Real Life Talk
So, this isn’t something that I really talk about often mainly because I hate thinking about it and thinking about it makes it worse.
I’m an insomniac.
Well, okay; let me rephrase that. My doctor thinks its very likely that I have insomnia but I haven’t actually participated in the sleep study that would be required to test that. (mainly cuz my insurance won't cover it).
Sleep and I have a very bad relationship. I’ve always been a light sleeper. The smallest noise will wake me up and forget about me sleeping with any sort of sound or light; because it will keep me awake.
Right now it is one of those nights that I am up, extremely tired, but won’t be able to sleep.
My doctor states that insomnia is not a genetic thing but more of a learned behavior. I developed it after caring for my mom when she was dying and even months later, I am still struggling with developing a healthy relationship with sleep.
I do have sleeping pills. Two kinds. One is for nights were it will knock me out for a good seven to eight hours, with the knowledge that I’ll be pretty useless the next morning. The second is for extreme measures when I haven’t slept for three days and I need something that will knock me out for a good sixteen hours....the fuzzy and grogginess of those are brutal though.
I hate taking them. Mainly I’m terrified of becoming addicted to them and second, they pretty much put me out of commission for a good few hours once waking.
That and by the time I realize sleep isn’t happening, its way too late to take them; especially if I work the next morning.
Anyway, thanks for listening to my TedTalk. If anyone else has sleep issues or anything they need to talk about; feel free to message me.
