Incorrect KISS/Invasion 4 or whatever
(More fankhx trash + demonankhx, demonfankhx, Simmons-Tweed, etc) (update: Mark Slaughter is now referenced in pretty blue.)
Vinnie: I love hearing Paul shouting at someone else. It makes such a nice change.
Vinnie: You got a date yet, Eric?
Eric: No...
Vinnie: Well you do now! Get your ass up and hold my hand!
Gene: Ah, yes. Here we have a beautiful couple...
Eric: I really care about your feelings!
Vinnie: I really care about YOUR feelings!
Gene, turning his head: ...and then there's the disaster couple...
Peter: YOU NEED TO PAY MORE ATTENTION TO ME INSTEAD OF BEING AT THE HOSPITAL!
Ace: I WOULDN'T HAVE TO SPEND SO MUCH TIME AT THE HOSPITAL IF YOU STOPPED INSISTING ON FIGHTING EVERYONE WHO COMES WITHIN A FIVE FOOT RADIUS OF YOU!
Eric: I love you.
Vinnie: I love you too. I've waited so long to hear you say that.
*Eric and Vinnie kiss passionately*
Gene, to Paul: You owe me 20 dollars.
Eric: I’m this close to falling in love with Vinnie.
Paul: Your fingertips are touching.
Eric: Exactly.
Paul: Mark, you'll be working with Vinnie and Eric.
Mark: Alright! My fantasy threesome!
Everyone else: *blank stares*
Mark: ...Of people on a team.
Vinnie: Is there a cactus where your heart should be?
Mark: What’s up your ass this morning?!
Gene: *walks in* ...Hey.
Mark: Hmm… nevermind.
Vinnie: WAIT NO!
Gene: Sorry, I'm late to the party. I've been doing things.
Vinnie, entering in an unbuttoned shirt: I got caught up doing things too.
Ace: Wow, Gene was late too! What a coincidence!
Paul: Look, last night was a mistake.
Vinnie: A sexy mistake.
Paul: No, just a regular mistake.
Paul: Who do we know that has handcuffs?
Eric: Well Vinnie and I-
Vinnie: *elbows Eric*
Eric: ...wouldn't know.
Eric: What’s the announcement, Gene?
Gene: It’s a lecture. Vinnie’s gonna tell us everything he knows about sex.
Paul: It should be an enjoyable 60 seconds.
Eric: Hi, sorry I’m late. I was doing a couple of things and got distracted.
Vinnie: I’m “a couple of things”.
Gene: I’m “got distracted”.
Gene: My hands are cold.
Vinnie: Here, let me hold them.
Gene: My lips are cold too.
Vinnie: *covers Gene's mouth with his hand* :)
Paul: Are you trying to seduce me?
Vinnie: Why, are you seducible?
Vinnie: Can you cut me some slack, Eric? I’m sort of in love.
Eric: I’m sorry, but that’s really not my problem.
Vinnie: I’m in love with you.
Eric: *blushes* Oh. That brings me in the loop a little.
Gene: Paul, you do remember when we agreed we were better off as friends, right?
Paul, naked in Gene's bed: No, I absolutely do not.
Gene, already taking off his clothes: Fuck... Me neither.
Eric: What do you want to be for Halloween?
Vinnie: Yours.
Eric:
Eric: …yeah, that would be pretty scary.
Vinnie: Hey, Mark, are you free on Friday? Like around eight?
Mark: Yeah.
Vinnie: And you, Dana?
Dana: Umm... yes?
Vinnie: Great! Because I'm not. You two go out without me. Enjoy your date!
Dana: Did he just-
Gene: It's pretty cold outside.. wanna hold hands? We should stay close.
Vinnie, blushing: Okay.
Paul: It's fucking summer.
Gene: Do you love Eric?
Vinnie: Yeah, I do.
Gene: Paul! I told you I knew it! You owe me 100 bucks!
Paul: We all love Eric. You should've asked if he was IN love with him.
Vinnie: I thought that was implied.
Paul: ...
Gene: ...
Vinnie, looking straight at Paul: Congrats Gene, you just won 100 bucks.
Shannon: This food is too hot... I can’t eat it.
Gene: You’re very hot, and I still eat you.
Everyone at the table: *silence*
Nick: YOU GUYS ARE DISGUSTING!
Sophie: One dinner... I just want ONE DINNER!
Bruce: How did you break your leg?
Eric: Do you see those porch stairs?
Ace: You have an impressive pain tolerance.
Gene: Thanks, it's the trauma.
Paul: Remember! Curiosity killed the cat!
Ace: Yes, but you forget that satisfaction brought it back. So yes, Eric, go find out if that thing can catch fire!
Paul: You're a bad influence.
Ace: And you don't know your sayings.
Vinnie: I have feelings for you.
Gene: Why? What's wrong with you? Are you sure you're okay?
Eric: *pretending to joke* So when are you going to go out with me?
Vinnie: I don't know. When are you going to ask me to?
Bruce: And you just ran away?!
Eric: I didn't expect him to flirt back!
Dana: *finds a note* Hmm, what’s this?
Vinnie: Hey, that's mine! *tries to grab it*
Dana: Aww, is it a little note for Eric?
Vinnie: No-
Dana: *opens it*
Dana:
Vinnie:
Dana: I can't read this.
Eric: So, what’s Vinnie's type?
Gene: Brown eyes, kind, oblivious, good sense of humor, turtle lover.
Eric: Sounds kind of like me. Too bad we’re just friends.
Gene: Did I mention oblivious?
Eric: Yeah, why?
Gene: Okay, just making sure.
Vinnie: *yawns*
Gene: Yeah, being that pretty must be tiring.
Vinnie: Then you must be exhuasted.
Paul: Will you two shut up? Some of us are lonely.
Gene: Hey, what have you two been doing?
Jack: we were helping Bruce with his wedding vows and we were kicked out of his house for making it inappropriate.
Gary: How is “Nice ass, Lisa” inappropriate?
Tommy: So... who's the big spoon and who's the little spoon?
Eric: We're chopsticks!
Tommy: Well... that's cute!
Tommy: Does that mean you two snuggle together perfectly?
Vinnie: No, it means that if you take the other away, the only thing the other is good for is stabbing.
Robert: Is there anyone here who’s actually straight?
Mark: *raises hand*
Vinnie: *puts Mark’s hand down*
Vinnie, wearing shades: Rule one of world domination.
Vinnie: *does finger guns* You gotta look good while doing it.
Vinnie: If I may interject...
Paul: Oh, awesome, Vinnie was eavesdropping…
Vinnie: You have friends and I envy that.
Bobby: You're welcome to share my friends.
Vinnie: *looks at Dana and Mark*
Vinnie: I don't want those.
Vinnie: If we don’t get out of this alive… If we’re both about to die… I love you, Paul.
*Neither of them die*
Paul: …
Vinnie: …
Paul: So do you wanna talk about somethi-
Vinnie: No thank you.
Gene: *very seriously* You need to stop doing weird things to cope with the stress. Going outside might help.
Eric: I went to the park today.
Gene: There you go! I hope you got something from that.
Eric: *opening his coat* This duck.
Tommy: Today at 7 am, Ace poured a Monster energy drink in his coffee, said "I'm going to die" and drank the whole thing.
Peter: I watched Ace brew his coffee with Monster instead of water. Three cups in two hours. I think he ascended into the astral realm. Either that or we need to take him to the hospital.
Paul: The survivability of the human race never fails to amaze me.
Vinnie: None of those words are in the Bible!
Mark: Psalm 119:105. “And Jesus said unto his followers, should a manlet incel attempt to mansplain the blockchain to a girlboss, may she waste his time and yassify his blorbos”
Vinnie: HE DID NOT FUCKING SAY THAT!
Ace: If you get in trouble, I'm gonna be like... a lawyer to you. Ok?
Eric: Okay.
*later*
Paul: Eric! Sit down on the chair, you're in trouble.
Ace, whispering: Deny everything.
Eric, loudly: That isn't a chair.
Gene: So... what’s goin’ on?
Eric: You want the long version or the short version?
Gene, hesitantly: The short one, I guess?
Eric: Shit’s fucked.
Gene: Oh. Well, yeah, that’s definitely not an optimal situation.
Eric: Do you guys want to see a butterfly?
Eric: Ooh, yeah.
Paul, with his laptop open: I'm not going to stop working to look at a bug.
Eric: It's not a bug though...
Paul: ...
Eric: ...
Paul: Well I still don't want to see it right now, you can show me later.
Eric, realizing: Please don't throw-
Eric: Whee! *throws a stick of butter*
Eric: I don’t go looking for trouble. Trouble usually finds me first.
Kidnapper: I have your husband.
Gene: What? I don't have a husband...
Kidnapper: Then who just called me a lowlife bitch and spit in my face?
Gene: Oh my god, you have Paul.
Eric: You know what I’ve realized?
Paul: Some thoughts are better left unsaid?
Eric: Nice try, anyways-
Gene: You guys worried about Vinnie?
Bruce: Totally!
Paul: Yeah, he called me in the middle of the night and just yelled, "what do I do, what do I do, what do I do, what do I do?"
Gene: And what'd you say?
Paul: "I dunno, I dunno, I dunno, I dunno."
Bruce:
Gene: he’s lucky to have you as a friend…
Vinnie: You saved me! Why?
Paul: People would think I murdered you if I didn't.
*Peter is shopping with Tommy*
Peter: Can I get a silenced pistol?
Tommy: If there’s one on sale.
Eric: This is tied for most terrifying day of my life.
Bruce: Tied with what?
Eric: Every other day of myself!
Eric: Coca Cola is a health potion, Pepsi is a mana potion.
Bruce: What’s grape soda?
Eric: It’s fucking purple baby!!!
Eric: "Go hang a salami" backwards is "I'm a lasagna hog".
Paul: How did either of those sentences occur naturally for you to discover this?
