What a Difference 10 Years Make
Tried finding this blog I created over 10 years ago a few times with no success, because I couldn’t remember what log in was mine. That say’s a lot in an of itself. On a whim, I recently applied (like, 2 weeks ago to be exact) to ASU’s Master of Psychology program, and that when I realized which email account I used. Ha ha.
Looking back at what I wrote back then, I see so much clearer now. Everything I felt so deeply at the time was mania. Little did I know that it would turn out to feel like a 2 year manic episode. I quickly found a better job, was working full time, was in the middle of finally finishing my Bachelor’s at ASU, and, rarely slept. After everything that happened which I wrote about below, I took all that energy and threw it into work, and school.
Over that year, I was definitely burning the candles at both ends, but i finished my degree, and a month later lost my job due to the fact that my emotions were so raw at that point, that it was very difficult to not breakdown every day at work.
After that (circa 6/2012), I took some time off, while applying for jobs, and eventually did some part time work that allowed me to remain pretty flexible with my schedule. It was a nice break. I did that until 2/2014, when one of the jobs I had applied for a year and a half earlier reached out, and pretty much offered me the position on the spot. Been there ever since, and they are all now part of my extended family.
The girls were both teenagers at this point, and doing theater, so I finally got involved and started doing costuming for the shows. In 2015, my eldest graduated. My youngest at this point began struggling with depression, bullying, and more trauma than anyone should have by the time they are 16. Because my employers are so compassionate, they made getting through the next few years manageable (at least once they knew what was going on).
In February of 2019, my eldest got engaged and her and and her now husband married that November. Little did I know that at that point the wheels had already been set in motion for the next 2 years of my life to be turned upside down. My husband began stressing about paying for the wedding, the stores were still a very up and down part of our lives. He started smoking again after having quit for 10 years. I was so wrapped up in the girls and work, and the wedding, that I didn’t see what was right in front me.
My best friend and co-worker sprung for us (me and my husband, and her and her husband) to visit London for her 40th birthday in 2/2020. Two weeks before we left, I learned that my husband had been having a mostly emotional affair with one of his employees. Me, feeling like I deserved this from my own past betrayals (no matter how many years had passed), allowed her to keep her job, while trying to mend our relationship. We made it to London, and when we came back, the rest of the world began to turn upside down.
To say that 2020 was a cluster-fuck nightmare would be the understatement of the known-length of the universe.
