#jacknerdieth

[nerdania]

The Super Duper Double Spork Part 2, With Wingsonghalo and Jacknerdieth!

If you’re wondering why this is so far apart from part one, It’s because we forgot. If you’re wondering why the opening is so short, It’s because I’m way lazier than my reviewing partner . However, expect more reviews more often. And now, COMMENCE THE REVIEW! 

(P.S. This may have a little harsher language than my other content.)

Chapter 2: Uncle Iroh

  Kirasari listened from her room as her mother and father argued about what had happened earlier. The six year old girl was still completely confused and baffled on as to what she had supposedly done. She heard the distinct sound of her brother entering the room and looked up to see Kazuki standing in the doorway with a sympathetic look in his amber eyes. [Strangely, he was holding a butcher’s knife, and his head was tilted in a creepy manner.]

  "Come on Sari, lets go visit uncle Iroh at the palace," Kazuki offered as a smile broke across Kirasari’s face at the mention of their uncle and she jumped to her feet. {She chose to ignore the butcher knife thing. It was no odder than the time he’d randomly shown up holding a squirrelcat. No one knew where he’d gotten it, but it didn’t seem to mind anyway.} "Isn’t he in the Earth Kingdom?" She asked quizzically before seeing his face split into a knowing smile. "He’s back? Wait, he’s back! Let’s go!" the six year old chanted excitedly and ran for the door, only pausing to grab Kazuki’s hand, before they both left the room.

  Shila glared at her husband in exasperation before they both turned towards the hall as Kirasari ran through with Kazuki hot on her heels. Kazuki turned to his mother and gave her a half smile before nodding to his father. “Come on Kazu,” Kirasari called from the door after stopping upon noticing her brother no longer tailed her. Shila smiled and nodded for her son to go as her husband’s gaze was riveted to his laughing violet eyed  daughter. “I’m coming Sari,” Kazuki replied and left the house with Kirasari. {WSH: Wow, those two paragraphs were almost not horrible at all.} [JN: It’s like the silence before the storm.]

As soon as the two had left Katsu turned back to his wife, “You know this won’t remain secret. The people will start to suspect something and they will trace the waterbending back to me. Katsu, this is no place for our daughter to live. Constantly under the scrutiny, with everyone out-casting her because of her bending abilities and her mother. {WSH: “It’s so hard being better than everyone else! Oh woe is me!!”} Let me take her back with me to the Water Tribe, there at least she will not be segregated and can live out in the open. Think about it Katsu,” Shila pleaded her firebending husband. [JN: That sounded like a couple talking about divorce.]

Katsu looked at his wife, “I do not wish to discuss this any further. The Fire Lord has requested my presence. I will fix this mess Shila,” he stated before leaving their bungalow and following after his children. Neither of them realizing how big of an impact Kirasari’s bending would have on the whole world. {WSH: *foreboding music*} [JN: “To your left, we can see the worst foreshadowing ever.”]

Iroh turned around and saw his niece running towards him. A smile broke across his features as he swept her up into the air and hugged her. Her laughter ringing throughout the palace {WSH: Wow, she laughs really fucking loudly. Iroh is now probably deaf.} [JN: WHAT? I CAN’T HEAR YOU!] {WSH: DAMMIT KIRASARI HOW MUCH MORE CAN YOU HURT US??} as he set her back down. “I missed you uncle Iroh,” she stated sincerely as Kazuki talked with Lu Ten. Iroh’s amber eyes glowed with happiness and pride as he set his favorite niece down, “I missed you too FireLily. {WSH: I’m pretty sure the A:tLA fandom outlawed that nickname for everyone ever.} The Earth Kingdom is pretty but certainly doesn’t compare with your beautiful eyes and smile,” he admitted and nodded to his son and nephew. [JN: I wonder if there will ever be a fanfic without somebody bragging about eyes. A man can dream. A man can dream.]

Kirasari’s eyes sparkled with pleasure at his compliment before she jumped up excitedly, “Uncle Iroh, you’ll never guess what I did earlier today,” she bounced with excitement and her uncle laughed at her antics. “What did you do FireLily? [WHAT DID YOU DO!?]" he asked, humoring her.

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Prince Zuko walked up {an invisible staircase, inexplicably and suddenly able to walk on air} excitedly, eager to see his only uncle. His amber eyes widened when he saw green flames shooting from Kirasari’s hands. He stopped short and barely contained a startled yelp as Lu Ten placed a hand on his shoulder, {WSH: Wait…Lu Ten?? …*mindfucked*} also watching his cousin’s display. “I didn’t know Kira could bend {that far backward},” Zuko said to no one as he watched the green flames [JN:… What. Why are they calmly watching an ameteur firebender with that much fire! I’d run.] loop around his friend’s petite frame. “Neither did any of us, {—I actually think her spine is broken—} till she almost fried Masaru earlier,” Kazuki explained calmly. [JN: Fried Masaru sounds delish!]

_________________________________________________________

Prince Iroh {WSH: Waiwaiwait. Prince???} [JN: When does this take place?] {WSH: *MEGA-SHRUG*} watched as his niece produced the green flames and twirled them around herself in flowing motions [JN: Fire ballerina.]. He managed to keep the shock from his face as he watched the green flames swirling from her small hands. Never in 100 years had green flames been produced by a firebender, and a supposed non-bender at that. {WSH: Her specialness and violet eyes broke the chain of mediocrity.}

 Kirasari scrunched up her face in concentration [JN: I bet it’s going all dragon ball, and she’s yelling “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHHAHHHHHHYHHH!”] as she struggled to pull the fire back under control. Her eyes dancing with the flames from her hands as she slowly extinguished her green flames. “I’m a bender just like you and daddy, [Except for the fact I’m a hundred times better than you and I’ve never firebended in my six years on this earth.] ” she exclaimed excitedly while looking up at her uncle, awaiting his reaction.

"That was extraordinary Kira. When did you become a bender?" [“I don’t know.”] he asked curiously while pondering what he had just seen. She seemed to sober up {WSH: That’s a relief. Drunk six-year-olds make me uncomfortable.} as she replied, “Just this morning actually. I kinda shot fire at Masaru when he was being a bully before I… froze him ten feet in the air with water-I didn’t mean to though-It just sorta happened,” [JN: Main character learns special powers out of nowhere, and doesn’t know why they appeared cliche.] she explained quickly before hanging her head in shame, awaiting her uncle’s disappointment. {WSH: “HOW DARE YOU BE SO SPECIAL. GO IRON YOUR HANDS NOW. AND BEAT YOURSELF WITH THAT LAMP.” }

Iroh was shocked at his niece’s confession, being one of the few knowing of her mother’s nationality [JN:I just realized that Her mom is like an illegal alien. “I come to fire nation to live Fire nation dream! Where almost everyone is a prick until we have a change of heart when our leader dies!”] and bending. As he looked down at his niece he could definitely tell that she was going to be a very powerful bender and hoped that she would not get caught up in the war as her father was. “I’m sure Masaru had it coming,” he stated lightly with a smile as a smile itched at the corner of her lips. “You should have seen his face. One minute he was all big and mean, the next he’s begging me to put him down,” [JN: Maybe the plot twist is that all the characters are dogs!] she laughed {maliciously, enjoying the sense of power she had over her cowering enemies, a feeling no six-year-old should know}.

Iroh shook his head at his niece’s quick attitude change before noticing Zuko watching them with Azula trailing behind with her entourage of Mai and Ty-Lee. “Why don’t you go play with Zuko, while I go say hi to your parents FireLily?” he suggested and laughed as she nodded and ran off towards Zuko and Azula, her black hair flowing freely behind her. [WSH: How very flipping precious.]

Shila smiled tiredly at Iroh as he knocked on their bungalow door. “Hello Iroh. It’s good to see you,” she greeted as she let her brother-in-law in marriage [set her on fire without any preamble]. Iroh greeted her in kind as she quickly put the pot on for tea [, ignoring the fact that she was ablaze].

  So here is chapter 2

I hope you enjoyed it [WSH: I liked the part where Iroh set someone on fire. Oh, wait, I wrote that.] (JN: I liked it when they were dogs. Oh. Yeah.)

The next chapter should be up shortly

Please feel free to let me know what you think in a review [JN: WHICH IS FUNNY BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT THIS IS HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA]

Thanks for reading [JN: You’re welcome.]

——

[wingsonghalo]

WingSongHalo and Jacknerdieth Present: A Collaborative Spork of "Kirasari's Legacy: The Elementress"

Hey all! So forever ago a reader of my Worst Avatar Fanfiction Of All Time series and fellow sporker jacknerdieth contacted me about doing a collaborative sporking of a fanfiction. I was hesitant because, like many people who use snark as a weapon, I work alone. But I think we managed to make it work. :) Since there's two of us, it kind of reads like a MST-type thing. Pretty hilarious if that's your bag.

I didn't post this for a long time, though, because I'm a jerk.

So without further ado...please enjoy a sporking of this little gem... http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9556401/1/Kirasari-s-Legacy-The-Elementress ...beneath the cut.

INTRO [drumroll]

WingSongHalo: Hello people. This is WingSongHalo-- Jacknerdieth: HEYO! WSH: And that is Jacknerdieth, and we have a very special fic sporking in store for you today. JN: Indeed! This Review will be a.. um… What's a clever name for team review? WSH: I dunno I kinda like Team Review. It feels inclusive. I feel like I belong. Anyway, there are a couple ways to tell whose comments you’re viewing. If we’re adding to the story, meaning you’re to read the addition as part of the sentence, my additions will be in curly brackets, while Jack’s will be in square brackets. JN: And for telling our regular comments apart, we have our initials as you have likely already noticed. Unless you’re stupid. In which case, leave. WSH: Or maybe you’re just blind. Wait, how did you find this post??? Oh, never mind that. Let’s get this show on the road! Or, y’know, whatever the internet approximation of a road is. JN: A line of code? WSH: Let’s go with that.

Chapter 1: Spirit touched {WSH: Spirit touched what, exactly? Bad feeling already.}

A mother cried out into the night sky as the lightning crashed overhead. A baby's cry could be heard ringing into the night as it entered into the world. General Katsu ran into the room to see his Water-tribe wife holding their newborn child. "Say hello to your new daughter Katsu," Shila {WSH: What kind of a name is that?} [JN: Yeah, is she trying to name a dog?] {WSH: That’s Shiloh.} told her husband with a tired look in her blue eyes. Katsu's amber eyes glowed with pride as he carefully removed his daughter from his tired wife {WSH: Wait, do you mean he literally removed her from her?? He delivered the baby??} [JN: Don’t you know? In the avatar universe, Babies are superglued onto their mother until the father thinks that the baby is ripe.] and sat beside her.

"She's perfect [JN: Didn’t see that coming.], just like her mother," he murmured softly as Shila leaned into him with a soft smile on her face. The baby yawned and opened up her eyes, revealing two violet eyes. {WSH: Oh gag.} Katsu's amber eyes widened as he took in her violet eyes and he looked over to Shila, "She has been touched by the spirits. Kirasari daughter of Katsu and Shila," {WSH: Is that phrase supposed to mean something to me?} he stated and watched as Shila smiled in approval of the name.

Their peaceful silence was broken by the sounds of running feet and the door opened to reveal their two excited sons, Kazuki and Masaru. {WSH: These names all sound awfully similar.} Their amber eyes widened [JN: Is it illegal to have anything but “amber eyes” In the fire nation?] {WSH: If so, somebody better inform Mai and Ty Lee that they are in violation of their laws.} as they saw the small bundle in their father's arms. Nine year old Kazuki stepped forward and smiled at his little sister as she took hold of his finger curiously. Masaru, emboldened by Kazuki's first move, stepped forward as well to view the violet eyes of his little sister.

The three year old looked up at his parents in confusion as he saw her violet eyes. "Who's she daddy?" he asked quizzically. {WSH: Yeah, who’s this tiny crying bitch?} Katsu smiled and gently handed Kirasari to Kazuki before kneeling in front of the little boy. "She's your sister Kirasari," he explained while Shila watched Kazuki and the baby. Masaru scrunched up his nose in confusion, "Why does she have purple eyes?" {WSH: Good question.} "Because she has been touched by the spirits [JN: Tell me on the bear where the spirit touched you.]," he calmly explained to the 2 year old.

Masaru looked up at his mother then at his sister, "Mommy spirit touch too?" {WSH: Nope. Just touched in the head.} he asked noting her blue eyes and darker skin tone. Katsu laughed, "No, you're mother is from the Water-tribe," {WSH: And “you’re” grammar is atrocious.} his amber eyes locked on his mocha skinned wife.

Six years later {WSH: That’s a really fucking random place for a timeskip} [JN:It’s better than “Water”. Get it? Like the fanfiction I review? Oh yeah, nobody knows who I am.] 

Admiral Katsu [JN: Aww! Is he like a little cat lawyer?] stood with Prince Ozai, both discussing the war as they surveyed the gardens. {Their manly, warlike gardens.} Katsu's amber eyes caught sight of Kirasari walking towards the lake and calmly laying back to cloud gaze. Azula walked by and stopped to say something to his daughter before walking into the palace with a devilish glint in her amber eyes.

A loud yell erupted from the courtyard followed by an extremely mad Masaru who came running into the garden. The nine year old's amber eyes {WSH: Okay, we get that they’re fucking amber.} locked on Kirasari and he launched himself at her with an angry yell. Startled, Kirasari jumped up and barely missed becoming squashed by her brother.

"What's wrong Saru?" she asked innocently as she tried to figure out why he was attacking her. Her eyes widened [JN: Don’t you mean violet eyes?] as he sent a fireball at her and she dived to the side, before jumping up and running towards the palace.

Masaru was quicker though and quickly overtook his sister, cutting off her escape route. "Are you too scared to own up now Sari? Gonna run to Kazuki for protection like usual?" {WSH: Kazuki is always distributing free condoms and diaphragms.} he taunted before stepping towards her threateningly. "I'm confused, what did I do wrong Saru? Why are you being a bully," she asked while taking defensive steps [JN: Is that like wearing shields for shoes?] {WSH: I like to think it's more like holding up your hands while you walk and saying "Whoa whoa whoa" the whole time.} backwards and glancing around for something to help her. "Don't give me your innocent act. You know what you did and you have to own up," he ordered menacingly.

Kirasari moved quickly and ducked [JN: Quack.] underneath another fireball before kicking Masaru's legs out from under him and running for the palace entrance. Just making the threshold before being knocked to the ground by her fuming brother. Her violet eyes widened {WSH: My I-don’t-know-what-color-they-are eyes rolled.} in panic as she pleaded for him to leave her alone while struggling against his hold. She headbutted him and rolled out from under him while rubbing her throbbing head. [JN: Wait, so she was rubbing her head and headbutting him at the same time?] {WSH: That takes some serious skill.}

She jumped back to avoid getting hit by his angry fire [JN: “GRR, I’M FIRE!”] and tumbled into the water. Masaru laughed cruelly {WSH: These people are awful.} while watching his sister sputter out water and glare murderously at him. Hearing his laughter only spurred her anger more and before he knew it green flames were shooting towards his head. {WSH: Why are they green?? Did she have too much cabbage or something??} He ducked in the nick of time before glaring at his little sister who seemed baffled and was examining her hands quizzically. {WSH: “Durr, did I always have these?”} [JN: “No, silly girl. We sewed them on when you weren’t looking.”]

He shot a fireball at her to get even and she threw her hands out to protect herself [JN: Yeah! I’m sure your hands will save you!] while closing her eyes tightly. When she opened her eyes after not feeling the familiar burning sensation [from the countless times she’d been burned for miscellaneous reasons], she saw her brother suspended ten feet in the air by ice. Kirasari gaped at her brother in confusion as Kazuki came running towards them with a maid {held aloft over his head. The maid was crying out in alarm and flailing wildly}.

"What did you do?" Masaru asked as he looked down at his sister from his frozen prison. Her eyes widened, "You mean I did that?" she asked and began examining her hands before being joined by their older brother. Kazuki looked at his little sister before kneeling down in front of her, "Yes, Kirasari. Now I need you to bring our brother back down again. Can you do that?" he instructed his 6 year sister calmly. {WSH: Six-year sister? Does that mean her contract with you runs out after this year, and that afterward, she will no longer be your sister?} [JN: “I love you so much family! We’ll be together forever!” “Sorry honey. six years are up.” “But I-” “Get in the van.”]

Kirasari looked into her brother's amber eyes {WSH: Jack, I’m thinking we need to start a tally for how many times eye color is unnecessarily mentioned.} [JN: I agree.] {WSH: I just counted. We’re at 12 so far. Each character is allowed to have their eye color mentioned once per chapter before it is considered “excessive.”} before looking back at the audience that had formed at the palace entrance. She gazed up at the icy prison [JN: I bet that’s where criminals who commit crimes against iced drinks go.] and swung her arms in a half circle melting the ice and dropping her brother to the ground in a soaking heap.

The maid looked dumbfounded but hurriedly wrapped Masaru into a towel and carried him inside. Kazuki looked down at his little sister with a carefully guarded mask {WSH: I’m just imagining him wearing Majora’s Mask now.} [JN: Now THAT would be a good fanfiction.] before pulling her back to her feet up out of the water and into his arms. As he walked towards the palace entrance, he caught his father's guarded look and Ozai's calculating eyes on Kirasari before they switched to him with a smirk. Princess Azula stood at his side with an awestruck look on her face.

Kazuki heated his sister up and worked to make her stop crying. "I'm a freak Kazu," {WSH: Yes you are.} she cried as she clung to her 15 year old brother desperately. He set his sister down and knelt in front of her, slowly wiping away her tears "No Sari, you're not a freak. [You’re just VERY special. In the head.] You are a specially gifted girl who I have the pleasure of calling my little sister," {WSH: Ew, big brothers aren’t supposed to be that nice and supportive until you’re both adults or unless he's at least 7 years older than you. Take it from someone who knows.} he comforted her. She wrapped her arms around him, "Daddy hates me now, doesn't he?" [JN: “Yes, you little bastard.”] she asked quietly as he hoisted her up into his arms again. Kazuki paused and looked into her violet eyes {WSH: 13.} solemnly, "No Sari. Father still loves you and he always will," he stated as he looked back at his father and walked off to find their mother.

Could this be the Avatar? {WSH: Dear lord I hope not.}

This is my first avatar fan fiction so I hope you enjoy it {WSH: Oh we will. Just not for the reasons you’d like us to.}

please feel free to let me know what you think {WSH: You betcha. If you’re sure you want to know.}

stay tuned for the next chapter [JN: Oh, we will. We will. MUHUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!]

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Let us know what you think! And if you have a bad fanfiction you'd like me to spork or do an audio reading of, please let me know. I'd really love suggestions C:

[wingsonghalo]

After you finish Jake the Earthbender, will you do another terrible fanfic?

Of course I will! The problem is that Jake the Earthbender cannot be “finished"—it appears it’s on an indefinite hiatus! Oh no! I have snark written for all the remaining chapters, though, so keep an eye out for them (I really must be more consistent with these but sometimes it’s hard to remember that people actually like these things ;alskjf)! When I finish posting what remains of AJtE, I will search for another fic bad enough to warrant pages of snark (feel free to send me suggestions!).Thank you so much for asking; I love you ;w; <3333