bbc merlin - 03x10 Queen of Hearts
rewatching merlin is actually a sick and twisted way to spend your time, because even before arthur started to have his big run-ins with betrayal (yeah, he found about his mother, but who talked him out of that one?), he was hurt by the idea of merlin keeping secrets. that one last betrayal was built up brick by brick, slowly, and you get to watch it happen, you get to know it all before arthur even has the slightest clue, you get to see merlin drowning in the choices he has to make.
and, yeah, betrayal is one thing, but this isn't exactly about that. this is about secrets, how at this point in time, he cannot fathom the idea merlin would keep something from him. i know i say this a lot, but merlin really does know everything about arthur. he's there, always around, he sees and hears and feels, and he's the one arthur talks to, because who else, right? even arthur must be aware that merlin knows him better than anyone.
then, of course, you also have arthur's attempts at making sure merlin is okay, attempts at talking. time and time again he's noticed merlin being off, trying to figure out what the cause is. this was never a one way kind of thing. and it comes back to arthur asking for merlin's thoughts, advice, so on - it's all built on trust, it's built on the concept in arthur's head that merlin, of all people, will tell him everything there is to know.
the "last betrayal" was always different, was always going to be different, i mean even the very motivation, so to say, behind it is not comparable to the rest of it. but it's also because of scenes like this, that it's so different. merlin couldn't possibly be keeping secrets, right? not him, not from arthur.
it's like watching a car crash happen, seeing a heart get broken, all of it slowed down just for the pleasure of seeing every little detail. all the cracks that appear, the one's before the actual impact, the ones that throw fuel to the fire they don't even feel yet, the fire you can already see burning.
