Incorrect KISS/Invasion 4 or whatever
(More fankhx trash + demonankhx, demonfankhx, Simmons-Tweed, etc) (update: Mark Slaughter is now referenced in pretty blue.)
Vinnie: I love hearing Paul shouting at someone else. It makes such a nice change.
Vinnie: You got a date yet, Eric? Eric: No... Vinnie: Well you do now! Get your ass up and hold my hand!
Gene: Ah, yes. Here we have a beautiful couple... Eric: I really care about your feelings! Vinnie: I really care about YOUR feelings! Gene, turning his head: ...and then there's the disaster couple... Peter: YOU NEED TO PAY MORE ATTENTION TO ME INSTEAD OF BEING AT THE HOSPITAL! Ace: I WOULDN'T HAVE TO SPEND SO MUCH TIME AT THE HOSPITAL IF YOU STOPPED INSISTING ON FIGHTING EVERYONE WHO COMES WITHIN A FIVE FOOT RADIUS OF YOU!
Eric: I love you. Vinnie: I love you too. I've waited so long to hear you say that. *Eric and Vinnie kiss passionately* Gene, to Paul: You owe me 20 dollars.
Eric: I’m this close to falling in love with Vinnie. Paul: Your fingertips are touching. Eric: Exactly.
Paul: Mark, you'll be working with Vinnie and Eric. Mark: Alright! My fantasy threesome! Everyone else: *blank stares* Mark: ...Of people on a team.
Vinnie: Is there a cactus where your heart should be? Mark: What’s up your ass this morning?! Gene: *walks in* ...Hey. Mark: Hmm… nevermind. Vinnie: WAIT NO!
Gene: Sorry, I'm late to the party. I've been doing things. Vinnie, entering in an unbuttoned shirt: I got caught up doing things too. Ace: Wow, Gene was late too! What a coincidence!
Paul: Look, last night was a mistake. Vinnie: A sexy mistake. Paul: No, just a regular mistake.
Paul: Who do we know that has handcuffs? Eric: Well Vinnie and I- Vinnie: *elbows Eric* Eric: ...wouldn't know.
Eric: What’s the announcement, Gene? Gene: It’s a lecture. Vinnie’s gonna tell us everything he knows about sex. Paul: It should be an enjoyable 60 seconds.
Eric: Hi, sorry I’m late. I was doing a couple of things and got distracted. Vinnie: I’m “a couple of things”. Gene: I’m “got distracted”.
Gene: My hands are cold. Vinnie: Here, let me hold them. Gene: My lips are cold too. Vinnie: *covers Gene's mouth with his hand* :)
Paul: Are you trying to seduce me? Vinnie: Why, are you seducible?
Vinnie: Can you cut me some slack, Eric? I’m sort of in love. Eric: I’m sorry, but that’s really not my problem. Vinnie: I’m in love with you. Eric: *blushes* Oh. That brings me in the loop a little.
Gene: Paul, you do remember when we agreed we were better off as friends, right? Paul, naked in Gene's bed: No, I absolutely do not. Gene, already taking off his clothes: Fuck... Me neither.
Eric: What do you want to be for Halloween? Vinnie: Yours. Eric: Eric: …yeah, that would be pretty scary.
Vinnie: Hey, Mark, are you free on Friday? Like around eight? Mark: Yeah. Vinnie: And you, Dana? Dana: Umm... yes? Vinnie: Great! Because I'm not. You two go out without me. Enjoy your date! Dana: Did he just-
Gene: It's pretty cold outside.. wanna hold hands? We should stay close. Vinnie, blushing: Okay. Paul: It's fucking summer.
Gene: Do you love Eric? Vinnie: Yeah, I do. Gene: Paul! I told you I knew it! You owe me 100 bucks! Paul: We all love Eric. You should've asked if he was IN love with him. Vinnie: I thought that was implied. Paul: ... Gene: ... Vinnie, looking straight at Paul: Congrats Gene, you just won 100 bucks.
Shannon: This food is too hot... I can’t eat it.
Gene: You’re very hot, and I still eat you.
Everyone at the table: *silence*
Nick: YOU GUYS ARE DISGUSTING!
Sophie: One dinner... I just want ONE DINNER!
Bruce: How did you break your leg?
Eric: Do you see those porch stairs?
Bruce: Yes.
Eric: I didn't.
Ace: You have an impressive pain tolerance.
Gene: Thanks, it's the trauma.
Paul: Remember! Curiosity killed the cat!
Ace: Yes, but you forget that satisfaction brought it back. So yes, Eric, go find out if that thing can catch fire!
Paul: You're a bad influence.
Ace: And you don't know your sayings.
Vinnie: I have feelings for you. Gene: Why? What's wrong with you? Are you sure you're okay?
Eric: *pretending to joke* So when are you going to go out with me? Vinnie: I don't know. When are you going to ask me to? Bruce: And you just ran away?! Eric: I didn't expect him to flirt back!
Dana: *finds a note* Hmm, what’s this? Vinnie: Hey, that's mine! *tries to grab it* Dana: Aww, is it a little note for Eric? Vinnie: No- Dana: *opens it* Dana: Vinnie: Dana: I can't read this.
Eric: So, what’s Vinnie's type? Gene: Brown eyes, kind, oblivious, good sense of humor, turtle lover. Eric: Sounds kind of like me. Too bad we’re just friends. Gene: Did I mention oblivious? Eric: Yeah, why? Gene: Okay, just making sure.
Vinnie: *yawns* Gene: Yeah, being that pretty must be tiring. Vinnie: Then you must be exhuasted. Paul: Will you two shut up? Some of us are lonely.
Gene: Hey, what have you two been doing? Jack: we were helping Bruce with his wedding vows and we were kicked out of his house for making it inappropriate. Gary: How is “Nice ass, Lisa” inappropriate?
Tommy: So... who's the big spoon and who's the little spoon? Eric: We're chopsticks! Tommy: Well... that's cute! Tommy: Does that mean you two snuggle together perfectly? Vinnie: No, it means that if you take the other away, the only thing the other is good for is stabbing.
Robert: Is there anyone here who’s actually straight? Mark: *raises hand* Vinnie: *puts Mark’s hand down*
Vinnie, wearing shades: Rule one of world domination. Vinnie: *does finger guns* You gotta look good while doing it.
Vinnie: If I may interject... Paul: Oh, awesome, Vinnie was eavesdropping…
Vinnie: You have friends and I envy that. Bobby: You're welcome to share my friends. Vinnie: *looks at Dana and Mark* Vinnie: I don't want those.
Vinnie: If we don’t get out of this alive… If we’re both about to die… I love you, Paul. *Neither of them die* Paul: … Vinnie: … Paul: So do you wanna talk about somethi- Vinnie: No thank you.
Gene: *very seriously* You need to stop doing weird things to cope with the stress. Going outside might help. Eric: I went to the park today. Gene: There you go! I hope you got something from that. Eric: *opening his coat* This duck.
Tommy: Today at 7 am, Ace poured a Monster energy drink in his coffee, said "I'm going to die" and drank the whole thing. Peter: I watched Ace brew his coffee with Monster instead of water. Three cups in two hours. I think he ascended into the astral realm. Either that or we need to take him to the hospital. Paul: The survivability of the human race never fails to amaze me.
Vinnie: None of those words are in the Bible! Mark: Psalm 119:105. “And Jesus said unto his followers, should a manlet incel attempt to mansplain the blockchain to a girlboss, may she waste his time and yassify his blorbos” Vinnie: HE DID NOT FUCKING SAY THAT!
Ace: If you get in trouble, I'm gonna be like... a lawyer to you. Ok? Eric: Okay. *later* Paul: Eric! Sit down on the chair, you're in trouble. Ace, whispering: Deny everything. Eric, loudly: That isn't a chair.
Gene: So... what’s goin’ on? Eric: You want the long version or the short version? Gene, hesitantly: The short one, I guess? Eric: Shit’s fucked. Gene: Oh. Well, yeah, that’s definitely not an optimal situation.
Eric: Do you guys want to see a butterfly? Eric: Ooh, yeah. Paul, with his laptop open: I'm not going to stop working to look at a bug. Eric: It's not a bug though... Paul: ... Eric: ... Paul: Well I still don't want to see it right now, you can show me later. Eric, realizing: Please don't throw- Eric: Whee! *throws a stick of butter*
Eric: I don’t go looking for trouble. Trouble usually finds me first.
Kidnapper: I have your husband. Gene: What? I don't have a husband... Kidnapper: Then who just called me a lowlife bitch and spit in my face? Gene: Oh my god, you have Paul.
Eric: You know what I’ve realized? Paul: Some thoughts are better left unsaid? Eric: Nice try, anyways-
Gene: You guys worried about Vinnie? Bruce: Totally! Paul: Yeah, he called me in the middle of the night and just yelled, "what do I do, what do I do, what do I do, what do I do?" Gene: And what'd you say? Paul: "I dunno, I dunno, I dunno, I dunno." Bruce: Gene: he’s lucky to have you as a friend…
Vinnie: You saved me! Why? Paul: People would think I murdered you if I didn't.
*Peter is shopping with Tommy* Peter: Can I get a silenced pistol? Tommy: If there’s one on sale.
Eric: This is tied for most terrifying day of my life. Bruce: Tied with what? Eric: Every other day of myself!
Eric: Coca Cola is a health potion, Pepsi is a mana potion. Bruce: What’s grape soda? Eric: It’s fucking purple baby!!!
Eric: "Go hang a salami" backwards is "I'm a lasagna hog". Paul: How did either of those sentences occur naturally for you to discover this?