re-reblogging this with actual advice because sometimes it really isnāt that self-evident how to Not Be Mean
celebrate other peopleās good news (tell them that what happened was great, they earned/deserve it, youāre happy for them, elaborate on how itās a good thing and why they deserve to be happy about it)
sympathize with other peopleās troubles (tell them what theyāre going through sucks, they did their best, point out that not all is lost (use examples of what they still have going for them) but it can still fucking suck)
react and ask questions related to what people say to you (ask for elaborations or explanations, ask about future plans, ask how things went before, relate the things theyāve said now to things theyāve said in the past, use their name sometimes, add your own (positive or neutral) perspective on the events, share related experiences)
if someone is instigating a fight or pissing you off, just walk away ā or, if itās all online, block them (itāll make you look better, i promise)
ask about their day/state and pay attention to what they say, and apply the first three as needed
snark or make jokes/puns, if you have them, and be willing to laugh at other peopleās jokes/snark/puns
share good events, interesting things, and the things that make you happy/excited (try not to āqualifyā these, i.e. add on reasons why you should be sad about the news, or why the news wasnāt actually that great ā itās not the end of the world if you do, but it does defeat the purpose a bit)
share bad events or things youāre unhappy about (itās important to open up, and itās unreasonable to expect yourself to be happy all the time; just make sure itās balanced out by the positives as well)
remember that nobody does things that are senseless, and the sooner you can figure out why someone is doing what theyāre doing, the easier itāll be to deal with and negotiate (common reasons for baffling or harmful actions are: distress, self-interest, misguided altruism, unquestioned biases, peer pressure, thoughtlessness)
keep in mind that everyone (including you) is doing their best at any given time, and sometimes that ābestā just isnāt that good
be harsh about or insult yourself (keeping in mind that that is taking side swipes at other people who have those traits, regardless of how you mean it)
point out why people should feel bad about the things theyāre happy about
ignore all the specifics of what the person youāre speaking with is saying
spend a significant amount of time mocking other people (we all need to vent and we all have our moments; the operative word here is significant ā donāt make it your personality)
put down to malice what can adequately be explained by stupidity (donāt assume someone is being cruel when they could just as well be doing it because theyāre dumb/oblivious)
dismiss or belittle other peopleās distress (itās not a competition, and their distress is real regardless)
dismiss or belittle other peopleās happiness or interest (itās not a competition, and their happiness is something you want in order to Not Be Mean)
(this is both non-exhaustive and not ironclad, simply a list of general things to aim for and skills to practice)
basically, āpeople will largely stick by you through pretty dark shit if you make their lives brighter the rest of the timeā is super legit and something to lean into
