I have borderline personality disorder. My best friend is my fp and he started dating someone and since then he has been acting really different (talking to me less, talking to people who hate me a lot more, getting upset at me for splitting on people). I don't know what to do he is so important to me and every time I try to talk about it I fear I'm upsetting him and I hurt myself. I don't know what to do. Do you have any advice? (can you please tag this as gazania?)
hi anon,
I think that the best thing you can do is to talk to him about this and communicate about how his behaviors upset you. That’s not a bad thing to communicate or talk about, and I’m sure that your friend would want to be made aware of how his behavior is affecting you so that he can change if necessary. It’s common for people to change sometimes when they get into a new relationship, but I would bet he’s not doing it purposefully to upset you and for you to communicate to him, you are allowing him to work on it, and it will help you to get it out there. That’s healthy communication and effective interpersonal skills. He can’t change or help with the relationship if he isn’t aware of what is going on and how you are feeling. It may hurt his feelings at first and you can communicate that you are aware that it may upset him, but hopefully he will take it to heart and work to change things and keep your relationship healthy.
On the other hand of things, having BPD does exemplify interpersonal relationship struggles and it can make healthy communication more difficult, but it is possible. I think that along with talking to your friend about things, it may be helpful for you to work on your own issues and struggles pertaining to relationships and interpersonal skills. The more you work on it, the less things like this will affect you and get to you and the healthier you will find your relationships.
Lina