Mar 20, 2023
god im so fucking tired of gender
#i want to be feminine and boyish in the way trans women are#finnposting#im not upset bc i dont think im uwu valid or whatever the fuck#im upset bc im genuinely struggling to identify who and what i am and what i want to be#and it doesnt help that my fucking THERAPIST is a strictly binary closeted trans woman#who if i mention wanting to explore my femininity will be like 'GOD i WISH' like yes im well aware. you traumadumped abt it the other week#and like i feel for her i really do#but its simply. not. an environment for me to freely say#i want dyke masculinity without being a dyke because im not attracted to women#im not a cis girl becauae i feel like cis girls arent. attracted to men the way i am. dont feel thevdisconnect from femininity that i do#ugh#and i live w my transphobic mom but i genuinely feel LESS comofrtable presenting femm around her than masc#because i can FEEL her approval when i do and its so fucking cloying#i feel like ive been gay best friended by my mother#its. ew#i hate this i hate everything#and the problem isnt i have any shame in the idea of detransitioning#its that i dont have a clearcut thing to tell me people what im retransitioning TO#* i * know what i want to be. the problem is no one will fucking treat me as such
