Everyone's saying that they're glad that James Somerton was gone before Heated Rivalry came out, but personally I'm glad he was gone before the Ranma 1/2 remake came out. James trying to pretend like he cares/knows anything about anime and trans people would've been a total train wreck, I know it.
This is one of those characters I should’ve done a long time ago, but just never got around to because I felt it was just way too obvious. Plus, when I started this series, one of my rules was that I was never going to do a Psycho Analysis on a real person because… well, it’s fucking obvious why I wouldn’t do that. Can you imagine if I gave a score to Hitler, Jeffery Dahmer, or Harvey Weinstein? Do you really want me to tell you what the best evil moment of Bill Cosby is? Even unsolved true crime stuff like the Zodiac, the Axeman of New Orleans, or Jack the Ripper (the one single thing that turns me into an annoying true crime girl) I’ve considered off the table because that’s not really what this series is about. I’m here to talk about villains who, while obviously deranged and monstrous, are easy to enjoy because no matter how horrible the things they do are, they are fictional and have not impacted people in real life for the most part. To talk about a real person and have it fit the bill, you’d have to have someone who is uniquely deranged, someone who is at once unrepentantly awful while also being fun to talk about.
Lo and behold one such man: James Somerton. Most of the time, saying a character needs no introduction is a bit of an exaggeration, because there is always the chance, however slim, that someone has not heard of that character. That’s not the case here, though.
But you know what? I’m still not even going to dignify him with a proper intro. He fucking sucks. And not only does he suck, he sucks in ways that make me genuinely angry. Like, just look at this fucking guy. Look at him.
Motivations, Goals, and Backstory:
Somerton’s motives operate on fae/dream logic most of the time. The way he acts, the way he goes about things, operates on a morality that is alien to you or I but likely seems fair and just to a being like him. I mean, look at this man. That is the face of a man who exists solely to snort illicit substances up his nose. He lives to be high. That is the extent of his desires, and all else is second to that simple goal. As long as he can ignite and continue to be the instrument of cocaine's will, he is satisfied.
It’s hard to deny the man is talented, because he genuinely has made some of the greatest essays of all time. It also helps a lot that his evil scheme, in which he creates videos under the guise of entertaining the masses but in reality is stealing their personal information for his own use is extremely relevant in this day and age.
Evilness: This dude is fucking mental. Like, genuinely, there is something seriously wrong with Somerton. He ostensibly has some sort of moral code, but it is so confusing to anyone but him that it is impossible to see any nobility in him.While he at first comes off like a pathetic, insecure, desperate manchild who is just incapable of having a spine and spitting out his true feelings, he pretty quickly grabs a sled and starts sliding down the slippery slope.He literally created white people comitting plagiarism. Frankly he might be the single most evil villain of all time for that alone!
This guy is a fucking 5/5. He might be one of the single biggest pieces of shit in modern YouTube. Just a wholly selfish, vile, and irredeemable chud.
Final Fate: James Somerton sure does fucking die a lot, huh? He’s one of those villains, one of the ones who die and come back and die and come back and die and come back and so on.After his initial obliteration by Hbomberguy and the subsequent kick in the proverbial ribs he received from Todd in the Shadows, he decided to fake his own death and disappear, only to get caught on an alt account posting asshole pics he plagiarized from someone else. Man can’t stop stealing whatsoever.
Ultimately though, while he does get outed as a creep and scoundrel at his attempted plagiarism, he still manages to make a getaway. It seriously is a shame. By all accounts he’s still out there, James the Somertoning people (or at least trying to).
Best Quote: “My heart and actions are utterly unclouded…! They are all those of ‘justice!’”
Final Thoughts & Score: Somerton is one of the single most perfect villains ever conceived for the internet. He is just everything he needs to be, and more. Somerton is the kind of thing you don’t expect to see in a YouTuber like this: a real sort of monster, one who abuses the trust you’re used to to harm others in deadly serious ways. He’s egotistical, he’s fragile, he’s toxic, he’s monstrous, he’s sympathetic, he’s irredeemable, he’s still got a spark of humanity left even to the very end… Somertin is an incredibly complex character. Looking back over his work, there were so many warning signs of how he really was. With all the references, the music, and whatnot, he is an essayist that doubles as a very well-crafted tribute to the concept of essays as much as he counts as wank material. I’m just gonna say it: he is more faithful and respectful to Ghostbusters as a franchise than Answer the Call was.
...Ok, now for my honest and original thoughts. Somerton really was a big fucking clown, a genuine idiot who only ever managed to get away for as long as he did by exploiting the faith of others. I mean, I’m sure a lot of people wanted a cool, gay video essayist who had interesting takes on media and was well-spoken and intelligent to listen to while they did chores. Somerton decided to fill that niche in the worst way possible, by ripping off other people’s work, passing it off as his own, and then when caught faking his own death just so he could let his accusers get harassed while he waited for things to simmer down so he could make a return.
Ultimately he’s not a “Villain” beyond being the Internet’s Villain of the Week; he’s just s stupid fucking asshole. But boy was he a stupid fucking asshole that it was fun to watch get utterly bodied by people who actually knew what they were doing. He’s genuinely just a stupid, embarrassing motherfucker and it is genuinely astounding he has continued to show his face even after being delivered a shaming so severe it might actually have been better if he’d killed himself. There is literally no recovering from the Hell he has inflicted upon himself with his actions, and while he’s genuinely one of the least “evil” people I’ve ever covered he’s still an incredibly massive cunt. He’s at the very least a 1.5/5 on the villain scale.
Uh, I mean… I’m giving him a -1/10. Yeah, a negative score.
I’m actively trying not to think about The Amazing Digital Circus at this moment in my life, but can you imagine the James Somerton video we would have gotten out of it if he was still around oh my god.
