i don’t rate, i just listen (vol 1)
The Lonny Breaux Collection | Frank Ocean | Released April 2011
This project feels like teenage ambition, like when you’re an adult trying to be an adult (for the first time). Excited and impatient. Bright and unscathed. It feels like 2 weeks before a blessed new chapter. Like right after you settle into self. Bliss comes only after that surrender. Frank’s ability to produce this many quality songs lets me know that only time and patience can take me where I wanna be. You can feel his commitment to practice throughout this project. However short or long, you know you gotta keep going. You hear him smashing influences and technicality into his unique sound, his own creation. Though in alphabetic order, the songs feel like an expansion of the one before-not in the sense of storytelling or BPMs, but of a piece that strengthens the project in its entirety. It feels like an eagerness to express himself.
Creatively, this collection is inspiring. As an artist, I scrap so much of my work. I sometimes fear imperfection and end up denying myself an opportunity to see my vision in full actualization. His collaborations with talents like James Fauntleroy are foundational to where r&b/Alt R&B and pop music is today. In looking at where they stand today, I understand the value of connecting with others creatively, I see that our creations are more beautiful when made together. This project displays the vulnerability of Frank’s growth as a writer and as an artist. It's playful and deep, It’s relatable but it feels like an alternate universe, like what may become. You easily recognize the cohesiveness of everyone that collaborated to create these songs.
This project grounds me because you can hear 2011 In this- the grind before the perfect emergence of new tools for expression, with Tumblr gaining strength as a platform in 2013 with 13 million yearly users. This sound and creativity contributed to this greatly. This project feels exactly like the years leading to a refreshing creative scene. It feels like the wave of exploration and training/practicing/work in anticipation of something big. It was transformation, preparation for something I had never experienced. Those times prepared me for where I am now, especially creatively.
project moodboard (all images via pinterest/not mine)
Frank's letter to himself (2011)
The past year has felt like flowing into my sense of self. I learned that you just have to move forward. There are no rules to how fast you move. I met everything I was fighting not to shed, the core of my protecting force. I learned that most of who I am exists outside of me and that a home is a place where you feel most like you. Undeniably, boldly, happily you. I rejected rest to deflect from how deep I needed to go to get over myself. As I discovered my being, the warping of my self-understanding stretched me. I was confused and wounded in so many ways.
Spiritually, I faced truths and redefined love, and gave it up to do the healing work. I couldn’t take what didn’t truly feel like me. Some things came back and some I parted ways with. I chose vulnerability once, and I choose it often now. The pain built my agility. Perseverance mirrored my weathering. I extended patience to myself because I had no choice. My mind was-is- always emulsifying, rest was only met when immense exhaustion and almost never accompanied relaxation. With an eye over my shoulder and a blade in my hand, I was protecting emotions with logic. I failed time and time again until I was certain. There was no half-doing in this. I felt every emotion and I sat in it, I tried and tried again. I gave myself the gift of surrender.
Community is a topic that’s been at the center of my life lately. I had to discover what was stopping me from being who I knew I was despite not feeling it then. The value of those who I experience life with is so much greater than I was allowing myself to embrace. I often felt alone. It wasn’t loneliness but a habit of maintaining distance from those around me. In many rights, it felt like I had no one to guide me- no older siblings, mentors, or sponsors. I didn’t have any close examples of a lifestyle I desired. I had to feel my way through.
While this is true in the tangible sense, I constantly found myself in “lucky” situations where just who or what I needed was right there. Even if I had marched forward through 80% of the work needed to meet a desire, that 20% that came from the assistance of those outside of me was immensely influential, I learned that I need people and that I have the power to nurture an organic and loving community around me. I learned to embrace those around me leaning into those that come in my life and those that leave. I found balance in being present and enjoying what was in front of me. I learned that by denying myself of that experience, I denied myself an experience to truly know myself.
project moodboard (all images via pinterest/not mine)
Frank's letter to himself (2011)
Revisiting The Lonny Breaux Collection took me on a journey of Frank's growth, each chapter documented within his art. It reminds me that everything that is is here because of everything that was. It commemorates the last of an era, with a name change and an undeniably unique sound that would shape his legacy in music.
On the series:I don’t rate, I just listen is basically: album reviews/assessments/concepts. detailing my takeaways, likes, commentary etc. may include a mood board for albums that give the feel that I embody when listening ie food, textures, smell, feelings, colors and moments. enjoy! #ahkavia
