#insilhouette

[coffeenuts]

[rie-k-photo]

Birds in flight over marsh as the sun rises at Babcock Wildlife Management Area near Punta Gorda, Florida by diana_robinson https://www.flickr.com/photos/62501682@N00/51054947608

[ineedthislikeaholeinthehead]

77, 78, 79

77. Favorite outfit?Red/Black skater dress, pleather leggings, boots.  This outfit (though I do have a scarf I like at the moment.  It’s a work in progress)

78. Favorite aesthetic?Lacy Underwear, high heels, and lots and lots of vodka.

79. Favorite musical instrument?I wanted to be like “Oh my god...don’t make me choose...there are too many!” and while I DO feel that way, sorta...I also know instantaneously that the answer is the bass. It’s just so perfect. 

[brencerlove]

insilhouette answered: Something in the universe of Miss Jackson

That sounds interesting... I'll add that to my prompt list thingy and see what I can do to develop it... thanks!

-Hannur xo

[cawtchlinlearnstowrite]

Nervous Ben

I called him Nervous Ben then, like it was a joke the way he twitched and laughed and talked too loud and too fast. He was just the hyperactive guy who extolled the virtues of clown and tried (and failed) to moderate group drama. I can't lie, I was sort of attracted to him. I don't know why, really. Probably because I spent more than an hour a week with him - any guy I spend a large amount of time with I'm likely to develop a little crush on. Maybe it was because he was tall and lanky, maybe because he always had a smile and a hello for me. When I found out he was more than just nervous, I felt like I'd expected to take a sip of water but gotten milk instead. And I felt guilty, ashamed for being so stupid, for not seeing the manic state that was there, on show, here for your viewing pleasure.

I guess I let him slip out of my mind after the show was over. I'd see him now and then, put on the tight little smile I wear when I see someone I'm not sure if I should greet audibly. I might say "hi," a vague breath of sound, easy to pass off as unnoticed if the person doesn't respond. But generally it was the relationship of two people who were once in something together but who share no bond beyond the simple matter of the show. I did see what he wrote in Catch in the spring - he bared his soul, showed all of his flaws. I respected him immensely for his bravery. He allowed the entire campus to know what went on inside his head - not an easy thing to do when I can never even bear to press the button on Like a Little. But then graduation came up, and I figured I'd never see him again.

He's back. I don't know why, although I also don't even remember seeing him walk at commencement. Maybe he did; there were so many names I can't really remember seeing anyone walk. But although he's back, Nervous Ben is gone. Instead here's a small boy with a bandage on his head and a frown on his face. Besides his face, there is nothing there to remind me of the guy I met. Gone is the twitchy demeanor, the big grin. I don't think I've seen him crack a smile once. And I find myself wondering, where did he go? Is he hiding in the background somewhere, waiting to resurface, or was he never supposed to be there at all? I know I shouldn't pry too much into the workings of his mind, but I want to know. And I wish I could take back ever thinking the words "Nervous Ben." That name was born of a complete lack of understanding, of even the slightest bit of empathy, and now what I want more than anything is to understand. Maybe I'm being nosy. Maybe it's something I should never know. But I can't help my curiosity.