[ Saix/Isa ] [ Impressions on other Org. members list. ]
Kind of in order, but also kind of not.
-Just, like, right from the start, I am bad at communication. Always have been. -I don’t remember much about my actual home growing up in Radiant Garden, and this is probably largely due to simply not being at home most of the time since Lea and I tended to roam around all day. -I was an only child, I’m pretty sure, with both parents around, but they seemed to be pretty hands-off in terms of parenting? Suited me fine, I guess. -My mother might have been artsy? Somehow? -I was trans (dfab) and liable to break your hands if you so much as commented on it. Probably part of why I wore a jacket all the time. -I was kind of a fighty kid in general? Not Lea’s kind of fighty, definitely not that obvious, but not going to take anyone’s shit. Might have been part of why I didn’t have anyone but Lea for a friend, but that also suited me fine. -Surprisingly tolerant of insults, though, depending on what they were? I don’t know. I was a weird kid. Probably would be more liable to fight someone on insulting Lea than myself. -I was kind of protective of Lea in general. He was far too nice for anyone to be mean to him. I mean, sure we could both kinda be gremlins at times, but still. -I’m the one kid you know who definitely knows and/or uses more swears than they probably should. -I remember Merlin and I liked him. I tried sneaking into his place once because he had books that seemed interesting and I wanted to read them ( so basically books in general ). I think he caught me, but laughed it off and just said that I could read some of them if I wanted to, which surprised me because I guess I had it in my mind that he wouldn’t let me if I’d just asked. He was just... a weird, wizard guy with a bunch of books. I kind of wonder if I ever saw him again later on after everything. I definitely didn’t know that he was significant, considering his status as a wizard, at the time. -Lea and I liked to prowl around the castle and see if we could sneak in for one reason or another. More Lea’s idea than mine, probably. I think the goal was generally just to see what was going on in that castle because no one seemed to know. Combine that with the allure of the forbidden and you’ve got yourself a couple of curious and adventurous kids. I think we pretty much always got found at one point or another by one of the guards and tossed out, rinse, repeat. It got to the point where it was just kind a regular thing that was expected of us. I think Dilan was probably annoyed by it, Aeleus was kind of neutral about it, and I think Braig just thought it was amusing more than anything. Pretty sure Even also was aware of it and definitely did not like it. Ansem “the Wise,” I can’t really say if he ever knew. Or cared. We never really seemed to actually see the guy? At least I don’t really remember him. -Most of the “trouble making” we would get up to was around the castle in general. We weren’t actually that bad. For the most part. Could be biased on that, though. -I liked to stargaze and usually Lea would stargaze with me. Sometimes I think we would try and perch or climb up on things to try and get a better view ( ...as if that really mattered that much, but oh well ). I’d point out things like stars or the constellations and rattle off some random fact I’d read about somewhere and he’d usually reply with something like “that’s cool,” but probably not remember what I actually told him later on. That didn’t matter, though, because I didn’t expect him to. -I don’t know when exactly, but at some point I realized that I actually liked Lea romantically and then proceeded to shove those feelings ten feet under the ground and never speak of them. They always seemed to pop up again whenever I felt like I’d forgotten about then, though. Still. Lea never knew. -I was around... 14-ish? When we died? Lea was younger, but not by more than a year. -It started off as pretty much... the same thing we were always doing, sneaking into the castle to see what was up or something like that, just. Something went wrong. I think we saw something we weren’t supposed to. Some kind of a confrontation happened, I think Lea might’ve pretty much frozen on me, so I shoved him and told him to go/run. Don’t think he actually did. I really don’t remember anything else between then and becoming a Nobody.
-I’m 90% sure nobody of the original RG crew actually knew what the fuck we were doing in the beginning. The scientists were MacGyvering a bunch of shit at the start. Seriously. No one was really sure what would happen beforehand, so after the fact it was just like one big ‘learn as we go’ kind of deal. Kind of funny, in hindsight? Axel and I weren’t really expected to know shit from fuck about most of that stuff, though. We kinda just... got swept along for the ride. -Basically, you know that period of time as a nobody where you had to figure out how the fuck to function as a nobody? Yeah, we had no prior knowledge of what to do, unlike with Roxas and newer members, so it really was just everyone bullshitting everything. It is due to that bullshitting early on that we actually knew what to do with the people like Roxas who came later on. Think Roxas kinda got the speedrun version, though, because we needed him active as soon as possible. -I did not and really never did get the hang of magic. It was just... not my thing for some reason? Any magic that wasn’t my own attribute was basically useless for me. It sucked, but I learned to manage without it. -In fact, I’d venture to say that my attribute’s “magic” wasn’t even technically my own. I didn’t say things like “Moon shine down.” for no reason. I think it was basically like borrowing a little sliver of KH’s power to try and use. It was also kind of an... all or nothing sort of deal. Where most other people could use their as, say, 20% or so of their full power, if I was using mine, it was pretty much as 90% or more at all times. That’s why it was so tiring to use - it was exhausting afterwards if I was using it for any lengthy period of time. Also probably part of why ‘berserk mode’ was... what it was. -As Nobodies, we definitely had some inhuman features/auras to us, which varied from person to person. I got the pointy ears, for sure. My canine teeth were sharper and longer than they used to be. I had a slight yellow glare to my eyes ( like the kind you get from an animal with light reflecting off their eyes ) - along with slightly better lowlight vision as well. Generally stronger than a human, but part of that was because of training/working out, too, just... more. If I was around humans for any reason, I’m pretty sure they’d inherently be intimidated to some extent. Couldn’t say much more about my own aura, though, you’d have to ask someone else for that, probably? Berserk mode also had more noticeable differences too - like the full yellow eyes, for instance, which had a dull glow to them, I think. That change in the eyes came with a change in vision, too, better to see in the dark with, but everything was tinted a little bit yellow. My scar would get more jagged, teeth would get sharper as a whole, my hair tended to fan out and get choppier? -Early on, sparring with other Org members was pretty commonplace, but I think it may have just been with the guard trio, in my case? Usually with Lexaeus, who was more evenly matched for me than either of the other two. The difficulty level for me in a spar with them basically goes, from easiest to hardest to fight, Lexaeus, Xaldin, Xigbar. Trying to hit Xigbar is like trying to hit a particularly active fly - who would also port around and shoot you. No hard feelings ever came from any of that, though, as if we would’ve been capable of it anyway. -I was... so taken by the idea that we didn't have hearts or feelings that I feel so hard for the lie that we really couldn't feel anything. In the beginning, yeah, that was pretty much true, but later on there was definitely something there, I just ignored it. Always reminded everyone else that there wasn’t any real feeling there, too. -I really did want to get my heart back, though. I really did. That’s part of why, when Roxas and Xion started acting not quite according to plan, I was so harsh on them. They were “our only chance,” or so we were led to believe. Any contrary actions they took were taking away from possible progress towards everyone’s end goal, that’s pretty much what I thought. I didn’t understand why they seemed to want anything other than that. -I knew there were many things that Xemnas wasn't telling us and Xigbar definitely knew more than I did, which was frustrating considering that I Like To Know Everything ( no doubt a carryover from my prior life ), but there sure wasn't any way I was going to ask them either. -Earlier on, maybe a year or two into being nobodies ( and I don’t think Demyx was around yet at the time ), Axel and I got it in our heads somehow that we were going to just. Leave for a while. Like a little vacation - we planned to come back, but I think he was just bored and I was inclined to agree with him to take a break. I’m pretty sure it was his idea, like how it was his idea to sneak into the castle usually, and I’d have probably followed him pretty much anywhere just like I used to do before anyway. Don’t think we really... had much of a plan? Just roam around like we used to do? I daresay Xemnas knew what was up before we even left, but we went. It probably looked like actual desertion to him and the others. Pretty sure it was Xigbar that got sent after us to bring us back. The interaction with Xemnas that followed isn’t something that I really remember, but I know it wasn’t good. I think Axel kind of froze up on answering like he’d done before a year or two ago and that gave me enough time to speak up and say it was my idea. Probably habit from back then. I think Xemnas knew I was lying, too, but I think that might have been what earned me my scar as a sort of punishment. Can’t go anywhere without them knowing with a big X on my face, no matter what I did. I daresay he did it with his hand, not any kind of weapon. Xemnas’ attribute was “Nothing” and we were “Nothing,” after all. That’s part of why he was so fucking scary to other nobodies in particular. -Pretty sure we were the reason for the ‘no deserters’ rule. -The X was part of why, if Axel and I were planning anything, it had to be Axel wandering around getting any of it done. Plus, I was busy. -Not sure if that incident was also when both Axel and I were norted. If it wasn’t, then it wouldn’t have been much time after that. Yes, Axel was norted, but he shook his off somewhere in KH2. -The nort that I had earlier on wasn’t that strong, but it definitely made a different. My thoughts and actions were influenced more by what Xehanort wanted, like a re-alignment of goals. It worked well enough. -The nort that I had in DDD, though, that was something else. A whole different level. Much less control on my part, or at least it seems that way? Pretty sure Young Xehanort had something to do with that. I really don’t remember, though, and I may have still been knocked out when it happened. -Pretty sure I did indeed claymore Axel when he came to try and free Kairi, didn't even regret it at the time. -I did go on missions of my own, though almost never with a partner and I only left after everyone else was already gone on their own - usually also tried to return decently quickly, so probably before most other people returned. I genuinely don’t know if some of the lower numbered members even knew I did go on missions at all for that reason. -I definitely did, especially closer to Days/KH2 time period, have that 'everyone goes quieter when I walk in' kind of effect on a room, but less so with people like Xigbar or Axel who knew me well enough and/or didn't care.
-Later on, I have no idea what exactly happened in terms of getting rid of the nort, but I am pretty sure it was not a pleasant experience. Might not have been a voluntary one on my part either. Not sure when in the timeframe it happened, either. -I don’t remember much about anything that happened shortly after that point? Pretty sure I dissociated for a fair bit of that time. Functioned on auto-pilot for a while. Figuring out how to be a person again. -100% the type of person who probably had to make reminders for myself to eat, too. This is probably in part because, as a nobody, I didn’t need to eat unless I wanted to, so I hadn’t usually. Came back to bite me, I guess. Probably also made lists for things. -I honestly have no idea what happened to most of the others? Not sure I really cared. -Lea was a definite presence, though, and so were the rest of the trio like Sora, Riku, and Kairi by proximity. -Talking to Lea for a while was Hella Awkward and I honestly didn't understand how he could still be so damn happy to see me after everything, but that's just how he is, I guess. How he was before, too. -A flannel gay. Lea and I got together at some point, I think. God knows how exactly it happened. -The islands trio were wary of me at first, but they trusted Lea, so they didn’t question my being around. Or, at least, they didn’t do it to my face. Pretty sure Sora was the first to rebound back and trust me more. Didn’t understand how, but then there’s a lot of things about Sora that I just didn’t understand and didn’t question either at that point. -I don’t think the islands trio was really around that often, though. They were younger than Lea and I and had their own world/lives to live in, so? -Riku and I didn’t get along still, though - we weren’t much different from one another in some ways, however, and I couldn’t tell you when, but that ‘not getting along with each other’ ended up being… a joke? Of sorts? Maybe we did get along eventually, but we pretended like we still didn’t, probably because we were both stubborn, but it wasn’t hostile, it was more like… the kind of teasing you’d expect of friends or siblings. Like calling each other stupid names. Like Rice. Or Rikki. Riolu. Ricola. Reekoo. I could go on, but I think you get the picture. -Really don’t remember much about Kairi, though. I know I’d seen her around to some extent? Don’t think she was scared of or hated me after a while, though I honestly wouldn’t have blamed her if she had. -Honestly, I was surprised all three of them didn’t. -May or may not have been a part of the group restoring Radiant Garden? I know I didn’t like seeing what it became and, honestly, I’m not so sure what I’d really be up to otherwise. I feel like I probably got along well enough with Sid. -Acquired? Dog(s)? I hope I had dogs. I feel like I had dogs. -I continued working out and such to keep up my strength. If anything ever came up again, I wanted to be able to deal with it. Even if my way of dealing with it would have just been hitting it really hard. -Honestly probably just kept to myself for the most part unless other people interacted with me first. That’s mostly how I’ve always been, though. -I think people were definitely wary of whether or not my Berserk Mode would happen again at any point, but I kept a pretty tight lock on that for multiple reasons. I could have done it again, I think, despite KH not being around, because I could have pulled from the actual moon, but it wouldn’t have had as potent an effect ( which would have been for the better at that point, probably, using it wasn’t exactly safe? ).