When I was in collage I was just starting to have certain realizations that I was not "normal" as defined by my parents at least. Some of the things I had believed up until that point:
Everyone was attracted to woman because they are beautiful. Some girl's didn't like boys that made them lesbians, Some boys did like boys that made them gay. Bisexual was a myth I heard whispers of that didn't make sense because EVERYONE like girls right? And pan was something I have never heard of.
Everyone has days where they feel like a stranger in their body and hate everything about it.
Falling in love with someone you are close to is a normal thing, that is why we stress monogamous relationships you need to choose to stay with your spouse even though you fall in love with other people.
No one told me these things were true I just assumed they were because that was my experience and I of course was normal so everyone else must be like me. There were two things that pushed me into thinking beyond these basic and really unexpressed assumptions into examining myself and others honestly and complexly. Both of them are named Sara(h).
Sarah was short, and curvy. She had a bleach blonde pixie cut and her face was well decorated with piercing. Her clothes were on the punk side of awesome and every time I looked at her my heart skipped a beat. I had never before in my life wanted someone as badly as I wanted her. She took my breath away. I thought for the first time that maybe I was gay I mean I never wanted a boy this way. I though I might get a peek at that and told my boyfriend at the time about her and hoped he would be like "oh hey lets see if she wants a threesome." He did not, he freaked and tried to forbid me from seeing her. That was the beginning of the end for our relationship.
The other Sara was a long time friend of mine who I had a (major) crush on. I was mentioning my this girl is hot and mean boyfriend experience to her and she told me about the girls she liked and how she had not told her boyfriend because she was worried he would have a problem with her being bi. I was then hit with the idea for the first time that maybe just maybe not everyone is attracted to woman and that I wasn't gay I was something else, this Bi thing.
I have since come to better understand me and who I am and have refined the labels that I use but that was when I admitted to myself for the first time that I might not be straight. It set the ground work for learning to listen to myself and to question and examine the things I was feeling and the assumptions I held.
