How to care for your ADD/ADHD child or significant other
A few simple ways to fix common problems associated with ADD and ADHD, from memory problems to organization to low self esteem.
These are small solutions that can mean a big difference.
While this is meant more for people with ADD and ADHD, these are also good tips for other learning disorders and kids in general.
Tips for Memory problems:
Those with ADD and ADHD often have alot of trouble remembering things, wither it’s remembering to go somewhere at a certain time or forgetting where they put that homework assignment, sometimes it seems as though they’d loose their own head if it wasn’t firmly attached. Here’s a few quick tips:
1) Write things down. Seems simple, but it does work. Especially if you write it down somewhere where you, and anyone else who needs to see it, can easily see it. Be it on the refrigerator, a cork board in the hall, or even tapped to the bathroom mirror, write it down and put it where you will see it with no real effort.
2) Put it back where you looked first. Ever spend forever trying to find something? Do you remember where you first looked for it? When you find it, when you’re done, put it back where you looked first, because in your mind, /that’s/ where it is suppose to go. Even if it’s not ‘put away’ where it is, that’s where you will keep going to look for it, so why not save yourself the headache.
3) Tell them ahead of time. If they keep forgetting to they need to be somewhere, it may help to tell them a few days before if you can. And keep reminding them each day, and again that morning. Sometimes it’s not even that they completely forget, but more of they’ve gotten distracted or it’s something that gets in the way of their normal routine. With a few days warning, they can plan ahead and not have to make that mad dash to what ever appointment they need to get to.
Tips for Organization:
One of the main symptoms of ADD and ADHD is a lack of an ability to keep themselves and their space organized. Their rooms, desks, and work areas quickly become a disaster zone. Here’s a few tips:
1) Shelves and clear storage drawers are your friends. As someone with ADHD, I often find myself leaving things out just so I won’t have to spend forever trying to find it again. With shelves and clear storage containers, you can still see what’s inside, and it’s put away.
2) Create a schedule for cleaning dirty laundry and trash. Those with ADD and ADHD are creatures of habit, believe it or not. Random impulses aside, they like to do the same things and fair better when there’s a schedule and known times for things to happen. Set aside certain times for dirty clothes and trash to be picked up, be it once a week or more often. You may have to remind them until its habit but eventually they should be doing it on their own with out too much prodding.
3) Create a daily/weekly schedule. Help them create a list of things that need to be done daily, and a list of things that should be done weekly. List out everything, including things they already remember to do, and post the list up where they will see it and can easily access. Keep the instructions on the lists short and to the point, and get them into the habit of checking off the lists each day. The younger you start this, the better, as habits are more easily made.
4) Keep instructions clear and simple. Don’t list things like ‘clean house’ and expect it to get done exactly the way you want. Instead list out exactly how you want them to clean the house. ‘sweep floors’, ‘wash mirrors and windows’, ‘vacuum carpets’, and things like that. List out where misplaced objects should go, like where that stack of mail should go or where the weeks worth of news papers should go. It may seem excessive, but with it listed out, there’s less of a chance for misunderstandings, especially if the two of you have different ideas of what ‘clean’ is.
5) Keep in mind that their idea of ‘organized’ and ‘clean’ will most likely be very different from your idea of ‘organized’ and ‘clean’. If a completely spotless and OCD organized room makes them uncomfortable, Don’t Force It. Would you like to be in a room that makes you uneasy and nervous? Now imagine that kind of room being the place you have to sleep. /That/ is what you’re forcing them to do. To sleep and live in a room and space that makes them uncomfortable and uneasy. Someone who doesn’t like that level of clean certainly won’t clean to that degree on their own, and forcing it will only make the mess worse later. A room can be clean and cluttered at the same time, find a middle ground that doesn’t make them uncomfortable but is also clean.
Tips for Self-Esteem:
Many children and teens with ADD and ADHD may seem happy and outgoing, and it may look like the last thing they need is an ego boost, but the sad fact is, they do. By the time they reach an adult age, they will have been told many times by teachers and parents and peers that they are stupid and lazy, that despite the fact that they have tried their best, their best isn’t good enough, and being told that the stuff they /are/ good at doesn’t matter because everything else they do is half assed. Just because someone is outgoing and happy, doesn’t mean they don’t hate themselves. These tips will mostly involve changing the way you think of their behavior and how you react to the ‘bad things’ they do.
1) Positive reinforcement. If you are a parent of a child with ADD or ADHD I’m sure you’ve figured out by now, yelling and grounding a kid for poor grades do little to improve the problem for long. Instead, reward them for what they are doing good in and improving in. As a parent, you want them to get the best grades, but if your kid finally manages to get all c’s on a report card, don’t punish them for not getting b’s. How would you like it if you worked as hard as you could and finally got something better then you ever have before and you’re so proud of it, only to have someone mock you and punish you for not doing better? A child has just as many feelings as you do, think of what your actions might say to them.
2) Talk to them. Talk about what they’re doing, about what they’re interested in, about their friends and school. No, don’t make it a teaching experience. Just learn about what your kid is interested in, what they are doing with their friends and how they think school is going. Encourage them to tell you when they are having problems with teachers and other students, encourage them to tell you their new interests and don’t belittle them if you think they are ‘childish’ interests for someone their age.
3) Listen to them. Really listen to them. Hear what they have to say and actually think about it. Don’t dismiss their worries and fears just because you find them childish. To them, those worries are just as valid as your worries about how you’re going to pay the bills. Yes, two friends fighting might not sound like such a big deal to you, but when you were their age, that was the biggest thing that had ever happened to you, and being told that such things are ‘silly’ did not help ease your fears any. Instead it most likely just made you less likely to go to that person for help when you had a bigger problem. If you want your kid to trust you, listen to what they have to say and don’t belittle or mock them for what they like or worry about.
4) Teasing is all fun an games, but only if it goes both ways. As a parent, you can get away with teasing your kid, and I’m sure you mean no harm from it. But if you yell and punish your kid for trying to tease back, you make it a very unpleasant game for your child. Teasing is an easy way to give your kid a complex about what ever you’re teasing them about, especially if they don’t realize you aren’t serious. If you don’t often compliment your kid, teasing can quickly become very hurtful, made worse by the fact that you are their parent. Everyone teases and jokes and it can be fun, but make sure it’s fun for your kid too and allow yourself to stop being the parent for those moments and let a few insults slide.
5) Easing the temper. Those with ADD and ADHD often have a hard time controlling their emotions. This means they will loose their temper often, cry when upset and laugh loudly when happy. You know what they’re feeling because they openly show it, especially as a child. They can also hop from one emotion to another the way people eat different colored skittles. And they show it. The lack of ‘control’ is really just the fact that most kids and teens with ADD and ADHD have not learned to ‘mask’ their emotions like the rest of the population. Instead of ‘muting’ or ‘masking’ their emotions, they let it out and carry their heart on their sleeve. When they get angry, they will yell and scream and maybe even get violent. While this isn’t a good thing, it’s also not a good thing to continue trying to talk to them while they’re angry. Give them space, forgive them for what they might say while angry and let the tantrum pass, /then/ talk to them. Gently.
6) They take things literally. Ever tried to tell a kid something, only for them to get upset at what you’ve said and you don’t know why? Chances are they took your words literally and they don’t like that idea, at all. The phrase ‘throw it all away’ can mean many things and maybe you meant just for trash to be thrown away, but if you are pointing at their desk or room, they will most likely assume you mean /all/ of it. Of course they will get upset, they think you’re telling them to throw /all/ of their things away. This is just an example but misunderstandings happen often and many of them end in yelling matches. Keep such things in mind when talking to your child.
7)Find what your kid is good at, and support them. This should be common sense, but some parents seem to think that if their kid isn’t good at reading or math or some other school related thing, or something ‘worth while’ it’s not worth supporting. You don’t get to decide what your kid likes to do. You don’t get to decide what your kid is good at. But you do get to decide on wither or not they will get support from their parents. Support them even if you don’t understand it. Your kid likes bugs? Show some interest and get them some books and listen to them as they ramble on about what ever bug is their current favorite.
-Submitted by insanityslight
