#helluva

[blitzluvshorses]

"Stricker haad an horze butt he kind uv sukkd az uh pursun"

(Striker had a horse but he kind of sucked as a person)

[helluvahotelyouhavehere]

On a Wednesday night in January, I watched Mammon's Magnificent Musical Mid-Season Special (Ft. Fizzarolli) and moments later my phone rang. It was my partner of 3 years. Not out of the ordinary.

Things had been tense for a bit, but he swore up and down he wanted to work through them, it was just a rough patch.

Sometime between when he said that and then, he changed his mind. Which he’s within his right to do, but that’s not the part that broke my heart.

What broke my heart was the list he read me, of all the things he hated about me, tearing so much of me down, wondering if I had ever meant anything to him at any point. That night stands as one of the darkest nights of my life.

The next day I called off of work and decided to watch more.

Which as you all know, the next two episodes are The Full Moon and Apology Tour. Maybe a mistake but I didn’t know at the time what was going to happen. However, it ended up being incredibly healing.

Two moments hit me so hard, I had to pause the episode.

The first during the argument in the The Full Moon when Stolas says

“Blitzo... I think so very highly of you... Ididn't realize you think so low of me.”

Given how I had just been dumped 24 hours prior, that line cut me deep. Whether you think Stolas was in the right or wrong on that fight, you have to imagine why that one got me right in the heart.

But even more than that, the next episode changed the course of how I handled my break up.

And of course I’m referring to “All 2 U (Motherfucker)”.

It was like every single feeling I was having was being sung by Stolas, a character who honestly before these two episodes I could take or leave. I thought he was cute but he never really broke through to my favorites.

Until that moment, because even though the song obviously wasn’t meant for me, it felt like I was meant to hear it at that moment. I felt seen and heard. I had wonderful friends and family to support me through the break up, but All 2 U gave me something to sing in the car when I needed to get those emotions out.

I know Stoliz is a controversial ship and I’ll be honest I wasn’t sure how I felt about it til Mastermind and Sinsmas (silly happy Blitzo who accepts love is so cute) but in that moment I felt so unbelievably seen and I will always owe that horny owl (and Bryce Pinkham and James and Christina and Sam and Andrew and Julian and Viv etc etc) a thank you for pulling me out of my hole before I could fall too deeply.

Anyway, if you’re wondering why my heart is so taken by Helluva Boss as a whole, not just Fizz, that’s why!

[helluvahotelyouhavehere]

This moment of the show meant the whole entire world to me.

If you’ve ever had a falling out with a best friend, someone who literally feels like a piece of you, and manage to find your way back to them, this scene hits like a truck.

It wasn’t 15 years, but it was 3 and even if I pretended I didn’t, I missed her every single day. The day we worked through things and became close again felt like this one.

So the Fizz fixation is yes, partially bc he’s so cute and partially because I love Alex Brightman.

But largely because I relate to every feeling in that hug so much because I LIVED that hug and it was one of the best moments of my life

Okay thanks for letting me ramble.

[niccymarten]

Loona! 🌙

[helluvahotelyouhavehere]

I don’t think Fizz believed Cash at first tbh.

From the bottom of my heart, I think Fizz sat and waited for a while for Blitzø to come. But having to watch the days go by without a word from his best friend, he started to slowly over time believe what Cash told him. Because why else would Blitzø, who spent pretty much his whole life as Fizz’s protector, suddenly disappear like he never existed. But Cash was there, and as time went on, it was easier to believe him.

And sometimes it’s easier to give into hate and turn someone into a monster in our head, than accept the feeling of grief and pain that we really have.

[kina-luckycharms66]

bee in helluva is so hot bro

[helluvahotelyouhavehere]

Seeing Fizz again was all I cared about in the trailer I AM SO READY FOR SEASON 3

Obviously based on the everything about my blog, this guy is my favorite. I take a lot of comfort in him and I’m excited to see his life post Mammon next season. Brandon said at a panel that what we saw last season was just the beginning of their arc and I hope it keeps being as fun and beautiful as it’s been so far!! I love my favorite (former) Jester sm. (And the imp next to him that I want to reach into the tv and hug all the time but that’s for another post)