If It Gets Worse
A Jun and @asy-yooneunhye drabble
It wasn’t often Hana triggered during sessions. She was typically so quiet, refusing to say much that there had been no need. But lately, there was something off about the girl her doctor couldn’t quite put her finger on. And it caused her to go from extreme to extreme. She was either severely tight lipped, animated to a level Eunhye wasn’t sure existed in the girl, or traumatized enough to recede and let another take over.
And today it was Jun. And today, it was met with a bit of resentment. She wasn’t able to hold back the small curse that left her lips the moment she realized Jun was sitting before her. He could only blink, already beginning to adjust Hana’s hair and clothing to better suit him as he stood.
“Well, excuse me. I don’t control when I appear. Guess you’d prefer your boyfriend to me but here I am. Sorry,” he half pouted, using his reflection in one of Eunhye’s plaques on the way to fix his hair back, just so, leaving the right amount of hair framing the left side of his face.
“That’s not it, Junhyung,” she began, ignoring the slight cringe and eye narrow she received at using his full name. “I was getting somewhere with Hana! Possibly getting her to try and confront more of the things she’s trying to forget and she triggers. I’m frustrated.”
“But, I mean, why are you upset? I mean, aren’t we like a failsafe? She gets past all the other locks on the security system and just when it opens out we pop like ‘better luck next time!’? It’s not like you still can’t finish the session.”
“That’s not- Never mind,” the doctor sighed, setting her pen and pad down. “Might as well have triggered anyway. I’m not prepared to actually hear some of things I suspect she is going to uncover in her memories and honestly it could just make things worse.”
“What the hell are you even talking about? Her talking about that stuff is supposed to make things better, right?” He had finally adjusted the t-shirt and jeans properly, unzipped the hoodie part way and plopped back into the chair, leaning back.
“For her. It supposed to make things better for her. I’m- I’m not so sure about myself.”
“But you’re a therapist. At a psych hospital. I doubt anything she says can shock you like that.”
“You forgot why I was gone for so long. My testimony?”
His lips rounded into an rounded shaped. “Oh yeah..... but what does that have to do with anything? I’ll be honest, I don’t really know what all Hana has suppressed and I don’t really know everything that happened with you. Just that it’s all bad but how can it hurt you?”
Eunhye’s lips pursed as she tried to think of a way to explain without explaining anything finally settling with, “It just affects my relationships with guys. It’s hard to be around them is all.”
“You’re around me,” Jun rebutted, holding out his hand. “And Koei. I don’t see the problem.”
“I- I think it’s different cause you- you’re alters and even though I know you’re men, my mind doesn’t necessarily connect you as such since Hana is usually in control. I know you’re men but my subconscious doesn’t. Not truly. But my subconscious is going to catch up to my conscious sooner or later and I’ll finally see you guys as men completely and then..... I don’t know.....”
Admittedly, Jun was confused. He didn’t understand much of what she was saying but enough was grasped for him to be able to ask, “And so.... if you start seeing us as guys, things could get bad?”
“I might push you away, act scared of you suddenly, lose you as a friend completely. I might even do the same with Koei.”
“No, you won’t.”
Eunhye blinked, head tilting. “How do you know? It’s a problem that I’m trying to fix but it’s getting worse day by day. I could turn on you and Koei and then you’ll both leave.”
“Zinger told me once- Hey, don’t roll your eyes. I’m serious. Zinger once told me sometimes she’s surprised that Hana doesn’t just stay away from guys with her luck with them. And really I didn’t get what she meant and all Athenais would say was that there weren’t a lot of guys that were nice to her. Maybe it’s the same for you. Not a lot of guys were nice to you. And you know, to be honest, Hana is worse off than you. Okay, I mean, she’s really fragile, I think-”
“Jun, you’re starting to ramble again.....,” Eunhye interrupted, Jun scrambling to make his point.
“B-b-b-but, she doesn’t shy away from guys cause some were really, really bad to her! She’s got Jiyong and Sungmin and Taekwoon and yeah it wasn’t easy for her to warm up to them, I’m sure. I wouldn’t know cause I don’t see what she sees but she did and she loves them and nothing gets in the way of their friendship. I even think she and an old boyfriend are reconnecting. I mean to say, we’re friends, man. No matter how bad you get, it’s not like I’m going to up and leave you.”
“Yeah, and when I cower in fear in front of you one day, you’ll change your mind.”
“Eun, I share a head space with a woman who had killed people for far less that accidentally bumping her on the sidewalk. I doubt you can’t frighten or weird me out enough to go, ‘Done with this chick’. Koei, either. We’re not that shallow I don’t think. I mean, considering the fact that we don’t even really exist we have no reason to up and leave someone working through stuff, you know?”
Eunhye sighed. “When did this become my therapy session?”
“I don’t know cause I’m not good at this stuff. You’re the head shrink lady person.”
“I can’t have one serious conversation with you.”
“I thought this was serious!”
