#itsnotthatdeep

[amazynglyme]

wow. funny coincidence.

long run-on-sentence-of-fuck-you-bs herewego

the moment i do a dissertation video on a popular series to try to show I can actually write and craft story and decided to detour to that because I was thrown out of and abused out of talking about my experiences in the animation industry (after everyone fixated on it and begged me to give my piece as the real victim and then promptly discarded that and ignored it) and had my original projects apart bEFORE i could even SHOW WHAT I WAS WRITING outside of the art I did, and THEN because I NEED to make something to show I AM AN ACTUAL STORY WRITER TO SAVE MY LIFE WITH MY OWN CAREER SKILL (and was violated out of the animation industry), AND BECAUSE I moved in fandom for so long and people always adored what i contributed, I truly thought it was safe(-er) to just talk about my critique with a series removed from the humans behind it who I don't need to know and am not attacking the personal feelings of and just say how it could have been improved from a place of PASSION for the characters and world-building and how i could have written it with a real understanding of what people in that premise would actually live within to simply SHOW I CAN WRITE TO A PRE-ESTABLISHED AUDIENCE because my original projects are locked out of finding one a "broken algorithm" social media.. (Please, MY GOD GIVEN RIGHT as if analysis isn't a skill-set required by everyone, freaking begged for in school and taught, and as if there isn't an entire fucking career around being a media critique where you're paid to be one and as if sites like rottentomatoes don't exist)

NOW the entire situation after more than two decades of understanding that this is 100% lovingly allowable is suddenly being reframed like critique of a series = direct harassment to a creator and you are a dick bc I guess in the TADC fandom a few people couldn't keep their mouths shut around the actual goosehuman in a direct line of communication with them and gave their critiques (the commenters were literally being serious and not using harassing language too like i got on my video lmao, despite still not being an appropriate location to do so just to make it fuckier and btw i do not need to even want my videos to be seen by the TADC creator bc they are not for that human they are for people who want to share my mind and passions unless that human WANTED to collaborate with me bc I loved working alongside others), BUT so now I get to live with a suddenly shift in fandom where I have to stop my series because now because just saying "here's how i would write it" could get me beheaded as targeting the creators to hurt them wtf (and ive been near exclusively getting comments essentially calling me scum and saying i hate the writers for simply giving a level-headed critique and being told to basically be harmed by them because i'm harming the writers by giving one... thanks. makes sense and people mindlessly clapping about it and ignoring anything i say even when i see them tell me i deserve worse treatment for liking the series and wanting to do my interpretation on it because you're not supposed to ever speak if you don't mindlessly adore a piece of media that is MAINSTREAM and far removed from the people behind the scenes) when alongside all of that transformative fandom fucking also was always right there and it was expected to do your own spin on shit but it's being carnaged differently to me exclusively, so when and who the fuck even is allowed to talk about anything anymore

Once again, ok, mindfuck. I couldn't work in the industry due to lies from actually-found-and-caught-sexual predators because no one fucking gives a shit about real victims so I will never get to meet or talk to another creative again who is in that career no matter what as I learned the hard way, so i decided i'd go to my original projects, then i get a massive harassment whenever i started one and was forced to just move away from it bc i couldn't sustain myself with how broken it was moving, and now OUT OF SEEMINGLY NOWHERE only days after I put my video up where I know i WAS so fucking funny and sweet and passionate, there's an entire tear in the fan-base over if people are allowed to just even TALK about not liking how the character writing was handled because it's the same as directly harassing the creator and that's essentially the only energy and comments i got on my video from people actually being more violent at me than anything they accused me of, go figure, fucking crazier was if i had made that kind of video for my other fandoms like IZ, I would have been fucking continually beloved like i fucking was for writing it in text posts so sorry i guess i moved with a very deep awareness of what was allowable from my own lived decades of life. this is insane. this is miserable.

why does everyone just adopt a completely different mindset under irrelevant topics on a fucking dime and not even notice they don't stay under the same fucking feelings about anything?

And i REPEAT, this was afterwards, AFTERWARDS, not a few days sooner so I could at least have staged my ideas and wording a little more mindfully along navigating away from that bs (and I can try to do so going forward but it looks like even just speaking overtly politely and not letting my ideas be allowed to say they are good is still a minefield rn). My jokes were from a headspace of being LIGHT-HEARTED AND NOTTHATDEEP and watching a lifetime of video essay writers on social media and learning what is and isn't moved to people and so my confidence I could do this came through and then, lo-and-behold, the rules and logic changes at the drop of a pin and always in TIMING to anything i begin doing because a coincidence that is one after another and always moving just after i start a new idea is fucking broken.

this is broken. don't think this shit is happening? when do I get a fucking break then? Don't even get to have people watch my videos after I was begged by everyone to make this kind of content and am just saying what made people love me when I did text essays on fandom accounts, and the only people who show up are lying over my videos and people are eating their lies and stupidity and not even acknowledging anything I EVEN SAY POLITELY in reply to them because they walk off after being visibly harassing me. This is. Fucked. This is literally not a real reality I can't connect the dots to something when using my own very heard established understanding of human behavior is not even relevant to what will occur next because group activity is apparently able to change over anything on a whim depending on what decides to make everyone feel one way about something. Horrifying people don't even notice they can't think for themselves whether the idea is agreeable or not.

Why the hell can't i just make my series for fandom and pull some of my passion for WANTING A GOOD STORY because I keep getting kicked out of my own projects and have it be understood? I dont fucking need to be friends with the fucking people working on the show bc i was literally not even allowed a fucking friendship in the industry due to the lies written about me and I just want to show I ACTUALLY can write to an audience that MAY see it bc i was fucking fucked out of being allowed to make my original projects to do the same. God fuck. That is fucking nightmareish. i'm going to actually die over this shit if I can't even secure an understanding I have skills at all to make fucking money.

at this point i'm ONLY allowed harassment to get help because that's the only time being looked at briefly and it's unhinged, it's so sick. this is so violent.

I wish someone was wise enough to even crack this shit open with me because what in the everloving fuck do you really think coincidences are this fucking constant and highly specific? Oh my god, does that sound insane to you? We literally live with a PHYSICS that reality is a patterning in its physical structure and you are still so mindless you haven't even listened to the mind that says there's literal coincidences and synchroncities that occur in a reality that is structured on synchronization. This ain't even deep it's just go outside and look at anything and note patterns and statistics. Now where do I go with that? I'd love to move to science but i CAN'T FUCKING AFFORD the degree because you all wrecked my income. So instead I have to sit here and entertain fandom bs and watch everyone hijack their long-established ideas of allowable story critique because the creator is having a tough time when since fucking did anyone give a fuck when it was V- shows.

No i don't want the drama I just wanted to LOVINGLY entertain with passionate story and ideas that made people feel motivated and happy to use their minds and ideas differently than this abuse everyone is throwing up nonstop and I'm forced to walk through a carnage bc you all rigged your system)

p.S. this is so staged apparently goosehuman can make fun of and put their own characters down but if you say you think their personalities are junk alongside it apparently you're harassing her directly

[sparetimedoodler]

She hated the first day of anything. No matter how much she studied, how much information she gathered, there was always unknown variables. The first day of primary school, for example, she had learned the phonetic alphabet, her numbers up to 100 and the life cycle of the butterfly. On her visit she had memorised the layout of the classroom, particularly where the toilets were, and every teacher and TA in reception. Nothing could go wrong, except of coarse it could. The unknown variable in this case was Victoria templton. Within the first week of school Victoria templton had made sure everyone knew exactly how weird and out of place she truly was.

The same thing happened wherever she went, swim class, ballet, the playground even. Victoria templtons were everywhere, able to pinpoint who didn’t belong even if they weren’t sure why. Sometimes they were the Hugh coopers of the world, or the Tracy stones. She hoped beyond hope that this time would be different, that she wouldn’t be the odd one out anymore.

That is why she found herself holding her breath, as a boy with impossibly blonde hair strode into the compartment, looking to all intense and purposes as if he owned the train itself.

This is it she thought, “I’m Hermione Granger, nice to meet you”, she cringed at herself internally, who says their full name at age 11?!

He glared at her lingering in the doorway. Now she was sure she had made some kind of social faux pas, her first interaction with a school mate and already she would be branded an outcast. She heard the thump of the heavy heavy book falling to the compartment floor. She had nudged her over packed bag and sent it toppling, the book landing at the boys feet. He picked it up, turning it over curiously.

“Draco Malfoy. Why would you carry such a heavy book onto the train?”

So relieved he hadn’t immediately rejected her, Hermione overlooked his condescending tone, “it is quite heavy isn’t it, but I just can’t put it down. I’ve read it several times already of coarse, I like to be prepared and what better what than readying Hogwarts a History, but every time I reread it there’s something new I hadn’t seen before. I’m not sure if it’s the book or me but I just can’t put it down.” Logically Hermione new magic existed, she herself being proof, she just wasn’t entirely sure of the perameters. Were evolving books normal? Or would they call her crazy.

“You’re saying the book gives you new information about Hogwarts everytime you reread it?”

She nodded, now extremely self conscious. Then the boys eyes widened from the assessing squint he’d been giving her and she saw something come alive.

“I’ve been telling my friends this! I guess if they bothered to actually read it they might actually see for themselves!”

Hermione let out a relived little laugh, this had to be the most success she’d had with a peer. Beaming at each other they spent the next hour of the train journey looking at her copy of Hogwarts a History, debating which would be the most interesting subjects and what the mysterious sorting ceremony might involve.

“If we have to stand up in front of everyone and be sorted into a house by other students, i might just beg to be put back on the train” Hermione groaned through her hands.

Draco laughed at the ridiculous idea “Don’t be dramatic, it’s unbecoming of a lady, well that’s what mother would say,” he smirked, but she didn’t even offer half smile “You’re really worried about this? I’ll just make one of the older kids chose you, and then we can be in the same house. See not so bad now.” He folded his arms and leant back.

She looked up in shock. Had someone, someone her own age no less, actually said they would choose her? She wouldn’t be left at the bottom of the rejects pile for once, alone. She lunged forward looping her arms around his neck.

“Thank you Draco” she sniffled. Hope bubbled up in her chest at the mere thought of having just made her first long time friend. Maybe I really truely do belong here, she thought.

Beep .....beep. The sound was coming from inside her bag. She quickly let go and started rummaging in the front pockets.

“Ergh my parents made me bring this,” she held up a pager, “I tried to tell them it wouldn’t work properly in the magical world but they wanted to try.” Draco stared blankly at her as she smiled at the device. “I just need to nip to the loo.”

Smiling brightly at him she practically skipped out of the compartment. When she got back he was gone, however, before she had time to wonder, another boy came in frantically looking for a pet toad, and because Draco malfoy had made her feel as though she really belonged, it gave her all the confidence to reach out.

[lamborghiinii]

[andtohimwebelong]

How things have always been doesn’t mean how they should’ve been, and it sure doesn’t mean how they’ll be

[guluna]

I leave people on read so often but as soon as someone I actually want to talk to leaves me on read i’m like... damn... can’t believe people really do this ,,, the rudeness,,,

[mistermixmania]

Demi Lovato kehrt mit neuem Album „It’s Not That Deep“ zum Dance-Pop zurück https://mister-mixmania.com/de/news/musik-news/demi-lovato-kehrt-mit-neuem-album-its-not-that-deep-zum-dance-pop-zurueck/?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=tumblr <<< Zum Beitrag

[bringinbackpod]

Interview with ari hicks

[lionsfeathers]

Converting pain to laughter. I think fate is determined. In the sense that each destiny is a total of decisions and determinations made by the many which includes one’s self.

Although tbh, I don’t really feel like determining anything too far out right now, I just wanna hang out and find a state of being where we can all laugh a lot even in our pain and then see how we feel.