#ivan ivory

[hydrachea]

Crossings + Guide To Troubled Birds

(all characters belong to @crossingcrew)

[hydrachea]

Right In Front Of Me

A Crossings fanfiction written with @hot-geometry, edited by @sweet-dorito-dip​ !!

Tristran, Ivan and the crew belong to @crossingcrew

Word count : 3,754

AO3

This is gay

The crew was currently taking a short break at a huge meadow. Flowers decorated the pale green grass and a lone tree stood in the middle of it all. It was beautiful, with the weather being just as lovely alongside it. Everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves on their brief break. Some were resting, others were playing, and then there was Tristran.

He was sitting at the roots of the large tree, a pair of bright blue eyes focused on the sky above. Sure, he was at peace, though thoughts about their next move and what could happen as a result continued to plague his already troubled mind. A sigh escaped him, and he tucked his hands firmly behind his head. Tristran’s eyes fluttered shut as he tried to focus more on what was happening around him.

Ivan sighed, happy and sad at the same time as he looked around him. The colorful flowers surrounding him and his friends were beautiful; petals were flying around them in the most peaceful of ways… Yet he couldn’t help but think about home, the flowers reminding him of the healer house in which he used to live, happy and unaware of the dangers of the world, with his mom and sister.

He shook his head and turned to look around, trying to find a certain mass of orange hair. As his eyes made their way to the tree they were gathered around, he found him sitting on the roots.

He smiled to himself at the sight, and stood up before walking towards the ginger. The other, eyes closed, didn’t see him coming and jumped a little when Ivan bumped his shoulder lightly.

“Hey, Tris.”

Ivan was unexpected, but certainly a pleasant surprise. A smile tugged at his lips as he made a bit of room on the root he was sitting on, leaning forward on his crossed legs instead.

“Hey. You enjoying yourself?”

Ivan’s eyes brightened at the sight of Tristran smiling, and he moved next to him, sitting with a thankful nod.

“It’s nice to take a break. It’s very peaceful here; I could sit for hours.”

Saying so, he inhaled deeply, smelling the air heavy with floral scents. Peaceful indeed, and welcoming.

“How about you? Does your side still hurt ?” He asked glancing at the ginger’s ribs, still worried about the injury. He had treated it, but Tristran seemed particularly eager to re-open his wounds.

It felt nice to have the healer next to him like this. Yet, he still kept his distance, just to be safe. He balled his hand to a fist and wrapped his other hand around it as his gaze went over to Ivan.

“It’s alright, I’ll be fine until the next bad thing comes along.”

Sure, it did have a dull ache but not serious enough to bother Ivan about it. What does it matter anyway? It’ll probably reopen in a fight, he thought.

Ivan didn’t miss the hesitation in Tristran’s voice, as faint as it was. The other was always so reluctant to show if he was hurting, as if he didn’t want to show any weakness.

“Tristran…”

Ivan spoke softly, in an almost pleading voice. He looked at the other in the eyes, concern showing on his face.

“Are you really alright? It won’t heal if you force yourself.”

Saying so, he ran his hand over the wound, eyes filled with worry.

A hiss escaped the other when Ivan’s fingers only lightly touched it. Tristran flinched, before looking away stubbornly. He was fine, that pain would fade eventually. He didn’t need anyone to fuss over him.

“As long as you don’t touch it, I will be.”

He answered perhaps a little too sharp as his brows furrowed. The brawler’s knuckles turned white from clenching his own hand so hard, legs unhooking to a bit of a tense sitting position instead.

The healer gave him a pained look. Seeing him hurting was some of the things he hated the most, yet the other always refused to tend to his wounds as well as he should. He looked away, biting his lip.

“I won’t touch it if you don’t want me to. But you need to stop being so stubborn, or you’ll end up way more hurt than this.”

He breathed shakily before continuing:

“… And, I hate seeing you suffer in silence like this.”

Tristran didn’t look up to see the look on the other’s face. He could guess from the tone in Ivan’s voice what it was. He gritted his teeth as he wondered why the other worried so much about someone like him.

Was it because of their drunken mishap a few evenings prior? They had exchanged words of love, kissing and touching one another until they passed out from the effects of the alcohol. Tristran shut his eyes as the memory replaced his thoughts, though it only stung since they didn't talk about it afterwards. Well, it was more or less that Tristran had avoided talking about it since it probably wasn’t anything serious. He wasn’t looking for anything serious even if Ivan made his heart patter with joy.

He opened his mouth to say something, but shut it again. No, it was better to remain silent before he asked anything ridiculous.

Ivan observed the other’s expression change, almost regretting his words already. He looked hurt, and not only physically. He was wearing that rejecting expression again, like he refused to open up more.

That made his heart ache.

He could still remember that night clearly. For a moment, they had been close, closer than they had ever been, and he missed it. He had felt happy that night, starting to hope the ginger was, maybe, feeling the same as he was.

But he was realizing it had probably been only alcohol speaking, seeing how distant the other seemed now.

Yet… Still now, he was aching to get closer. To see his smile, to hold his hand.

Silence lingered in the air for a while. Tristran swallowed a lump in his throat and switched hands before words left him.

“It has a constant dull ache. It stings when I touch it, as well as when I walk.”

His voice was a bit flat as he tried to switch the topic back to the problem at hand. His eyes were focused downwards on the grass below and the small flowers that were in it, but he had other things on his mind right now than enjoying nature.

Ivan immediately looked back at him when Tristran’s words resonated after the silence. His eyes grew wide with worry, but part of him was slightly relieved. It sounded like something he could treat.

“Will you let me look at it? I can help with the ache and the stinging.”

Though he couldn’t make the wound disappear completely, he could at least relieve Tris of his pain until he decided to be more careful.

The brawler nodded his head, though got up and finally had the courage to actually face Ivan this time.

“Not here though. Let’s at least go back to the tents.”

He hadn’t looked at the wound yet, and the last thing he wanted was to trouble everyone if it looked really bad. Tristran’s attempt to walk ahead failed miserably though, as he instantly felt the stinging. He remained upright though, though his expression flinched ever so slightly.

Ivan got up, following the ginger to the tents. Tristran wasn’t walking as fast as he usually was, taking slow steps. He was keeping a straight face, but the healer didn’t miss his clenched jaw.

He hesitated for a second, never knowing how the other would react to help.

“I can help you if it hurts too much.” Barely a whisper, but he hasn’t been able to stop himself in time.

As low as Ivan’s voice was, Tristran still caught his words. Instead of accepting his help, he attempted to pace up. He refused to appear weak in front of Ivan, or make things anything more complicated than was necessary. He pretended not to have heard him even if his side was stinging even more now.

Soon they reached the tents, and Tristran went ahead into Ivan’s. Settling down on the edge of the makeshift bed, he took off his shirt. He wanted this to be over and done with, though was perhaps a little too quick with it. The fabric of his shirt caught briefly on the bandages, causing his wound to ache further. He hissed out a curse in the process as he tossed the article of clothing to the floor.

Ivan followed behind Tris, getting more and more worried as he saw him speed up. He regretted offering his help already; he had only made things worse.

Entering his tent, he let the other undress, going around gathering fresh bandages and medicine. He turned back suddenly when he heard Tristran hiss.

Making his way next to the other, he sat in front of him and gasped when he saw the wound. It was purplish red, seeming to be holding together only barely. He ghosted his fingers over it, feeling the burning skin under his fingertips.

“This… This is going to hurt.”

He slowly undid the rest of the bandages, before getting medicine he could apply to calm the pain and help with the inflammation.

His fingers curled around the fabric covering the bed when Ivan got to work. Tristran took several sharp breaths through his nose, trying not to show how the healer’s gentle fingers somehow felt like knives. Of course the medicine applied to it felt incredibly painful at first, though he let out a shaky sigh in relief when it began to work surprisingly quickly. The stinging dulled down and the burning sensation faded to a pleasant wave of chill.

Ivan worked as fast as possible, yet as gently as he could. The sooner this would be over, the better it would be for all of them. Leaving Tristran’s wound untreated meant he would collapse at some point, as tough as he was.

He applied the medicine on the burning flesh, massaging it slightly. It hurt Tris, but the medicine would act faster this way. He then placed new bandages around the cleaned wound and looked back at the ginger.

“Does it feel better now?”

The process was painful, but afterwards it felt a whole lot better than before. His body seemed to finally relax now that the dull ache was out of the way. He looked over at the healer’s handiwork, then at Ivan himself.

“Yes… Thank you, I suppose.”

Ivan’s eyes widened at the praise, and he felt his cheeks heat up. Though all he had done was his simple job, hearing Tris thank him was an amazing reward.

He smiled at him, carefully running his hand over the fresh bandage.

“You’re welcome… But I can’t keep doing this forever, Tris. You need to be more careful and stop overworking yourself, or it will never heal.”

Bright blue eyes followed watched him intently. The slight redness on his cheeks had Tris remembering how cute Ivan was, and as his gaze followed the hand that ran across his bandage, he wished for those same fingers to touch the skin above it just as lovingly. He could only wish though. It’d probably only happen under the influence of alcohol, which Tristran was fine with despite how his heart ached. Being too focused on the movements of the other’s hand, he wasn’t really listening too much to his advice.

“I suppose so,” was all the brawler responded with in a lowered, absent voice.

The tone of Tristran’s voice made Ivan look up at him, eyes leaving the wound he was still checking, feeling its temperature lower.

His hand left the bandages, passed over the ginger’s before going back on the ground.

He still felt that need.

“It’s important. You can’t keep going like this; your body won’t be able to handle it.”

It hurt, how little Tristran seemed to care for himself. Every time anyone mentioned it, he brushed it off, as if he thought he didn’t matter.

Ivan took a small breath, locking eyes with Tris. He raised a shaky hand, and gently placed in on Tristran’s.

“Please. Just, stop being so bold, or you’ll…” He swallowed thickly. “… Or you’ll end up dead.” He squeezed the other’s hand.

His breath got caught in his throat when he felt Ivan’s warm hand cover his own; his gaze leaving Ivan’s to look down at their hands. The gentle squeeze made his heart skip a beat, lips feeling awfully dry as he licked them in anticipation. Of course, he tried to suppress that anticipation to the best of his ability. Ivan was just worried about him, probably as a friend. He’d do this to anyone. He tried to smooth over the brief look of surprise he held as he glanced back at Ivan with a small smirk tugging at his lips.

“I’ll do my best. But, I won’t wind up dead with you around, will I?”

Ivan felt his heart sped up at the sight of Tristran’s smirk. At first he thought the other would slap his hand away, still mad at him or not wanting affection. But the ginger’s hand stayed under his, maybe warming up a little. That was probably Ivan’s imagination, but his doubts all vanished when he looked at Tristran’s face. He could feel his pulse, and discerned a light blush coloring the other’s freckled cheeks.

He tried to gather his thoughts enough to answer, struggling to forget how much he wanted to feel the other’s lips again. Though, he couldn’t stop himself from moving a little closer.

“Never, for as long as you want me around.” He smiled warmly, feeling himself flush.

The words that left Ivan caused the blush on the brawler’s cheeks to spread further unknowingly. With a slightly nervous tremble and his heart almost beating out of his chest, he tilted the hand over that was below Ivan’s, gently wrapping his fingers around the other’s. He hoped the healer wouldn’t pull away. He hoped this was more than just a drunk one-off. He hoped and he hoped but the fear of more rejection loomed over him like a painful restraint. Tristran felt vulnerable as his eyes looked away, afraid to see that loving look replaced by one of rejection. This was it, now or never, and he was preparing for the worst as he held his breath again, bottom lip finding its way between his teeth.

Ivan’s breath almost stopped when he felt Tristran’s fingers laced with his own. His heart was thumping loudly, so loudly he was almost sure Tris could hear it.

He let his thumb caress the ginger’s hand. Neither of them was drunk, this time. The fact that this gesture was intentional filled him with so much joy he thought he could burst. His heart was beating so fast, and he felt the rapid pulse of the ginger’s against his hand. He looked adoringly at his blushing face.

He felt drunk on the happiness of the moment, and brought a shaky hand to Tristran’s face.

He wanted the other to look at him.

He suddenly felt a warm hand on his cheek, Tristran’s head leaning slightly into the warm touch as it guided his head to look at the healer. The look he saw in the pair of amber eyes held nothing but love. A look of fear was replaced with one of surprise, his lips quivering as they turned to a smile. Was he really, was Ivan..? The feeling of the other’s thumb running so lovingly over his hand caused tears to prick the corners of his eyes, which he blinked away. It felt like a dream, he thought as he tightened the grip on the slightly bigger hand. Tristran leaned closer and dared resting their foreheads together, eyes locked on Ivan’s.

Ivan’s heart skipped a beat when he saw the tears in the other’s eyes. These disappeared, but left him an even more urgent desire to hug Tris, to comfort him and to tell him how important he was.

The love he found in his eyes had him squeeze Tris’s hand even harder. That was an expression he only saw in his dreams, that was something he could never have imagined. Tristran was so important to him, but had never seemed eager to get closer. Or so, Ivan thought.

His thoughts were interrupted by the feeling of Tristran’s forehead pressed against his, their eyes never leaving each other.

Ivan felt his heart beat even faster. In the back of his mind, he realized the possible consequences of what he was about to do.

He tilted his head, breathing shakily, hand caressing Tristran’s cheek in the most tender way.

Leaning closer, he pressed his trembling lips against the Tris’ scarred ones.

Feeling Ivan’s breath tingle against his lips caused his eyes to flutter shut and savour the moment. To his relief though, he suddenly felt a pair of warm lips against his own. Any tension that was left slid off of him, though his free hand trembled as it found its way into Ivan’s white locks. Of course he returned the kiss. He returned it with a deprivation he didn’t know he had. A desire for affection, a desire to hold him and a desire to be held. Someone loved him, and it was a scary, new experience but one that felt incredible.

Ivan closed his eyes as he sighed into the kiss, chest starting to hurt from holding his breath for so long.

His heart leaped in his chest when he felt Tristran’s hand bringing him closer, when he returned the kiss. He had been afraid of rejection, terrified of what would happen.

He could feel the other’s soft lips moving against his, the hand in his hair, and he let out a small laugh mixed with a sob. The fear and happiness were getting to him and he felt tears in his eyes. He was overflowing with love, so much love he couldn’t believe was mutual.

His arm wrapped around Tristran’s shoulder, he pulled him closer.

Slowly, Tristran’s lips left Ivan’s. His eyes fluttered open to look at Ivan, smiling widely at the sight in front of him. His hand lowered to the other’s jaw, his ragged thumb running across his flushed face. A laugh left Tristran as well, and it all still felt like a dream despite how real it was.

“You wouldn’t mind pinching me, would ya?” he whispered as he remained close to him.

Ivan missed the sensation the second Tris pulled away, chuckling when he felt the ginger’s hand on his jaw.

The sound of his laugh made him chuckle as well, still in the haze.

“If we’re sharing the same dream, I’m not sure I want to wake up yet…”

The sight before him looked straight from a dream indeed. Tristran’s flushed cheeks, his smile, and the love in his eyes was everything he had ever wanted.

He pulled him into a hug, hiding his burning face in the crook of his neck.

“I love you.”

The words struck him right into his heart. It was good that Ivan was hugging him right now, because the tears were rolling down his cheeks at this point. To keep up a little bit of his tough shell, he wiped them off with his wrist before holding Ivan tight again. Those words, directed towards him, were almost too surreal. He was left without words, and his voice was choked up once he actually did manage to get a response out.

“I… love you too.”

The warmth of Ivan’s body against his own, his breath hitting his neck and his soft skin below his fingertips… Ivan was beautiful.

Ivan’s breath got stuck in his throat at the sound of Tristran’s answer. He felt tears in his eyes once again, hands grasping the other’s shoulders. He hugged him tight, as close as he could, minding the wound.

After a while he let his hands fall back and gently rubbed Tris’ back, letting himself relax.

A chuckle escaped the ginger when he was hugged so tight, feeling overwhelmed with love before he was let go. His hand clenched on the fabric of his shirt as he nuzzled Ivan’s shoulder, taking in his lavender scent as his head felt like it was on cloud nine.

“C'mere, love,” he said a bit silly as he distanced himself from Ivan a bit, only to seal their lips together again once more. Tristran paid no mind to the tears coming from Ivan’s face, as some of his own probably went down as well.

Ivan gladly kissed Tristran back, one hand leaving his back to caress his hair. Simply hearing the other calling him “love” had him crying again, and as his other hand made its way to the ginger’s cheek he found it wet with tears.

He could have deepened the kiss, but he didn’t, keeping it soft yet so intimate. The way Tris felt against him, how he could feel him breathing was enough for him. These seconds felt like forever.

He let his eyes fall shut once again, feeling Tris’ amber locks in his fingers and the tears slowly falling from his eyes and on his hand.

Tristran thoroughly enjoyed the tender kiss he was being given. It was different, yet felt so real. It wasn’t needy, it wasn’t fake- it was filled with love which in turn made his entire being fill with love. After some time he gently parted from it. His slightly reddened lips ghosted over his cheek, before pressing a kiss on the trail Ivan’s tears left, one on each side. He then moved to his forehead and planted a kiss on there, hands sliding down to rest in the other’s neck then down to his shoulders.

He continued to press fleeting kisses to Ivan’s lip, smiling all the while.

Ivan felt Tris move away from his mouth, only to feel his breath on his cheek and his lips following the marks the tears left, kissing them tenderly. Each one of the ginger’s kisses had him let out a small giggle he couldn’t keep in.

He moved his hands to find the other’s resting on his shoulders, taking them gently to rest between them and linking their fingers.

It was love, not a drunk dream, and he couldn’t be happier.

[hydrachea]

How to kiss when your boyfriend is a literal tree : climb.

(characters belong to @alexa-eve / @crossingcrew!)