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I have a REQUEST of non dick Grayson fanfiction writers

If you’re writing a fic and you need a way to write Dick out a la ‘Cass was busy in Hong Kong’ PLEASE MAKE IT THE MOST NONSENSICAL thing I’ve ever read

I wanna see

“Dick was busy fighting the devil in hell… he said he was fine so we’re leaving him be”

“I called dick and he just said no? And hung up?? So I’m guessing he’s busy?”

“ Dick was kidnapped by a space monarch and the titans are trying to bargain for him back… he didn’t do anything wrong they just like him and his wanna keep him”

“He’s stuck in a barrel rn”

“Dick is trapped in a noir film”

“He’s busy at the MET”

“I would call Dick but I think he’s on a remote island battling deathstroke rn and I don’t wanna be involved in all that”

“I would call Dick but he’s in Amazon rainforest and they have bad signal”

Are you seeing the vision? Like I want SILVER AGE NONSENSE FOR MY BOY. Like bro is just chilling firmly OUTSIDE the story

Like Tim is doing his whole angst plotline and he tries to call dick and he gets “hey Timmy would love to stay and chat but I’m being chased by sentient cotton candy and I gotta find a water source love you ciao”

Jason needs Allies and he calls Dick and it’s like “hey sorry would love to help but I’m in an alien deathmatch for the crown of a nation and I’m being attacked by a meat cleaver thing? Bye don’t get blown up again! Love you”

Damian needs a place to chill after Bruce is an asshole “sorry kid would love to help but i am currently in the Gotham sewers being handfed cheesecake don’t ask it’s a long story I’ll tell you when you’re 18 bye”

Babs needs him for something “would love to help but I’m having a tea party with a being beyond comprehension and if I blink I’ll die so send me details and I’ll get back to you when slash if I’m alive in 5-6 business days.”

Bruce calls “I’m herding space cows rn is everyone alive? If not tell me now so I don’t have to find out from a newspaper? No everyone’s fine. Lovely. Delete this number”

#dick grayson #nightwing #will I ever have him being not a snarky asshole to Bruce? no?#are some of these him lying to make out with Kory… yes #is fine #also think we should do this for other characters #I have ideas for other characters #I will prolly reblog this with more ideas for other characters #bc I’m so sick of #dicks in bludhaven #Jason’s with the outlaws #cass is in hongkong #what if Cass is trapped in musical and it’s totally harmless but you have to sing every song of the musical and she hates the musical #huh?#why is she always in hongkong?#what if Jason ran out of laundry??#you don’t know his life???#Tim and young justice should be used for hijincks #I can’t spell #but like Tim is possessed by the spirit of jack skellington and yj must show him the true meaning of Xmas to free him #which is bad bc they killed Santa so ya know #issues #thank you

My body feels so unsafe all the time

#issues #ptsd