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hmmm

i think that a kink dynamic that i really like, is when the dominant character is-- preying on some latent desire of the sub's?

in order to manipulate them, because they're getting off on it, because they think they'll be genuinely better off, whatever. the war between the longing to give up and one's existing commitments, the feeling of knowing you ought to leave and certainly not seek them out again but something within you roots you in place...! the way you should be protesting, should run away, there is no reason to want this, and yet, and yet......

#that magical girl post got me thinking #i think this is possibly also a better way to understand what i find hot about the hdg fics i like?#rather than it being all about the prospective floret's actual benefit in an ordinary sense?#maybe that one little fic about the antishipper getting “corrupted” by the rope domme did push my kink buttons actually #hmmm. idk #introspecty #a

see like ultimately id-wise my problem is and has always been that half of me wants to be petted and praised and half of me wants to be a disciplined and imperious dark sorceress of some sort. except the thing is that the latter bit isn't actually a domme either? she gets jealous of the other one

#you'd think this would shake out in a more straightforward way than it seems to in practice #introspecty

See, the thing is that I do have sadistic impulses, but they seem to be completely divorced from my sexuality? What actually turns me on is soft noncon and diapers and being treated like a pet? Why this. Why didn't I get the cool kinks

#I can't bring myself to resent it though... this is how I am. it's just how I'm shaped #maybe I can lean into the contrast between this and the rest of my vibe in some way #that could be cute‚ right?#i just feel that it's hard to square that circle when i'm actually self-aware about it and not a fictional character...#introspecty #^ very funny that the prior post in this tag is also on this theme #sorry‚ past meadow #m

hmmmm the princess thing is very charming. but am *I* princess-shaped

like I'm clearly catgirl-shaped. my particular standoffish and calculating and prideful yet submissive and pet-like nature... it all just clicks into place. but am i any other things

#introspecty

Does this one understand the dollkink thing... It does tend to slip into referring to itself this way internally, sometimes. And there is an appeal to that concept of stillness, no thoughts but for the execution of its master's will... It doesn't really get the physicality of it, though

#in which meadow attempts to sort back out what the fuck her kinks are #one supposes a wide reportoire can be beneficial to have‚ even if many of them are sometimes foods...#introspecty #m

you know despite everything i don't know how much i can relate to the idea of age regressing in a kink way. i could imagine it being part of a dynamic like that sometimes but-- like, i'm just not sure if regressed!aether even has a sexuality or not...?

#i haven't experimented that much with deliberately age regressing admittedly though #bc like. i can tell there are some Emotions in that box and i don't have the time or rather environment for all that rn #a #introspecty #cgl posting #kinda

it's very easy to imagine a version of myself who is into forcefem-- it feels pretty conceptually nearby to other things i like, and i think cute scenes can be done with it with the right characters-- but as i actually exist i can't relate to it as a kink for *me* at all.

consequences of having an egg that cracked too early, maybe? i just haven't ever been able to relate to femininity or transition as a thing that could be forced on me. once made aware of the option i was no longer attached to my shell as anything other than a mask that i hoped i could one day replace...

#m #introspecty #sort of pre-done introspection but nonetheless

in which meadow contemplates whether she may be a maid sort of girl after all...

#m #introspecty

#introspecty

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