This NYE, I’m reflecting, writing, self-caring, conjuring for the new year, and burning sage nshyt.
I’ve never been a jealous person. Specifically in romantic relationships. In studying my experiences with jealousy the times it arose, I recognize it now as a feeling of being undervalued.My most emotional gut feelings of jealousy have been when I didn’t feel considered, honored, respected, valued, and treated with kindness for being my amazingazz self. If a person I’m romantically involved with is making me feel that way for a day or an hour, maybe we’re in a rough spot (if they are or begin to make me feel that way consistently, there’s a bigger issue.) With that feeling present, if I witness or sense that there is someone else being regarded, honored, respected, valued and/or treated with kindness from the person I’m sharing my intimate self with, when they can’t give me that, I feel undervalued. I feel as though, that other person (friend, stranger, or homie) is seen as more deserving than myself to receive these gifts.It is less about that person, and more about how there is an imbalance between my regard for my intimate partner, and their regard for me. And it looks a lot like jealousy.I think this might be a common foundation of jealousy; people not feeling honored and valued while seeing other people receive that.In relationships where I have felt regarded, honored, respected, and all those other things, I feel more secure. When I witness a partner showing kindness and value towards anyone else, it extends my happiness. When I witness a partner showing less than that to someone who is deserving, I verbally question it when the time is right. The difference here is that I am already fulfilled by my partner and feel that my sharing is respected and reciprocated.Of course, the staple is to always be able to give all the things I require of an intimate partner to myself. That way, when they do not, I can more swiftly strip away what I am giving to them, in order to honor me.
