seen from United States
seen from Singapore
seen from Georgia
seen from Germany
seen from Spain
seen from United States
seen from China
seen from Georgia
seen from Germany
seen from United Kingdom
seen from Vietnam
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from South Korea
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Kazakhstan
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Malaysia
Weapon Codex
DP12-SSR
- Double-Barrel Pump Shotgun
- 16-round magazine
- Both barrels fire with a single trigger pull (a description like this with the guns name might be considered a micro-aggression towards gun-nuts)
Wok
- Stir-Fry Pan
- VERY LOUD Blunt Melee Weapon
- Heavier version of "Corkscrew Rules" Frying Pan
Random YandePOSTAL Lore Drop:
KAIJU (pt 1)
Is has been revealed before that GODZILLA himself is a part of YandePOSTAL's Lore. This post aims to explore other Kaiju!
Anguirus!
Depicted as a Species of Cranky Mutant Horned-Toad Lizards, Anguirus are a common Megafauna species from Paradise, Arizona. They frequently prey on Livestock & have an immunity to the Mad-Cow Zombie Virus, letting them even devour infected cows & undead humans. Much like their pre-mutated ancestors, Anguiruses can shoot pressurized blood from their eyes, albeit more like a ballistic bio-attack.
Mothra!
Contrary to usual incarnations, Mothra begins each of her lives as a Nymph, resembling a Towering Stone Cherub that eats people before eventually sprouting wings & taking the form of the "Lady of Insatiable Avarice" statue. After Some Time, Mothra will Crumble, only to be born again from the Rubble.
Hedorah!
Hedorah is depicted as a disgusting mass of collective human waste - specifically that which was either wiped away by Mike J’s sketchy Bidets or Toilet Paper from Postal Fans who couldn't afford the aforementioned Bidets. Hedorah is actually held together by an Alien Slime-Mold.
Rodan!
Rodans are depicted as a lab-grown species of Anurognathus-like creatures created by a crack team of scientists for the purpose of consuming hazardous materials in the Chernobyl exclusion zones. Some are even kept as guardian monsters by the Russian Elite (including Vladimir Putin). Some have even been sighted in the night skies above Shtopor's old hometown in Russia!
Kong!
Another Russian Kaiju. Kong is a Giant Homunculus Sock-Monkey thing made from inserting a *freshly-dirtied* sock into an unfertilized Rodan Egg.
Zilla
Yet another Russian Kaiju. Made as a commentary comparing the 1998 Godzilla film with Postal 3. Also based on a VERY specific Lizard Statue seen in Postal 4.
Gigan!
Pale Serpentine Cyborg made of Health-Pipe parts. Physical Manifestation of Dude's Crack Addiction.
Skar-Borg
Giant Cyber-Mutant Mandrill. Just felt like fusing Skar-King & Mechani-Kong into a Giant Test Monkey.
King Ghidorah!
Giant Angelic Beast. Titan of Unrelenting Repent.
Postal-Chan art by @frenksdrawings :)
YANDEPOSTAL - INTERLUDE A
"Lorie the Intruder"
(TRIGGER & SPOILER WARNING: INDICATED SUICIDE & ENDING OF "ETERNAL DAMNATION" MOD FOR POSTAL 2)
---
"Lorie… I can’t live without you…” John sobbed with a beretta in his hand, staring at the photo of him & his High school sweetheart, Lorie Heath. “I said I would never leave you… Never again…”
John held the beretta against his temple, pulled the trigger… & woke up in an intense sweat, gasping for air as if he were buried alive.
He was still in his current home - a Cheap Suburban Bungalow in Aomori Prefecture, which doubled as a Dojo for him to train his current student & teenage god-daughter, Emira, who was turning 18 in the coming spring.
Mutsu City was blanketed heavily with snow. The Cold was unforgiving, yet the normally loud city was now serene, save for the occasional rumble of a Snow-Plowing Truck.
“What the fuck was that…?!” John shuttered. “I haven’t had that specific nightmare in YEARS… not since…”
John then felt his heart sink as Emira’s Scream was audible in the other room, accompanied by a Familiar Cackle. John’s fear was replaced with fury, as he knew these circumstances only meant one thing - Lorie had returned to toy with him.
John exploded out of his bed & stormed his way to Emira’s Room. When John kicked the door open, Lorie stood as a true demon, holding Emira by the neck with her razor-sharp claws.
“Oh Hello John, I knew you would come!” Lorie Taunted. “I’m sure you know that I plan to be here for a while, so don’t make me cut my time short like I oughta do to this kid's neck!”
“YOU GET YOUR FUCKING HANDS OFF MY STUDENT!” John yells as he points a SPAS12 at Lorie.
Lorie’s grip on Emira’s Neck tightens, as blood starts to trickle out of a wound punctured by Lorie’s Claw. Emira then swiftly kicks Lorie in the throat, disorienting the demoness.
“EMI, YOU RUN TO MY ROOM WHILE I HOLD HER OFF!” John shouted as he kept Lorie at bay with a Crucifix. “THERE SHOULD BE A SWORD BEHIND MY DRESSER - YOUR SWORD!”
Emira then made a speedy B-Line to John’s room, threw the dresser to the side & there it was - Still in it’s Scabbard wasn’t just any sword, it was Emira’s sword, & her time came sooner & more sudden than it was meant to be.
Before Emira could turn back to fight Lorie, John is thrown onto the floor in front of her with a visible wound where his heart was torn out. Lorie stood at the doorway, feeding John’s Heart to a pair of what appeared to be Raptors - standing at the height of a Wolf, & bearing Red Skin & Black Feathers.
“You must be Little Emira, Child.” Lorie smiled wickedly with her tongue waving like a snake. “You like my pets? Tengu are quite fascinating, sweet-pea~!”
Lorie snaps her fingers for the two Tengu to kill Emira. Without hesitation, Emira easily managed to decapitate both fiends of a feather.
“I won't let you down, Sensei John.” Emira says, as she takes John’s Shotgun & grabs twitching heads of both Tengu, before making her way to Lorie, who was just outside.
“What?! How did you-” Lorie hissed in frustration.
Emira then throws the Tengu Heads at Lorie. “Don’t forget your pet birds, you Witch!”
Lorie then draws out a Blade of her own - a Zweihander so Wicked, it seemed to scream like a thousand souls & glow a furious red with each slash.
Emira & Lorie’s swords clashed. Lorie started to leak a Blue Fire from her mouth. Emira began to make what sounded like the roar of a beast.
This caught Lorie off-guard - this mere teenager was howling like a baboon. Lorie began to feel cocky & swung her blade to scratch Emira’s thigh, causing her to stumble before being kicked to the ground.
“I adore the way you fight - the way you don’t hold back.” Lorie chuckled. “Especially if it means making a damn fool of yourself, so I’ll give you however many chances you desire!”
Unfortunately, Lorie made a fatal mistake, because Emira meant business.
Emira then lunged towards Lorie, & punched her in the face with the force of a Rocket. Lorie then attempted to get back up, but found her bottom half gone - Emira managed to briefly incapacitate Lorie long enough to slice her in two.
Lorie's final thoughts were of terror, realizing she fucked around & found out, before being pummeled to a pulp by a barrage of Emira’s fists.
Within a few seconds after Lorie stopped moving, Emira reaches into Lorie’s ribcage, pulls out her heart & raises it into the air as it continues to beat while doing a sort of Battle-Cry.
Emira’s eyes then began to take a slanted shape like that of a serpent. Her Tongue morphed into a Forked shape as her continued howling began to sound more beastly.
“The earth is hungry.” Emira thinks to herself, as she holds Lorie’s heart close to her face. “But from this day on, I shall forever be more famished than this rock will ever be.” Emira then squeezed Lorie’s heart until it burst.
Emira then made her way back to the Bungalow where John’s corpse still lay. Emira then gathered her things & the keys to the Red Van parked nearby. Before she could leave, Emira poured gasoline wherever she could & positioned John onto his bed with a stick of dynamite & timer in his hands. Emira starts the timer on the dynamite, rushes out of the apartment with her belongings, & drives away, as the apartment explodes & burns behind her.
“I’ve finally graduated, Sensei John.” Emira whispers with tears in her eyes. “I dunno why you would ever want to go out like that, but I fulfilled that for you. Rest easy, you Crazy Bald Bastard.”
—
“There’s the last AC Part!” Dude thought to himself. “But what about this guy in front of it…?”
The AC part, sitting next to a Bed in an Asylum cell, was being guarded by a bald man in a brown trench coat.
The Dude hunched over the Bald Man to Grab the AC Part. Before Dude could leave, his arm was grabbed by the bald man, whose face was sunken in & appeared to be Rotting.
“MOTHER FUCKER!!” The Man shouted, before being shot between the eyes by Dude’s Desert Eagle.
Dude then stumbled backwards, AC-Part in his lap. Dude was in a trance, as something was familiar about the ghoul he had just shot.
“D-Dude…” The Ghoul coughed. “I’m… s-sorry…”
Dude then fled the asylum, with a secondary voice echoing in his head. "We don't know that guy... right?"
Eventually, the ghoul's unspoken name disappeared from Dude’s mind, unprepared for who else would await him at The Junkyard of Mike J, the Necrotaur King.
Teaser
YandePOSTAL Kaiju Lore Dump PART 2
Moguera
Huge Tunneling Robot meant to combat Subterranean Kaiju species (mainly Anguiruses & ColeWyrms). Modeled after ColeMine Dril from "Paradise Lost"
Clover
Colossal Camel-Demon thing Manifested from the Homesick Anguish of Fallen Taliban members left stranded in Arizona during Postal 2. Somewhat based on Real-World Arizona Folklore called "the Red Ghost " Poor thing just wants to go home.
Colossus-of-Paradise
Possessed "Central-Park" Kaiju Statue from Postal 1. Reanimated by the Souls of Dudes Victims.
ColeWyrm
Giant Burrowing Mutant Rattlesnake with 4 mandibles & no eyes. Based on Colemine Sandworms.
El Perro Loco
Kaiju Form of Dude's Dog, Champ. Loosely inspired by King Caesar.
Kiryu
"TESLOBORGELION" (final boss of "Postal Brain-Damaged") remodeled into a MechaGodzilla.
Character Codex
Gino the Daitengu
DOB: N/A
Status: Active
Kyouka Shiraishi
(Former Classmate of Postal-Chan, retired prostitute, Owner of the "Hoochie-Mama Hurricane" tavern in Gyonoryu Town)
DOB: N/A
Status: Active
David "Zonestal Dude" Franklyn
(Former Cameraman for "ZTV News")
DOB: N/A
Status: Dead; Ran over by the wheel of a JSDF Truck
Chapter 5
The Red-Light District
(CW: Multiple NSFW Themes)
When Emira was a Child, she remembered having dreams of a strange, benevolent creature - it resembled a Tengu, but taller, had Pearly White Feathers that seemed to bring light within darkness, & Gentle Violet Eyes that evoked feelings of serenity. Emi had stopped seeing the creature in her dreams on that fateful night when she first got her sword, but lost Sensei John Murray.
—
“Are you sure you want us to just leave you here?” Zone-Skarr asks, while Nasira was still in the back seat.
“I'll be okay.” Emi reassured the 2 women. “I can't promise to keep others safe, so I'm trusting you to keep Nasira safe. Now get going!”
As Zone-Skarr drove off with Nasira, Emi began searching for a place to sneak in & hold out.
The Red Light District seemed abandoned - the goers most likely evacuated for obvious reasons.
Emi then finds the unattended front lobby of a Dinosaur-Themed Love Motel, prompting her to sneak in. Emi fiddles with the Complex-Wide Thermostat so all vents could make as much White noise as possible before stealing a few Pepper-Shakers to cover her scent & a room keycard for access to the perfect hiding place - Room 634. As Emi walks up the stairwell & peppered the air around her, she looks at the many close-windowed rooms of the complex & then the towering Fukuivenator statue overlooking it all while internally reciting how she will take a shower & then hide as effectively as possible - no lights, no sounds, no smells, no trace.
—
The Bathroom Door was closed while a few candles were lit so Emi could at least have some visibility while bathing. As the water went down every inch of her body, Emi scrubbed herself with a soapy rag, hoping that the smell of blood would leave her & provide better success with hiding.
—
After stepping out of the shower & drying herself off, she took out her phone, put it on vibrate, turned down the brightness, & began texting her Aunt about how to find each other. Emi then opens her backpack & puts on a set of her backup clothes - a Green Floral Button-Up & a Pair of Grey Short-Shorts. Emi then stuffed her blood-stained normal clothes into her backpack before laying down in the nearby bed & eating another Chicken Sandwich & Hot-Dog from earlier to regain her strength. While chewing, she began pondering to herself.
Could she have cut open the Onikuma earlier & took a pellet from its stomach to be used as a weapon? Was her Father really in Japan at some point & met Godzilla-Man? Who in their right mind would create 2 robots modeled after some dead midget celebrities? Did Nasira actually get a glimpse of Emi's Father? Why did Emi give Nasira her Nickname First? Why is Emi's nickname “Postal-Chan” if she hadn't necessarily gone postal before? Does it count if she recreated "Splatterhouse" at her High School before the Final Week?
Emi’s phone suddenly began ringing softly, prompting her to pick up & answer the call.
“The water… It… Burns…” a familiar voice shivers on the other end. It was Zone-Tan.
“We the Yakuza have your Purple Girlfriend under a leaking faucet of Holy Water.” Another voice said on the other end, implying they’ve kidnapped Zone-Tan. “We want 90 Million Yen & your sword as Ransom, so come find us at the alleyway on… uhhh, Fuck it, the warehouse that smells like bad fish.”
“I’m broke, but I tell you freaks what:” Emi snarled. “Zone-Tan & I will paint the walls with all of you when I get ther-EEUUUGHH GOOD GOD WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SMELL?!”
“HAH! WELCOME TO SWEDEN, BITCH!” The Yakuza on the phone taunted before hanging up, while Emi spilled her guts onto the floor, repulsed by the smell of Sürstromming. "Damn, we didn't know you were THAT close!"
Emi then gets back up, grabs her gear, & blows a hole out of the Hotel Wall. Today would probably be the day Emi went Postal.
“I’M GONNA FUCK ALL OF YOU UP FOR MAKING ME SMELL THAT!” Emi screams as her face grimaces increasingly by the horrid odor, to the point that she looks like a snarling demon. Tears would’ve streamed down Emi’s eyes, but they instead evaporated right off due to how furious she was.
—
"Still" by Geto Boys was playing on a bluetooth speaker sitting on a folding-chair.
Zone-Tan's skin was redder than a chili pepper & mascara streaked down her face, as her body was tightly bound to some Anti-Masturbation-Crucifix made with blue Kevlar, covered in scorch marks & soggy graham cracker crumbs. Each drop of Holy Water that landed on her felt more like a drop of magma. Every time Zone-Tan screamed, struggled, felt horny, or gave bad answers, either one Yakuza grunt would spray her extremities with boiling pressurized holy water, hit her in the face with a ripping-hot oily wok, blared an airhorn directly into her ear, or force fed her graham crackers to make her less aroused.
“Unless you wanna be both boiled & fried alive,” spoke one grunt with the oily wok. “Tell us where your ginger friend is.”
“Heh… w-why are you asking me that…” Zone-Tan coughed while smiling maniacally. “... if she’ll be here in a m-moment… because of that… can of rancid fish…?”
Zone-Tan then spits a tooth at one of the grunts, prompting the one with the pressure washer to blast her with liquid penance. The Grunt with the box of graham crackers then grabs Zone-tan by her hair.
“WE MEAN THE SPUTNIK, DAMNIT!” The Grunt shouted in Zone-Tan’s face. “THE RUSSIAN ONE, WHERE THE FUCK IS SHE?!”
“Same… Same story…” Zone-Tan chuckled. “She’s… a bit far…ther…”
As one of the Grunts lifts a Wok from a vat of hot oil, Emira kicks the door down & shoots the grunt in the back of the head with her shotgun before blowing away the other 2 grunts. Emi then rushes to Zone-Tan to free her.
“Hang on, I gotcha…!” Emi says as she scrambles her backpack for her multi-tool.
“No…” Zone-Tan says, as her fingernails became longer, her normally blue eyes became a snake-ish slanted yellow & voice increasingly distorted. “... No… NEED!”
The crucifix explodes as Jet-Black Tentacles burst from Zone-Tan’s back with a Hellish Red glow! Emi slowly stood back up in awe, as Zone-Tan's scarred flesh began to heal itself. Emi was shocked, amazed, & aroused.
“Hey, can we head back to the Hotel I was hiding at & have the weirdest sex imagineable?” Emi asks with a single drop of drool streaming down her chin, before snapping back into focus. “Actually… nah, I need to know how you got swiped from that chopper.”
“We were about to get attacked by some huge pteranodon that had smoke coming out of its wings.” Zone-Tan explains. “I dunno what came over me… I jumped right off the chopper & tried to kill that thing with my bare hands so everyone else could escape.”
“You really oughta learn to use a gun.” Emira responds. “Look, I'm pretty sure those tentacles from your back can turn into wings. You should probably get going.”
“No, I plan on staying.” Zone-Tan says. “I… Your aunt & I go way back. I wanna help you guys out.”
“Ah, Alright.” Emira nods, while handing Zone-Tan her belongings. “The least you could do is fly to Auntie’s Cabin & keep the place safe.”
“Say no more, Emi.” Zone-Tan complies while putting her clothes back on, as her tentacles grew out from her back & twisted into Wings. “Before I go, I'm pretty sure one of those gangsters had a HUGE shotgun stored in this room. I figured you could take it for yourself after you kick their asses.”
As Zone-Tan flew off, Emira scrambled around the Room in excitement for the Shotgun. Eventually, she finds a big metal briefcase & opens it, revealing the 3rd gun of her dreams - a DP12-SSR Double-Barrel Pump Shotgun; a Single Trigger Pull fires both barrels at once, much like something from a video game.
“Huge Pteranodon… smoking wings…” Emi thought to herself about the creature that Zone-Tan tried to fight. “That crazy purple bitch really tried to fight an Akashita without the proper weapons. She’s got some steel ovaries, that’s for sure.”
Akashita are, to Emi's experience, the top-tier of Yokai Aerial Assault & Support. The smoke left by an Akashita's wings is too thick to see or breathe - allowing other yokai to attack with more advantage. Emira often preferred to slay an Akashita by remotely chasing it with explosives in some way - be it Heat-Seeking or Laser-Guided Missiles or Quadcopter Drones with C4 mounted on them. Akashita-based Ambush Attacks have, to Emi's recollection, nearly killed her at least 2 or 3 times, had she not used a mangled bra as a gas-mask.
Emi's distracting thoughts were soon interrupted by the sound of thundering footsteps, yet these were somehow different - too small & fast to be an Oni-Rex, but too Big & Loud to be a Tengu or anything else.
Nearby, a set of doors burst open, revealing a Towering Mutated Yakuza Grunt with Reptilian Features.
The Mutant picks up an empty oil drum & throws it at Emi, who does a tactical roll to dodge it. Emi begins blasting the Mutant with her new shotgun, chipping away at the many layers of tough scales while it charged at her.
Seeing that the pellets weren’t doing much, Emi dodges away again & unsheathes her katana. Before the Mutant could make a move, Emi stabs it in a weak-spot opened on its upper waist, causing the Mutant to collapse.
Emira gets back on her feet while holstering her sword back into its scabbard.
As Emi gathers her bearings & steps out of the warehouse, she sees a familiar sight - an Albino DaiTengu with a shimmering coat of silvery feathers, which turns towards her & approaches her with calm intent. Emi then starts to inch toward the creature in curiosity, before hearing an aggressive buzzing grow louder. Before Emi knew it, an Onmoraki Pteranodon was swooping down on her, screaming with a chest occupied by a Wasp Nest.
The Daitengu charged towards the Onmoraki, flinging Razor-Sharp Feathers at the Hive on its chest & causing it to explode into an aggressive swarm of Killer Wasps. The Daitengu then blasts the insects with a bright Blue flame from its mouth, popping their exoskeletons like fried dumplings.
“It’s been a hot minute, Emi.” Spoke the Daitengu. “I don't believe we've been properly introduced - I'm Gino.”
“It's really you…” Emi says in astonishment. “The creature from my dreams. I haven't seen you since that night I lost Sensei John.”
Suddenly, the doors from a nearby Strip-Bar burst open, & a Buxom Woman with blonde hair & tanned skin emerged holding a SCAR Assault Rifle.
“DROP YOUR WEAPONS, FREAK!” The Woman shouted. “GET ON THE FUCKING GROUND, YOU HAVE SOME NERVE CATCHING UP TO ME AFTER WHAT YOU DID BACK IN SCHOOL!”
Emira also recognized the chick - Kyouka Shiraishi, who was one of Emi's high-school friends & a Hoe as a solo hustle; she belonged to no pimp & thrived that way, as she didnt need one.
—
(authors note: all of us know damn well this type of shit happens IRL & its fucking disgusting no matter what country you're from)
(PS: I'm NOT a “man of culture” for watching certain “animations.” Adults do adult things, so hold your goddamn horses & let me enjoy being legal.)
—
“KYOUKA WAIT, I'M NOT HERE TO HARM YOU!” Emi shouted, getting between her former classmate & Gino. “The Bird's with me too, he's fine!”
“Wait… didn't you use to draw that bird thing in the middle of calculus…?!” Kyouka asked, lowering her weapon. “Damnit, you actually have something to do with all the fucked up birds running around town?!”
“It's a long story, but I need a favor.” Emi says, holstering her shotgun & bringing out her phone. “I need a new place to hide out & wait for my aunt. Don't worry about signaling, I already have a flare-gun.”
“Alright, fine.” Kyouka answers. “I never thought I'd say this, but come on in & make yourselves at home… but we should obviously stay vigilant.”
—
“So those feathered bastards have been following you for a while, huh…?” Kyouka asked, while setting down her Rifle & picking up a dirty glass cup.
“Yeah.” Emi responded. “Shoot, for the past few hours, I’m beginning to suspect that the local yakuza are also cultists responsible for bringing them back from extinction, so I’m quite sure they have the same boss.”
“How do you know…?” Kyouka asked some more, cleaning the dirty glass with a rag. “Well… aside from that scaly broad you mentioned cutting down earlier.”
“Oh they’re definitely a cult.” Gino interjected. “If you had a hunch, then consider that it popped into place; I don’t want my kind resurrected just for us all to be mindless soldiers.”
“What about the ‘mastermind’ behind all this?” Kyouka asks, setting the glass upside down in a nearby sink. "There has to be someone responsible."
“It's definitely gotta be the same motherfucker who took my parents away from me.” Emi scowled while looking at the floor. “If chaos is being concentrated here in Gyonoryu… there's a chance this town could be his base of operations.”
Emi’s phone went off; it was Aunt Shtopor, & she made it to the red light district in a stolen JSDF Truck. Emi opened a window nearby & fired her flare gun into the sky.
—
The trio begin to set up a smoke signal on the roof with a metal barrel full of scrap wood & gasoline.
“Say, since you're basically a Raven,” Kyouka asks Gino, while they ignite the barrel's contents. “Would you happen to be savvy in repeating certain sounds?”
“Yeah, but that doesn't mean I'll honk like a car horn or sing for your amusement.” Gino replies. “At least not right now.”
“Actually, it could help Auntie find us easier.” Emi says.
“Oh goddamnit, fine…” Gino sighs before honking loudly, making Emi & Kyouka burst into fits of laughter.
Suddenly, a faint red glow made itself present in the roof, as Emi, Kyouka, & Gino looked up & saw a skinny fellow in a Dark Blue Trenchcoat who looked like a male version of Zone-Tan, even down to the tentacle-wings that made the red glow.
“You know, that noise could also attract some unwanted attention.” Said the Zone-Man.
“So that's what you look like behind the camcorder…” Emi says, recognizing the man's voice as Dave Franklyn, Zone-Tan's snarky camera-man. “Hey, what's up with the wings?”
“What do you think?” Dave responds. “I sided with the gangsters to get some of Zone-Tan's DNA to genetically modify myself into a half-demon just like her!”
“Alright, I guess we do this the fun way.” Emi says as she then motions for Kyouka to go back inside the bar.
“Well, I think we should talk a bit before we rip each other to shreds.” Dave responds,
“Oh great, a monologue.” Emi frowns with an eyebrow raised.
“Yeah I know, it’s a tropey cliche or whatever you nerds call it. Anyway, as I was giving my new ‘arms’ a test drive; y’know, flying around & all prior to hearing your ‘pet’ make a feathered fool of all 3 of you, I understood why my boss was always such a insufferable purple skank.” Dave hisses, as he daps-up one of his own dubious tendrils protruding from his back. “She dominated all who were unlucky enough to be a worthy foe, so many cocky jackasses being turned into submissive saps - it was just the timeless hype of POWER!”
“Says the prick who’s also insufferable.” Emi scoffed. “Mr. Franklyn, has it occurred to you that you’re a narcissistic little bitch who’s been salty over a nitpick for more than a decade? How about that?”
“Oh Bravo, you know your shit.” Dave Scorned before unsheathing two Wakizashi Blades. “Fuck it, lets get this Over with.”
Emi fires her SPAS12 at Dave, only for him to spin in the air & deflect the Projectiles with his tentacles. Dave then whips out a pair of Uzi SMGs & begins firing at Emi, who then charges towards Dave while deflecting the bullets with the Wok she found earlier.
Emi then kicks Dave in the crotch, stunning him temporarily before she latches onto Dave's Waist with her legs & shoving a USP Pistol into his mouth. Dave then bites down & destroys the Handgun with his teeth as if it were a mere chocolate bar before spitting a bullet back at Emi's shoulder as if his mouth had become a gun too. Emi falls to the ground below, dislocating her other shoulder. Emi gets back up & charges into a nearby wall to pop her shoulder back in. Dave then scoops down, unsheathing a pair of Wakizashi, ready to slice Emi's head off.
Suddenly, Gino appears & bites Dave around his neck, sending him out of Emi's Way. Gino then stomps on Dave's legs repeatedly until they break, finishing with biting his nose off & jumping away from him. From behind another building, a JSDF Truck runs over Dave's torso, crushing it as an open window reveals Shtopor in the driver's seat.
“Kyouka, our ride is here!” Emi shouted, before Kyouka appeared out of the tavern.
“Get in, now!” Shtopor shouts, as Emi, Gino, & Kyouka sprint to the passenger side
The tires of the truck screeched atop the asphalt, as the group made their way out of the Red-Light District.
“Hey Auntie, you ran into Zone-Tan on the way here, right?” Emi asks. “She decided to stay & protect the place while you come get me.”
“Yeah, she sent me a text on the way over there.” Shtopor replies. “Say, using Gino as a signal was pretty risky, so try not to do that too often!”
“Wait, Auntie,” Emi began to ask. “How do you know abou- OH SHIT LOOK OUT!”
Suddenly, a Gas-Masked Yakuza Grunt with prosthetic sickle-hands runs in front of the Truck & separates her legs from her body, revealing a small explosive device where her body once was. The Legs then drop-kicked themselves through the windshield into the truck, while the other half of the Grunt escaped. The light on the explosive started blinking faster.
“You gotta be fucking kidd-” Kyouka shouted before the device detonated, releasing a loud “POP” & a thick cloud of Chloroform Vapor.
The Truck then swerved out of control & crashed into a nearby tree, causing the tree to be flattened & the truck to be flipped upside down. While everyone was already unconscious, Emi struggled laboriously out of the truck & fell onto the grass. Before she went out cold, she saw a pair of shoes & black dress pants walk over to her as she heard a voice.
“My brother is going to love this…” said the voice, while Emi blacked out.
