Life's pretty fucked up right now, if I were to speak on it literally....
Azana is still in the hospital.
I just found out I've been cheated on for the past 3-4 months, if not longer and his behavior is more out of control since I took his dumbass back, than what he was before. That's my fucking mistake and now I'm paying for it.
I have no job. I hate my choice of degree.
My car is old and worn the fuck out.
My bills are behind. I'm depending on the church and Azana's therapist for financial support.
I've just signed up for family therapy.
My skin is breaking out.
My friends are nonexistent and even when they say they want to come visit Zaza, they don't follow through.
I'm depressed and going out of my fucking mind that I dont even know how to connect with my nonexistent friends so they know I'm drowning.
And even when Zaza gets better & I can get out again, who the fuck can I even relate to? Who understands this shit?
Or me and what the fuck I've been going through, the fight in my head, the noise of me not feeling good enough to be a parent to these kids that need every part of me right now and I just dont know how to give it.
How are these moms holding up and I can barely handle this?!
