Apr 20, 2021
there’s something a little sad that like....my family love me unconditionally, genuinely, i know this. but they’ll also never really understand me on a personal level besides what they’re used to
#its......#its hard to explain???#im with these people everyday#i lvoe them dearly#but...there's SO much of me that i am not when im with them#its like halving myself#leaving half on the internet#i know you cna never be your full self with like. people#theres always thungs inside#by its still...its still a significant amount#and itds just the disconnect of growing up in a while understanding; still a whitw cishet househould#like. i love them. but they do not create#and thats...thats such a big part of it strangely enough???#they dont create so when i show them my art my mum genuinely loves it#she does#i can hear it in her voce.#but...its nothing more? she doesnt ask questions. what i've drawn/why. i mention writing to my brother. he doesnt ask me what#they dont ask me questions bc it genuienly does not occur to them to do so#and i lvoe them but that is SO heartbreaking. its so...its such a big part of me. my ideas. my influences. my love my thoughts#and they never reach out when i lay the bait because they dont even recognise it as bait.#they dont know im lgbt. despite the fact i work hard on art and projects they dont ask. they dont know my memes.#they haven't BEEN in the spaces i have and been influenced by that. we live in the same house but sometimes we might as well not#its just...i lvoe them. they love me. but they will never know all of me. or even most of me. without me changing that#because they wont. they never will. it doesnt occur to them. it never occurs to them. it never will#im going to have to do the legwork and its exhausting#its exhausting bc i ask what they're up to. i listen to their rambles#but bc im terrible at articulatng out loud i cna never do so adequetly back when i try#luke rambles#sad oofs#i guess. ended up being one
