managed. “I—”
“Good. Then get out.”
“Yes, sir,” he said, his voice chastened.
The door slid shut, but Kanan couldn’t bring himself to fully relax until he heard the footsteps receding, a lot faster than they’d arrived. Then he let out a sigh. “That was too close. Uh, good call with the cover.”
“Luckily, you catch on quickly,” Hera said, her voice slightly unsteady. And somehow, that was what made Kanan realize that he was still holding her, her hands still knotted in his hair. She was so close he could feel her breathing, and he wondered if she could hear his heart pounding against his rib cage. He wondered what would happen if he kissed her again.
You can’t, he reminded himself. It’s not fair, not to either of you. It’s not safe. So he forced himself to let her go. She did the same seconds later, taking a few hasty steps back. “Okay,” she said, her voice firm. “What’s the plan?”
“You go get the cargo,” Kanan said. “They’ll trust you. If you take out the guard, they’ll know something’s up, so I’ll handle him.”
He caught Hera’s nod in the dim light. “We should contact Fox, and tell him to meet us at the Ghost.”
Snagging his helmet, Kanan replaced it, paused to check with the Force for any signs of passersby, then opened the door. The two of them moved quietly down the hallways together, and quickly made it to a back entrance.
The impound lot was a couple blocks from the palace and a level down. Hera took a speeder that Kanan wasn’t quite sure belonged to her, but he wasn’t about to argue. On the way, he messaged Fox and gave him a meeting place, and received a terse acknowledgement. This was pretty typical for Fox, so Kanan didn’t worry about him.
They made it to the lot in roughly ten minutes. Thanks to the fact that it was the dead of night, there were only two guards at the front gate. “I’ll handle them,” Kanan told Hera as they drew to a stop. “You just get in and find our cargo, fast. It’ll be in a Barloz-class freighter, according to Fox.”
“On it,” Hera said briskly, making a beeline for the gate leading into the lot.
Keeping his pace calm but purposeful, Kanan strode up to the shack set off to the side of the gate. He could see the moment when the two occupants spotted him— both froze, panic swelling off of them in waves.
Being an Inquisitor had its uses. But Kanan couldn’t help but hate the fear he inspired in people, the way they shook at the very sight of him. He’d never wanted to be someone who inspired fear. It was the opposite of what the Jedi had been. Which, he supposed, was the point.
Stopping in front of the window, Kanan snapped, “Open the gate to the impound lot.”
The human in the booth, a man who looked scared out of his wits, immediately smacked the button that opened the gate. As it creaked open, the less terrified of the two, a short Devaronian, said, “What— what is your purpose here?”
“None of your concern,” Kanan said briefly. “Keep your mouth shut and you’ll survive this.”
Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted Hera disappearing into the impound lot, and prayed she’d be able to find the ship quickly. In the meantime… I should probably figure out some way of stalling these two. Directing his question to the Devaronian, he said, “Have you seen anyone coming in and out of here during your shift?”
“A couple people,” the Devaronian said warily. “Why—”
“Tell me,” Kanan said. “Don’t leave out anything.” He let a hint of menace fill his voice, and the Devaronian scrambled to recount the night’s visitors.
As he rambled on, Kanan listened with one ear, keeping an eye out for Hera. Come on, come on. He started to drum his fingers against the armor on his leg, then stopped. He couldn’t show his impatience. Especially not when he was acting sinister.
May as well check in with Fox, while I’m waiting, he thought. Switching off the external com, he activated the longer range transmitter.
Fox answered after a few heartbeats. “You got the cargo?”
“Nephele is getting it right now,” Kanan replied. “We should be out of here in five minutes, tops. You?”
There was a crash in the background, and Kanan frowned as Fox responded, his voice irritable. “Not well. Your friend is incredibly distrusting and it’s a pain in the neck.”
“Then you two should get along just fine— and he’s not my friend,” Kanan said. “Do you need a hand?”
“Might be easier just to stun him at this point,” Fox muttered. “I can handle it—” he cut himself off with a loud curse, and the volume cut out for a minute. Kanan tensed, not able to let himself breathe easily until Fox’s voice finally came back. “Okay, I think I got him to calm down. But he’s… more of a handful than I expected.”
From Fox, that was basically begging for help. “Ping me your location,” Kanan ordered. “I’ll meet you there in five, ten minutes. I just need to finish up here.”
“Yes, sir.”
Clicking off his long range com, Kanan tuned back into the Devaronian’s list just in time for him to say, “Oh, and there was— who’s that?”
Turning sharply, Kanan saw Hera slipping out of the gate, leading a hooded figure. At the figure’s side was a much shorter shape. A kid, Kanan realized with a pang. Now it’s my turn to do my job.
He spun to face the two beings in the shack. “You never saw them— or me,” he said, pushing his intention through the Force as he waved his hand. “As soon as I walk away, you will forget this entire conversation.”
Their faces going blank, the human and the Devaronian echoed the words back to him, and Kanan released a silent sigh of relief. Pivoting, he sprinted back the way he came, ducking into an alleyway out of sight, and keyed Hera’s frequency on his wrist com.
She answered almost immediately. “Hey. Where are you at?”
“Taking a detour— Fox needs a hand,” Kanan told her. “We’ll see you at the meeting point.”
“Okay,” she said. “Stay safe.”
Kanan felt his heart do a backflip in his chest at the gentle concern in her voice. You don’t want her to be worrying about you, he reminded himself. You’re supposed to be just working together, remember?
But that didn’t stop him from responding, “You, too, before switching off the com and heading down the street.
Fox was pretty easy to find. Mainly because of the signal he’d sent Kanan, showing his location. But in the dark streets of Coruscant, it would be all too easy to turn down the wrong alleyway and wind up in a situation he didn’t want to deal with. So as he drew closer to the back alley where Fox was waiting, Kanan slowed down, cautiously reaching out with the Force to make sure he wasn’t in the wrong place.
The minute he did so, the Force surged with a warning— and a tall figure bolted out of the alleyway, charging straight towards Kanan. Spotting a blaster in the figure’s hand, Kanan moved instinctively. Sending the blaster flying with the Force, he slammed his fist into the figure’s jaw. They crumpled to the ground, and Kanan’s hand was already slipping to his lightsaber when he saw their face.
It was Kasmir.
What— oh, kriff. Well, that’s one way of giving Fox a hand. Seeing as Kasmir was here, Fox was probably just around the corner, blasters at the ready as he tried to figure out what had just happened. Keying on their com channel, Kanan said, “I found your runaway.”
There was a long moment of silence. Then, a white-armored figure stepped out of the alleyway, DC-17s at the ready in his hands. Giving Kanan a brief nod, Fox said, “Thanks.”
“No problem,” Kanan said, glancing back down at Kasmir, who was already starting to stir, groaning. It was odd how little he’d changed, when everything else in Kanan’s life had. But he still looked the same.
His eyes slid open and locked on Kanan, and a look of shock, then hatred flashed through his eyes. Scrambling to his feet, Kasmir lunged at him with a snarl. Kanan stumbled backwards, surprise paralyzing him. What did I—
Fox grabbed the Kalleran by the back of the shirt, hauling him backwards. “Filthy, tuft-sucking child killer,” Kasmir snarled, struggling fiercely. “I’ll tear you to pieces.”
Oh. Right. Somehow, in the moment of seeing Kasmir again for the first time in years, Kanan had almost forgotten about his armor, about who he was. “Doesn’t seem to be much a fan of Inquisitors,” he commented over his private com line with Fox.
“Well, I wonder why that is,” Fox said, his tone dripping with so much sarcasm that Kanan did a double take. He’s not implying— does he think that Kasmir’s here because of me?
Is he here because of me?
The idea was impossible. He hadn’t had that much of an impact in Kasmir’s life— not enough to push him into joining the Rebellion. Unless he blames himself. But that doesn’t sound like Kasmir. Does it?
This was a problem that would take a lot more time than Kanan had to unravel. “Did you tell him we’re on his side?” he asked Fox.
“Repeatedly,” Fox said. “Thought I had him convinced earlier, but apparently not.”
“And an Inquisitor showing probably didn’t help,” Kanan said with a sigh. “Well, let’s see what we can do.”
Switching on his external com, he told Kasmir, “We’re not your enemies. We’re here to help.”
“Oh, like I’ll believe that,” Kasmir sneered. “A clone and an Inquisitor “helping” me out in a dark alleyway makes perfect sense.”
Wow, Kanan thought. We really are the two worst possible people for this job. “If we were going to kill you, we would have already,” he said.
“Very convincing,” Kasmir said. “Got any other lies you want to try and sell me?”
So we’re taking the direct route. “Your cargo is safe,” Kanan told him.
He saw Kasmir stiffen, but only for a heartbeat. “I don’t have any cargo,” he said. “I already dropped it off.”
“Then why aren’t there any records of it?” Kanan asked. He could sense Kasmir’s tension growing, and the Kalleran’s gaze flicked to Fox’s now holster blaster. “Don’t try that,” Kanan told him.
“You’re gonna have to give me a real good reason not to.”
“We have an agent getting your cargo off the planet— discreetly,” Kanan added. “You’re going with them. Which means you either come with us, or we stun you and carry you. We’re not the bad guys here.”
“The terrifying armor tends to ruin that point,” Kasmir muttered. He frowned at both of them for a moment, clearly weighing his options. “I don’t trust either of you.”
Kanan nodded. “That’s fine by me. But if you want to get both of them to safety, you’re going to have to live with it.”
A scowl crossed Kasmir’s face, but finally he nodded. “Fine. But I want my blaster back.”
Extending a hand, Kanan called the blaster to his hand with the Force, and passed it to Kasmir. The minute he had it, the Kalleran pointed it directly at Kanan.
He sensed Fox stiffening, one of his hands straying down to his blasters, but Kanan didn’t move. “Let’s get something straight,” Kasmir growled. “I don’t like you. In fact, I’d happily blast both of you away, given the chance. But for some reason, you know about the cargo and you haven’t given them away. So… fine. Let’s go.”
“This way,” Kanan said, heading down the street. He sensed the other two following him, and heard his internal com click on.
“You know, most people don’t keep their back to someone who just pointed a blaster at them,” Fox muttered.
Kanan felt a ghost of a grin crossing his face. “Then it’s a good thing I’ve got you watching my back.”
The clone muttered something rude under his breath that Kanan chose to ignore.
They walked in silence for a while— Kanan taking the lead, with Kasmir following him closely, his blaster at the ready, and Fox taking up the rear. It was probably smarter to remain silent. But there was a part of Kanan that burned with curiosity, that desperately wanted to know what Kasmir was doing here, why he’d joined the Rebellion.
Was it actually because of me?
It definitely wasn’t the wisest decision to try and get information out of him, not now. But the Empire hadn’t totally been able to kill Kanan’s curious nature, and it was definitely coming to the surface today.
“So, Kasmir,” he said, keeping his tone casual as they continued down the street. “What makes a guy like you join the Path?”
“What. Are you. Doing,” Fox muttered. Kanan ignored him.
“I’ve seen your record,” he continued. “You’ve been a smuggler and a thief your whole life— nothing holding you down, no ties or any family. There wasn’t one thing that would indicate you, of all people, would want to join something that benefits someone other than yourself.”
“You realize questioning him isn’t going to help this situation at all, sir,” Fox said.
At the same time, Kasmir shot him a hostile glance. “I don’t need to justify my decisions to the likes of you, Inquisitor. You’re the one who’s working for the Empire. You do know what your bosses are doing with those children you’re taking, right?”
Kanan almost stopped in his tracks, taken aback. Oh— kark. I should have known he’d bring that up. But that didn’t stop a protest from slipping out. “I haven’t ever—”
“Don’t care,” Kasmir said flatly. “You’re still with them, no matter how much you might try to convince people otherwise. What you’re even doing helping me, I don’t know.”
“I’m trying to make things right.”
The words slipped out before Kanan could think better of it, and he cursed internally. It earned him a surprised look from Kasmir, but he seemed to brush it off seconds later. “You and every other person in the galaxy, buddy. Doesn’t mean it’ll work.”
Is that what he’s doing? Kanan wondered as they kept walking in silence. Trying to make amends for what happened? It was so unlike Kasmir— but so much of this was. Maybe he’d had more of an impact that he’d expected. Which seemed unlikely, but nothing about the past few hours was likely, anyways.
The Ghost was being kept on a landing platform down on one of the lower levels of Coruscant, several blocks away from the Imperial Palace and at least ten levels down. The owner of the platform wasn’t necessarily part of the cause, but he would happily turn a blind eye to the strange company and hours Hera kept for the right price. Which was good enough for now.
As they moved onto the platform in front of the Ghost, Kanan glanced around, seeking Hera. For a moment, he didn’t see her, and his heart skipped a beat. Were they caught? Oh, Force, please don’t let them have been caught—
And then he saw her, moving out from the shadow of the ship. Her eyes lit up when she saw him, and she turned to say something he couldn’t hear to whoever was standing behind her.
As they approached, the figure from earlier slipped out of the darkness. But now, Kanan could see that she was a Mirialan, with pale purple skin marked with dark tattoos. At her side was a little girl, clinging to her hand. Probably her daughter, Kanan guessed— the familial resemblance was striking.
The Mirialan woman’s gaze flickered from Hera, to Kasmir, and then landed on Kanan. Her eyes went wide with horror. “No,” she gasped, pulling her daughter back. “No— get away! You can’t have her!”
“He’s a friend,” Hera said hastily, catching hold of her arm. “I promise, Darija. He’s the reason we managed to find you in the first place. He’s working against the Empire.”
Darija eyed him suspiciously, unmoving, and Hera shot Kanan a “please give me a hand making you look unmenacing” look. Which means taking off my helmet, Kanan realized.
He hesitated for a fraction of a second— removing his helmet was far from his favorite thing to do in front of anyone, let alone someone who’d known him before he was an Inquisitor— but no longer. Reaching up, he pulled off his helmet, tucking it under one arm. “I’m not here to hurt you,” he told Darija, keeping his voice low and calm.
She didn’t move, glaring at him, and Kanan hesitated, unsure. Then a flicker of movement caught his eye— the little girl, stepping out from behind her mother. She eyed him, curiosity mingling with fear in her eyes. But she’s not as afraid as her mother, Kanan thought. Which was a start.
Moving slowly, he knelt a few yards away from them, catching the little girl’s eye. “Hi,” he said softly. “I’m Kanan. What’s your name?”
She stared at him, eyes wide, for a long moment. Then, just when Kanan was beginning to get nervous, she spoke, her voice quiet. “Ahava.”
“Nice to meet you, Ahava,” Kanan said, keeping his own tone calm and level. “Now, I know my armor’s a little scary— especially the helmet. But I promise you, I’m here to help.” Looking up and meeting Darija’s eyes, he added, “I won’t let either of you be caught, I promise. I would never wish what I— what I’ve seen on anyone.”
A flicker of understanding flashed through Darija’s eyes, and Kanan saw her take a quick breath, looking undecided. Before she could speak, Ahava spoke again.
“Why are your eyes that color?”
“It’s…. Part of my disguise,” Kanan said, opting for the easiest explanation. “So no one knows I’m helping you out. But I promise, I’m one of the good guys.” Remembering a long ago lesson from the creche, he reached out through the Force, sending the little girl an impression of peace and hope.
Her eyes brightened. “I like your eyes better when they’re blue,” she told him.
Kanan paused, taken aback. What does she mean? And then he realized he’d used the Light side of the Force. So does that mean— doesn’t matter right now. Mostly.
“So do I,” Hera agreed, and Kanan glanced up at her, his eyebrows shooting up. Okay maybe it matters a little bit. She gave him a slight smile that sent a flush of warmth through him and dear Force he could not start blushing right now. Definitely not in front of Fox and Kasmir.
Focusing his attention back on Ahava, he offered her a smile. “Then we’re all agreed. Listen, Ahava— I know things are scary right now, but I promise it’s all gonna be fine. You’ve got some good people looking out for you.” He sent another pulse of reassurance through the Force, and to his surprise, she responded, her signature flaring a little. Like she was waving at him through the Force.
Raising an eyebrow at her, Kanan asked, “Now, who taught you to do that?”
Her smile was shy but radiant as she said, “My daddy, before he left. He said his daddy taught him after he left the Jedi, and he wanted me to be able to reach the Force. That way, we’ll always be together.”
Kanan felt a pang run through him at the grave, pure belief in the little girl’s words. She trusted her parents, trusted the Force. He could almost imagine a young Caleb Dume next to her.
“I’m glad,” he told Ahava. “Your dad was right. The Force connects us to everything— he’ll always be with you.”
As he rose to his feet, Hera stepped forward. “Why don’t we get everything on board? We’ll be taking off soon.”
Darija and Ahava picked up their bags, heading towards the ship, Ahava waving to Kanan as she walked. Kanan gave her a return wave as Darija paused in her tracks, turning back towards him.
“Thank you,” she told him. “For what you said. Avner— my husband— he was… taken a few years back. By…”
“By one of the Inquisitorus,” Kanan guessed, and Darija nodded.
“We haven’t heard from him since. We have no idea what happened to him.”
“If it helps,” Kanan said hesitantly, and Darija’s gaze fixed on him, hope flaring within them. “If it helps— I’ve been in the Inquisitorus for years. And I’ve never met a male Mirialan Inquisitor. I know it’s not good news—”
“But it’s not the worst news,” Darija finished. She took a shaky breath, the sorrow in her eyes heavy. But not, Kanan sensed, heavy enough to break her. “Thank you. I would never want to think that Avner ended up there. He would have hated that.”
“Of course,” Kanan said. “Safe travels.” He paused, unsure if he should say it, but the words slipped out anyways. “May the Force be with you.”
A very small smile crossed Darija’s face, and she gave him a nod. “And with you.” Turning, she headed onto the Ghost after her daughter.
As Kanan watched them go, he felt someone watching him. Glancing over his shoulder, he caught sight of Kasmir, who was studying him with a puzzled half frown. “What?” Kanan asked, raising an eyebrow at him.
“You seem— have we met?” Kasmir asked. “Before now.”
Oh kriff. Does he recognize me? Kanan was well aware that he’d changed over the past seven years, so it was unlikely. But he’d spent months traveling with Kasmir, and the Kalleran smuggler was smart. Too smart.
“I think I’d remember if we had,” he said, opting for evasiveness. “You should get going. There’s no telling how long we have before the Coruscant Guard realizes you’re missing.”
“Right,” Kasmir said slowly. He started walking towards the ship, but halfway to the ramp, he stopped in his tracks and turned to face Kanan. This could be bad, Kanan thought before Kasmir said the last thing he expected to hear.
“Caleb Dume.”
Kanan froze, shock racing through him. “You asked why I’m doing this, there’s your answer,” Kasmir said. He directed a piercing stare at Kanan. “You know him, don’t you?”
He doesn’t know who I am, Kanan realized with a burst of relief. He didn’t particularly want to lie to Kasmir— but there was a part of him that didn’t want his old friend to know who he was, to face his past. Not yet, anyways.
“I may have,” he said. “Not sure.”
“What happened to him?” Kasmir asked, and Kanan couldn’t help but be taken aback at the concern in the Kalleran’s eyes. He’s worried about me— about Caleb. He’s probably just feeling guilty. But he knew that wasn’t true. Towards the end of their time working together, they had been friends. Kasmir legitimately cared about him, in some way.
But he couldn’t tell him the truth. “He’s dead,” Kanan told him, striving to keep his voice steady.
It must not have worked, because Kasmir’s eyes narrowed. “You’re lying.”
“It doesn’t matter if I’m telling the truth or not,” Kanan told him. “If he didn’t die, the other option is worse. Either way, your friend is gone. I— I’m sorry, Kasmir. One way or another… Caleb Dume isn’t coming back.”
It was true, and he hated himself for saying it. He hated that there was no going back to a time when he was a true Jedi, not a Dark sider desperately clinging to any scrap of Light in his life, a time when younglings like Ahava would have been safe, and not hunted.
But there was no going back.
“There’s something you’re not telling me,” Kasmir said slowly, his frown deep. “Isn’t there?”
“If I haven’t told you yet, what makes you think I’m going to tell you now?” Kanan pointed out. “Now get going, you’re putting yourself and your cargo in danger by staying.”
“Fair enough,” Kasmir muttered. He paused, then gave Kanan and Fox a nod. “Thanks for the assist.”
“No problem,” Kanan replied. “You probably would have gotten out of there sooner or later, though, given your chosen profession.”
Kasmir let out a snort of amusement, although Kanan could still see the glint of sorrow in his eyes. “Might have a point there, kid.”
Kanan almost told him not to call him that— but stopped himself just in time, biting his tongue hard. That would have been a dead giveaway, and he couldn’t afford that. Instead, he just said, “Probably. Safe trip, Kasmir.”
Giving them another nod, Kasmir made his way onto the Ghost, where Hera was standing on the ramp waiting. She said something to Kasmir, who nodded, then headed towards Kanan. Kanan felt his heartbeat quicken a little, and instinctively reached for the Force to steady him.
Behind him, Fox said quietly, “I’ll meet you back at the Palace, sir. Don’t take too long.”
Any other day, Kanan would be irritated that the clone could see through him so easily— but he couldn’t pretend he wasn’t glad to be getting time alone with Hera. “I’ll see you there,” he said.
As Fox headed back towards the lift, Kanan turned his attention back to Hera, who had just reached him. “Thank you for all your help,” she told him.
“I should be thanking you,” Kanan replied. “You’re the one who’s doing most of the work.”
“It’s what we do,” Hera said. She paused, studying him for a moment. “Who Kasmir was talking about— Caleb Dume. That’s you, isn’t it?”
Irrationally, Kanan felt his heart skip a beat. There was something so incredibly odd about hearing her say his name, the name he’d long since known would never belong to him again. “You heard that, huh? Yeah, that was me.” He ran an absent hand through his hair, realizing he hadn’t tied it back again. “It’s… it’s strange to see him after all the years. To hear him talk about me like— like I was the reason he’s doing all this.”
“It sounds like you are,” Hera said quietly.
“It’s not what I expected to hear,” Kanan said wryly. A half smile twitched across his face. “I guess we’re both trying to make amends for everything.” Pausing, he caught Hera’s eye. “If he figures it out— which he might, knowing him— will you tell him… that I don’t blame him? Please?”
“Of course,” Hera said instantly. She hesitated, and Kanan knew what she was going to say before she spoke. “You could tell him yourself,” she said gently. “You could come with us.”
For one very, very brief moment, Kanan allowed himself to imagine a world where he accepted that offer. He would follow Hera onto the ship, and yes, he’d have to deal with the tangled mess that was his relationship with Kasmir first.
But after that, he would be free. He’d stay with Hera and fight the Empire by her side and maybe, just maybe, their friendship could grow into the something more he longed for. He could turn his back on the Inquisitorus and never look back.
It was the one thing he desperately wanted, above all else. And it was the one thing he could never accept. “You know I can’t,” he said softly. “I have people here I can’t leave behind.”
Nodding, Hera let out a rueful sigh. “I know. It’s one of the things that I like about you.” Stepping forward, she threw her arms around him, and Kanan froze, panicked, before he realized what happened a beat later.
She was hugging him.
Tentatively, he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer. For a moment, he just held her, feeling her breathing steadily as she rested her head against his chest. “Be safe,” Hera whispered. “I can’t— I don’t want to see you hurt.”
“I’ll be fine, Captain Hera,” Kanan told her, releasing her. Resting a hand on her shoulder, he added, “I promise.”
Her responding smile filled him with warmth, and he couldn’t help but think back to the moment when she’d kissed him, how he hadn’t wanted to let her go then, either. But Kanan always would let her go. He would do anything he could to keep her safe.
She started to head back towards the Ghost, then glanced back over her shoulder. “For the record,” she told him, “I don’t think Caleb Dume is gone. Not the way you think he is.”
Without waiting for a response, she made her way back on board, past Kasmir, who Kanan realized had been watching them with a smirk the whole time. As the ramp started to raise, however, he saw the smirk falter, and the Kalleran stepped forward, his eyes widening. Just before it closed, Kanan saw Kasmir say something, and his heart skipped a beat as he realized what it was.
“Kid?”
He knows, Kanan thought, unable to move. Of course he does. He half expected the ramp to open again and for Kasmir to come charging out and— what? Demand explanations? Punch him? Shout at him? He honestly wasn’t sure.
But a few seconds later, the Ghost took off, heading towards the upper levels. Kanan exhaled, strangely relieved and disappointed at the same time.
Picking up his helmet, he replaced it— and saw he had a few new messages. Activating the HUD, he made his way towards the lift, reading them as he went.
13th Brother (Dark): KANAN WHY AM I HEARING RUMORS ABOUT YOU HAVING A GIRLFRIEND?? HOW HAVE YOU NOT TOLD ME ABOUT THIS EARLIER??
Commander Fox: Some Lieutenant Venka is spreading rumors about you. We need to talk. Play along if asked.
What— oh, KRIFF, Kanan thought, remembering the Imperial officer who’d found him and Hera. This could be… interesting.
He started to answer Fox’s message, but noticed another notification, from an unknown source. This better not be some kind of virus, he thought, selecting it.
VCX-100 Com System: He says he’s sorry.
Hera, Kanan realized with a jolt. Somehow, she’d hacked into his helmet. Well, that could be useful in the future, he mused as another message popped up.
VCX-100 Com System: He also says to tell you you’re a kriffing tuft sucker for implying that you were dead.
Kanan couldn’t help a snort of amusement. Yep, that sounds like Kasmir, all right.
K: Tell him it takes one to know one.
VCX-100 Com System: He’s currently laughing and calling you a little punk. So I think it’s safe to say he’s not upset.
K: I’m glad. Make sure he gets to safety?
VCX-100 Com System: Of course. You be safe, too.
K: Just for you, Captain.
VCX-100 Com System: Thank you very much, dear.
K: You’re welcome, Hera.
For another moment, Kanan stared at the messages she’d sent, letting her words stay with him. Then, he switched them off and headed down the streets of Coruscant. He had a long day ahead of him. But the memory of doing something right, and of Hera’s voice, would keep him going. It always did.
