Pre-heat had begun. Bodhi knew it the second he woke up. And everything... everything was amplified. His thoughts first went to Flynn, to the pup who’d bitten another pup in the nursery. To Maddox’s words of encouragement. He thought about Makani, the strange moment when Bodhi had realized that maybe their union would be the thing to complete their veritably holy triad. And he thought about Jamal. About the pup they would conceive in a matter of days. How Jamal had moments where he thought so little of himself, and nothing Bodhi could do would convince him otherwise.
The ugliest voice in the back of Bodhi’s head screamed, It’s because of you. You aren’t good enough, and that’s why.
Bodhi knew it wasn’t true. It didn’t make any kind of logical sense. And even if Bodhi threw logic out of the window, he knew in his heart that a connection like the one he had with Jamal didn’t happen when two people weren’t good enough. Still. Bodhi wasn’t thinking clearly. His nerves were frayed and sensitive. Turning his face into the goosedown pillow, so the others in the family cabin wouldn’t hear, Bodhi wept.
It happened every pre-heat. Something caused some ache in him, self-doubts rising, and he woke up in tears. It was normally then that he would piece himself together and seek out some Alpha who would fuck the insecurities out of him. Within a day, it wouldn’t be quite so ugly, but for now, everything hurt. Bodhi cried until he had no tears left, an overwhelming impulse to see Jamal taking over in its place. Oh. So that was what being mated felt like...
Without bothering to pull himself together, Bodhi pressed tears from his cheeks, loosely tied his trousers in place, shrugged on a loose linen shirt, and sought out his mate. It was early. Not likely to be time for Jamal’s work shift, and Makani was likely gone on his duties as packmaster, so he would have his mate -- the future father to his pups -- by himself. Bodhi knew he didn’t need to knock, but he did anyway, out of respect. And when the door opened, the tears welled up again, eyes puffy and red, a sudden and inexplicable ball of need. “I, uh... I started my... my pre-heat, and I...” He sniffled. Lifted the back of his hand to wipe his nose. “I needed to see you.” || @jamal-parata