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MY FAT ORANGE CAT TRIED TO EAT MY LASAGNA AND NOW MY MOM WON'T STOP CALLING HER GARFIELD

ashveil has so much whimsy. it's never completely overshadowed by the cosmic horror

how does your muse carry emotions ? ira, primarily aged 20 - 33. tagged by: @perdefinitio and @crimewrought ( ages ago but guys .. ly .. )

anger. ira is a quiet wrath. a rageful mute. he prefers not to show his cards whatsoever, even if enraged ; it’s difficult to tell when ira starts and ends with anger, because he’s very good at masquerading it as something else, but eventually, far enough down the line, little hints might show ; gritting his teeth right in the corners of his jaw, flaring his nostrils. ira prefers to contain his anger until in a safer ( private ) place to be able to let it out ; usually alone in his house with no possible on-lookers. ira’s anger often produces broken items, but hardly ever harsh words. if you are there to witness the product of ira’s anger, he explicitly and inherently trusts you.

joy. when happy, ira most often keeps this quiet, and holds it close to his chest, feels it in his lungs. peering down at his lap with a warm smile, turning away to his side to laugh. to feel truly joyful is to most often feel some respite of peace, not something he often has the pleasure of ; ira feels joy with a sizeable level of gratefulness, for those moments of the removed weight off his shoulders, and the distraction from his usual state of foreboding dread and weariness.

sadness. like so much else about him, this exists without much obviousness ; but unlike other feelings, a lot of ira’s sadness pervades and underlines his other thoughts and emotions, and is not exclusively something he feels in isolated incidents. ira carries a lot of weight with him wherever he goes, and a lot of his pain in life is shameful, drags him down by his shoulders ; a very poor self-esteem helps to allow space for this to fester more limitlessly. when truly down on his luck, he will become very distant and withdrawn, and various points in his life show different methods in which he channels his sadness, attempts to blot it out.

shame / embarrassment. quite similar to the above, the vaster root of ira’s unhappiness in life comes from feelings of shame and embarrassment, and a real struggle to accept pieces of himself with any real compassion or self-love, but you can tell if ira’s really ashamed of something if he physically tries to take himself out the situation and essentially hide elsewhere. ( for example ; ira is extremely shameful of his scars, and will hide by wearing clothes to cover them up even on very warm days, causing him to be physically uncomfortable. ) ira’s shame over his transgressions in life results in his lack of communication with his family, which causes him to feel increasingly isolated in the world, and his faceless embarrassment of self unfortunately contributes to his ‘hermit’ lifestyle and poor self esteem.

guilt. this tends to manifest itself most dominantly in his actions. ira doesn’t give much rise or much credence to his guilts, doesn’t consider them often enough at all to be contributions to that foreboding dread i mentioned earlier ; ira feels his guilt blindly, preferring not to confront it unless strictly necessary. even when confronted, he still struggles to apply some sort of label to it ; if ira’s guilt was a hungry predator, he would let it chew his leg all day, even if he’s bleeding everywhere, and still not acknowledge it’s presence. the guilt he feels over his lack of performance and ability to mend tarnished family relations is what causes him to struggle in university, which then causes him to struggle with his problems around drug abuse ; his guilt in life seems to metastasize like a tumour, and for a very long time, ira chooses not to seek to treat it, let alone even notice it’s there, making him miserable.

fear / anxiety. quite possibly the only part of him that is expressed obviously, without much outward control, and that oozes from him at any given moment. ira is an incredibly fearful character ; fearful of change, fearful of others, fearful of himself. this paranoia is the driving factor for his lesser feelings in life, and underlines every action and inaction, while simultaneously something that sharpens up his senses ; it can be both a hindrance and an aid to him depending on the situation. ira’s fearfulness of potential problematic outcomes is most often what holds him from making correct decisions, and causes him to struggle with standing up on his own two feet, standing up for himself.