To be more precise, they’re all exclusively shelter animals, thanks to Mike repeatedly advising the losers on the importance of adoption over buying.
So they all have pets, that is, except, for the longest time, Stanley, because according to him, “animals just aren’t for me, guys.” Until the day he spots what he swears is the cutest, most elegant, white cat he’s ever seen, when he’s at the pound with Bev, helping her look around. He promptly signs the papers and becomes a proud pet owner, all in the same day.
The cat is not just pretty to look at though. Oh no. She also calms Stan’s anxieties down when he’s feeling worked up about something or just having an off day. It’s like she can sense a panic attack building up inside of him, and she’s almost always there to deescalate it before it can get there.
The cat’s name is Charlotte, but Richie only ever calls her Charlie which infuriates Stan to no end.
Later, he becomes the dad of a bird named Henry, funnily enough, through an old neighbor of his that had to move away to another country for a work opportunity. Stan couldn’t say no to that. The bird is old and mean and hates everyone but Stanley.
Richie likes to pick at Henry and get in his face, until one day Henry breaks his glasses and gives him a pretty gnarly split lip. It’s a long story. Rich insists he should be in the emergency room and that Stan should pay for emotional damages, but he just ends up on Stan’s sofa with Eddie begrudgingly holding an ice-pack to his lip, and listening to Richie complain as the others continue to laugh at his dumb ass. Maybe he’ll learn this time. Here’s a hint; he doesn’t.
Bev brings home a Boa Constrictor with no warning, one day, because of course she does, and for the first two months Ben is terrified that the thing is going to eat their dog, Baxley. He warms up to her though, with some gentle coaxing from his girlfriend. He just has one rule that he will absolutely NOT bend on: He will not be around for feeding time.
Bev names the snake Hex and loves getting the gang ruffled when they come by and see her just hanging out in their home, uncaged. Okay, It’s mostly Eddie and Stan, while Richie and Bev laugh their asses off and the others look on in amusement.
Mike misses life on a farm sometimes. More so, certain things about it, than it as a whole. He’s told this to his friends multiple times, over drinks or in a passing comment, but they always take notice. That’s why, one year they’re determined to give a little bit of the farm to him. They can’t give him a sheep or a cow, so instead they settle on two fuzzy, long-eared rabbits.
One is a Lionhead and English Spot Mix and the other is a Harlequin. It took some doing to adopt them, but seeing the look on Mike’s face more than makes up for it.
He names the 1st one Cadbury and the 2nd one Easter.
He’s built a large enclosure for them on Bill and his’ property where they can still run around and play in the grass. “It lets them get the feeling of just being normal rabbits but gives them the safety of house rabbits.,” Mike tells the losers when they come ‘round to see his handiwork.
Bill comes home one rainy afternoon with a tiny, baby raccoon stuffed in his jacket and angry red marks on his palms. “They’re from falling!” He insists to Mike, who knows a thing or two about rabies and is more than a bit concerned at first glance. But apparently Bill had spent over an hour chasing this little guy- “girl.” Mike corrects with wonder as they take a closer look at the shivering creature. The point is, he’d been chasing her around the freeway for over an hour before he got her cornered enough so that he could catch her. Saved her from getting ran over.
They debate on what to do, before deciding to raise her together (😏yes homo). Eventually, they both decide on the name Geordie, in memory of Bill’s younger brother.
Geordie is always taking their broom and playing with it, though they have no clue why she’s so fascinated by it. Still, it’s one of the cutest things either of them have ever seen.
On an average, sunny day during the fall, Eddie’s out getting some coffee when he and a woman strike up a rapport with one another. They’re shooting the breeze and puppies somehow get brought up.
One thing leads to another and the next thing he knows, he’s leaving with a day marked down and an address scribbled on a napkin. Richie finds it and thinks he’s cheating for almost a whole day. Eddie has no choice really but to let him tag along.
That’s how he ends up with his arms full of a wriggling, golden retriever puppy and Richie cooing at his side. He decides to call her Gidget, but oftentimes the only thing that gets out of his mouth is “Gidg-”, before she’s bounding off to something else, somewhere else.
So Richie’s doing some day drinking one day, as you do, and thinking about how much he misses Eddie because he’s away on business, being all adulty and stuff. He comes up with a brilliant solution to his problem though.
That’s how he finds himself wondering the streets for hours, looking for stray cats. Of course, they’re nowhere around when you want them.
He ends up drunk, or almost sober-dialing now, calling Eddie, who just laughs softly and talks him through it. Eds tells him to get home safe, think it through, and if he really wants one, they’ll go to the shelter together when he gets back. Richie’s in love with a God-send. Truly the answer to all his prayers.
As soon as Eddie’s back in town (well, the next day), Richie’s using his own key to open the door without knocking, scaring the life out of his boyfriend. He decides to help him in his cat search anyway.
At the shelter, they look and look until they’re almost ready to turn away empty handed when Richie finally spots him.
In one of the middle rows, sitting towards the back is a brown and orange cat with just a hint of white on him. He’s got just a bit of floof and hisses when they approach. This is the one. Richie knows it. Eddie’s not so sure.
But then the tortoiseshell is letting them rub his face and chest through the bars. They know that he is still the one in control and he knows it too. That’s how Hot Rod comes into Richie’s life. Yes, Hot Rod.
The cat is vicious and loving in equal measures. He doesn’t bite or anything, but he certainly has no problem telling you when he’s through with cuddles or when to pay attention to him and not someone else. Very temperamental, this one. Remind you of anyone?
And that’s the long ass journey of the losers club with pets!
