The rain is a relentless thrum against the windowpane. You’re curled on the sofa, a half-finished mug of tea gone cold on the coaster, when the knock comes.
When you swing the door open, James looks like a ghost of the man you walked away from six months ago. He’s drenched, his dark hair plastered to his forehead, droplets trailing down the bridge of his nose and dripping off his jaw. He isn't wearing a coat—just a thin sweater that’s clung to his frame, making him look smaller, somehow.
"James? What are you doing here? It’s two in the morning."
He doesn't answer immediately. He just looks at you, his eyes searching your face with a starving intensity, like he’s trying to memorize the exact shade of your eyes all over again. His bottom lip trembles, just a fraction.
"I couldn't stay away," he whispers, his voice cracked and raw. "I tried. I swear to God, I tried to give you the space you asked for, but the silence is… it’s deafening, angel."
"You shouldn't be here," you say, but your voice lacks the bite it needs.
"I know. I know I’m the last person you want to see." He takes a step forward, stumbling slightly over his own feet, and suddenly he’s in the threshold. He smells same that faint, woody cologne he’s worn since you met him. "I fucked up. I lived like a coward because I was scared of how much I needed you, and I pushed you until you had no choice but to leave. I get it. I see it every time I close my eyes."
He reaches out, his fingers hovering inches from your arm before he flinches back, realizing he doesn't have the right to touch you anymore. That small movement breaks something in your chest.
"Please," he chokes out. "Just look at me. Tell me there’s a version of this where I don't lose you forever. I’ll do anything. I’ll wait years. I’ll start from the very beginning—I’ll be a stranger if that’s what it takes to earn a 'hello' from you again."
He’s begging now, his composure completely shattered. James, who is always so composed, is falling apart in your entryway. He sinks to his knees, not out of some dramatic flair, but because his legs seem to genuinely give out. He leans his forehead against the doorframe, his shoulders shaking with a sob he’s trying to swallow.
"I can't breathe without you," he gasps against the wood. "Every room I walk into feels empty because you aren't there to fill it. I see a book you’d like, or your favorite flower, and I reach for my phone before I remember I’m not allowed to call you. It’s killing me. Please, just… don't tell me it's too late."
You stand there watching the man you loved, the man you still love, despite every jagged edge of your breakup unraveling at your feet.
Slowly, your hand moves. It’s instinct. You find the damp locks of his hair, your fingers trembling as they brush against his scalp.
He lets out a sound that’s half-sob, half-relief, leaning his face into your palm, kissing your wrist with a desperation. He’s cold, shivering violently, and you know you should send him away, but the way he clings to your hand makes it impossible.
"James," you breathe, your own eyes stinging.
"Just five minutes," he pleads, looking up at you with eyes red-rimmed. "Just let me stay in your orbit for five minutes. I don't deserve it, I know I don't. But I’m so lost without you."
You step back, pulling him gently into the warmth of the apartment. He follows you, his eyes never leaving yours, terrified that if he blinks, you’ll disappear again. The door clicks shut, sealing the world away, leaving only the two of you and the heavy truth of what was lost and the flickering hope of what might be found again.
── ⟡ ˙ synopsis. in which you and james used to be best friends but high school happened and now you’re part of different cliques, when you rekindle your friendship his girlfriend doesn’t like it too well. contains. mdni, smut, suggestive content, no protection(wrap it up), james x reader, bsf!james, friends to enemies, frenemies to lovers, mentions of cheating, mentions of fighting... wordcount. 1.384 ̟ ⊹
▸ song recommendation. in my head 𝄞 ⋆ˎˊ-
you and james used to be close, like an inseparable type of close. you two did everything together, from sleepovers, going to and from school, anywhere you were james was, and vice versa.
that all shattered when high school hit. on the first day of freshman year james was nowhere to be found. you had to walk to school alone, and when you showed up, he full-on just ignored you.
you never knew why or what you did to cause this. one day, you two were fine, then the next, it’s like you didn’t exist, like you were invisible.
it’s your senior year now, and you’ve come to terms with james ignoring you—by resenting him, especially since now he’s dating mia—school’s mean girl, plus you’ve made new friends of your own by now.
you were walking home when you heard a familiar male's voice from behind you, “can i walk with you?” you turned around to see james.
“uh.. sure,” you hesitated because he hadn’t spoken to you in almost four years.
you two continued to walk in a comfortable silence all the way to your home. you knew he wanted to tell you something just by the look on his face.
“what james?”
“i miss you, i miss us hanging out together…” james spoke in a soft voice, and his eyes looked everywhere but at you.
“james, you left me. you just stopped talking to me, and for what reason?” you say, obviously upset, which was justified since you two were friends and he just stopped talking to you, but it was for a reason.
“i had to, okay,” james says, almost in a pleading tone.
“that’s all i get? just you had to, not even an explanation on why you had to,” you told him, flailing your arms around out of frustration before walking towards the door.
james grabbed your wrist to stop you before speaking, “i had to because if i didn’t stop being friends with you, then you were gonna become a target of mia’s bullying.”
james’ confession shocked you, because while you were here resenting him for ditching you, he was actually still protecting you, even if he couldn’t tell you.
“so why are you telling me this now?”
“because i’m fed up with all of them, i’m not like that, i don’t hurt people for my own amusement, and mia and her girls and basically the whole football team does.” james vents to you but not at you.
“but you’re literally mia’s boyfriend,’’ you state it like it was obvious, which it was because mia made it known that james was hers.
“you don’t think i want out of that? she’s possessive as shit, i can’t do it no more, and she won't let me break up with her,” james tells you, sounding like he might break down at any moment.
“sounds toxic.”
“you have no idea,” james looks up at you, and you open the door to your home, inviting him in, which he gladly accepts the invitation.
upon james walking in, your mother immediately greeted him. “oh my—james i haven’t seen you over in a while.”
“yeah, sorry, but i think i might be coming over a little bit more often now, if you don’t mind.”
“james when have you ever asked to come over? you used to just walk in that front door,” your mother teases james and you all three laugh.
a few weeks went by, and you and james were basically sneaking around to see each other, but not in a way most people would think.
you two were only sneaking around to hang out platonically. you two were back to being best friends, but you had to hide your friendship behind closed doors.
sometimes it felt like james was cheating on mia with you, but you two had no sexual relationship, just friendly.
well, that was the case until today, when you two were hanging out in the living room of your parents' home when james leaned in kissing you, and you didn’t stop him, you let it continue until you heard a noise and immediately separated from him.
you brother came downstairs knowing something suspicious had just happened, but he didn’t know what it was yet. “what just happened?”
“uh... no-nothing,” you stuttered, which your brother caught onto.
“yeah, sure,” he says in a sarcastic tone, and you just stare at your brother with a look that says ‘don’t say a word,’ and he doesn’t.
you brother grabs some food before heading back to his room, leaving you and james in an awkward silence now, and you both hate it.
“so..” james speaks up first.
“we kissed...” you continued using his same tone.
“i liked it,” he confesses, and you snicker before kissing him again.
“me too.”
as weeks went on james was still dating mia, but would steal glances towards you in the halls and in classes.
it was almost ten at night when you heard your bedroom door open. it was james standing there looking more and more attractive each time you see him.
“y/n i like you. we kissed, and you liked it too, i wanna be with you, not mia,” james confessed being vulnerable for the first time since you were kids.
you walked over to him, planting a kiss on his lips. the kiss deepened, and james walked you two over towards your bed.
when the kiss broke, you both shed off your clothes, littering them every which way. james hovered over you as he positioned himself at your entrance.
“are you sure about this? Just say the word, and I’ll stop,” james tells you, looking for any sign that you were hesitant.
“i’m sure,” was all the confirmation he needed before he pushed himself inside, starting slow at first, giving you time to adjust to his size.
you moaned out in pure pleasure as he continued his movements, moving you in different positions until he heard those sweet moans come from your throat.
“ahh, fuck.. shit, i’m gonna..” you yelled out as the only other sounds you could hear were a faint sound of skin slapping together.
“go ahead, baby, come for me,” james tells you as you moan out, releasing your juices all over him.
he began pounding into you, causing your moans to become louder as he chased his own high. he eventually pulled out cumming on your stomach as he did so.
“damn. fuck baby, you’re gonna be the death of me,” james says before rolling off of you.
it was game day, and james was playing out on the field, stealing glances at you every chance he got, but mia noticed.
mia was captain of the cheer squad. she was trying to get james’ attention. he could hear her but ignored her.
which she took offence to, so when half time was announced, she marched right over to you. “what are you doing here? trying to steal my boyfriend,” she accuses you.
“mia, I don’t want trouble, we’re just friends,” you tried to tell her, but she doesn’t listen and swings on you.
a fight breaks out, and it’s only broken up because you had to be pulled apart from each other. “what the hell mia?” you both heard james’ voice in the distance.
mia just looks up at him with a smirk while you’re still trying to process what the hell just happened.
“wipe that smile off your face, mia,” james says, obviously pissed off at her, and goes to comfort you.
“what, so you take her side, you’re my boyfriend!” mia yells, upset that he would dare not to comfort her.
“not anymore, i’m done with you, mia. We’re over,” james paused, wrapping his arm around you before continuing with, “and for good this time.”
you and james walked off to the concession stand, leaving mia alone with whatever mess she just caused.
“are you okay?”
“yeah, and you know you didn’t have to do that,” you stated, looking up at him, but he interlocks his hand with yours before speaking.
“i know, but hopefully this time it sticks in her head. because i want you, y/n, not mia,” james tells you before leaning down and planting a kiss on your lips, getting glances from other students passing by.
