#isuggestaro

[i-suggest-aro]

imagine if people actually took romantic consent seriously. wouldn't it be fucking awesome. i know they never will, but just. take a moment and imagine it with me

[i-suggest-aro]

the reason why i think so many alloromantic people outright refuse the idea of "aromantic subtext" being a legitimate thing is that people view aromanticism as inherently shallow. to a lot of queer fandomites, "aromantic" is what they make the side character they don't really care about, so they don't have to bother coming up with actual analysis of their interpersonal relationships. it sucks, because aromantic narratives in fiction, intentional or otherwise, are worth exploring, analysing, and appreciating.

[i-suggest-aro]

by the way, if you're weird about aromantic heterosexual cisgender men, i kill you. if that man wants a purely sexual relationship with a woman and communicates that with her, and she agrees, hell yes. good for them. you have no right to be a bitch about that. that's frankly none of your god damn business. he's not "emotionally abusive" for wanting a specific type of relationship. you're being stupid and weird. and weirdly misogynistic, by assuming that women are inherently these helpless victims that have no agency or autonomy.

you're literally being the "the myth of consensual sex" meme when you talk shit about cishet aro men in purely sexual relationships with women.

[i-suggest-aro]

ok it's time to get controversial and brave again. i genuinely believe that tropes like characters getting set up on dates by their friends without their knowledge, fake dating where one party is hesitant or outright opposed but eventually catches feelings, the same except it's "friends with benefits to lovers" etc. should be considered (and labelled as) a form of dubious consent. completely okay to explore in fiction, HIGHLY questionable and often morally fucked to try and do in real life. "character a thinks they don't like character b but after being forced to spend time with them they catch feelings" should be considered on the same level of dubious consent as "character a thinks they don't want to have sex with character b but after getting coerced into it, they end up enjoying it". something that should ONLY happen in the realm of fiction, and when possible, should be EXPLICITLY LABELLED AS DUBIOUS CONSENT.

i get why sexual consent is always on the forefront of people's minds, i get that on some levels it IS more serious than romantic consent (i.e. having something physically done to you as opposed to being forced into something socially), but it honestly pisses me off that romantic harassment and coercion is treated as a cute trope and not like. a serious topic that, if explored in fiction, needs to be tagged properly. i'm tired of reading fics with what, to me, very clearly reads as dubcon or even non-con romance, and then not having the author tag it as that at all, acting like it's a light and fun topic and not something that can leave a person in real life with life long trauma.

[i-suggest-aro]

at some point, we're really gonna have to start talking about how popular queer media correlates wanting sex with no strings attached with traits like being manipulative, exploitative, abusive, or even predatory. because queer media can talk big game about how aromanticism is cool and valid, but they still turn around and make the antagonist someone who doesn't want a relationship. you support us in name only, you don't wanna give a second's thought to the actual experiences of aromantics. "oh, but this character isn't aromantic!! they're just afraid of commitment!!!" do you have any idea how often actual aromantics are told that shit.

[i-suggest-aro]

the things alloromantics consider "more than platonic" never cease to baffle me. cuddling? sleeping next to each other? petting each others' hair? kissing? telling each other how much you mean to each other? why WOULDN'T you do these things with your friends. why DO you need to be romantically attracted to someone in order to express your affection for them.

i guess all these things feel obviously platonic to me, because i've had my friends since we were all mentally ill autistic teenagers, but it feels absurd that some people think anything beyond a hug is automatically romantic. acts of affection and their intentions are defined by the people involved, nobody else. and frankly, some of you don't know how wonderful it is, to be a sleepy aromantic embraced on all sides by a group of people you'd trust your life with.

[i-suggest-aro]

on the topic of romantic consent. people saying “oh you like them don’t you” or just insisting you have romantic feelings for someone, I feel that breaches romantic consent. it especially sucks because if you say “no I don’t like them” people treat that as confirmation that you actually do and they try to force you into it. imagine doing that with sex. that’d be so fucked up. but since it’s romance it doesn’t matter, apparently

!!!!! EXACTLY

[i-suggest-aro]

the affection i hold for my friends and the thoughts i have about them would read as romantic to any alloro watching my life like a bad netflix show, but the fact of the matter is that this is something i feel about every single one of my friends. when i look at them talking to each other, when i see them drawing and singing and playing their instruments, laughing their asses off at the stupid shit we say to each other, every single one of them, i feel like my eyes are cartoon hearts. i want to hold them closely and let them bite me and bite them right back, i want to press my chest to their chests and fall asleep in the most uncomfortable positions possible, wake up with all of our feet tangled together in a locked mess that makes all of us laugh, except for the ones still sleeping.

this is the only love i've ever felt. and it is the greatest love in the world, the most impactful love possible for me. romantic love could never compare. romantic love is meaningless to me, it holds no weight, it's a joke. platonic love has given me everything i lacked when i was forcing myself to emulate romantic love.