Welp; I got cussed out by my boss sufficient to trigger a full-blown Defending Myself Against My Ex response this morning, over something I'd been dragging my heels about doing, because I've been waiting for the Least Bad Outcome Possible to prevent itself, & wouldja lookit that; there it was.
It was awful, no doubt, & I don't even want to think about what the fallout of it all is going to end up being, but I'm proud to say that I did a few things after it was over:
-I was full to the rim with Brim® fight/flight/freeze energy that I wanted or felt the urge or whatever to expend by slamming my head against a file cabinet & punching my space heater off my desk. I pantomimed doing both things, but I didn't actually do them. I walked around a little bit instead.
-I wrote a vicious rant with a lot of swear words in it where no one including me will ever read it instead of bearing my wounds in public & prolonging everything.
-I thought of something I could be grateful for (no matter where I am or how I'm feeling, I can always take a breath), & immediately wrote it somewhere out would be read.
-I actually took the suggestion in my gratitude, & breathed for a while before I texted my partner about it.
-I acknowledged thoughts of relapsing, but didn't entertain or catastrophize them.
It was really sucky & should not have happened, but I'm proud of how I handled it. Recovery is possible, & it's happening ♥️🐦🙏
