Another Simon idea.
Simon, who so desperately wants to be in a relationship with someone he likes, who likes him, to go out on dates, to have someone to talk to without feeling anxious for bothering that person- knowing they wanted to talk to him too. To have someone he could cuddle with, hug, hold hands with and just be around, and enjoy all of it and feel happy.
But also Simon who, when faced with an opportunity, or a too realistic and possible idea of it, with someone he actually knows, clamps up. His body going tight with tension and unease, an uncomfortable feeling settling in his bones, urging him to either run or fight it. To block it off somehow because fuck, it feels uncomfortable and weird and wrong. Even when it also feels so right.
He dreams up hypothetical scenarios he wishes were real, but also doesn't because he couldn't handle someone actually looking at him, liking what they saw and staying, willingly. He couldn't imagine it. And he'd be suspicious about it.
Then it'd just be easier, almost instinctive for him to block it off, feel uncomfortable and move on from it, without giving whatever it was even the slightest of chances. Because if he feels uncomfortable, he won't want it as badly, and it'll be easier to get over it.
If he blocks off the positive feelings of it, then it won't hurt that much when it disappears.
It's totally healthy.
(It's not. He knows this. He doesn't know how to fix it, even if he wants to.)
....I did not expect you all to like my last post that much- Thank you??? You guys are awesome???
