EYES ARE BLINKING SLOWLY WITH DISTRAUGHT SEEPING INTO CRIMSON CHEEKS⸺a nervous laugh dispersing pathetically as his hand is slowly retreating from the door's handle; sweeping through the coarse material of his trousers, erasing the trace of amiable courtesy which resulted into bitter turmoil of self-consciousness that he is nobody for @ionzhar . . . a humiliation to his being, a reminder of how insignificant he is to the person that he thought he could be a somebody for⸺A NOBODY, as bore eyes encroaching; spewing the truth he refuses to see because he was hopeful, inauspiciously . . . his charm does not work with her &. this unfortunate closeness is a humiliation rite, for his self-awareness. as if he touched the fire, the steps he takes are more than just one or two, but three, away from her sphere, &. silent indifference for his being . . . &. the familiar sight of a woman on the other side of the door warms him, even if she doesn't know what went wrong 'tween their friends, ❝ uh. i'm louise's boyfriend? i come here because the neighbour asked me to come for mahjong night. ❞
BYASHA STARKOVA SENT : WHO EXACTLY ARE YOU, ANYWAYS FOR ALT. VERSE. FROM MORBID CURIOUSITY ; ACCEPTING.
JOHANN DREYMAN X BYANKA STARKOVA, a complete zine information regarding their relationship ( @ionzhar )
THE BOOK OF STOLEN GLANCES: prelude, the eyes bear witness. their first encounter happened during his fleeting visit to HƯƠNG NGUYỆT VÂN / LOUISE's apartment where he caught a glimpse of BYANKA / BIANKA within the apartment——he has never seen her beforehand, as he fathoms that LOUISE'S requires solitude within her personal space thus her presence was rather unexpected, almost jarring because within briefest moment, he knows her from somewhere in passing, written within classified files: she has intrigued him from the beginning.
arc one, curiosity. their second encounter would be yet another fleeting, unexpected rendezvous within inauspicious circumstance; he had to fetch an owed money from an eliminated client, which amounted to millions. blood smeared within the place had been meticulously cleaned whilst he walked out from the building——merely to encounter her yet again. he fathoms that she sought for the client as people had been looking for him for their money, however he slipped through from her fingers merely because she found his existence to be annoying because he kept coming back to LOUISE'S apartment to no fail: his lunch offer had been turned down, however it is merely the beginning of his curiosity to find her clients &. her past.
arc two, valentine. johann has become a constant nuisance lurking within the apartment——purposefully linger merely to take a glimpse of her once again, even when it is brisk or fleeting, he just needs a moment to have a conversation with her. perhaps she knows him thus she tried to avoid him evermore, but a quick text of mere greet lead to a date he audaciously invited her upon merely because he had planned it before extending the invitation. he behaved gentlemanly; making sure that she enjoys his company than loathing him for simply lurking, &. it succeed: there'd be following dates around the parks, the shows, &. the dinners——it almost happened rather quick, just like mere glance from her before.
arc three, partnership. they have become closer than before within LOUISE'S absence; entangled 'tween sheets or sofas or floors or walls——physically attracted with each other whilst their conversations escalate from constant teases &. banters to uncharted territory of her vulnerability. she has been honest to him, within her limited words she could convey——he extends the same favour, regardless of how untruthful or truthful it could be; she becomes too close to him, without a title borne from their relationship; he was hesitating, for it may have been too much for her. a simple jest taken into contemplation, she says otherwise &. he confirms their relationship——partnership, as lovers.
arc four, where do we go from here? unexpected circumstances will make them question themselves &. others: where do they go whilst the sky is vast, &. they are still stagnant. regardless of her meltdown from a prevelant issue, they are still together, almost cautiously opening up, &. blurring the affectionate embrace into steadfast love.
arc five, the surprise. days have become shorter, nights have become everlasting——their love is a burning fuse with inexplicable intensity; arguments, making outs, doubts, celebration, a creation. her birthday become a sacrament, awaits within the dark until an unfortunate accident occurs; fear turns into an instant happiness, intertwined with unexpected disbelief because of her veiled circumstance——she thought it was impossible, &. he thought it was too fast to have it after three moons have passed above their heads; overjoyed &. overthinking, with solemn convince solidifies the seed: he was afraid of losing her &. she was afraid of it is their only chance. the surprise, become an understanding; they are having it.
arc six, the engagement. everything feels predestined, a constellation of happenstance become a happening. each days the baby becomes stronger within her, &. each days his love becomes full that it slowly pouring into his hand as he tries to pick the best reflection of his love between her finger——at the back of his mind, the little rational mind whispers it is too soon for everything; to have a family, to have a lifetime partner, however heart takes the lead as he kneels in front of her, with the cathedral built from love &. the vast - deepest sea behind it; drowns, &. yet saved, with the flick of her cold finger into his stubbles, a kiss to seal their love. he wants her to wait, but she is his nonetheless.
arc seven, the birth. there is nothing that can describe his life is starting to slipping away from his eyes as the fire engulfing them; even one of the strongest person in the planet is succumb to the cruel ember of vindicated revenge——with blood he spew from his lips, as soft call reminding him to stay awake, but lullaby becomes softer, &. slow, until darkness plunges into his subconscious . . . a scream, a beep, a light; woken up with machine into his lungs to breath, with delirious mind staring at blurry visions——death sounds imminent, knocking at the door, waiting to be allowed to come in, however a jolt sends him to the surface, with a tube between his lungs, &. a finger tries to points at the decision to save either one of them; the baby or the mother——death has slithered away from him, only wants to embrace one of his loves, &. he has to play a god for them whilst god could take both of them instantaneously. he didn't even choose, for belief sounds ridiculous but she is one of the strongest person in the world; she would survive, so is their child. a soft cry, delirious plea, a small body on an almost unconscious lady; they survived, but neither would get to see him until life decides to. until she recovers, only few days, &. he is still on breathing tube.
arc eight, always. doubts, fights, urgencies are their bane——with each days feel heavier than the last; recoveries, baby, lovers spats between texts &. conversations . . . he didn't think he was ready to solidifies it, everything is happening too fast, with urgency that they can lose it in one evening, or a day hangs on his tail; love feels like a plunge, but also a comfort. but marriage within a couple of months feel like an exaggeration to their timeline——a year, he had planned, but she knew, everything can change in instant &. she is afraid. convictions, rationalising, conclusion; she is right. he loves her, even the time sounds like a leap into finality. at the break of dawn in quaint chapel, with two witnesses anchors their matrimony, an always etched to their rings, with a kiss seal their union; marriage doesn't so scary, or too abrupt, but a perfect timing to begin their lives,
arc nine, forever. &. forever, spoken earnestly to her lips, with their hands are interlock to walk upon the path they have forged; a life that is beginning to incised ahead, another wedding on the summer where people can witness they have become a lifetime partner for the first time in front of them, but the second time for them. a life, where nobody knows where it shall lead, but two or three or five years down the lane will be discussed for living on another continent for the sake of their child, or the home they have built just now in the city where they met. neither have known, but either have a lifetime to figure it out. always, and forever.
APPREHENSIVE CHUCKLES WITH HIS EYES ARE EVERYWHERE BUT HER⸺tip of his tongue dampening his lips, with an instinctive dismissive reaction manifest into johann shifting his seating position; the touched shoe is retracting away from @ionzhar whilst calloused fingers are above hers: still intertwined, yet drawing soothing circle into her . . . HER INQUIRY BREEDS FROM A PLACE OF EXPECTATIONS; an intense cling to his being, a plea for utmost reverence . . . he would love the kind of love she offers to him, if the moons have reached its peak when he wants it, as her love is like a wave rolling into feet; trickle you until you get sweep away by the current: fervent love she asks him to be, &. yet, they have known such love would be their downfall if neither gets what they desire. it is an agonizing turmoil, to be able to love &. yet couldn't have what they want; an exit had been talked beforehand, even demanded by her to not hurt him due to unfulfilled expectations .. their love demands expectations, &. their love could maim them if neither accept that they couldn't do anything expect live now, than giving a promise, of which she could think, at some point, is just a salt into their wounds,
❝ . . . i won't let you go, now , ❞ gently taking her hand into his cheek⸺to feel her warmth goes into foreign chill; seeing her own apprehension &. doubts creeping into her own psychique, her pulse is thrumming against his kisses, pacifying her fears; the moment that shall etched within, as a supercut within mind whenever they think what had gone wrong if they ever leave, because neither know what would happen, &. as stubborn as confusing he is, he hasn't thought about the future &. yet the dream echoing reluctantly: what they could have, if they think about the future of being together, than a separation. her question arises from her own paranoia, &. he fathoms, that he has nothing to lose, except her, ❝ . . . i won't let you go now , i promise you. ❞
BYASHA SAYS, SAY YOU WON'T LET GO, FROM BOTH WAYS IS THE ONLY WAY I WANT IT. ; ACCEPTING.
