11 K words / warnings - reader has vag n wears a dress once, threesome WOAH, p in v + p in a sex, oral (m receiving), kabru is a fan of inappropriate workplace relationships
summary - Laios cannot find a suitor on his own, so Kabru is forced to summon an old... friend... for help.
~~~
“Just… someone you would like, then.”
“Someone I would like?”
“Yeah! If you like them, they must be good, right?”
“This isn’t about… ugh, fine.”
Kabru already knew exactly who to set up with Laios, but he wanted to grant himself a few more hours of delusion by drafting a list of desired traits.
.
.
.
A queen should be: diligent and humble, wise and patient. Honest.
Ideally, a short-lived king should marry from another short-lived race. Any children will therefore be short-lived as well, which Kabru considers highly preferable. Another tallman is his best option to keep infertility sparse.
Laios’ personality will need to be accounted for as well (Kabru finds that the longer he dawdles, the more fun he has hypothesizing Laios’ perfect match).
Laios, specifically, needs someone blunt and unencumbered by conformity -- the man seems to thrive when others feel comfortable speaking frankly with him. Someone from another royal court will not do, and especially not someone descended from direct nobel blood. Furthermore, Laios is clueless as to what his own title ensues, so he does little more for his countrymen than make appearances or pass budgets and bills. So for Kabru’s own sanity, someone intelligent and inclined to make Laios do his actual job is also preferred.
They must balance indulgence and sobriety for the man’s antics, as well as willingness to sit through Laios’ obscure personality.
Wait…
“No,” Kabru scratches that last half of his sentence, ink bleeding across the page, “What kind of matchmaker settles?”
They must like Laios, and Laios must like them. Laios is not a man Kabru can envision enduring loveless marriage, it’d be too awkward and the dolt would have it annulled.
Someone not petrified by monsters and intrigued by Laios’ strange personality, but also not so deranged as to be exactly like Laios.
Again, a single name comes to Kabru’s mind, but this time he does not put it off. He’s had his fun scheming, now he must draft a letter to the Northern Continent. To a village chief’s firstborn -- acquainted well enough with basic politics while also sharing a similar upbringing with Laios.
You’re perfect.
You’re also…
“An ex-party member?” Laios’ eyes skim over the contents of Kabru’s summoning letter, addressed at the top to you, “Cool.”
“Yeah, an ex-party member,” Kabru sighs to himself, imagining Rin beating him over the head with her staff right about now, “I think you should know, I briefly- ”
“Kabru,” Laios shakes his head, grinning, “I don’t care. If you trust them, I do.”
Briefly -- sure -- if an entire year and some months was brief. Kabru sighs louder and decides to let Laios find out on his own, since the king is so determined to look cool and easygoing.
In any case, you’ll be fond of Laios, Kabru’s certain.
Certain, and also dreading.
Year 512
“Where’d you find the space case anyway?”
“You sound upset.”
“Look!” Rin flings a gloved arm straight out, gesturing heatedly towards where the party’s newest member is staring straight at the first floor’s cracked ceiling.
Both hands squeezing the straps of your pack, you leave your throat completely exposed in order to gaze at a dark, faraway roof. The ease with which Kabru could slit your tender neck is comical, he finds it more concerning than charming. Any hoodlum or hooligan could rob and beat you blind and you’d be incapable of a proper defense.
“Let me handle it,” Kabru hopes to placate Rin with a soft grin, its success is limited because Rin’s known him long enough to push through his gushy exterior. She puts up no fight, thankfully, and let him approach you alone, “Hey!”
“Shh!” you hiss cutting your fingers along your jaw to silence him. His shock and horror at your rudeness must be visible because you wave that same hand around and smile, “Sorry. It’s just…”
Pointing up, your stare returns to the ceiling. Eyes wide and lips curled with glee. Kabru heeds and grimaces: glistening slimes the shade of clovers goop between gaping slashes in the ceiling. Pulsating and shivering as one beating organ, Kabru can’t think up a more disgusting sight.
“Slimes are sensitive to the heat we exhale, so the louder you are the easier they can find you.”
Blinking at you as inconspicuous as possible, Kabru asks, “Why stand right under them then?”
“They’re so weird. They don’t look intelligent, but they move around easily and developed such a scary way to trap prey. Pretty neat.”
Kabru has half a mind to cut you out of the party just for saying that, until you tack on a,
“Still super gross, though. We should move before they notice us.”
Kabru nods, watching you cross towards the rest of the party before following with a silent prayer that you’re not actually a monster fanatic.
His prayers are answered on the second floor -- your party is down, Holm and Daya crumpled over on opposite sides of the tree den. Kuro is strewn over a shaking, teary Mickbell with a bloody gash in his back. Rin has a similar slash, only deep in her gut and Kabru can tell she’s bleeding out fast.
While he prides himself on his wit and light thinking, Kabru is horrified by the sight of his party in agony. Planning so far ahead of himself he’s trying to scheme how to charm a passing healer into aiding Rin or reviving Holm, meanwhile he can’t even be certain he’s going to survive this attack. His own life is on the back on his mind, body stiff in preparation to swing his sword and cut off the chicken head of a charging Basilisk.
But how should he cut? It has to have a carotid artery, or a heart, but where? What if his strike is at a wrong angle and the snake side gobbles you all up.
Suddenly, the glint of your sword blinds him -- you snip the snake in half, exploiting the monster’s following stagger to round its body and stab through the Basilisk’s head. Tearing outward and splattering Kabru in blood as the beast drops.
He looks to you in silence, knees sore and wobbly and hands a shaking wreck.
Simply, you say, “The snake head is the real head, so if you attack that end first the chicken tail is distracted and easy to sneak up on,” then, you notice his trembling, “Oh, sorry…”
As if waiting for permission, Kabru’s body gives out once your hands find his shoulders. You smooth a palm over his back while shredding the loose material of your blouse to mop up the mess. Gently soaking Basilisk blood from his face with a frown marring your face, continuously murmuring apologies.
Kabru takes your wrist in his hand, blinking back his shock to sigh, “Thank you.”
Suspecting there’s more words jumbled on his tongue, you patiently wait that way: knelt beside Kabru as he squeezes your wrist.
“I think we should go back to the surface.”
You nod quickly. Much quicker than he’d assume you would given how directly you dealt with the terrifying Basilisk, “Do you want me to head back and get corpse retrievers? I doubt we could carry everyone up by ourselves.”
He takes note of how you specifically exclude Mickbell, presumably due to the young man’s hysterics.
The sharp tang of raw iron is filling Kabru’s nose, he chokes on it. He can’t stand to smell it a second more.
“No,” but inhaling through his mouth makes him taste it, rotting each bud on his tongue, “No. I’m the party leader, I should get them.”
Your eyes are lidding, no shock or awe found in the twinkle of your iris -- you were expecting this response.
“Sure, Kabru, I’ll wait with Mickbell.”
You don’t call him out on it, though.
Once the party has been revived and Kabru’s thrown the men their coins, you suggest the crew return a floor above.
“I’m sure nobody wants to eat where they died, so let’s have lunch up there and save instead of visiting a stall,” you gasp quietly and cover your mouth, then deferring to Kabru, “If that sounds good to you? Sorry… I shouldn’t have spoken so boldly like that…”
“No, you’re right,” even though he’s not looking to confirm, Kabru can feel Rin burning holes into his skull with her glare, “I think that’s a good idea.”
Secretly he’s glad no outsiders heard you make that call -- he isn’t ashamed to be bossed around by someone in a blouse, but he’s also not unrealistic. Others seeing that could threaten his meager status among the adventuring community. He’d be the wimp pushed around by his own members.
Interrupting his spiral, again, is you, “Okay, let’s get going then!” you clamp another hand over your mouth, “Right, Kabru?”
“Right.”
Thankfully, it is just your party who only finds your zealousness comedic rather than an opportunity for mutiny.
Returning visit to the first floor proves you about as useful as the initial one did.
Holm and Daya are unpacking rations with Mickbell and Kuro straggling at the edge of the blondes’ conversation. Rin is fetching water. Kabru is watching you; and he knows he should be either helping Rin, or lecturing you to help Rin, but he keeps watching.
He cannot hear you, but he knows you’re speaking -- crouched to make eye contact with a pair of slight humans. Round cheeks and marblesque eyes tell Kabru they’re just scratching at maturity. Not even thirteen.
The shorter one, a boy with freckles, picks at tender plumes of skin around his nails, knees shaking. He finds no voice, but the girl beside him does. She squeezes the shirt over her heart and her brows furrowed with passion, he can barely make out the words: mage, fourth, corpse retrievers.
One of your hands is perched on your bent knees while the other grazes along the forsaken graveyard, your head tilts and if he really forces his ears then Kabru can hear you ask, “How did you get separated?”
The girl’s shoulders go lax, lip twitching down as she sputters a reply. The boy’s picking grows frantic, his head shaking and voice shivery (this time Kabru can pick up: without her, no chance).
Kabru’s gaze hones on you, dissecting each twinge in your face as you process the information. Daya and Holm’s voices become vague, like buzzing insects, even Rin’s agitated staring from the fountain is pushed out of focus. How will you react to these children?
It's a horrible story, he’s sure. He’s so sure it’s a truly heartbreaking tale about two little ones separated from their ward on a lower level due to a snap decision from fear. However, it could also be just that: a story.
Criminals banned from The Island’s coasts often seek refuge in the bowels of the dungeon. Kabru feels confident that as this dungeon continues to fester unconquered: criminals are beginning to raise their children here.
If you blindly follow them down, you’re a fool. If you hand over all your party’s gold, you’re a fool. If you do nothing, you’re heartless. Heartlessness can be worse than foolishness, at least fools have good intentions.
Fingers wrap around the stem of a limping flower and pull, cutting it clean from the floor and holding the plant for both children. You push your hand closer to the kids, waiting until the girl grasps the flower before speaking again,
Something long winded, and judging by the shudders racketing down the boy’s frail body something rather dismal too. Yet you’re beaming up at the children, then they’re smiling as well. Rising to your feet, you brush moss stains from your knees and wave the children off with a promise Kabru can actually hear,
“If my party finds any retrievers, we’ll send them down.”
With eager nods, the kids sniffle and affirm their bravery to you -- the girl cradling the plucked daisy to her chest. You return to your party’s camp and boldly declare,
“I think we should try reaching the fourth floor soon.”
Rin bonks you with an elbow to the side, “Where’s this enthusiasm when I needed help carrying the water?”
Rubbing the tenderized area, you laugh and accept her frustration, “Sorry. Got caught up.”
“Obviously,” Rin sighs, falling to her knees around the party’s temporary camp.
Kabru sits as well, still observing as you apologize to Rin again though your eyes trailing the kids as they heft food packs onto their shoulders and begin their trek.
Mickbell settles into Kuro’s lap, Daya has begun digging into her plate while Holm ensures everyone has a filling portion. Rin agrees to dissolve the tension, meaning you two can begin gaffing amongst yourselves. As if you never left, the party is normal.
Despite your itch to reach the fourth floor as soon as possible, you don’t mention the interaction whatsoever.
Overall, Kabru considers your first dive with the party a cohesion success.
Year 515
“Don’t speak over or interrupt. Got it?”
“Okay.”
“At all.”
“Alright.”
“I’m serious,” Kabru’s eyes widen a smidge, as if to force how pertinent it is that Laios absorbs this lesson, “I’m still upset about the meeting last week.”
“I didn’t know he wasn’t done talking,” Laios frowns, shrugging in an obnoxiously coy play, the worst part being that Kabru knows Laios does it in earnest. His stupid kicked-puppy stare is entirely genuine, “That guy takes long breaths, it’s hard to tell when he’s done.”
“Well try harder to tell now,” a wave of guilt hits Kabru in the chest, heart squeezing at the sight of Laios’ frown deepening, “I don’t mean to upset you. I just… I want this to go well.”
“I do, too, you know?”
Kabru finds that hard to believe, but Laios isn’t lying to him right now. He’d know otherwise. Whether Laios can make a positive impression will have to be seen, but the man clearly has no intentions of sabotaging himself.
For all his lackluster socio-political ambitions, Laios is still a good king: insightful to the experience of commonmen and quick to new ways of strengthening their country. He has yet to give citizens, or Kabru, valid reason to question his ability to rule.
“I’m sure,” Kabru turns in his desk chair, bracing his forehead with his palm, “Let’s get this finished then.”
“But- “ Laios hesitates when he’s shot an icy glare from Kabru, “But I’m so hungry…”
As if to punctuate his torment, Laios’ stomach grumbles. Loudly. Echoing through the informal setting of Kabru’s personal quarters.
“My poor royal majesty,” Kabru coos, inked with sarcasm, “Will you survive till lunch?”
Laios’ eyes go thin, arms folding, “Don’t demean me.”
“It’s one meal. You’ll hardly die. The faster we finish this paperwork, the quicker we can usher you to breakfast.”
“I want to go now,” Laios, with no sense of self, lays his lips into the crook of his advisor’s neck. Soft, plump flesh scorching Kabru’s pulse, then a cold flash of bone: teeth, “I’m starving.”
Bladepoint canines puncture Kabru’s skin, shock blinding him to the scathing scratch till after Laios has already pulled away. Saliva stringing them together before Laios snaps it, sloppily swiping the wrist of his sleeve across his mouth.
“Disgusting,” Kabru starkly avoids eye contact by glaring at the sheen of spit on his shoulder, cupping the inflamed flesh, “Go change your shirt now, it’s not a handkerchief.”
He doesn’t remember when he first felt comfortable being so venomous around Laios, only that it's easier than trying to be pleasant all the time.
“After I eat?” Laios prompts.
“After you eat,” Kabru massages his tensing temples, working away the headache as it builds.
Upon Laios’ exit, Kabru traces the shallow indents with his fingertips -- lashes fluttering against his cheeks at the resulting faint sting. Now he’ll be forced to find a new shirt of his own, one that hides his bruising mark.
Year 513
“As long as we don’t piss off any living armor, we should be able to get to the fourth floor, at least,” you nod to yourself, hands steady and body firm as you hold up your homemade map of the area.
Raucous groans follow your cheery assessment, and a cursory glance back shows your party in disarray: Rin and Holm have heavy, discolored bags beneath their eyes. Daya is leaning against her axe with quaking arms while Mickbell coils around Kero’s shoulders. Even Kabru can admit he looks worse for wear, or assumes he does because he certainly feels at his worst.
“Oh, unless you all want to head back?” you roll the map up and wave a hand dismissively, almost seeming ashamed of the previous suggestion. Cautious to maintain a soothing and even tone, clearly doing your best to prevent any of them from feeling coddled or mocked.
Not that he truly wants to, but Kabru agrees, “Probably for the best. We’re running low on food, so we should save what we have for the journey back.”
“Makes sense,” you don’t appear disappointed or discouraged, “There’s always next time.”
“Enough optimism,” Mickbell whines, “It’s making me all nauseous.”
“Be nice,” Rin chastises, then looking at you forlorn, “You could probably carry on without us.”
Her dejected lilt prevents any accusations of wanting you to go it alone.
“No way, I’d go crazy by myself!”
Kabru reads that instantly as a lie -- if your scrunching brows and fidgeting hands weren’t telling enough then perhaps you don’t remember confessing to him your days as a solo adventurer.
You could easily carry on without the rest of the party. Hell, you could even join a better, stronger party -- the Toudens, maybe. They’d chomp at your skills if they cared even a little about their fellow men. Kabru bets you would even be able to form a party of your own with ease.
“We’re strongest when everyone’s at their best, after all,” you reassure, turning your back on the dream to hit fourth floor this crawl in favor of aiding your party’s exhaustion, “As long as we can go that deep eventually, I’ll die happily.”
Kabru doesn’t bring up how rapidly approaching the date for you to sail back home is, he gets the sense you wouldn’t want him to.
“Well don’t go keeling on us as soon as we do,” Rin’s scowl loosens, only slightly, when you smile in return and loop an arm through hers.
“Of course, not, Rin. Who else would terrorize you if I died?”
Quickly, the mage’s dark eyes flick to Kabru before returning to you, “I have an idea.”
“Oh, duh.”
Her gaze lingers on the way you’re staring at Kabru and how Kabru stares back. She must read his fondness because her forehead wrinkles up and she tugs you forward, “Yeah, duh.”
Year 515
Kabru’s foot taps impatiently, knowing it’d be improper were he to rush over and help you down from the carriage himself. But forgive the man, he’s in a hurry to have you at his side again.
He wonders if you wear the same perfume.
He wonders if you’ll take to Laios immediately, or will it take the entire two weeks before your wedding ceremony for you to warm to him?
Most of all, he wonders if he can compose himself during the entire courting process.
“Hey!”
Kabru’s mind snaps back into the present at your call, you’re charging over with an ecstatic wave. He waves back, calmer and centered towards his chest.
“It’s great to see you again!” you effortlessly knock the polite handshake Kabru extends aside to wrap your arms around his shoulders, “Imagine my surprise, the first time you send a letter is to try and marry me to a king!”
“I never found the time to write back when things finally got interesting,” Kabru bluffs, returning your hug. Warmth spreads between the both of you, if he focuses hard enough he can make out the dull thud of your heart, “Hopefully this makes up for it.”
“Definitely,” you pull back, rolling your eyes, “Father made my brother village chief while I was on The Island, so there wasn’t anything left for me to do there.”
“Perfect time to get one up on your brother. Even just marrying into royalty is better than village chief.”
You hum thoughtfully, “Let’s meet Laios Touden first. I remember he was kind of a weird guy, no?”
“He still is,” Kabru shrugs, turning to guide you into the main hall as men lug your bags towards the castle’s south wing, “He’s nice, at least. Wants to make living easier,” he glances back at you over his shoulder, “Handsome, too. You must remember what he looks like.”
“I remember he was big.”
“Strong, yeah,” Kabru slows to match paces with you through the rolling corridors, “Nice jawline, pretty eyes, and the slope of his nose isn’t terrible. He’s kind of an outstanding specimen, physically I mean.”
“Oh…” you press a hand over your mouth to keep from laughing at his rambling, “So his looks do the heavy lifting?”
“Just something to keep in mind,” he pauses outside a set of tall double doors, one hand braced against the hanging, solid black handle, and the other drawing circles into his temple, “His unique personality hasn’t faded with becoming king.”
“How interesting.”
“That’s a word for it.”
Laios is slumped comfortably back into his throne, sunlight complimenting his bored expression before he notices the pair pushing through his grandeur. Immediately, his eyes sink into you, scrawling from the top of your head to your feet in blatant observation. Staunchly, his gaze remains respectful to your modesty, indicating he’s purely sizing you up; perhaps confirming whether or not he could take you in a fight. Or to use you as a meager replacement for his monsters, studying your anatomy and mentally attaching tails and horns and heads where he sees fit.
“King Laios,” you politely remain behind Kabru. Your own gaze lurches over the king’s body as well, much less clinical than his examination -- you already know you could take him in a fight. What you want to imagine now, is if he’s the outstanding specimen that Kabru claimed, “So nice to see the Golden Kingdom for myself.”
“Prettier than the North,” Laios, much to Kabru’s unspoken irritation, scratches the back of his head without grace, “You’re from there too, right? How has it been? I haven’t been in awhile.”
“Oh, you know,” none of the men from your village look like Laios, despite their hard labor they aren’t built like him. Big. Beefy. Chewable also comes to mind; you could chew him up and be full of protein. From the little pouch of his stomach you surmise he isn’t cut or excessively defined, which drives you mad, “Same as usual. Cold and quiet.”
“Mhm. How about the monsters up top? I don’t think anybody from my village was willing to slay them,” he folds his arms, legs spreading as he readjusts for comfort, head ticking curiously, “I’ve been thinking lately that they could be overrun by monsters if nobody fights them off.”
Kabru’s irritation grows, having to claw at his thighs to restrain from choking the man. He may be older and bigger and more powerful than Kabru is, but Laios is the most painfully oblivious man in the world. He just has to be. He’s so focused on not attacking his king that Kabru almost misses how eyes scald his side at the mention of monsters overtaking the North.
“I haven’t noticed anything unusual,” and you mean that, the North truly is as boring as it was when you were growing up, “Maybe more acceptance for magic, but that’s mostly to combat the increase in ghosts.”
“Increase in ghosts,” Laios’ eyes bulge, posture straightening out in vivid excitement, “Do they know why there’s so many? Do they just wander around, or do they remain in cemeteries?”
“Ah, King Laios,” you try to hide the way your eyes bounce repeatedly towards Kabru’s rigid frame. His hands are balled, even shaking, and his stare is aimed over the king’s right shoulder, “Perhaps we could get some privacy before discussing such things?” you boldly step forward, correctly assuming Laios would take no offense at the intrusion, “We should get to know each other on our own.”
“Oh, right!” Laios waves a dismissal towards Kabru, apologizing for holding the man so long.
You don’t ask Kabru if he’s okay before he leaves, but you take one of his hands and squeeze it gingerly. Smiling tenderly and bidding him well. A soft halo of gold ringing around your head from sunlight pouring through glass panes.
“Don’t let- ” just as he’s apologizing for his king, you silence Kabru.
“I’ll form my own opinion,” you release his hand, still grinning, “You trust me, don’t you?” he nods, of course he does, “So trust me to gather my own thoughts, okay?”
Oh, God that cannot be a good sign.
Please, please, please -- he’s contemplating getting on his knees to pray outside the doors -- please don’t let his reaction to Laios’ monster obsession make you hate the king. You’re his only choice, the only one that will do!
You’re kind and strong willed and beautiful and he’d love to have you living under the same roof as himself.
Not that that has anything to do with his decision. No, no, that would be idiotic.
That would be the worst plan he’s ever planned in his entire life. So, he’s glad it's separate from his real motivation.
At least, he’s glad until that night. Alone in his bed with only moonlight shining along his pristine sheets.
For hours Kabru has been cooped in his room, and technically he’s been cooped in his mind even longer. Since the second a passing pair of guards relieved him from lingering outside the throne room, Kabru blindly stumbled through his messy thoughts.
Worse now than ever before is the desperation to know. Clawing him apart from the inside out. He needs to know.
To know what you’re feeling. To know what’s being said. To know why you two never came out, even hours after Kabru left. In explicit detail, he must know. What you like about Laios, what you don’t, what you find attractive, if you got hot in the face when you saw him, if you ever felt that way about Kabru, if you think Kabru’s attractive, if you accepted his invitation just because Kabru sent it or because you truly wanted to meet Laios.
He can’t just ask, so now he must meticulously set up a series of precision events to fish the information out.
Because your hesitance to emphatically accept the proposal confuses Kabru. You’ve never been particularly picky about partners, but you’re not the type for manufacturing attraction to spare a person’s feelings. So theory one is that Laios is not physically appealing to you.
Though not even that explanation makes sense. To be short, Kabru doesn’t understand how you couldn’t be attracted to Laios. Such strong, determined features demanded attention; and trust, the attention would be positive.
Broad shoulders and meaty thighs, Laios’ build is admirable on its own: Kabru could sink his teeth into Laios’ bicep and never cut bone. Aside from that is the healthy fluff of blonde hair his king keeps trimmed, as well as his face. Remaining clean shaven gives an air of proper hygiene and self-sufficiency that makes Laios seem more attractive.
Kabru cannot fathom how you’re not preparing vows yet.
That thought makes him shoot up in bed, eyes wide and a hand curled into his churning gut.
Why can’t Kabru fathom how you’re not preparing vows? Why does he find it so peculiar?
That type of questioning, this obsession -- it implies Kabru wants to prepare vows, doesn’t it?
With ragged grumbling Kabru collapses back into his mattress, letting his fried brain melt through his ears as he finally attempts giving in to sleep.
…
He wakes to a nightmare the next morning -- you and Laios are alone in the great hall, sitting shoulder-to-shoulder on the end closest to the kitchen. Chairs pushed so close the armrests are peeling against each other, elbows knocking as Laios forgoes all table etiquette. Not once do you scold or demean him. Instead seeming too engrossed at the ear-nibbling of shapeshifter trivia Laios is laying down.
“Did you ever run into one?” Laios asks, eyes a little too glittery for someone who must’ve woken quite early for this private breakfast, “My dad had our dogs follow herds so we could spot them in the flock.”
“Dogs can tell which sheep are fakes?”
“Oh, yeah! Dogs can tell by the smell,” Laios taps his nose, “I wonder what the difference is, don’t you? Do they smell more sweet, like dirt? Or do they have no smell at all since their illusions?”
“Maybe a Kobold would be able to tell you? Their anatomy is dog-like, after all.”
“I thought so, too! But there’s not many Kobolds native to the North.”
“Well, hopefully you can find out one day,” then you bite for more monster facts, “I did always wonder what my own shapeshifter could look like. Don’t they read people’s minds to make their copies?”
Laios’ silverware clatters away, tinking loudly on the glass plate, hands flexing hysterically, heart jumping to his tongue, “They do, they take other people’s interpretations of you to confuse your company into keeping it around.”
“How thrilling,” you muse.
“It’s a shame I’ll never get to see or make another one,” he lifts his fork, pushing meat and eggs around his plate glumly, “Would’ve been fun to see what you look like in my memory compared to the real thing.”
“You can tell me now,” your palm bares his shoulder, leaning over your chair and towards his own. Laios’ honey eyes dip, tracing the shape of your lips which makes you lean even closer, “How is it that you see me, Laios? Would I be flattered?”
“I hope so,” he blurts.
Kabru backs away, rattling door hinges before slumping back into the corridor. Rotten thoughts of how lovely you are corroding his brain. You’re so lovely to nip at your betrothed’s interest wholeheartedly, no matter how unconventional.
You’re so lovely it's all consuming.
You’re so lovely he can’t remember when or why, exactly, he fell in love with you.
You’re so lovely he thinks he might have just always been your emotional pin cushion.
There remains to be a single thing Kabru could name that made him fall in love with you.
Kindness is much too bland of a trait. And you wanted the wellbeing of others, but that’s something Kabru expects from people. You are pretty, but that’s no reason to daydream about buying a house together. Perhaps it was a combination of all three that mixed lethally well with how much time you spent together.
That, with how detrimental party romances are to group fallouts, maybe made you more desirable? Could that be it?
You were a new, fascinating person he couldn’t pick apart as soon as he gazed upon you, and you knew exactly how to swerve his expectations. You loved listening to him mutter about the interlocked nature of humans: one man cheating on his wife in Kahka Brud undoing a port in Melini. But you stepped away from interpersonal Island gossip. You could rattle out seven variations of man-eating plants but couldn’t stand to even look upon the vegetation without grimacing.
Approachable with a thin smile and batting lashes, beautiful and quiet. Very quiet. You hardly ask anything of others. It should make you seem ominous or menacing, but no part of him feels endangered by you.
Kabru always felt so comfortable around you that, despite knowing his other party members longer, he found you the easiest to converse with. Before he could realize himself, you’d crawled over so many emotional walls without letting him bypass a single one of your own.
You’re his worst nightmare, he craves you more than oxygen.
Year 513
The tavern door opens with an outrageous squeal. If the mood were different, then you would probably make a humorous remark about the aged hinges. But the mood isn’t different. Things are tense and he just wants to go home now.
Even twinkling stars blink away to avoid giving his humiliation anymore attention. Moonlight rudely oozes over you both, though, reminding him how much he prefers the sun. The moon always seems to follow him when he’s whirled in his worst turmoil.
You step into the tavern first, holding the cranky door open for him. He’d thank you like the upstanding young man his mother raised… if only the mood were different.
Silently, Kabru trails behind you, cheeks blistering hot and palms moist, with his head bent. You two make it back to the table circled by your party, sans Daya due to a more pressing engagement with her fiance. Rin’s perma-scowl cracks briefly into blatant shock at his slouch before schooling herself into re-wrinkling her face. Confusion curling into the folds of her glabella.
“What happened?”
Per usual, you answer for Kabru, “Nothing.”
“Nothing?” anger seems to flash briefly over her for a moment, a spasm so minute only Kabru can spot it, “Really?”
He’s not surprised she’s upset about him, shamefully, trying to woo you during a night out with the party. What surprises him is that her anger is solely directed at you.
At least until you nod firmly, “Nothing happened, Rin.”
Then pity laxes her irritation, she spares Kabru a flicker of eye contact before mumbling an ‘okay’. She ends up remaining largely silent for the rest of the night, only extending responses when directly prompted.
What else surprises him is the ease with which you lie. Something happened, just not how he wanted it to play out.
Maybe he didn’t notice because of his drowned mood, but Kabru swears you didn’t exhibit any of your usual tells when you spoke.
(the fact he harps on your physical tells will make him so mad he cries later tonight)
Year 515
“He’s going to burn their ear off, I’m telling you…” Marcille grumbles.
“I think it's cute,” Falin grins.
“Of course, you do,” Marcille sighs, though smiling fondly at the girl while scritching around her plumage. Falin chirps happily and nuzzles into Marcille’s shoulder, “He’s your brother, you never think he’s as weird as he is.”
Kabru speaks boldly, which he knows is unlike himself but he’s so eager to show that he knows you more than them that he cannot stop himself, “They can bond over the monster talk, at least.”
“Are they even into monsters?”
“Kind of?” he backtracks, realizing that he isn’t sure how to answer her question, “They hate monsters, but they know a lot.”
“Good on you for finding someone like that, then,” Marcille shrugs, “They might actually have a good marriage.”
Kabru tenses, even though he shouldn’t (because he knows why you’re here, so he can’t exactly get depressed when other people bring it up), “Yeah. They will.”
“For a while, I thought you’d marry my brother,” Falin says suddenly. Eyes sharp on Kabru’s figure.
Marcille guffaws, “Why would you say that?”
She shrugs before letting her eyes relax to their usual serene state, “They get along well. And Laios likes him. Laios doesn’t usually like people.”
“I guess you have a point,” Marcille waves a figurative flag before gesturing to the room around them, “But we’re not planning their wedding.”
“Yeah…” Falin sighs like she’s the one most disappointed.
Kabru says nothing, only returning to the list of ale and wine suppliers eager to vend for the upcoming royal wedding. His eyes skim names he’s heard various reviews for, but his brain takes none of them in. Rather, he’s fixated on what Falin said.
She could see it?
Could they have gotten married?
If Kabru forgot you completely, or even better never met you, could it be him stepping up to the altar? Would Laios have him?
Laios doesn’t usually like people. but in crowded meetings, it's solely Kabru that Laios searches for. And it’s the sight of Kabru that makes Laios sigh in relief. And it’s the sound of Kabru’s voice that Laios waits for before delivering a response.
At dinner, back when they ate together before you monopolized mealtimes, Laios always ensured Kabru had twice his fill before calling it a night.
(“Even though we’re not fighting in a dungeon anymore, I still think you should retain your strength.”
“You sound like you just like watching me eat.”
“Maybe that, too. You have a nice mouth.”
Kabru never responded to that, too petrified over the implications. Now he thinks he probably should have, maybe it would have meant he’d be marrying a king.)
Falin was right in that Laios doesn’t take to people easily, and he’s sure that’s all she meant. But Kabru knows that her statement is a criminal oversimplification of Laios.
Laios likes people so much he’s gone on potentially endless, potentially fruitless, endeavors for them. Laios likes people so much he makes them harpy eggs because they seem minorly interested in monster cuisine. Laios likes people so much he makes sure they’re treated with the utmost dignity. Laios loves people, and suddenly the thought of you becoming one of those select people is getting harder to grieve.
Laios’ love is not limited, but now Kabru’s forced to come to terms with the fact that Laios’ romantic love for him is--
“So, did you pick yet?” Marcille and Falin are swatching fabrics from the cushy loveseat of the main library, “I’ve heard of a roach outbreak in Smisson’s breweries, so I hope you didn’t get attached.”
Kabru jolts upright and shakes his head, saying the first dumb thing he can think of, “I heard of that, too.”
Falin giggles, “He’s the one that told you about it, Marcille.”
“Huh? You’re kidding!” a furious blush overtakes the elf, “I’m sorry, I don’t know how I forgot that!”
Kabru shakes his head again, swallowing roughly, “It’s fine.”
Really, it’s all fine.
Year 513
“Everyone wanted to be here,” Kabru chuckles quietly, as if raising his voice could somehow wake the entire Island.
“I’m sure,” there’s no hint of sarcasm in your voice, “They were with me late last night, so… I didn’t really expect anyone to see me off,” you giggle softly, a hollow sound he doesn’t take very kindly, “I’m surprised you made it.”
“It’s the least I could do after everything you gave the party,” with no decorum he scratches the back of his neck, and avoids looking you in the face, “It’ll be harder in the dungeon without you.”
“I believe in you.”
His breath hitches. He looks at you. A barely-there smile and tired eyes. It may be the most honest he’s seen you. He’s tempted to ask how you meant that ‘you’, but doesn’t.
He doesn’t even speak until you’re boarded -- until he’s forced to raise his voice so you can hear him over a bustling crew and fellow passengers.
“If I send letters, will you read them?” Kabru silences you before you can open your mouth, “Will you respond?”
Then, you’re smiling wider, and your eyes are tight with joy. It isn’t the usual siren cant of droopy lids, it’s pure elation. You’re laughing at his question, shoulders bouncing gleefully. You’re nodding. You speak between chortles, as if he asked you what color the sky was.
“Of course, I will!”
You look more beautiful than he’s ever seen you before.
“Okay, I’ll write you, then.”
“You better!”
Your ship rocks as it sets off from the dock, but you don’t disappear beneath the ridge. In fact, you almost hang over it, torso flattening against wood and nails digging for purchase as you wave.
Kabru waves back. He runs down the dock like a fool, barely catching himself from tumbling into the lapping ocean.
“Bye, Kabru!” you’re still smiling, bathed in soft orange and soothing yellow -- your voice grows distant over crashing waves, “I’ll miss you!”
He keeps waving. He waves and he waves and he doesn’t stop until your ship is behind the horizon. Only then does his hand fall to his side, eyes sopping wet and chest squeezing.
He feels pathetic.
He misses you already.
Year 515
Days prior this morning, the grand hall was cleared out -- pews replaced the needlessly long cherry oak dining table. Flowers plotted in tall carved vases with white lace and silk choking the necks, a velvet track from the altar through open doors to the courtyard. People from across the continents were invented, diplomats to friendly nobles to acquaintances Laios does not remember to true friends to your father and brother and Falin.
(“You don’t want to invite your parents?” Kabru re-evaluates his list of guests, “Seems uncouth, no?”
“What do I care?” Laios’ legs are splayed, thighs pressing against either side of the gold throne, “A wedding is meant to be happy, why would I need people I don’t like there?” he knocks a fist back into Kabru’s chest, letting his knuckles linger over the man’s heart only as long as he can say, “I have you, and my betrothed, and my friends. Really, that’s all I need.”
“It’d be rude to- ”
“I get it,” Laios’ hand falls back onto his armrest, fingertips skimming the rounded metal edge, “This is why I’m leaving it to you, I trust you.”)
Out of all the tedious preparation, dressing Laios was the most tragic in that the king hated everything the handmaids and servants stuffed him in. Countless hours were wasted before they begged Kabru to help, only then did the king settle:
No crown, terminally unsurprising, since Laios abhorred the weight and feel of it on his head. Rather, he would adorn himself with that dreadful Winged Lion’s pelt, and a vermillion cotehardie reaching mid-thigh with gold trim. Leather belt tethered around his waist gave the fabric shape whilst holding up loose britches. Daggered teeth of various beasts lined his neck, which Kabru was privy to each and every complaint over the sensory nightmare they provided. He’s sure as soon as Laios can, he’ll be tearing the necklace off.
Dressing himself, regardless of Laios’ multiple emphatic encouragements, was a similar exercise in disaster:
It felt massively inappropriate to wear something so shiny and attractive as gold on another man’s wedding night, even as Laios insisted Kabru wear whatever he pleased. Still, Kabru chose silver earrings and accents. Sparkling and flattering, yes, but nothing so bold. He did splurge with a sapphire blue kirtie that made his eyes shine brighter, and a simple chain of pearls. He felt attractive, and joyous.
Joyous for tonight. Joyous for a wedding! Yes, simply so ecstatic for tonight’s marriage.
Truthfully, Kabru is so overjoyed for his king, he really could just fucking die.
From joy. And happiness.
Because what makes it even better is how you look happy. Actually happy. No low gaze or siren simper, just pure, carefree merriment as you link hands with Laios. Reciting vows from a flushed, teary-eyed Marcille. Neither of you has that gleam or honeydew sparkle of pure love, but Kabru is good at his job: zero doubt swims in his mind that you two will be a pair truly enamored with each other.
His misery must be unfiltered in the back of the grand hall, far behind the rest of the wedding party, because Rin’s dark eyes are piercing through the side of his skull. She’s frowning up at him, arms folded.
She murmurs, “You should’ve said something.”
Kabru grins at her sardonically, “I should’ve broken up their engagement? You didn’t even like us interacting when they were in our party.”
“That’s- !” her cheeks stain red, an annoyed huff rattling her whole body, “They never told you why they rejected you, right?”
Kabru’s silence is answer enough. It’s also more unsettling to Rin than any dungeon monster she’d encountered.
“They knew that I wanted you,” Rin clears her throat, embarrassment trying to choke her into silence, but she overcomes it for the sake of her friend, “So, out of respect, you were refused and never told why.”
Kabru loves Rin, as a sister. He loves her so much he’d kill for her, because she’s like his sister. He loves her so so so much that he cannot even be mad at her, because part of him always considered her somewhat to blame for your rejection of him.
For an agonizing, silent few seconds, Kabru just stares down at her with those crystalline eyes. Blinking himself from his stupor, Kabru asks the dumbest question he could think of, “Did they want to say yes?”
Rin’s frown deepens, forehead wrinkling, “Is that something you really want to know?”
Laios is a terrible kisser, and out of respect you cover your mouths with a hand as he maps out your lips with eyes clenched. Kabru told him not to close his eyes too early, and naturally Laios did not listen. Thankfully you’re there, hiding Laios’ possible humiliation with one hand and guiding him with your other on his jaw.
“No,” Kabru sighs, “Not really.”
That’s the biggest lie he might’ve ever told Rin.
Still she pats his back sympathetically, even laying her head against his shoulder.
Celebration begins, food laid free for grabbing and wine flowing like water -- especially into Kabru’s gaping maw. It's sour on his tongue, but as far as he’s seen it's him alone that scrunches his face and shakes out his hair at the taste, which only has him feeling crazier.
.
.
.
“Isn’t this foul?” Kabru scoffs, slumped over one of the many strewn tables in the general ballroom, cramped posture making him seem smaller. Ordinarily this is embarrassing. Ordinarily he’s not drunk.
“I don’t notice anything,” Chilchuck swigs from the clear chalice in his hand.
Marcille takes a civilized sip for herself, unspoken concern that their friend’s taste in alcohol is not utmost dependable, “I don’t notice anything either.”
Kabru swirls his wine, staring into the dark spiral and wondering if a bug of some type sensed his grim mood and decided to drown itself and poison his cup.
“I’m going to get a new drink, then,” Kabru rises, bidding the pair well as he guns for the barrels of frothy ale.
People cheer and clack maizers, spilling various toxic cures onto the floor making his shoes stick with loud clicks. Something he doesn’t bother with knowing Laios will seek him out once the stains are discovered.
Laios, Laios, Laios: speaking of.
Kabru’s gaze floats across the party to find his king, who is staring off with hands fidgeting in the drape of his Winged Lion’s pelt as your father speaks. An unfortunate sight, one he’s itching to rectify when a lengthy gown flows into his vision.
Dashing and soft and yours.
Sage fabric glides along the floor, intricately sewn floral trim skittering along the ground. Flowers of lace and yarn decorate the bust and sleeves, even a crown of colorful buds blooms atop your head. Rings of gold link around your fingers. Hair swept away to unveil your face, coiled and braided with, unbelievably, more flowers dancing between the tresses. Faint lavender and tangerine lingers around you in a hypnotizing haze, culling lovestruck head-turns of men and women with your every step.
“Your husband’s alone with your father.”
“They’ll come out alive, or we’ll hear them killing each other,” you pull out a seat at the longest central table and gesture to the chair directly beside you, “Sit. We never got to properly catch up.”
Kabru sees you have wine. He suddenly craves the sour grape flavor (maybe all he was missing was the sensation of licking it off your lips). From what he remembers, Laios was holding wine as well. Kabru considers stretching out to steal a second taste.
Although, sugary enough is the sound of your voice, suddenly his fresh mug of ale is entirely forgotten.
“Kabru?”
You’re so pretty, Kabru could tear his eyes out now and not miss a single greater sight. Especially when you’re -again- bathed in the pouring gold sunlight through grand windows, tranquil beside him at the long table. As if there isn’t a single other spot you prefer, you sit right next to him with a chalice of the worst wine he’s ever had.
“Hey, Kabru…”
His hands shake with the need to hold you. Chest raging with his uncontrollable heartbeat. His head hurts with the knowledge that there really isn’t a place he prefers more than by you (even if he’s forced to drink alcohol so foul it's comparable to sewage).
“Kabru,” your touch startles him, pout and knitted brows capturing his whole attention, “You’re not even listening to me!” you laugh, shaking off his incompetence so easily it makes him want to thank you with a kiss, “Are you drunk?”
“Huh?” he lowers his head into his hands, “Yes,” he lies to you, “Yes, that must be it.”
“Poor thing, I thought you were better at holding your liquor.”
“Your memory is fading…”
“Oh, well, suppose me and the king will have to tuck you in. Make sure you get to bed safely without bumping into anything expensive.”
Kabru gags, pushing himself up from his seat and dashing towards the nearest bathroom to empty the contents of his stomach (wine, mead, beer, and beer’s good brother ale).
Tears sting his eyes, snot beginning to leak from his nose as he spits into the toilet bowl. You and the king. The king and you. You and Laios: married. Perfect union. And Kabru did it all to himself. He wanted so desperately to drink himself under the table to forget, and you just had to go reminding him.
You are the worst person he’s ever met, and so is Laios! Your commitment to respect is disgusting, and Laios’ trust in him is an absolute travesty. You two should just hurry up and keel over instead of shoving your romance in Kabru’s face; and if either of you ever thanks him for setting you up then he’ll gut you both that very instant.
Laios and you are terrible, awful, no good devils -- and he wants you both so bad he’s vomiting in the bathroom on your wedding night.
Maybe he can send you both off on a honeymoon? Yes, yes. And while you’re away, he’ll drown in responsibility by day and pretty faces by night. Upon your return, he’ll have forgotten he was ever smitten.
No, who is he kidding? That would be a pointless venture.
You’d be so giddy to tell Kabru allllll about your trip while Laios would show off trinkets he picked up with that charming smile, Kabru would fall right back here. Puking and crying. He should just resign totally. Rot away in bed and die so he never has to see either of you again.
How cowardly.
How unbecoming.
Kabru could kick himself.
Rin was in his position more or less (...less, though, definitely less) and still had the nerve to face him every day for years. She didn’t run away, and she didn’t make her party suffer because of her feelings -- so how could Kabru extend the kingdom’s wellbeing over his? Without him, Laios would socially drown with a village chief’s firstborn as a life preserver.
You’re smart and well-versed in reading others, but you’re not Kabru for God’s sake. You can’t apply half of what you know, not to mention you don’t even care to learn.
Wiping off his mouth and flushing the toilet, Kabru stumbles toward the doorway with a prayer in his pocket to find water soon.
Returning to the chipper scene, Kabru can instantaneously spot Laios flagging him down, with his spare hand curved into the base of your spine.
He dodges you both and retires to bed. Lightheaded and miserable, he’s asleep quickly.
Then, suddenly, he’s not.
.
.
.
He’s outside Laios’ room.
Did his feet carry him here subconsciously? How pathetic…
Kabru is fully prepared to turn back and amble to his room when there’s a sound from the other side of the door. A sharp gasp and whine, then your giggling, and Laios’ voice pleading for you to be nice to him. More murmuring, then a soft moan. A lofty sigh.
Song of a consummation.
Foolishly, Kabru hadn’t thought that your sex life was something he’d have to encounter directly. And despite knowing he should step away, if not out of honor then at least to preserve his own heart, Kabru’s curiosity bolts him to the floor.
He’s never seen Laios fuck.
He’s never seen you fuck, either.
He feels compelled to study -- how does your subdued front mesh with Laios’ eager hands? Which of you takes control? With his bigger size and more powerful title, one would assume Laios, but Kabru bets it's you. Will you make him wait? Would he dive between your thighs with fervor? How will the lip stain your ladies painted you with look slathered across Laios’ pale skin?
Despite knowing what it says about his character, Kabru stays. On some level to get it through to himself that you two are together and off-limits; and on a deeper, truer level because he’s sick in the head.
As was the plan anyway, until a booming, “Hey!” echoes from down the dim hall. A guardsman fast approaching from his patrol route. Kabru’s face is hidden by the dark, figure easily mistaken for a passing servant. But even if the guard could recognize him, would it matter?
What reason does the royal advisor have for lingering outside his king’s chambers so late into the night?
Lies fly through Kabru’s brain as the guard bristles closer, none of them plausible. Finally, the idea of killing this man cycles through his mind, and he reconciles with the fact that must be his only option to avoid an obscenity charge.
“Oh, you came!” a soft hand lands between Kabru’s shoulder blades, voice floating past him and to the guard now two feet away, “Thank you for your faithful service, but don’t concern yourself with him. Our king summoned him,” your laugh soothes Kabru’s tensed muscles, “I wasn’t sure he’d make it because of the hour.”
Kabru stares at you, not bothering to hide his confused, jaw-hanging stare as the guard retreats to his typical patrol.
A thin silk robe drapes over you, loosely tied at the waist and exposing much of your chest.
“I never took you for a pervert, Kabru,” such a mellow voice makes even your scalding accusation sound sweet. You whirr him around by the arm and lug him into yours and Laios’ newly shared room. All proprieties trapped outside but trepidation slithers through, lodging in his gullet.
Laios lays on the bed, exposed completely. Tousled sheets bunched between his hands and under his thighs. Cheeks flushed redder than the head of his cock, hard and slapped against his stomach. Wide spread thighs and heaving chest bountiful eye candy.
“How’d you know it was him?” Laios sounds devastatingly breathless, eyes low and ruby lips swollen.
“Hunch,” you answer plainly, petting down Kabru’s arm until your fingers lace with his.
Kabru murmurs your name, wide eyed. You knew?
Of course, you knew. How could he have thought anything else? Your calm nature about the whole ordeal solidifies that you must’ve known for a long while. Longer than him, even. When would you have figured it out?
“He’s beautiful,” you perch your chin on Kabru’s shoulder, cooing into his ear, “You were always so focused on his face, you’ve never gotten to see anything beneath his clothes, have you?”
Oh, right. The very first day you got here, obviously.
Laios rolls his head from one shoulder to the other, brows pinching in frustration, heated gaze straying from Kabru to you, “He’s going to touch me, right?”
“Depends,” your hands skim up Kabru’s spine, nudging him forward, “Kabru, do you want to touch your king?” one arm glides around his front, fingers toying with the band of his trousers, “And myself?”
“Uhhh…” can he be honest with himself? Can he lay himself bare before not one, but two people? Two people he’s interested in above all else. Heat laps from the barrel of his chest, scorching from cheeks to ears to forehead as sweat beads along his hairline and the back of his neck.
“I asked a question. I need a response.”
Laios’ cock twitches against his abdomen, throat croaking around desire.
“Yes,” Kabru exhales, heavy, barbed, and thorny, cutting him up inside until he’s too weak to stand. Sinking onto the mattress by his knees, “I will.”
Laios’ eyes flick from Kabru’s face down to his weepy erection.
He wants Laios in his mouth. Wants the warmth slapping his tongue, burrowing towards the cinch of his throat. He wants to grope the bulge his king forces through his neck and feel your hands buried in his dark hair. The latter need is fulfilled, your fingers combing through dark curls to push him into your husband’s crotch.
“What a pretty mouth, Kabru, you love to run it,” you climb onto the bed beside him, holding Laios steady by the base, “Try something new, hm?”
“New is- ”
“Try it, Kabru. Now,” regardless of the choppy demand, your voice remains dulcet. Pillowy and fluffy. He could melt into your sound.
His tongue lolls to slather the underside of Laios’ cock with hot saliva, enveloping the man in his mouth. Cheeks hollowing and lashes batting wetly up at the king, crimson deepening on Laios’ face. Behind him, the mattress dips and shakes, Laios’ eyes jumping from baby blues to over Kabru’s back, hips jerking against his chin.
Your hand lifts from inky hair, curls slipping between your fingers in vain attempts to tether you against his skull. Now both your palms run up Laios’ chest as you mold against his side. Your thighs spread around one of his arms and robe nowhere to be found, painted lips smear rouge up Laios’ neck and cheek before you claim his lips.
One of Laios’ hands cradles Kabru’s head, not rudely pushing nor wrangling his hair, just an affectionate reminder of whose cock is in his throat. Meanwhile, the hand between your thighs crooks towards your heat, middle finger ringing your clit -- earning a jump and heave from you.
Laios coaxes Kabru off, winded as he requests, “Can you two kiss? Please?”
Kabru gives the king no time to abjure before he’s spearing you with attention, not that you’re more patient; hurriedly cupping his cheeks and legs spreading to welcome him between. Sat up enough to give Laios a proper view, Kabru fondles your ass as you happily cram your lips to his. He wonders if your lip stain wipes off on him as well. He hopes it does.
“So beautiful,” Laios muses stroking his cock, casually flicking his wrist and thumbing the head, as you reach for Kabru’s.
Kabru’s lips sear down your neck, urged to bite. He does not.
“Soft, right?” Laios lays his head against your shoulder, poking obnoxiously into Kabru’s space (not that he minds), “Still sweet with wine.”
You taste better than the fucking wine.
Does Laios?
Your lips curl, drifting away just to whisper against his lips, “Would you like to kiss the king?”
“Can I?”
Before you can reaffirm, Laios snatches Kabru by the chin to kiss him.
Laios is not sweet like wine, he tastes like beer and salt and iron from a raw lip, and yet Kabru cannot drink him down fast enough.
Hands, big and calloused and sweltering, brand Kabru’s hips -- spinning him around to face the door as you unwork the man’s nightshirt. Tossing the flowy cloth aside, you press a final kiss to Kabru’s lips, before laying out beneath him.
Kabru’s eyes hone on the honeydew slick glossing your slit, hands scrambling for perch on your bracketing thighs as Laios’ settle on his ass. Anticipation builds and flows out of his mouth, rich and thick and in the form of a lashing tongue. Broad and cozy, Kabru sweeps up your cunt, thumbs parting you for the purest taste. Audible sighs fan over your pelvis in time with Laios burying his spit-slick fingers into Kabru’s hole.
A groan vibrates through your hips, Kabru’s electric eyes flashing over the quiver in your thighs as you grind onto his nose. Both hands knotting through his hair.
Fingers prod inside you, curling toward your stomach before scissoring apart just to noisily slurp out leaking wetness.
Burly hands rearrange Kabru again, manhandling him until he’s got his back against Laios’ chest with legs thrown out across the bed. Exhilaration surges through Kabru’s whole body, extremities jittering and whines dribbling down his lips. Slowly, he’s lowered onto Laios’ cock with teeny rasps inspiring you to grab him by the shoulders. Again, sweet lips meet his, but he realizes the ploy quickly: torturous pleasure rips through his gut as you push him back to prime for riding.
Laios’ hand finds your chest, tweaking your nipple while snapping his hips up. Pounding into Kabru’s clenching hole in time that you sink down on the poor man.
Over Kabru’s shoulder, you and Laios swap spit with noisy kisses and if he weren’t sweating ecstasy then maybe he’d find the power to be embarrassed over his desperation to join. Regardless of getting his brains ground into mush by your combined, incessant pistoning, Kabru finds himself giddy to be involved further.
You’re purposeful and elegant; excruciating, tantalizing bounces with nails digging into the meat of Kabru’s chest. As if you could easily tear him apart, only dangling in front of him like a carrot-drawn-horse.
Laios is frantic and overwhelming; hips unrelenting and thick muscled arms belting Kabru against him. Skin clapping skin, moist with sweat, and fat rippling from the impacts of Laios’ fucking. Each thrust into Kabru sends him rocketing further inside you; bulging deep, deep in your squelching cunt.
Contrasting in all ways -- your hands pet and scratch while Laios’ anchor and tug, you moan and mewl while Laios groans and growls. When you’re not kissing your husband you impress downy lips upon Kabru’s chest while Laios tears bruises from his neck with full teeth.
Passion swells each suck and stroke and pap, pap, pap until Kabru’s bursting from the inside out. He keens, body tensing.
“Breathe,” Laios huffs into his ear, voice low and crackling, “Breathe, it feels better when you don’t tighten up.”
Kabru heeds, blowing hot air across your bare chest as he cums, and you coo, “Good boy.”
A slush of your combined juices cascades, soaking and matting Kabru’s pubes. Wetting his and Laios’ balls. Three hard rams and Laios is spilling inside Kabru as well. Pants and gulps echoing around the room.
Reclining against the headboard, Laios slowly pulls your exhausted body off Kabru before slipping his cock out of the man. Each of you is fully aware the hygienic option is to wash yourselves, change the sheets, and maybe even comb through messy heads of hair.
None of you do, though.
Laios, grinning bright and alluring as the sun, has an arm nestled around both you and Kabru to keep you flush against his sides. Your head finds a pillow in your husband’s chest, Kabru copying the motion. Swamped exhales pass between yours and Kabru’s blissed out faces, but only measured breaths pull a serene rise and fall from Laios. Drool even leaks from the corner of Kabru’s mouth, he groans in disgust but can’t manage the strength to wipe it away. Neither can you, exhaustion poisoning you from the knees up.
A careful thumb dabs the spittal away, only to grossly end up smearing it across Kabru’s shoulder when Laios replaces his hand on the man’s bare arm.
“How…” Kabru shudders for breath, “Why…” his eyes flutter drowsily, “Not tired…?”
“I didn’t do much,” Laios reasons (whether he genuinely thinks that or is bluffing, nobody can be sure), voice low as he notices you’re beginning to drift asleep, “Wore yourselves out, though.”
“Still…” Kabru huffs defiantly, yawning against the moist valley between Laios’ pecs, “I… more stamina…”
“Ass,” you drowsily pitch in, eyes closed and lashes stark against your cheeks.
“Ass?” Laios looks down at Kabru.
“Ass,” Kabru yawns again, now capable of slurring full sentences together with his breath sufficiently caught, “First time taking it in the ass. Probably took more out of me than I expected…”
“You should’ve said something,” Laios lours, “Even monsters like Orcs that have sex for pleasure stretch their partners more than I did. It helps prevent tearing. I wish I could’ve seen more mating rituals before getting cursed.”
“You could read more…”
Kabru’s too tired to negate your yawn of a suggestion. He doesn’t need to before Laios mutters again, seconds away from passing out altogether,
“I’ve read about them a lot, I just wanted to see it for myself.”
Year 515. Some days later.
Laios suddenly turns in his throne, angling his body towards Kabru, “You think I can make polyamorous marriage legal?”
“Why?” Kabru’s sure he knows exactly where the king’s head is, he just wants to hear the man say it.
Sticking out his thumb, index, and middle finger, Laios scrunches the digits towards his palm twice, “Aren’t we all getting married?”
“You’ll have to ask your real spouse about that first.”
“I did.”
“Huh?!” that makes Kabru’s heart explode, blood and meat blowing through his orifices. Teasing Laios is easy now that he more clearly understands the man’s motives, but you?
You’re intimidating even after he’s been inside you, he doesn’t know how Laios can so casually ask you something like that (he does though, it’s due to Laios’ many loose screws).
“I already asked about us marrying you.”
“And…?”
“They thought it was a good idea!” Laios shakes off, as if Kabru should have just known you would go along with your husband’s insanity, “So, can I legalize it?”
“Probably,” Kabru settles a hand over his chest, hoping to calm his racing heart (or what remains, anyway), “I’ll look into it.”
“Yay! Thank you!”
~~~
kabru miserablism POV my beloved
beast laios and fae reader and treasure kabru imagery makes me so hard
♡Warnings: (you/yours), manga spoilers for characters backstorys (mithrun)
♡♤♡♤♡♤
♡Laios Touden - he has no idea what to do because falin was never really the type to get sick and when he got sick she was the one that took care of him so saying hes inexperienced is putting things lightly. He goes to everyone in the party to get any suggestions on how to help you only to try all of them and makes things a little worse. He keeps fidgeting and checking on you because he low-key thinks youre dying when its just a common cold. Eventually he gets senshi and falin or marcelle to take a look at you. Once they do and instruct him on what to do you start to feel a bit better.
♡Marcille Donato - she instantly tried any healing magic she knows but anything on the more serious scale will get her going to falin or making warm soup for you. Shes very attentive while the people she cares about are sick, doing everything she can to help them get better. She will scold you if you try to get up on your own to do litterally anything. Need to use the bathroom? Shes carrying you there and back with her weak little elf arms. (Or at least she tries too)
♡Chilchuck Tims - he lingers in the corner and simply watches while someone else treats you and the amount of grey hairs he will end up with will depend on who is treating you (with senshi and falin giving him almost none!) If he ends up treating your illness himself he either gives you medicine and leaves you to rest or he tells someone else that he think would be better at the task to do it for him
♡Senshi - he makes you the most healthy yet delicious soup or meal to help you get better. He gets you a healer if ones available and uses whatever weird ingredients he needs to make sure youre better. Its best if the whole party is healthy when dungeon exploring. Makes sure you get your rest and keeps checking on you while your sick. Maid senshi frfr
♡Izutsumi - "have you tried getting better?" She doesn't show it but shes definitely at least a little worried and she shows it by sleeping next to you or dropping dead rats by your bed as a present. Laios thinks its cool and definitely encourages it while everyone else heavily disagrees. Curls up on your chest and sleeps or just overall sleeps next to you.
♡Falin Touden - she specializes in healing and support magic so even more difficult illnesses are no big deal for her. Shes very caring while healing you though. She'll hum softly and make sure youre comfortable as she rests her hands on you to cast the needed spells. If for whatever reason she doesnt use magic to heal you instantly shes just as caring when taking care of you.
♡Kabru - he knows everything about the human body to the point that its scary. "Your symptoms definitely sound like appendicitis... youre dying." - kabru with the biggest internal smile youve ever seen because hes happy that he was actually able to identify the issue. After that he instantly actually got you medical care if it was even necessary with whatever sickness you had and comforted you while you were awake. Hes like a single mom to me idfk
♡Mithrun - he had his reason to do anything at all completely consumed and destroyed with the only feeling left in his body being the urge for revenge. If you end up sick near this man you will be left to fend for yourself and die (youll probably need to take care of him tbh). He simply doesn't have the means to take care of anyone or anything, which includes himself.
…tags! pining, confession, kabru is a bit of a freak about this, oblivious reader, reader is an adventurer
…word count! 2671
…notes! spreading my kabruganda to the masses!!! kabru is my me so I very much enjoy writing him
denial
At first, Kabru was so convinced that there was something behind your happy-go-lucky exterior.
You were so skilled in the dungeon, able to make it down to floors that even he hadn’t traversed yet. So you must have a good grasp on tactics, not only in battle, but also when socializing! Yes, maybe you read people expertly when they’d respond in kind to your friendly behavior…..
During the stage where you’re acquainted but don’t know much about each other personally, he spends so long crafting theories about what’s going on inside your head.
His party members get sick of hearing about it halfway through the second week.
Once you meet again in person, he’s ecstatic to have an opportunity to take a closer look at your inner workings. His words and mannerisms are calm and purposeful, but there is a certain spark in his eyes, almost trying to illuminate your thoughts and feelings with its shine.
Over the course of the conversation, Kabru starts getting a bit confused at his lack of new findings about you. It takes you saying something particularly damning for him to finally reach the dreaded conclusion.
“I don’t usually run into you in places like this.”
Kabru had encountered you one evening after exiting his room and seeing you and a few party members at the bar. It was nothing short of a strike of luck, and most certainly not him deliberately staying home that evening because he’d overheard your plans to go out.
“Hm?” You perked up, looking at him with a blank expression that was quickly replaced with a kind smile. Even trying to look closely, he couldn’t find anything present in your face except for a simple joy.
He would approach you with long strides, placing one hand on the back of your chair as to be friendly and intimate, but not so intimate as to make you recoil from a touch. The wink he gave you was with the eye facing away from the others on the opposite side of the table, ensuring most of them wouldn’t notice his flirtatious gesture.
“Want me to buy you a drink?”
Immediately, you raised one hand in polite refusal, your smile turning into more of a sheepish one. “Oh, I don’t know if I’d be able to pay you back. I wasn’t going to splurge much tonight anyway….”
As you talked, Kabru pulled up a free chair and sat down, a gesture that cemented himself in the conversation and setting. He noticed when he sat down in the middle of conversation, it made people less likely to turn him away than if he were still standing.
“No, no.” when he shook his head, his dark curls did a swishing movement. Once he looked back at you, he gave a half-lidded smile, only a tinge sultry in hopes you’d pick up his hints. “Your company is more than enough payment for me.”
Your party could only stare on with absolute pity as you waved your previously raised hand dismissively, giving what Kabru could only assume was a reassuring nod. Why did you think he needed reassured….? What did you think he meant?
“It’s completely fine, no need to be polite! We’re beyond such niceties at this point, I’d say. After all, I consider us to be at least a little bit friends, right? You don’t need to buy me a drink just to hang out!”
For a brief period, Kabru felt as if his whole world was spinning around him, before then shattering at the unknowing sledgehammer of your words. These statements and mannerisms suggested something far more than just a passive rejection…… no, it was something much darker.
You truly were as dense as a brick wall.
anger
Kabru doesn’t always react….. too calmly when people defy his expectations.
He’s able to keep a smile on his face just fine, but on the inside he’s screaming.
What do you mean there isn’t more? Where’s the scheme? The ulterior motive? The familiar secrets he can unravel and use to his advantage? Is it so bad that he wants there to be more?????
I’ll be honest, the man experiences his fair number of homicidal thoughts about you. In a strangely romantic way!
You’ll be chatting away with him, each remark and flirtation absolutely flying over your head, and inside his mind he’s just going I should gut them right here and sort their bones and vitals by size if they won’t let me dissect them the mental way.
And then seconds later he’ll go haha what was that! Anyway yes tell me more about the cute bird you saw last week.
I think Kabru does a lot of journaling, so he has a fair number of notes about you. Sometimes they’re drawings of you with notes about your appearance and physical mannerisms, other times he writes more free form about his thoughts regarding you. When he gets particularly frustrated, the writing can became scratchy or heavy handed to the point that it’s unreadable or nearly tears the paper.
The silence and solitude of the night was briefly interrupted by Rin rolling over in her sleeping bag. She was just beyond the range of the firelight where Kabru was still writing, and he could only barely see the way she squinted at him through her own tiredness.
“What are you scribbling about so late at night?” The mage would try to start another sentence, but be cut off by a yawn. If she was trying to be intimidating, it certainly wasn’t working. “Go to bed, Kabru, or else you’ll wake up to being sprayed by an undine if I have anything to say about it.”
That was a rather unpleasant thought….. even if the threat wasn’t legitimate, Kabru recognized that he’d probably spent far more time writing than intended. It was embarrassingly easy to get distracted when it came to you….just another thing that irked him about you. Yes…..’irked’. That’s most certainly the word.
“I’ll wrap it up soon, sorry to disturb your sleep, Rin.” With a grumble, the girl rolled back over, leaving Kabru to glance at his notebook for just a brief moment more before closing it. The writing was near illegible, but he still knew the words by heart:
‘I wouldn’t mind if they were scared of me. Maybe, if they sat on the other end of my sword, trembling and wide-eyed like human prey, I’d get to see a truly untouched side of them.’
bargaining
After the shock and rage subsides, Kabru tries to make you realize his feelings through pretty much every method imaginable except for confessing.
It feels like the man always appears at your side, always claiming he ‘happened to be in the area’ or something similar. And you never even question it, infuriatingly for him.
Your party members often tell you that something is up with the guy, that he’s hanging around you a suspicious amount but never being fully transparent, but you’d feel so bad about being suspicious of him when he’s done nothing but inquire about you and even offer gifts on rare occasions!
Kabru isn’t exactly the richest of adventurers, so gifts or treating you isn’t a regular occasion, but it’s certainly something he resorts to as a last ditch effort to try and get you to realize that he’s interested in you romantically.
Once he even tried to offer you a flower, but you still didn’t take the hint.
When you saw the flower in Kabru’s hand that day, your first thought was being so flattered that he remembered your conversation about which ones you both liked.
“Oh, Kabru!” You exclaimed with pure joy, causing the man to become embarrassingly excited that perhaps you had finally noticed the meaning behind all his gestures. Were you finally moved and wowed by his considerate, perfectly planned gift.
Clapping your hands together, you would beam and say, “You liked my favorite flower so much that you wanted to get one for yourself?”
A fly could’ve soared down Kabru’s throat in the time of that pause, but you paid it no mind, instead eagerly awaiting his reply.
The look on Kabru’s face was a completely blank smile, his bright blue eyes seeming to have almost burned out like a pair of oil lamps. Then, as he regained his composure, those lights flickered back on again, albeit wavering slightly.
“Are you sure you don’t want to take it yourself? If you like it so much, I’d be happy to let you take it home.” Poor Kabru, he should have learned by now that hints have no effect against the impenetrable fortress that is your cluelessness.
Your grin was the nail in the coffin, letting him know you had something in your head that was absolutely not anything he could anticipate from anyone else. “But why not use it as some decoration? Your party members always talk about how sparse your room is, and it could even remind you of me when I’m away! Here—“
You ushered him closer, a hand now on the small of his back giving him sparks that teetered between pleasurable and painful. The free hand gestured to the plant he held so delicately, pointing out different features like the petals, stem, and so on. “I can even tell you some facts about it; that’ll help you enjoy it that much more deeply whenever you see it! And you’ll remember our conversation!”
The way you could be so resistant to his advances yet so sweet to him could be nothing short of torturous sometimes.
depression
For a while, something fairly rare happens to Kabru: he falls into a slump.
He spends a long time in the dungeon, slashing away at monsters as if it might help him clear his head. His teammates notice that he can get more aggressive in combat than usual, but never really ask him about it.
He also becomes more spacey during mealtimes, and while some peaceful silence is nice, having Kabru of all people be so uncharacteristically quiet for so long.
It comes to the point that something similar to an intervention happens one day after dinner.
“What’s up with you, Kabru?” Mickbell wasn’t one to beat around the bush, immediately starting his line of questioning while looking at his teammate, void of mischief or amusement. “You’ve been all broody and silent all week. Can’t just expect us to not ask about it.”
“What Mickbell said,” Kuro concurred almost immediately after.
The tallman did his best to blink away his tiredness and offer a more confident look that he usually used when trying to rally his team under an idea or calm them down. “I didn’t mean to make you guys worry that much about me. It’s just something I’ve been personally interested in, so it’s not something you guys need to worry about.”
“A personal problem?” Rin cocked a brow. “If I know anything about what interests you, it’s probably a person.”
“Haha, caught me red-handed like always.” He raised his hands in faux surrender, though Rin didn’t seem to be put at ease by the gesture, so he tacked on another statement. “I was surprisingly stumped on what tactics to use when talking to a certain person, it’s really got me thinking.” Averting his gaze to the side, he could almost conjure an image of your grinning face in the corner of his vision. “It’s pretty exciting, though, so I don’t mind.”
“Ugh, I knew it!” The half foot threw his head back in exasperation, causing Kuro to extend one arm behind him in case he fell. “It’s that brick-headed adventurer you’re getting all cozy with, isn’t it?! What, you thinking of starting a new party?”
While Mickbell was busy stomping his foot to punctuate his accusation, Holm merely hummed. The gnome usually stayed pretty impartial to matters like this, but that didn’t mean he could always resist throwing in a comment or two.
“I’d be stumped too if I thought about human interaction like a battlefield.” His tone of voice remained soft, but his words were still quite pointed. “You really have to be upfront about your feelings sometimes, you know that? At least, if Mick’s description can actually be trusted.”
“Hey, what’s that supposed to mean?!”
After those two broke down into petty squabbling, Kabru could merely try his best to mask his realization behind a tight-mouthed grin.
Holm was right, and he hated it more than anything.
acceptance
Okay, this is the part where Kabru actually bites the bullet and talks about his feelings. Truly a miracle of life.
Kabru can have a lot of trouble being fully vulnerable due to feeling like he’s losing control, so he does his best to maintain control over the rest of the outing. He arranges the time, location, even makes sure to get there first. It’s the most he can do to not feel completely helpless at the whims of his own fickle heart.
When you arrive, a new wave of nervousness hits him that’s almost like nothing before. Kabru has slain men without a second thought, and here he is resisting the urge to tremble because he has to tell his crush he likes them.
He starts off with small talk, sort of building up to his confession while also beating around the bush just a little. Asking you how you’ve been, if you’ve done anything noteworthy, if you’ve meet any new people…..
Eventually, Kabru decides that if he waits any longer, he may instinctually try to hide his intentions in the long strings of small talk he’s making, so he finally takes that leap.
He said your name, and your eyes flickered up to his face. Even if you were spacey at times, you never stared past him or through him whenever he was addressing you. It made him feel….strange. It was odd to feel truly perceived at times.
“Can I be….. terribly honest with you?” He cards his fingers through his curls and closes his eyes, and you couldn’t help but notice how effortlessly beautiful he looked.
“Of course,” you responded without thinking. Not like you ever needed to think twice about your appreciation for the man. More than that, really.
There was stillness, and all you could hear was Kabru’s deep inhale through his nose. He intended to phrase it more eloquently, he really did, but when he opened his eyes again and saw you waiting on his words with baited breath, there was this instinctive fear that maybe this would be his only chance. That you would walk away or disappear, leaving him with only the memory.
He didn’t want just a memory.
“I want you to know that I love you above all else.”
Your mouth hung agape like his had many times in response to your own remarks. Were it not for how shocked he was at his own words, he would have chuckled at how cute you look.
Before he could even scramble to elaborate on his uncharacteristically blunt comment, you blurted out in a similar fashion, voice slightly raised and head perked up,
“You really feel that way?!”
Faced with your blushing face, Kabru could only affirm the feelings that you promoted from somewhere deep within him. “Yes, I’d been trying to win you over for a long time, really.”
If you were flushed before, then now you were nothing short of flooded with embarrassment from ear to ear. Despite this, you were smiling, wobbly and sheepish. “I mean, it’s not like I’m shocked in a bad way or anything — I always thought you were really wonderful, too wonderful for me anyway. I really never thought you were pursuing me of all people!”
For the longest time, your denseness had given Kabru untold grief. Upon seeing you state it so plainly, however, he just couldn’t find it in his heart to be upset. Not when it was one of the things that made you so fascinating.
Since you take requests, would I be able to ask for something with Mithrun and Kabru with like a reader that's kind of dense with social cues/hints (especially if they're romantic)?
(I had people confess their love to me, and I still didn't get it till they put it in very clear terms)
(it's probably the 'tism, but I digress. )
I think it's potentially an absolutely hellerious dynamic since Kabru always plays 5D chess with every social interaction. As for Mithrun, I think it's funny to think how the other canaries would just be repeatedly hitting their head on the wall because their captain won't say it straight and they just don't g e t i t.
Ps: I absolutely love how in-depth all of your understanding of characters and their personalities are, and I just hxfhxdvgudts.
This blog just brings me so much joy
Yaaa!!
“Iᴛ’s ᴀ Dᴀᴛᴇ” Kᴀʙʀᴜ x Rᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ, Mɪᴛʜʀᴜɴ x Rᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ
gn reader
5000 words ;P
Warning: reader is very oblivious. Like incomprehensibly oblivious (for the lolz)
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
♡ Kabru ♡
- Kabru has had little flings here and there throughout his life. He treated every partner with respect, of course, but Kabru wasn’t particularly looking for love. He doesn’t dislike the idea of love, it just hasn’t happened yet.
- So, when Kabru starts to genuinely fall in love with someone, it’s a new feeling. He’s observant enough to recognize what it is.
- Unfortunately, the person he’s falling in love with is you.
“He’s been unusually quiet lately,” Holm remarked. Who he was remarking that to remained to be seen. Mickbell didn’t care much. Kuro had other things to worry about. And Rin had already made the same observation three times earlier that day.
The first floor of the dungeon was always crowded, and Kabru’s ears were usually open for anything that could be of use. The leather armor merchant to his left had recently raised his prices. The cobbler to the right was in an argument with an older lady over the shape of a patch he’d made on her favorite boots. And Holm was concerned about Kabru’s recent lack of observations; as concerned as Holm could be.
“Is that really such a shock?” Kabru sent Holm a smile over his shoulder. “I’m not exactly a chatterbox.”
But he was aware of himself enough to know that his behavior lately had been odd. He was usually so good at hiding it, too, but the comfort of his friends seemed to lower his walls. Without realizing it, Kabru had spent their latest dungeon expedition sighing to himself, staring at walls, and missing the details of important things. On the third floor, they’d encountered thieves. His party always relied on him to clock the intentions of approaching adventurers— thieves tended to be overly familiar, friendly, and a bit too eager— but Kabru’s mind was elsewhere. The thieves attacked, and it had genuinely taken him by surprise. The fight wasn’t hard, but Kabru’s lack of preparation set off alarms in Rin and Holm’s heads.
“You’re not,” Rin agreed. Her brow furrowed and she got that cute little line on her forehead again. “However, you’ve really been out of it.”
“Have you been thinking about that person again?” Holm asked.
That person. That person? Kabru knew a lot of persons. The whole first level was filled to the brim with persons, half of them being his acquaintances. Kabru had zero desire to admit that he knew precisely who Holm was referring to, though, and decided to keep his gaze straight ahead as he weaved through the crowd.
When he didn’t respond, Mickbell laughed, “Yeah, he’s thinking of them alright.”
“Heat?” Kuro asked.
Mickbell scoffed from his place on Kuro’s shoulders, “Tall-men don’t go into heat! At least I don’t think so. But they catch feelings, like a cold. Kabru’s caught a cold.”
“Not sneezing,” Kuro mumbled.
“A feelings cold, I mean! The worst kind.”
That was one way to put it. Kabru couldn’t help but sigh as he led the party towards a quieter spot in the corner. Once they were out of the sea of people, he leaned against the stone wall and ran his fingers through his hair. “I don’t have feelings, I’m simply curious,” he said.
Curious. Right. Mickbell sent him a scrunched up, narrow-eyed look that was reminiscent of constipation. Yet, Rin interjected before the half-foot could say something heinous. “What’re you curious about, particularly?” She asked.
“Good question,” Kabru folded his arms over his chest and tilted his head in thought.
What was he curious about? You held so many secrets. You had this look in your eyes that drew him, a look that reminded him of a room in his mother’s house. She always told him to not go inside. Her rules only made him want to turn the knob even more. And when he finally did disobey her and go inside, all he saw were boxes full of ceramic unicorn miniatures. Still, the rush of satisfaction he’d felt at finally knowing what was in there couldn’t be matched. That’s what he wanted to do to you, open your door and take a peek.
Or, perhaps a ‘peek’ was an understatement. He wanted to meticulously inspect every inch of your mind with a microscope, to know the atoms unseen by the human eye, to be intimately acquainted with every molecule you possessed.
“He’s zoned out again,” Holm muttered, ripping Kabru out of his thoughts.
He looked up, eyes widening at the observation. Holm was right, he was zoned out again, staring at the dirt on the floor and contemplating you.
He forced a smile, “Don’t worry about me, really. I’m just preoccupied. It’s that person, I simply want to know their intentions.”
“Intentions for what?” Rin asked.
For everything. There was no simple answer.
“Oh hey,” Mickbell glanced over his shoulder. His voice was flat as he scanned the room, “There they are.”
Kabru followed Mickbell’s gaze, a straight line that led directly to you— all lines seemed to lead directly to you lately. His heart clenched in a way that was both unpleasant and addictive. Without realizing it, he pushed away from the wall and began striding toward where you stood.
“Wait,” Rin grabbed his arm as he passed. Kabru blinked, looking down at her and waiting for her to speak. She met his eyes and frowned, “I think you’re going to be disappointed. They’re not as mysterious as you think they are.”
Nonsense. You were incredibly mysterious. Kabru could tell you had secrets, layers. He dreamed of pulling them back one by one.
“They couldn’t disappoint me,” he sent Rin a smile that he hoped was reassuring— he knew it was, he’d practiced it in the mirror and on other people all the time.
“I think they will,” she argued.
“They won’t,” his smile faltered just the slightest. Rin didn’t usually get involved in Kabru’s… hobby. Did she know something he didn’t? He decided to not ask outright, accepting the challenge of figuring out the meaning behind her concern on his own.
Rin let go of his arm and Kabru was free to go. His mind switched elsewhere, onto you, and before he knew it he was already slipping through the crowd of bodies to reach you.
You were in front of the vegetable seller’s stand, inspecting a lumpy potato. Kabru knew the vegetable seller was cheating on his wife. Usually, he’d try to get more out of the man, digging deeper simply for the sake of knowing. Yet, you stood there, beautiful and mind-consuming. What did Rin mean by ‘I think you’re going to be disappointed’? Kabru was rarely disappointed with secrets.
“Hey,” he raised a hand as he neared. You looked up from the potato and returned his smile. There was that look in your eyes again, that closed door he desperately needed the key to.
He loved crowds. He loved the hundreds of voices. He loved listening to each one and assigning them meaning, picking apart their words, filing them away into neat little categories. Yet, the crowd might as well have disappeared. All he saw was you. All he wanted was you and your words and your thoughts and your fears and your goals and your likes and your dislikes and your intentions and your—
“Oh hey,” your voice cut through the wants like the slash of a sword, “Kapru.”
Kapru.
His brows furrowed and he plastered on a polite smile— also practiced in the mirror. “It’s Kabru.”
“Right, sorry,” you shrugged.
Were you playing with him? Were you sending your pawn out, a piece that you expected him to take for the sake of a larger, more powerful move? Was it bait?
“How are you?” He forced himself to ask, though he could hear the weakness in his voice. He desperately hoped you wouldn’t notice.
You only tilted your head in thought, “I’m fine. Just buying potatoes.”
“It’s been so long since we’ve seen each other,” Kabru said. It was a lie, you saw him last week. “My party and I are about to go back to the surface to restock. We could grab a drink if you wanted.”
“Why?” You asked.
Why? Why? Kabru couldn’t say why. He wouldn’t say why. ‘I want to take detailed notes on every word you say, every gesture, every breath’ wouldn’t be helpful to his cause in the least.
“Because we’re friends,” he slowly explained. Again, there was that hint of weakness lacing every syllable. He wanted to tear his voice box apart and reconstruct it in a way that wouldn’t falter every time he saw you.
But you didn’t seem to notice. “Alright,” you sent him a smile that made his heart clench.
Alright. Kabru’s smile relaxed, “Alright,” he echoed. “It’s a date.”
‘It’s a date’ was a common saying, of course. But it still held implications, it still held desires, it still signified something more— At least to him it did.
You remained unphased by it, though. Usually, when Kabru said that, there would be a laugh or blush or the widening of eyes. You gave him nothing of the sort. No flirtatious looks, no intention-laced smile, no flicker of recognition.
“See you then,” was all you said.
Rin was wrong. You couldn’t disappoint him. Opening your doors and peeking inside your mind would be so satisfying.
- You go on several dates with Kabru without realizing they’re dates.
- After one date when you make friends with the next table over and invite them to join your meal, introducing Kabru as ‘my friend’ and not ‘the man who is courting me’ or ‘my boyfriend’, he begins to wonder…
- Do you not realize that these are dates?
Kabru knew he had the tendency to stare, but he usually kept that urge locked away for the sake of masking. Always masking. Always aware of his surroundings and the people and the words and the looks.
He kept his staring urge hidden at first. Yet as time passed, as you went on more dates, he couldn’t help himself. He had to stare. He had to drink in every detail of your face, coveting it all as a desert wanderer would covet water.
And you didn’t seem to mind. You would give him this look sometimes, a look he couldn’t quite decipher. It was a mixture between affection and confusion and bashfulness. It was his favorite expression of yours and never failed to put butterflies in his stomach.
Kabru knew he was falling in love. He wasn’t opposed to the idea, but he’d never been truly in love before. At night when he forced himself into bed, he stared at the ceiling and mused on the future you had together. Neither of you had said anything to make the relationship official, but was that even needed? It was obvious that you were together— to him, at least.
Kabru held your hand as he led you through the crowded streets. Once you caught up to his side, he placed his palm on the small of your back. He wasn’t much for PDA, but it was a necessity when traversing the island together. He didn’t want to lose you in the crowd.
Once you were in a more quiet spot, he sent you a smile, “I have to ask, I’m too curious; What’s your favorite date that we’ve had together?”
You thought for a moment, “Hm… I would have to say last week. It was a Thursday. I like Thursdays anyway. I think it was the 7th? Yeah. June 7th, Thursday. That’s a good date, it’s a bit cool outside and all the flowers are blooming. But if I had to say which one was my favorite, I think it would be April 18th. I’m not sure that we spent that date together, though.”
…Okay.
Like the sunset rising over the mountains, it began to dawn on him.
Were you stupid?
No, you weren’t stupid. He had seen you in the dungeon before, how you fought and strategized and reacted. You couldn’t be stupid.
Then what? Were you playing hard to get? Were you teasing him? Was this a move on the board, your Knight piece pressing forward to continue the assault? Kabru needed to know.
He kept his hand on your back but his gaze straight ahead. “That’s nice,” he said. It wasn’t nice, actually. “What about when we hold hands? Do you enjoy that?”
You shrugged, “It helps us keep track of each other as we go through a crowd.”
“But I hold your hand even when we’re not around other people.”
The face you made betrayed your true thoughts. “Yeah, it seems like your hands are cold a lot. You really should start keeping gloves with you.”
“...Do you think I’m holding your hand because my fingers are cold?”
Another flash of confusion, another furrow of your brows. “Why else would you hold my hand?”
The sun rose completely over the mountains and the daytime, clear and bright, engulfed his world.
You had no clue.
- This stresses Kabru out immensely.
- He starts taking notes. He has a special little book just for you. A lot of the pages are filled with scribbles and question marks.
- He makes a plan on what to do. He’s going to up the ante, he’s going to make his feelings so clear that you can’t ignore them or be oblivious even if you tried.
- He starts getting more touchy. He kisses your forehead often. He kisses your knuckles. He’s around you all the time, every chance he gets. He tells you you’re beautiful. He says that he wants you to meet his mother. He talks about your future together.
- You say, “Oh, your mom? Cool. You think we’ll get along? I’m always up for making new friends.”
- “You want a future with me? Well, I’m free next Wednesday.”
“I like you,” Kabru was breathless and wide-eyed. His hair was a mess from how often he’d run his fingers through it. He was disheveled and hadn’t slept the entire night.
You glanced up from the book you were reading, “Oh? Cool, thanks.”
He sent you a look. “No, I mean I love you.”
“Yeah,” you flipped a page in the book, “love you too.”
“You do?” Hope bloomed and unfurled like a spring flower. Kabru felt his cheeks grow warm, a fire igniting within him.
“Yeah,” you said lightly, “I love all my friends, of course.”
That spring flower suddenly wilted. The fire was doused by a cold bucket of water in the form of your words. Kabru wanted to scream and bang his head against the wall.
“You don’t get it,” he hissed through clenched teeth, fingers tensing as he leaned forward, desperate. “I’m in love with you. This is really hard for me to say, but I think you need to hear it like this. I love you. I love you. I love you…” Somehow, his cheeks went even hotter. His adams apple bobbed as he swallowed his embarrassment, “I-I… Sorry. I just need you like I need oxygen. I…”
You snorted, “You don’t need me to breathe, I’m a person not an organ. You’re breathing right now just fine.”
He was not breathing just fine, but that was beside the point.
“Excuse me for a moment,” Kabru said. He could hear how strained his voice sounded.
You watched as he walked away, rounding a corner and disappearing from sight. Then he screamed. It sounded like he also kicked something, a crate or box maybe.
How odd.
- When it finally gets through your head, he’s actually a bit satisfied by your embarrassment at it all. Yes, please do acknowledge your obliviousness. Please do apologize for treating his love confession so casually. When you do so, he feels as if he could melt from the relief.
- He still wants to bang his head on the wall, though.
- And he’s spent a lot of nights screaming into his pillow.
- Kabru continues to play 5d chess with you, just simply out of habit, but you’re playing Hungry Hungry Hippos the entire time. He still finds himself trying to pick apart your actions and responses, but he’s learned how to take things at face value when it comes to you. It’s a difficult adjustment, but one he’s willing to make.
- He starts to learn, take more notes, observe your behavior. For dates, he lays it out carefully. You two are going to do this specific thing. Why? Because he would like to see you happy, and hold your hand, and kiss you. Why? Because he loves you. Now you get it.
- You’re fascinating actually. Genuinely, he starts to adore how your brain works. He wants to pick it apart and hold the pieces up to a magnifying glass.
♡ Mithrun ♡
- He does not care.
- Be as oblivious as you want, that’s not going to stop Mithrun.
- The Canaries, however, are going insane.
“How’s it going with them?” Pattadol asked. Her hands were folded in front of her in that polite way, the way that told Mithrun that his second in command had something on her mind. Pattadol thought she was subtle. She was not.
And he knew precisely who she was referring to. Might as well give her an answer that’ll satisfy her curiosity, lest she keep asking questions.
“Fine,” he answered, “just fine.”
Yet, Pattadol’s brow furrowed. Not a good sign.
“Just fine?” She asked. Her voice went up a pitch. “It’s just fine? Really?”
“Really.”
She unlaced her fingers and spread out her hands as if gesturing to something, but all that surrounded them was Mithrun’s under-decorated living quarters. There was really nothing to gesture at besides the wooden cabinets and the bed. Mithrun waited, aware that she was picking through her piles of thoughts— probably thoughts mixed with screams of frustration— to find the right words.
Finally, Pattadol forced a shaken smile, “It’s clear to anyone that knows you that you’re in love with them, Captain.”
That was what she decided to say? It was a bit blunt for Pattadol’s usual style. Mithrun only shrugged, “Yeah, you’re right. It’s pretty obvious.”
“So why haven’t they noticed yet?”
“Why do you care?”
“Because I want you to be happy for once!” Pattadol snapped, but she then took a deep breath, “Sorry, Captain, I didn’t mean to sound that way. This is hard for me, talking so openly about these things… But it’s so frustrating to watch.”
Mithrun could understand that. While he personally wasn’t frustrated by the circumstances, he knew that the Canaries couldn’t stand watching his interactions with you. It wasn’t a big deal in the long run, in his opinion. They’d get over it.
“Thank you,” he answered.
“Do you have any ideas on how we can do that?”
“Do what?”
Pattadol’s eye twitched ever so slightly. Her fingers tensed like claws, and Mithrun felt the corner of his lips turn up in a barely-there smirk. But genuinely, he wasn’t sure what she referred to. Did she mean the part about him being happy, or the part about you being oblivious? She should’ve been more clear.
“About…” she hesitated. Obviously she wasn’t sure what she meant either. She then nodded as if deciding, “About everything. About the obliviousness, your happiness, etcetera.”
He didn’t know what the etcetera referred to, but didn’t care to ask. “You don’t have to do anything,” Mithrun assured her as he leaned back in the chair and folded his arms. The wood creaked slightly from the movement. Everything on this boat creaked, as was the nature of boats, he guessed.
“I would like to do something,” Pattadol nodded, determined. “We all would.”
A shrug, “Alright. Then do something.”
- Pattadol, over-achiever and top student and certified Girl Who Cares Too Much, takes that as a challenge.
- Cithis only joins because she thinks it’ll be funny.
- Fleki also only joins because she thinks it’ll be funny.
- And Lycion also also joins because he thinks it’ll be funny (though he does care on some level. Not really about you, but about Mithrun. And it’s painful to watch.)
- Otta is forced to join.
- The attempts are weak at first, like dipping a toe into the water to see how cold it is. Mithrun only has so much patience for interference with his life, so they have to be smart and tread carefully.
- Pattadol gives Mithrun a hint. “There’s some pretty flowers growing beside the road over there. You should give one to them!”
- “What would they need a flower for?”
- Mithrun asks that on purpose. He knows precisely what he’s doing. Yes, people generally like receiving flowers, he knows that. But he also believes that flowers are useless gifts.
- “Then what present do you suggest?” Pattadol asks.
- Mithrun has an idea. He gets you soap. Everybody uses soap (hopefully) It’s a useful gift, and if he gives you the same kind he uses then he’ll get some weird sick flicker of pleasure from having his scent on you. (He wisely chooses to not say that part aloud.)
You held the little bar of soap in your hands as if it were an injured baby bird you found on the ground. Yet your feelings towards it were far from protective or empathetic. This soap said something. It had a mouth and it used it to scream.
You met Mithrun’s flat gaze, “Soap…”
He nodded, “Yeah. Soap. It’s a gift for you.”
For you?
Mithrun continued, “It’s the same kind I use. Smells the same.”
It felt as if you’d swallowed a handful of pebbles and they all had gotten stuck in your throat. “Do you… think I’m stinky?”
You cursed yourself for even asking that. What a useless question. Obviously, he thought you stank! He gave you soap! He was trying to tell you something, being subtle and polite for once! Usually Mithrun would just say it bluntly, but he’d been working on his desires lately. Perhaps he’d also decided to embrace societal expectations? You weren’t sure. But soap. Soap!
You didn’t notice how Mithrun tensed. You didn’t see him quickly blink several times and tilt his head. You didn’t see the slight widening of his good eye. “No, I—“
“I’ll go use this right now,” you interrupted, “I’ll go wash away my stench so you can finally stand to be near me.”
Despite the horror, you were a bit proud of yourself. You’d taken a hint, maybe you were getting less oblivious.
- In your defense, a bar of soap is a weird gift.
- Alright. Mithrun admits it, he needs help. He’s not so prideful anymore that he won’t admit that he doesn’t know what to do.
- Pattadol is really triumphant about that but does her best not to show it.
- Plan B: make it so obvious that you have no choice but to realize his feelings.
“This has to be the most physically uncomfortable I’ve felt in a very long time,” Mithrun said as he tugged at the ends of the fancy, over-decorated blouse the Canaries had put him in. “I honestly prefer Cithis’s frilly dresses.”
Which was saying something. Mithrun had a preference? That was a good sign.
“It makes you look handsome,” Pattadol said.
“The only thing it makes me is itchy,” he corrected.
The Canaries had somehow found a blouse— not a shirt or tunic, a blouse— that made Mithrun feel something other than indifference. He usually didn’t care about what he wore, as long as it was comfortable, but the clothes they’d stuffed him into were offensive to human-kind, like vegan bacon.
It had a big frill on the front and puffy sleeves. It was somehow both too flowy and too tight at the same time. The trousers weren’t much better, digging into his legs. And the shoes…
Mithrun didn’t want to talk about the shoes.
It was clear to him that Fleki and Cithis had only contributed to the outfit because they thought it would be amusing. Good for them, he supposed. Pattadol seemed to genuinely like it, Otta looked horrified, and Lycion was in some in between state where he wanted to show pity but couldn’t quite stifle his giggles.
“Remind me again what the point of this is?” Mithrun asked with a sigh.
“We got them to agree to a date!” Pattadol said, grinning, “I said outright ‘it’s a date’ so there would be no confusion. I made it clear that the date was with you. Now, if you show up looking like a million gold with a bouquet of flowers, they’ll get the hint.”
Mithrun did not want to do that.
Mithrun rarely wanted to do anything, but this just felt wrong. In his opinion, the relationship between you and him would develop naturally in a way that fit both of your personalities. He didn’t mind waiting for you to realize his intentions, he had time. As long as you didn’t fall in love with someone else, and didn’t stop him from staring at you or touching you, then he wasn’t in a rush.
But since the Canaries insisted, seeming to think that this was the right course of action, he would go along with it. Maybe it would be an utter disaster and Pattadol would realize that she knew very little about relationships— especially a relationship involving Mithrun. He was aware enough of himself to know that it wouldn’t be conventional.
With his hair pulled back into a tight ponytail and the ridiculous outfit on, Mithrun entered the restaurant Pattadol had chosen. He found you immediately. You sat in a chair with your elbow on the table and your ankles crossed, waiting.
Mithrun held a bouquet of pink roses as he approached. You lit up when you saw him, but your brows then furrowed.
“Where’s Pattadol?” You asked.
His stride faltered, “She isn’t coming.”
“Oh,” you shrugged, “well since she set this up I assumed she’d be here.”
Why would she be here? It was a date Pattadol had set up for you and Mithrun specifically.
You probably didn’t know it was a date, he realized. Pattadol thought she’d been clear by saying ‘it’s a date’ but failed to realize that that was just a common phrase among people and meant nothing to no one.
Calm, he slid into the seat across from you and watched as you raised a brow, “What’re you wearing?” You asked.
“My team picked it out for me.”
“You look like you’re part of an opera or a ballet, like you’re about to stand beneath a balcony and start spouting poetry to your lover.”
That was a good description, actually. Those were the words Mithrun had been looking for earlier when he saw himself in the mirror.
He nodded, “Yep.” Then, wordlessly, he held out the bouquet to you.
Your eyes widened, “For me?”
“I’m handing them to you, aren’t I?”
Gingerly, you took the flowers and held the stem of the wrapped bouquet with both hands as you inspected each petal.
A flicker of surprising satisfaction ran through his chest. You liked the flowers. It made sense, most people liked flowers, even if he didn’t see why.
You dipped your head down toward them presumably to smell them, but your lips then parted and you dug your teeth into the nearest rose.
Mithrun froze.
You chewed on the rose, your nose wrinkling in disgust. You gave the flower a good shot, a proper taste, but it didn’t take long until you grabbed a napkin and spit up the pink slobbery mess into it.
“Sorry,” you sent him an apologetic smile and tried to hand the bouquet back to him, “they don’t taste that good, and I don’t think I could season or cook them in a way that would help.”
Mithrun knew he was staring. He knew he was making a face, slightly tilting his head down, intensity in his eye. The kind of face someone made when they were internally screaming.
He was not internally screaming, but he was thinking— about you, how your brain worked. And how it was so damn charming for some reason and all he wanted to do was kiss you until he was all you could think about.
He wanted something. The feeling was sweet, a shot of adrenaline, one of Fleki’s drugs. Addictive. Like the slow drip of honey. He could survive off that want for ages.
Wordlessly, Mithrun threw the bouquet over his shoulder to get rid of it. Judging by the gasp that followed, it probably hit someone in the head.
Loving you was as natural to him as breathing.
- Mithrun decides to not let the Canaries interfere any longer. He was wrong earlier in thinking he needed their help. He doesn’t.
- Also, watching them go insane over your obliviousness and his lack of communication provides a good bit of entertainment.
- When he finally decides to give into that all-consuming, new, exciting desire and kiss you, your response is, “But I wasn’t casting a spell, no reason to try and stop me.”
- God, he adores you.
- He takes kisses whenever he wants them, with no care about what you think his intention is.
- After a certain kiss that involves tongue and teeth and fingers digging into your waist, you start to openly wonder… Are you in a relationship with Mithrun?
“Yes,” Mithrun didn’t even glance up at you, remaining unphased by your rather serious question, “We’re in a relationship.”
He continued to jot down notes about a monster he saw, as if he’d just casually answered a question about the weather. ‘Is it going to rain today?’ ‘Yeah looks like it.’
You gulped, “How long?”
“A year now,” he kept writing. Truthfully, he’d been expecting this. A flash of disappointment crossed his mind; there goes one of his hobbies, watching the Canaries have a crisis over his love life.
You buried your face in your hands. Mithrun stopped writing and patted your head as if comforting a dog.
- The Canaries are pleased that this is over. But actually, they’re going to have to watch you not realize it when you’re engaged to the Captain.
- At your wedding you’re in regular clothes. Someone asks why and you say “Mithrun told me we’re going to a wedding. He didn’t say it was ours.”
Summary: You're approached by someone at the bar. How do they react?
Warnings: 800 words. Mentions of insecurities on Marcille's part.
A/N: These were starting to rot in my google docs so enjoy!
Laios
girl
Congratulations on getting this man to understand that you are interested in a monogamous romantic relationship with him and got him to agree. The hardest part is over.
If he sees you having a conversation with someone it’s unlikely he’ll care. Unless they’re beastkin or some type of monster hybrid then he’ll care.
Even if he’s standing there with you and blatantly hitting on you he’ll probably say something like “yeah aren’t they so cool :) “
Sighs
It’s far more likely that you’ll be the one experiencing jealousy in the relationship since he's just as oblivious about people flirting with him than he is people flirting with you.
Marcille
She is the one who gets jealous in a very obvious way but at the same time is the one who will most vehemently deny it.
You're having a polite conversation with an adventurer about your respective experiences in dungeons and you can almost feel her pouting at you.
When you turn to look at she has the same face she makes when Laios has a meal recommendation.
Disgust and general upsetness.
Marcille hates that she feels this way, but her insecurities always get the better of her, especially if you're a short lived race.
She already has so little time with you in this world, and she's loath to share it.
As much as she wants to, it’s unlikely that she’ll interrupt the conversation. If she sees that whoever you’re speaking to is making you uncomfortable she’ll step in but she’ll most likely just sit and pout into her food.
When you go home, she’s unusually quiet.
Unless you’re the kind of person that’s completely oblivious to other people's feelings, you’ll understand what’s going on.
The best course of action is to gently remind her that you love her and that you want to spend your life by her side, no matter how long it is.
Kabru
Somehow turns it into an opportunity to gain information
You’re chatting away and all of a sudden he’s sliding next to you and putting his hand on you somewhere and he’s doing that smile he does at the other person that tells you that he’s about to get this person's life story
If you’re introverted this could be a blessing, because he can honestly just take over the conversation from there. Kabru will buy you a drink for your troubles and you can sit there and sip while they yap.
If the person is actually interested in you the interaction will become hostile but only in its undertones.
Kabru has invested too much time and energy into being seen as kind and charming and he doesn’t want to wreck it.
He’ll start saying things like ““It’s very crowded here. Do you think anyone would notice if someone disappeared?”
“I think red is your color. Would you want to wear some soon?”
Okay weirdo (affectionately)
Hopefully the person he’s talking to gets the hint. If they don’t he’ll make up some excuse to remove both of you from the situation.
Mithrun
He leans more towards possessiveness rather than jealousy.
If someone is talking to you and he doesn’t like it he will simply grab you or the offender and teleport away.
Which one he grabs depends on how aggressive he deemed them to be
If it's just a normal conversation he’ll teleport you away outside the bar. It’s pretty irritating especially if you were enjoying yourself or you were getting good information. Threaten to make him sleep on the couch. He’ll say he’s sorry but he will absolutely do it again.
If he decides your conversation partner is being flirty with you, you’ll sense his anger without even seeing him just before he disappears with them.
When he makes his way back you angrily ask what he’s done. He tells you he just gave them a stern talking to. Yeah sure. That person is never seen again and he receives a strongly worded message from Pattadol everytime it happens.
You should probably actually make him sleep on the couch.
Thistle
Thistle does not get jealous because he has no reason to.
No one in the Golden Kingdom is dumb enough to try and invoke his wrath especially when it comes to you.
You’re all he has left after Delgal disappeared.
Similar to Mithrun, he’s more possessive than jealous.
If he is spending time with you, he expects to have 100% of your attention.
He took a break on searching for Delgal to come and see you because he loves (is dangerously obsessed) with you! Don’t you appreciate it! Love him!
Even before the mess with Delgal when he was still a jester, I can’t imagine him being jealous.
He’s got such a one track mind, focusing on your happiness and Delgal’s, he wouldn’t really notice anyone else.
an. yknow i havent written in like a week ESPECIALLY for my beloved dungeon meshi so. here is this. I'm kinda using this too as like practice bc i have never written for a lot of these characters but I would love to try!
Let me know if you want me to do this for another fandom <3 or if i forgot some characters
Laios's Party
Laios - He can go 50/50. I think at the start of a relationship he’s really awkward about it (he’s not used to anyone being affectionate with him besides his sister). But as time goes on he starts to really get into it. He just loves finally feeling accepted and cared for it’s just 💕💕 yeah. He’s lovey dovey enough with you in public to make people cringe. And he doesn’t get it when people suggest he should cool it down. Laios’s PDA is never heated or anything. Just cute and romantic. He’s smitten.
Falin - Similar to Laios, but I think she’s more chill with it off the bat. Falin gets hit with that puppy love phase HARD when you first start dating so she’s all shy and her heart’s pounding but she’s only bashful because she’s just so into you!! post-chimera she becomes a lot more assertive and has less regard for others witnessing your PDA. She’s always sitting close to you, holding your hand, resting her head on your shoulder (or letting you rest your head on hers). I also think she has a habit of sneaking up on your and nipping your neck/shoulder.
Marcille - ENJOYS IT. Like…there is not denying it. Marcille loves PDA. You would think your hands are glued together or something my God when you two are walking she’s always holding yours and swinging your arms while humming a little tune AHHHH…of course her cheeks will be stained red though. You ask for a kiss in public and she’s squeaks out an “…okay.” (Then has to hype herself up and is timidly puckering her lips w her eyes squeezed shut comically tight). Anyways. Yeah. She’s a little obsessed with you okay.
Chilchuck - He’s more lowkey and chill about PDA. He admires other couples when he witnesses it “aaah, young love.” But I think Chilchuck is a bit too mature to just. Make out with you in public (now if he’s had a few beers. That’s different. Drunk Chilchuck is a different breed okay.) Chil will give you a goodbye kiss or hold your hand for a second and give you a gentle squeeze, but that’s about it when it comes to public affection. I think he shows his affection fr tho by buying you accessories to wear (scarves, rings, pouches, etc.).
Senshi - He’s not super affectionate in public in general but he doesn’t mind it. Like oh? You wanna give him a little kiss? Sure. That’s fine. But then when he realizes others witnessed it then Senshi gets bashful. Thank god he has that thick ass beard bc I know he’s blushing way too hard. He blushes really hard at any PDA between you two. It’s honestly super cute. :3
Izutsumi - No. Hard pass. Do not. It just makes her incredibly uncomfortable (honestly the idea of affection in general makes her feel weird bc Izu thinks she’s undeserving, but she likes you enough to try to love herself. For you.) I think Izu substitutes PDA with handmade things…like. One day after a little thinking and comparing you guys to other couples she’s a little nervous about you thinking she doesn’t like you/isn’t a good partner. So…you guys have matching necklaces she made instead. It’s just a pretty rock and some feathers tied clumsily in twine but! She’s trying! It’s a step in showing that Izu wants something to link you guys together to others.
Toshiro - (idc that he isn’t in the party anymore he just fits best here ok) Hear me the fuck out. Toshiro Nakamoto likes PDA. BEFORE YOU STOP READING HEAR ME OUT. I think it’s a huge deal w his characterization that Toshiro is really repressed and is learning to voice his needs/concerns/opinions/etc. and I think this also applies to like. Getting in touch with his desires. Toshiro desires to be loved and cared for and well. He enjoys actions of affection from you. They make him happy. And when he finds himself getting embarrassed about it…he thinks on it. Like why should he feel the need to not showcase this? Anyways, yes he enjoys it. But keep it classy 💕 He prefers to save anything more for when you two are alone.
Kabru's Party
Kabru - 50/50 like Laios. But Kabru’s initial dislike for PDA stems from his own insecurities. Like…Kabru is just still processing that he is capable of love and doesn’t have to basically set his own desires and needs to the side and sacrifice for others. After he jumps over that jump it’s smooth sailing though. (Kinda. Every now and then he gets hit w an insecurity episode). Kabru’s like a fantasy prince. He gives chaste kisses to your lips and forehead, kisses your knuckles…yeah. It’s cheesy, but from him it works.!
Holm - Average PDA enjoyer. Keeps it cool and classy in public. He doesn’t initiate a lot besides a gentle kiss to your forehead or patting your shoulder every now and then. He has no qualms with it, Holm’s just a really mature dude (plus with his religion I kinda think he values being respectful). But like. As soon as eyes are off you guys Holm is WAY more touchy and lovey. When mickbell and kuroo stay at his place he’s always a little miffed mainly because his privacy with you is SACRED to this man.
Mickbell - Says he likes PDA. Cannot handle being kissed without practically exploding. He’s so cringe (I love him). Mickbell the embodiment of that “first kiss” vs. “expecting a kiss with tongue” meme. But he’s the first kiss part. He likes to pretend he has any sort of experience (he does not) and any attempt at PDA leave him glowing red but in his mind he’s like heh…I was so cool. (He wasn’t)
Rin - NO. It’s a mix of bashfulness and her fear of doing something crazy via magic because of crazy emotions. But I think she desperately does crave affection. Being able to be treated like a normal girl and love and be loved with no issue. Yeah. You can probably sneak up on her and give her a smooch or something and she’ll be too stunned to react (thank goodness bc the explosion spell building up fizzles out before it can be fully cast)
Golden Kingdom
Thistle - Little pain in the ass he acts like he hates it but in reality he loves displays of affection. Like Thistle gets all red in the face and waves you off but then he’s blushing and kicking his feet like a schoolgirl when you’re out of sight. In my mind Thistle doesn’t do a lot of PDA (if any) but he’s most definitely writing about you in his poem books 💀 there’s likely books dedicated to you…and yes he’d die if you found out.
Yaad - In the most princely sense, yes. Yaad is very sweet. Polite. Demure. He kisses your hand as a greeting and may kiss your cheek if he’s feeling really crazy (omg). But he treats you like the most respectable being on earth. Absolutely adores you. PDA makes him blush and Yaad will have a cute little smile for a while afterwards and be in a good mood (Laios asks you to be affectionate w him particularly when he knows he royally messed up)
Canaries
Pattadol - DO NOT. Like maybe a cheek kiss is fine but Patty is working VERY hard to look like a formidable leader and when you distract her! She can’t! Plus the prisoners immediately start making fun of her! You guys gotta keep it cool around them. She still loves you though.
Lycion - This is weird but Lycion seems like the type of guy who can do sexual stuff in public with no issue but PDA? It makes him choke a bit. Only because he struggles SO much with self image + self worth so you doing an action just to show affection for him that doesn’t give you anything in return makes his heart skip a beat. Like damn? You really love him? That’s crazy. Anyways. It’s cute as fuck.
Fleki - I honestly don’t know what to say other than you could eat her out in front of a crowd and she wouldn’t flinch. She’s soooo touchy and all over you it probably makes people uncomfortable but she doesn’t give a fuck. She clings to you like a Koala with no issue (like she did to otta in that comic YEAH)
Otta - Yes but she’s going to be pretend chaste about it. Like Otta acts all down to earth in public but I can’t decide if it’s because she wants to tease you or pretend like she has any sense of self control. Once you’re desperate enough yeah you two will be making out in public’s
Cithis - Idk if this is against the grain but I think she’s a bit reserved about PDA. Not because of any bashfulness or whatever (she could give less of a fuck) but with her hinted past experiences with people not regarding her personal space and being weird to her. In my mind just. Cithis has some personal boundaries about being touched and stuff she doesn’t want to be crossed. That’s not stopping her from getting you off under the table with her foot though. (Insane.)
How would Dungeon Meshi characters (men) react to you telling them this phrase?
hopefully this isn't ooc, I tried my very best to make it accurate to each character's personality but, well, it's kinda hard for me. Anyways, here's me proving I haven't died and that I'm still willing to write despite my brain being a wreck because of anxiety. Hope you enjoy!
Laios: he's not exactly sure what you mean, but he smiles regardless of his confusion. "Oh! Thank you" but then the doubt crawls up his spine and it makes him ask "what kind of wine? Red? White? Rosé? They're all pretty different in their own way, you know?" so he starts making you explain exactly what you meant, which makes him end up smiling even more now that he knows exactly what you had wanted to express to him since the beginning.
Kabru: I feel like he's used to people thinking he's attractive, he's very analytical when he knows someone new, always paying attention to every detail, every gesture, every roll of their eyes or even when their breath hitches. So when you walked over to him and said hi, but your next words were such a thing, he froze for a moment, blinking owlishly. A little hint of a blush and a laugh erupt from him. He's both amused and flattered by how blunt and sudden you were with it, but he let's you know he appreciates the gesture by saying something along the lines of: "thank you, I could say the same thing about you" and then winking one of his pretty icy blue eyes. (I think I'm fainting)
Chilchuck: not a fan of sweet things, unless it's your compliments, so at first he's taken aback, but then he chuckles. "Well, where did that come from?" He tries to tease you, poking wherever he can reach on your body (depends on how tall you are, if you're a tall-man he probably pokes your stomach) he has a cocky smile on his face, and through all the teasing it probably looks like he wasn't really affected by it, but deep down he really, really liked it. It was a funny thing to say so suddenly, but that didn't mean it didn't make him feel happy and flattered. As an alcohol enjoyer, he finds it funny you're using such an analogy for him.
Thistle: "What??" He's a bit surprised you'd say that to him of all people, but still, a soft blush appears on his cheeks due to embarrassment and a bit of confussion because he just received a compliment from someone he loves. We all know that when he cares for someone, he cares... a lot. So it means a lot to him when you choose to compliment him in such a way, even if he doesn't really get it, since it's canon he doesn't like to drink, at all, but he supposes by your comment that all wines must be sweet then and therefore it makes sense for you to say that. (Even if he doesn't think he's sweet to begin with)
Yaad: he's a softie, so his immediate reaction is a surprised expression, accompanied by a soft blooming blush on his cheeks, and then a smile. "Oh, um, thank you..." he's not sure what wine tastes like, since he didn't use to drink even when he was able to taste food and drinks, but he remembers people around him enjoying a cup of wine from time to time before, which makes him capable of appreciating the compliment. Once the initial shock calm down quickly, he composes himself and with a smile, returns the compliment: "You're very sweet yourself" keep in mind that while he's saying it he's picturing a jar of honey in his brain since it's known that honey is sweet and soft. Just like you ;)
