Check In
What I Did Today
Took a recruiter call
Chatted with a friend who wants to help me get hired
Connected with another former Apprentice who was also laid off
Worked out
FINALLY DID 1 ALGO!! It only took damn there 2 weeks!!!
Concluded a DECADE long "friendship" with probably my 1st love
Cut it off with that dude I met on Hinge because he was on a dating app looking for friends *EYE ROLL*
Called my grandmother to thank her for the Thanksgiving Day card she gave me
What I Learned Today
I procrastinate A LOT...
I ACTUALLY want to learn this all this stuff I have mapped out
Feeling
Productive, and a little proud, but also a little ashamed of how long it took me to get started...I know I can do better
It may take at least 6 months to be where I want to be...is that too long? Am I being too liberal?
A bit anxious when I realize what the REAL timeline is
I don't have major headaches these days, but there's always a little something I feel in my head every day ever since my major headache last week...I'm a bit nervous that working out is not great for me right now, but I feel heavier than I usually am and need the physical exercise...gains can wait, but I don't know if I should pay more attention to these sensations...they're not super distracting, I am just hyper aware given that I had a head injury this year...next doc appt is next week, but they always reject my request for an MRI or CT scan...I have done some research online and SOME say working out is good for it...gets the blood going, reduces the stress, but only after some initial rest...but I haven't had an injury recently so IDK...pray for me please :) my balance is okay, coordination is okay, strength is okay, no vomiting or diarrhea anymore...idk what's up...
Takeaways
I needed a guilt free 2 week break after being laid off...and I did not afford myself that, but I tried my best
I am so stressed BECAUSE I procrastinate when I think I'm already so far behind or try to discourage myself with, "do I REALLY have to learn these concepts?!," when I know I DO...
I don't have to master it all...I need to take it slow, forgive myself when I'm not operating at my best, and not put so much pressure on myself
I GOTTA get off of toxic ass TWITTER and stop watching so much YOUTUBE!!! I don't even be really entertained...just numb...and all the surprise porn or fights on Twitter is REALLY not the distraction I need right now
I get invites to things, and I'm going to take them...because I'm single af, I don't have A TON of close friends, and I need to be social
I'm healing...I didn't even get totally sad or cry when I told my grandmother I couldn't afford to come home for the holidays...I feel like I COULD pay for the flight...I just kind of don't want to anymore since I always pay to go out solo; I am also just so sad that they never want to help me with the flight, even after I claimed I couldn't afford...maybe they know I'm BS'ing, or maybe they don't care to see me that much for them to pay the ~$100 roundtrip
I could be so confident, so fit, so wealthy, so strong, if I gave up all the things not serving me...
How I Got Myself Out of a Rut Today
Prayer
Allowing myself to watch just one more episode of British Bakeoff before getting started
Telling myself that I did not have to do it all today
Ordering takeout so that it was one less thing I had to stress about
Exercising a little discipline
Putting all my unwatched YouTube videos in a playlist...sounds strange, yes, but the way my brain works is if I know I have videos unwatched but not organized, I will feel like they are an uncompleted task and my mind will distract me to tell me "DO THIS FIRST!" since the effort to complete them is small
Encouraging myself with "You can do it," and, "be 'That Girl'!"
Goals After Today
Not listen to people worried about their own circumstances and remember God works on his own time and I am in no rush...
Strengthen my relationship with God
Understand the main concepts I need to from Interview Cake, AlgoExpert, etc. in less 3 months
Drop my body fat percentage
Use social media/YouTube less
Improve my relationship with my family
Be more confident & faithful
Move more during my day
DRINK MORE WATER!
Get back on the ball
Be kinder to myself and stop guilting myself if my energy isn't always on 100%
Go on a date with a guy I actually like who actually likes me too
Find a therapist
Figure out what keeps making me sick...