it wasn’t until recently that all this time i’ve been battling BDD. when i look at old pictures of myself i get immensely ill on the inside because i hated the way i look. almost everyone i cared about or thought cared about me always commented about how skinny or small i was and it only made me weaker, made me look at myself in an even more negative light. almost everyone except ****. the past year and a half had its roller coaster of emotions. i’ve had to deal with the idea of never getting closure, emotional trauma, heartbreak, life, death, rebirth, life, health progression, etc. 2020 was without a doubt the hardest year i’ve had to get through in a long time. the first few months of 2021 were a doozy but i decided enough was enough. i couldn’t let all that pessimistic energy consume me anymore. i’m taking back my life. im stronger, better, healthier, clearer than i’ve ever been. but i know it still hurts me. it’ll hurt but i’ll grow. im still swaying between living and dying, staying or jumping, but i know one way or the other it’ll be my choice if i make it through this dimension or not. it’ll be on my own terms and i’ll be okay with it. at the end of the day, i will be doing it for myself. i can flow with the invisible river or i can stay in this crumbling dimension. i can create multiple versions of me, change my name, and disappear like i never existed. i think i can do that.
