"I always thought I might be bad now I'm sure that it's true, 'cause I think you’re so good, and I'm nothing like you"
Padme ran to the door when she heard the buzz. She had been waiting for Anakin all day. He was finally here. She opened the door, "Ani!-" She exclaimed but instead, there stood Rex. "Rex?" She asked, collecting herself. "Oh, Rex what are you doing here? Where's Anakin?" Padme asked as she moved out of the way to let him in. She then locked the door for the night. Anakin wasn't coming, that much she knew.
She was right. "The General got in a bit of trouble, ma'am," Rex explained, looked down at her through his bucket, "You see, there was a problem on a mission, and," Rex went silent.
"Rex?" She asked, he wasn't taking off his helmet, he was tense, something was wrong. "He's alive though?"
"Yes, Padme, he's alive. He sent me to you, to let you know he's okay.." He spoke, very slowly he spoke, "And to not leave your side."
She looked at him, arms crossed. She looked off into the distance, fear filling her. But then she looked back at him and smiled, "Well, come on then, you get changed and I'll order us some food, what do you want?"
"Whatever you want, Padme," He said as he turned, but then he glanced back, "actually, this isn't food related, but tea? We got some a while ago?" He asked, Padme was so good at making him feel like a person, he wasn't afraid to ask for things anymore. Most of the time.
Padme smiled, "Of course, Rex, now go get changed." She nodded as she headed to the phone. Rex nodded and headed into the room where Anakin's clothes were. Beside the closet was a dresser and in this dresser were four whole drawers that belonged to Rex. He smiled as he pulled out pajamas. They were very nice. He pulled them out and set them on the bed. He started to take off his armor, but halfway through, he started to struggle.
His hands begun to shake as he felt it wasn't his place to take off his armor. He couldn't do it. He didn't want to take off his helmet. He didn't want to do anything. Not after what Anakin did, what he did. Rex clenched his fists as he sat there. "Hey, Rex I forgot to ask-" Padme inturrupted, she stopped. "...Are you a little lost?"
Rex turned to look at her, his stomach dropping, "Yeah." He admitted, "Sorry." He muttered. He was always happy when he came over, he never brought the war with him but there were chains all around him, he was being suffocated, he couldn't help it and for that, he felt guilty. "I'm sorry." He whispered.
"Oh," She whispered, putting down at the phone and coming in, sitting down next to him, "Well," She started slow, "The tea is coming, and I got us burgers," She explained, "Why don't you go take a shower, by then the food will be here. You can eat and then sleep, okay?"
Rex looked at her, he felt embarrassed, Padme taking care of him. She shouldn't have to do that. She shouldn't have to care about him. "Okay." He nodded, he'd do what she said, "I'll.... go do that." His voice trailed.
"Okay." She spoke, voice still in a whisper. She got up, giving Rex a small pat on the shoulder. Which made Rex more embarrassed, for half his armor was still on him and the other half was all over the floor.
"Stupid," He told himself as he forced himself to the refresher. Rex managed to take the rest of his armor off, the last remaining thing on his body, blacks included, was his helmet. He got in the shower, standing there and letting the hot water hit his body, making him whince slightly, his body was terribly sore and covered in cuts. He stood there, cleaned himself, then sank to the floor of the shower, he drew his knees to his chest, closing his eyes as he listened to the water hit his helmet.
"You need to take it off," Rex told himself, "Just Shampoo your hair, then put it back on. Come on, dammit! You kriffenin' coward!" He screamed at himself. He threw his helmet at the wall and Rex let out a cry, shaking his head.
"Rex?" Padme said from the door. Rex looked up, his entire body trembling.
"I'm fine!" He called. But his voice gave if away, he hit himself in the head, 'Stupid!' He must've hit harder than he intended, for his head then hit the door. "-I'm fine!" He called right after.
"What's that noise?!" Padme called, "Rex?" Rex could hear the pure fear and desperation in her voice.
"I'm almost done! I promise!" Rex called back as he pulled himself to his feet. He looked down at his helmet and let out a sigh. Rex hurried and soon enough he was done. He got out, wrapping a towel around his waist. He then looked up into the foggy mirror, he could see his bruised, cut face even through the steam. "Are you still there?"
"Yes, I'm worried." She answered. Rex smiled softly, he understood how Anakin loved her so much. She was perfect.
"I'm sorry I worry you," He spoke as he grabbed his clothes and begun to get dressed.
"I know," Padme sighed, then there was a buzz, "That's the food," She said and then she left. Rex nodded, as if it mattered if he did or not. He had gotten dressed and had opened the bathroom door. He stood there, cleaning his helmet.
Now that it was off, he couldn't bring himself to put it back on, for it had been pressing against his face which left his face feeling numb. But he didn't feel safe without it on. He didn't feel safe without his armor on. He felt vulnerable and weak.
He left his helmet on the counter and slowly made his way to the kitchen. "Rex, I got you the same one I got you last time." Padme said as she turned around, flinching slightly as she saw Rex's face, beaten blue. "My goodness, Rex," She looked down as she handed him his drink. Rex just nodded and took the drink. Padme looked back up, "Oh, I'm sorry, it just took me by surprise I didn't- are you in pain?"
"Yeah." He muttered, taking a sip of the drink, now that did make him feel better. "I don't feel... I don't feel good, I don't feel safe." Rex admitted, tugging at his sleeve. Padme's expression fell to one of sorrow, she didn't know how to help him. She didn't know how to help a soldier.
"Do you need noise? Do you wanna sleep on the floor, I know you never sleep in your bed when you're here, I can turn all the lights on, or I can turn them all off." She started to ramble, thinking off all the things she could do to make her home feel like Rex's too. "I can com Fives, Jesse, whoever, or, or," She looked around, "Or I can take you back to your barracks?"
Rex looked at her, eyes wide, "N-no don't worry about any of that." He shook his head, "Ah, I'm sorry Padme, I've been a very poor guest." He whispered, looking down in shame, "I didn't even want to come," He laughed weakly, "Anakin was screaming at me to, they were rolling him away on a stretcher Padme, he was bleeding and in pain, but all he thought about was you." All he wanted was to make sure you weren't alone.
Padme froze, her stomach dropping. Anakin. It was always Anakin. Rex looked up at her, "He begged me, Padme, he begged me to come to you, I can't leave you." He sighed, wiping his eyes. Padme gestured towards the chairs at the island counter. They sat down.
"What happened, Rex?" Padme knew better to ask. Soldiers don't do well talking about war, for it was a fate they'd accepted. No use in talking. She tried so hard to help Rex forget his was a soldier when he was home, she tried so hard to make sure he felt like an actual person. But she needed to know, Padme felt as if she'd die if she didn't know what happened. "Please, tell me," even if you never tell me anything again.
Rex took a sip, resting his eyes as he remembered. Padme never asked him to talk about anything, she always tried to make him feel as if he belonged. Rex didn't know why she tried so hard to make him feel as if he was important. But she tried, tried to make him feel loved. He wished he knew why. He opened his eyes, "The mission turned sour, Anakin took to his fighter, same with Ahsoka and me," Rex spoke slowly, fire and explosions booming in his memory.
"Ahsoka commed me, in tears, I, I can't remember but she was crying, Anakin heard, don't know how, he got distracted, got shot, he got distracted because Ahsoka was crying and then he got shot." Rex cursed Anakin for forgetting such a basic rule. Get distracted and you're dead. "I tried to calm her down, calm Anakin down, but it just went sour." He shook his head, glancing up to Padme, who's eyes were wide as she listened, "He had a plan, since we were low enough in the atmosphere, he jumped out, he needed to get to Ahsoka, I don't know what happened, my fighter got shot- When I came to, it was Ahsoka who'd pulled me out, she was screaming, and still crying, whatever Anakin did, didn't work."
Padme stared, unable to speak, for a long time all she did was stare. Rex knew that look, it looked different on his brothers but it was the same look. So he went quiet, sipping the tea as he waited. The silence wasn't too loud right now.
"Ahsoka, she's okay?" Padme asked, "Was she hurt? Why didn't she come with you?" Rex looked up, blinking as he tried to remember. He laughed at himself for taking so long to remember. But battles were quick to leave his mind, there was no point in remembering, because that's all he did, remembered his brothers, the ones that survive and the ones that didn't. Ahsoka's cries and how she was just a kid, Anakin's strong will, to not just fight, but to live. But not for himself.
"Ah, she said if I wasn't gonna leave your side she wasn't gonna leave his side." He blurted out. "But, uh, I think General Plo Koon ended up taking her from Anakin, he's, well he should be in bacta anyway-" Rex rambled, scratching his head. "I don't really remember, I'm sorry." He didn't even do the report, Fives said he'd do it. Rex mentally kicked himself some more, here he was enjoying tea while his brothers were left in the barracks without him. Guilt clung to him tighter.
".. She didn't stop crying." Rex sat there, a blank and haunting look in his eyes, the eyes of a soldier. "She couldn't stop crying, Ahsoka's just like Anakin, she's so lively, wreckless, nothing gets to her anymore, but she was just crying, Padme. She's just a kid and she's a soldier and always so strong but in those moments, she was acting like a kid, screaming and making a fuss, but, she is a kid, just scared and wanting to be safe, so I think it's for the best she stays at the temple with her family."
"Oh Ahsoka," Padme sighed, she deserved better, Ahsoka deserved to be a kid, she deserved someone to take care of her, she didn't deserve this war, to fight as a soldier, she deserved to be a child. "... and you, Captain?"
Captain. Rex cringed, he didn't feel like a captain, he didn't feel like a soldier, he didn't feel like a clone. In this moment, with Padme feeding him, listening to him, and taking care of him, Rex felt like someone could love him, he felt like he was worthy of love, he felt like a person. "I feel," his brow furrowed, conflict drowning him, "...I feel like a coward."
"Anakin and Ahsoka feel everything so deeply and they do it so well, they're Jedi, and kriff, I just don't get it at times," Rex took a sip as he thought, looking up at Padme, not afraid to keep talking, not afraid that he was too much, "Like, General Skywalker is bleeding out and he's worrying about you, he's out of it and pumped with meds, but his focus is on other people, they're so aware of everyone's well-being all the time, I just don't get it, how they can be so good all of the time."
"You don't think you're good, Rex?" Padme asked. Her tone is what struck him, down to his core. As if she'd never considered Rex anything less than heroic, kind, and caring, as if he'd always been a person in her eyes. Her tone that gave away her shock, that gave away how little she knew about him, about how awful he actually was. He was a monster, and Padme had no idea. It was her tone that made Rex sad, sad that she cared about him. He frowned, setting down the tea, and with a heavy sigh, he answered
