#jack vents

[ballparkscubicle]

Guess who's looking for a job that won't have him on his feet?

I can't keep working 4 hours and 30 minutes and taking four ibuprofen within that time for three days a week. Especially when it barely helps.

I hate hEDS.

I am so tired of living in pain.

[jacks-obsessions]

This is for me, I just need to get this out there. If you do read this there is a trigger warning for possible racism and mental abuse.

I think that the reason my stepdad abused me was that I'm half Kenyan, the abuse was mental but it still hurt me and I need to come to terms with that just because it was mental doesn't mean it wasn't abused. I know that he's trying to make amends but it still hurts and I don't think I can ever be comfortable around him, he is a narcissist and was insecure about my mother and me leaving him for my bio dad.

[ballparkscubicle]

Tfw, you were raised in an all white household and hardly got to talk to/about your bio dad or really celebrate your blackness because of your racist ex stepfather, so you default to drawing white ocs because you're so disconnected from your blackness that you see yourself as white.

I'm so angry. I missed out on precious time to talk to my bio dad. I'm afraid to do research into Maasai culture or even contact my half brothers in Kenya. I have so much internalized racism that it's not even funny. I can't even see myself as black enough because my ex step father constantly commented on how pale I was.

[jacks-obsessions]

Big sad hittn’ hard, just want to be held and loved...

[jacks-obsessions]

Little fact about me: I’m terrified of men, because of past mental abuse, I can’t handle it if a man yells at or around me. I don’t think any of my f/os would like me cause of that and how flinchy I am ;w;

[jacks-obsessions]

I hate having chronic fatigue and the leftover symptoms of covid, I feel bad that I can’t really help around the house, I feel bad I get overwhelmed by simple things, I feel bad that I can’t even remember take my medicine on my own, I feel bad that I can’t have job, I feel bad I can’t even write for you guys.

[ballparkscubicle]

fuck my baka life

was getting my t shot yesterday and the doc suggested a sleep study because it sounded like I might have narcolepsy, aka, being unable to stay awake for days on end every few months

[ballparkscubicle]

I lived bitch

TL;DR: #babysfirstambulanceride

I walked off the curb and fell on my left knee weird because my neighbors were practicing for what I assume is their mariachi band.

Hit my fucking knee on the curb and thought I dislocated my knee cap because of my hEDS. It was just a hematoma thankfully, but god I was scared because I'm in a new state and just started working.

I did not need to call in with an injury on a holiday when the kitchen was busy and the other dishwasher quit. Now that it's over I can laugh, but it was fucking scary at first.