Well, this is fun.
So it's been maybe two weeks now and my fancy-schmancy blog still has zero traffic *sigh*. This means my plan to become an overnight internet sensation has failed miserably, a shame since I put so much time and energy into it (sarcasm). Due to this failure, this blog post will be a mishmash/hodgepodge/potpourri of the information and thoughts that have rolled around in my head this past week. Enjoy, strangers of the internet who may or may not be reading this.
The first is the hypocrisy of the dating scene in this age. Nothing, and I mean zip, nada, zilch about dating as a 20-year-old in 2014 makes a lick of sense. First, there's the problem with social networks. I will break it down accordingly.
1) Twitter.
-Twitter is an immensely useful communication tool and not, as it has been said, "like Facebook but only statuses". Twitter is a way to let people know where you are, what you're doing, but also what is honestly on your mind. Be it through song lyrics, emojis, passive aggressive subtweets or retweeting anons who said what you're thinking first, it is very hard to hide who you are on Twitter. That being said, it is also a crock of shit. I recently got in a fight with a close friend of mine, and since she tweets about love (since she chose a boy over our friendship, and trust me, they aren't in love) and also about the importance of loyalty, honesty, what have you. What do I read? BULLLSHIITTTTTTT. That's what it is. Like the douchey guy who only tweets about the gym and sex. Yeah, I'm sure he's reallllllyyyyy great in bed. Or those who spew their thoughts on how they wish girls knew about football and cars. Um, hello. Sitting right here. Got my braces off. Not ugly. The fuck's wrong with me?!
But it's not me, it's Twitter. And not unlike chocolate cake or a late night cigarette, we know it's bad for us. Yet we can't give it up. Because it's the lead to information we have to know, and it's SO MUCH BETTER THAN FACEBOOK. Why stalk through a guys 3-yr.-old prom pictures when you can know that right now he's "gettin' swole with his boys" before they hit up the necessary "after-gym 'Doba run". It's addicting, and terrible.
2) Instagram.
-For everything Twitter is when it comes to knowing what people think, Instagram is the partner in crime when it comes to what you actually look like. Filters are great, and choosing the right one is very important. And if you JUST used a filter (ladies) it would probably do the job of enhancing whatever beautiful picture you took and presenting it to the world. It never stops there, though. You can blur, and add lux (whatever that means) and if that isn't enough, most photo collage apps will let you retouch and add whatever you want until even an airbrushed Kardashian would call you fake. What's a guy gonna think when he looks at your Instagram and then picks you up for a date and your eyes aren't turquoise and your hair isn't shimmery and your teeth aren't whiter than Mackaulay Culkin's ass*? Probably nothing, because men are stupid, and as long as there are 75+ likes under that fake photo you two will probably go on to make beautifully photo-shoppable children. But it needs to stop. Humanity depends on it.
Studies have shown that selfie-ing has been determined an actual detrimental mental condition. If taking a picture of yourself can cause damage to your self-image, think of what altering the shape and features of your face could be doing. So stop it. Just stop!
So we've established that Twitter and Instagram are destroying the dating world, yes? On top of that, it's the age. I'm a 20-year-old woman, and I can go to the local bar and drink if I want to, because the 40-something bartender loves me and I drink Maker's Mark with one ice cube, and that's not something a 20-year-old blonde girl drinks. Objectively, I'd say my mental age is somewhere right around 26. I love to go out and drink and have fun, but I'm not taking my pants off when you tell me I'm pretty and I'm correcting the grammar errors in your texts in my head. Men my age don't find me "fun" or "sexy", and the men that do could easily be my father. When I finally do find someone I'm attracted to, they usually ARE 26 and either I'm too busy for them or too serious or "just so young" (a date took me to the bar mentioned earlier and then asked if I cared if he had a beer). So I consider this dating purgatory, where I shall idle until either the men my age catch up maturity wise or I'm old enough to date the 30-year-olds. Whichever comes first.
'Til next time, I say to no one as my blog remains undiscovered. Stay happy fuckers!
-A
Footnote: Macaulay Culkin is the little albino boy from Home Alone, and if you didn't get it the first time we probably won't get along.