She knew Zinger had something hidden away.
Something she was selling or keeping for herself. Anything. She knew it was in the room, hidden away out of sight of the nurses the guards and Hana herself. Because Zinger knew her, knew what she would do. The pills would have been will hidden, so well Hand would end up destroying her small room trying o search them out. She stayed still in her balled up position in the middle of her bed, eyes set to scope this area and that crevice, that space, that book. Her eyes searched the room like a snake sniffing out prey.
If only drugs had a heat signature. The search from her bed would be easier.
But what if she couldn’t find them? What if she would be stuck hurting, begging for the pang of loneliness to go away? What if she couldn’t numb herself on her own? The only option would be stop the pain manually. But that wasn’t fair to Minji. Or Taekwoon. Or Jiyong. Or Sungmin. Or Daichi. She couldn’t end the pain that way. She couldn’t just erase herself.
She just needed the pills. She had done it before. She had access to it then.
Even as a teen she had access.
She hugged the covers around her tighter? What that her?
Pills hidden in her dance bag, between her mattress.
A pill to make it through the morning.
Two more hearing her name on his poisonous lips.
A few more as a stranger undressed her- “No,” she said aloud, voice hoarse, barely audible to herself.
No. That wasn’t her. That couldn’t be her. Could it? But, it was clear. The image was so clear. More solid than passively watching through an alter’s eyes. It was her, wasn’t it? She could recall the feel of those little pills weighing heavy in her hand, almost getting stuck in her throat as she swallowed them dry, strange lips on her neck as her head fell back to help the pills along, strange lips burning her skin.
It had to be her. It had to be...
A long, heavy, tired sigh passed over dry lips, fingers flexed to let go of the sheets that had been clutched until the blood was no longer flowing in the tiny veins. The fingers, no longer Hana’s, stretched as the male let out an annoyed grunt at the twinges of pain that ran through his hands as he popped each finger to relieve some of the tension Hana had left in them.
He rolled onto his back, staring at the ceiling as if he were looking at someone else.
“Gege, get Hana to bed. I don’t think she’s really slept in days.”
“No worries, man. She’s going straight to bed. No exceptions. I’ve got her.”
“Good. I’m going to shower. I reek.....”