i know that people have wanted varric to be romanceable for years but i actually think it's a gift that he's not because it means i can delve deep into his intimacy issues without him having a romance path in either da2 or dai lmao. like this is a dwarf who talks a good game, especially to isabela in their very sexually charged banter, but cannot finish his own romance serial, which he claims is because it's not that popular but i think it's also out of insecurity about it not being that good ( considering he writes the next serial only when prompted by the inquisitor to do it for cassandra ), whose only confirmed romantic relationship is with a woman that he cannot actually be in a functional relationship with and who arguably doesn't care as much for him as he does for her, and who he then names his crossbow after because that's a totally normal, well adjusted thing to do.
i personally think this all has roots in the fact that he has been a caregiver for almost his entire life. he took care of his mother after his father died and his brother was trying to restore the tethras family name, dealing with her alcoholism while also trying to cover up her issues in order to keep the family name intact. he cared for her all the way up until her death and then in hawke + the da2 group he found new people to care for and that's the primary way in which he knows how to function in a social situation. he's the one that everyone relies on, that looks out for everyone and who dismisses any troubles of his own so that he's not burderning anyone with them. he's a fixer: he fixes problems, he comes up with solutions, he's always moving forward with some kind of plan. he very rarely, if at all, wallows in his own self pity, even when it comes to his bartrand personal quest line. i don't think varric knows how to be properly vulnerable with another person; the closest he gets is naturally with hawke ( though it's never romantic ), plus you see this side of him with the inquisitor if you sacrifice hawke in the fade but that is an exceptional set of circumstances and definitely not something that is the norm for him.
