barely there
a short rivetra fic inspired by this amazing art by ironrivet! Go check it out!
A sound.
Not like the stomping of hooves nor like a titan’s screams but a quiet one. One that often goes unheard and easily dismissed as nothing but the wind - unless you know what to listen for.
A sound. A light tapping.
Levi knows that sound.
Levi sleeps less these days. On most nights, he lies awake in bed willing for sleep to come. On some nights he does paperwork to busy himself and keep himself occupied till the wee hours of the morning. The kids worry about him. He knows that. He sees it in their eyes. And in hers.
A sound.
Not like the stomping of hooves nor like a titan’s screams but a quiet one. One that often goes unheard and easily dismissed as nothing but the wind - unless you know what to listen for.
A sound. A light tapping.
Levi knows that sound. He’s been hearing it since the last expedition.
He turns over in his bed, eyes falling on the figure seated on his windowsill. Framed by the pale moon light, she looks almost like she did on the morning of their last expedition together - just a little less real, blurrier on the edges, more ghost than girl.
She gives him a little smile, “Were you waiting for me, Levi?”
Levi sits up and kicks his covers off, letting his bare feet fall on the cold stone floor.
She reaches out her hand and beckons to him. In the darkness, her eyes shine like the stars – just less brilliant.
Levi walks over to where she’s seated, taking her hand in both of his the moment he is close enough. Her hand feels... barely there. And yet, he presses a kiss against her knuckles with such reverence it made her phantom heart ache.
He settles himself beside her. She loops her arm with his, resting her head on his shoulder. “Hmmm...” She tucks herself closer against him, “You’re warm.”
“I miss warmth. I miss the sun,” She adds as she presses a chaste kiss against his jaw, just below his ear.
He pulls her onto his lap and she is weightless. He can feel her, yes, that much is true. But she is devoid of warmth, devoid of life. She feels half-real. Not dead, but not living either. Barely there.
“I miss you.” He whispers, his breath ghosting the shell of her ear, and she shivers in his arms. She presses her face to his neck, hands grasping at his shirt as he wraps his arms tighter around her nearly translucent form.
“I’m sorry,” she says, lips barely touching his skin. For leaving you, for the love could have had.
“Don’t be.” He shifts her in his lap, taking her face between his hands, “It wasn’t your fault.”
She leans into his touch and closes her eyes and his heart aches at the look of longing etched on her face. He wants to chase her sorrows and fears away. He wants to make her feel alive again. But he doesn’t know how and it fucking frustrates him. It keeps him up at night. He waits for her to return to him each and every night just so he can hold her again, feel her again. But he knows it isn’t right. He needs to let her go - even if it means never seeing nor holding her again. He needs to move on. And so does she.
“Petra, baby,” He runs his thumb across her cheek. “Look at me, please.”
Her eyelids flutter open and his lips quirk into a small smile, “Baby, I think it’s time.”
She pulls away, pushes herself off of him. Her eyebrows wrinkle in confusion and hurt flashes in her eyes, “Wha - what do you mean?”
“Heaven’s waiting for you, Petra. You should go,” He tucks a strand of hair behind her ears.
She shakes her head, “No! I don’t want to leave you again.”
Petra. My Petra. Beautiful and brave stubborn as always. He smiles at that despite the ache he is feeling in his chest.
“You won’t leave me,” He takes her hand in his and places it over his heart, “You’ll be here. Always.”
Her eyes start to water, worry and concern written all over her face, “Will you be alright? “
Levi nods. She is tired, he can tell. It is time to let her go and give her peace in the only way he knows how.
“I will be...” He leans in and kisses her between her eyes, “soon.”
She looks into his eyes and sees that they are clear – no more sadness from all the deaths he had to endure, no more pain. There are no more regrets to carry, no more burdens to bear. There is no more condemnation, there is only grace.