maybe it’s a sign of maturity but i’ve had an epiphany today. deleted hinge, cleared my camera roll of screenshots i didn’t need, removed people i didn’t want to see or interact with on my spam instagram, etc. maybe ill delete the side blog i spent a while working on because i never use it and it’s not organic enough for me anymore. i downloaded substack. i created to-do lists for the rest of summer and more importantly, tomorrow. i really need to clean my room and bathroom and do so much laundry and pack and make other lists of what to do, what to buy, etc. but i feel like im having fun again. i want to be healthier, eat better and work out more, sleep properly (as i write this at three in the morning) but at the same time i dont want to have a productive summer the way my parents want me to: work somewhere for two weeks before i leave for vacation, and then school starts again. i think resetting my life instead of rotting all day, which i’ve essentially been doing since school ended, is what i need to hard reset my life, including even the instagram algorithm and rebuilding my notion for things i’ll actually use and cut out everything i dont need or will push me back into my old habits.
i know this isn’t the stuff i usually post on my tumblr, but at the same time i think i need to take agency of my creative spaces again and get past my own mental blocks of which space is meant for what. i want to post a little less porn and a little more nuanced prose, and write what i want to instead of chasing notes like i kind of have been for the time i was actually active on this blog. i do want to write more think pieces but that is more for substack rather than tumblr, but i am a creative in some way or another and i want to keep putting out my creative work even though i feel myself growing out of past phases i’ve had in my life.