Judge meme time. Sacrifice your poor trolls (or other OCs, he won't immediately dismiss other species) to the catty remarks of Jamie, who will rate their fashion and how attractive he thinks they are.
Note: He's gay. He is harder to impress with masc characters and will be nicer to femme ones, though he won't find them as hot. 18+ characters only, naturally.
“Jiji, darling, I assume that is your familiar leaden footfall?”
Jikiro snorted at his spade’s sugary tones through the video call they were having as he walked into frame.
He settled down on a comfortable old couch in his hive, looking at the laptop sitting on the table next to it.
Jamie wasn’t facing him, the thin blueblood sitting in his specialized moving reclining chair and very pointedly turned toward something the teal couldn’t see.
“Nah, it’s some other guy, shit Sherlock, first name no.” He retorted. “Look me in the eyes, dickbrains, we’re supposed to be having a strategy talk.”
After a moment’s pause, the cobalt pressed a button and rotated himself toward his laptop screen on the desk across from him.
“Well, if you must be so crass…I was watching a trailer for Contra’s newest movie, you know.”
He chuckled. “Didn’t know you were such a horror fan.”
“When the actors can actually pull it off.” Jamie said brightly.
Jikiro looked amused for a few moments, scratching his stubbled chin.
“All right. Velour’s omniscience filter spells. You said you had some ideas.”
“Yes.” Jamie agreed, abruptly more businesslike and serious, Eirish tones turning crisp as he moved his chair to sit him up a bit straighter.
“I confess - what you and Eileit have is good.” He said, a bit grudging. “The ink array prepared for Velour so he can use it as a mirror spell, built on technical definitions of omniscience and what constitutes knowledge in the first place…all very interesting.”
Then he cleared his throat, gaze intense behind his rectangular glasses.
“I think we can go a step further. After all, we can’t expect Velour to perfectly recall all the knowledge he’ll be filtering on his own. There must be a magitech way to then store information he finds, preserving it for his future use while not requiring him to keep it in his head so he doesn’t get overwhelmed.”
Jikiro blinked.
“Damn, okay. Yeah, that’s a good point. Hadn’t really thought about afterward, too busy trying to refine the spell so he can do it and like Eileit said, to prevent it from catching too much while also suppressing his ability to read minds, if we’re lucky.”
“We can but hope.” The kookaburra troll replied with dry humor. “I doubt we can entirely take it away, but perhaps it’s possible to mute it somewhat…”
“Eileit thinks it’s possible.” Jikiro said, slightly hesitant to bring up the maroon but knowing Jamie would be interested in the theory.
“According to them, mind reading is a common early manifestation of omniscience, and we can’t get rid of it entirely, but they pointed out that what we think of as knowledge is itself a fluid concept.
Wild stuff, man, but they’re right: we think about knowing someone’s name or shit as a defined fact, but to someone who has no idea what that name is or what names are, it’s meaningless; that’s not even information to them. If they were omniscient, they might not pick it up.”
Wide-eyed, Jamie let out a slight noise of awe.
“They really are so alien…” Murmured the blueblood, fascinated.
Then he sighed, wearing a slightly tired smile, ears lowering.
“But I suppose I burned that bridge. Pushed too far, too fast.” He sighed.
“You did.” Jikiro said bluntly. “You can’t bribe or flatter something like that, man. She’s way too old to care about that stuff. Arty saved you, sure, but Eileit’s different. Maybe they were one person once, but definitely not now.”
Jamie laughed, a bit self-conscious, slightly blue, before sighing and running a hand through his curls.
“No. I suppose I can’t. Contra wouldn’t like it if she found out I’d tried; the two are friends, apparently.”
Jikiro smirked. “Oh, she wouldn’t like it, huh?”
Jamie squinted, having his chair maneuver him forward a few inches to stare at his kismesis more closely across their screens. His blue freckles gleamed in the low artificial white lighting of his room
“What are you getting at, Jiji? Out with it.”
The tanuki troll leaned in a bit himself, resting a round, scarred cheek in one hand.
“You’re pretty fond of Contra, huh? Especially when she’s a violet. And you shove it if she so much as frowns. You sure don’t do that for everybody.”
“Fascinating and utterly obvious as your observations are, I fail to see where you are going with them at your drearily plodding pace.”
The kookaburra troll drawled his response, attempting to look indifferent, but the slight flicks of his ears betrayed his anxiety to the tealblood who had known him since wrigglerhood.
Jikiro had to try to hide a smile. Jamie was so predictable in some ways, not that his kismesis would take hearing that well.
“So…you asked her out ashen, then? If it’s so obvious.”
The blueblood went rigid, eyes wide.
“You…I…oh, Jiji, but I don’t -“
The midblood paused, straightening up and dropping his hand to his lap. He hadn't expected this reaction.
“You don’t what?” He asked, curious and a little confused.
“I’m not unhappy with us!” Jamie said in a rush. “Please don’t think I am. It’s not - it’s not like that. I do - I think I do feel something like that for her, but - I wouldn’t ask her to mediate us if you weren’t comfortable! We hardly need mediation! And neither of us is unfaithful, either.”
Jikiro smiled. “Chill out, freckles, I know all that. I admit - was kinda surprised when I first suspected it. Didn’t think you liked girls at all. But I guess we all have our exceptions.”
He took a moment to snort softly at the slightly stunned look on his kismesis’s face before he continued, holding up a broad hand to stop Jamie as he opened his mouth.
“Jamie. I seriously don’t mind. And ashen is more than just stopping us from fucking someone else we had an argument or two with. You and Contra seem good for each other. Grounding. I bet she needs that - especially since you apparently can’t keep your hands off celebrities.” He said with a smirk.
Jamie flipped Jikiro off, and the tealblood laughed.
“Ugh, I know.” The cobalt groaned. “I know, I know, I know! The media will make a bloody fête of it! People will continue to say I’m a ruthless social climber or whatever nonsense it is they’re inventing about me now.” He grumbled.
The kookaburra troll looked away.
“I don’t…I don’t want any scandal or nonsense for her either, Jiji. She’s been through enough, what with her ancestor disowning her, and she has her other quadrants…”
“Damn, acting like you sealed the deal already.” The tanuki troll remarked, flippant.
“Will you shut up!” Jamie hissed, ears flicking in agitation. “This is serious.”
Recognizing the urgent tone, the ink maker did so.
Jamie inhaled a deep breath, skinny shoulders hunched before he forced them to lower.
“If Contra does feel the same way about me…then we will have to be rather careful. If she does not, I hope we can remain friends.” He said with a slightly wistful smile.
“You will.” Jikiro said, supportive and steady. “She really likes you, I can tell.”
Jamie let out a long sigh, blowing air through his teeth, making his ears lie neutrally with effort.
“Yes. Yes, I suppose she does. And I her. Oh - I refuse to get sentimental now, but I must confess to her. Properly, with dignity, and class, but not too much pomp…”
Jikiro smiled as his spade muttered, thoughts of Velour’s omniscience temporarily forgotten.
“Why don’t you take a little and think on it.” He offered. “I’ll write down what you said and pass it on to Eileit. You let me know if you get more ideas.”
“Mm.” Jamie replied, a bit absentminded already. “Yes. I will. Ta, Jiji.”
“Night, freckles.”
Jikiro ended the call, laughing softly once he knew he’d hung up.
Jamie with an ashcrush, and a seadweller woman at that.
You really never knew who you’d fall for. His own relationships were proof of that.
Unexpected as it might be, he silently wished his pitch the best of luck in winning Contra's heart.
The pair of kismesises stands at the Takami estate. It is only a few hours after the events of Network Effect.
"Fucking hell, Jamie, why did Jastes of all people come after you? I was expecting the artifice."
"No, Jiji, it was actually the artifice who warned me, believe it or not. I believe Jastes must have finally caught the thing...and apparently he's using it to take care of anyone who's wronged him, if I had to guess. I swear I haven't done anything to him or any other troll lately."
The tealblood shakes his head.
"Fucked up. But whatever, you and Pax can stay as long as you need to. I'm just glad you got out before anything happened this time."
"I as well...and thank you."
The cobalt does not know when he and his friend can go home to Civitrecce's suburbs. Arty did not have time to give Jamie any further information, beyond warning him that Jastes sought to control him, that he was no longer safe in his hive.
The moons shone down, a few green-eyed insects buzzed, and Crista tossed some feed to the koi at the Takami estate as they sat on the bench near their pond.
At first they’d been nervous coming back without Velour, but Jikiro had offered…and that intimidating tall yellowblood had actually smiled slightly to see them and said they could stay for a bit! Who’d have thought.
Luckily so, for the koi were quite cute to watch. Calming, even.
“Well, well, if it isn’t Albion’s most ridiculous escapee, here in the flesh.”
Crista groaned as they turned to see Jamie coming toward them slowly, all wide sharp grin and upright ears as if he were a hyena scenting carrion.
“That’s rich coming from you!” They retorted. “What, did Eire send you away because they were sick of your crummy jokes?”
“Au contraire, I left because I couldn’t stand how bloody boring it was.” He stated bluntly. “Sheep and pubs and picturesque rolling farmlands, oh my! Repeat ad infinitum, ad nauseam.”
They snorted. “My hometown wasn’t much different.” They admitted. “Not really sheep so much, just some small farms, but still.”
“The farmer’s life didn’t suit you?” The blueblood asked, still grinning.
“Please.” Crista said dismissively. “I worked indoors for the most part. Whether that was better or worse than farming depended on the night.”
“Didn’t run away on criminal charges, did you?”
They froze. Their ears flattened.
No, how could he -
“Relax.” Jamie drawled, stepping up to the bench.
“Just because I put two and two together doesn’t mean Velour will. Besides, look at you; I can’t imagine you did anything that bad to have gotten imprisoned. You have all the genuine viciousness of a small yappy lapdog.”
They squawked in offense. “How dare you! Saying such things to me! Absolutely no one asked!”
They crossed their arms, hmphing.
He chuckled and sat down on the other end of the bench, taking his crutches off and leaning on the armrest.
“If I were truly daring I could do much worse.” Drawled the kookaburra troll. “But I see no need for that. So you’re a draft dodger! So are plenty of people. I got in trouble with the empire too some time ago - long story, that, but everything’s ducky now.”
The maroon blinked, utterly at a loss. “So you’re not threatening me.”
“Not unless you ever do anything to my moirail, in which case I will indeed have to act!” Jamie confirmed cheerfully.
They sighed. “No. I’m not out to do anything to Velour. For one thing, I’m not that stupid. For another thing, what would I gain? Very little.” They said, answering their own question.
“For a third, you are most entirely pitch-smitten with him.”
Crista whipped their head to the side to glare at Jamie, who met their gaze with a cheeky wink.
“Don’t bother trying to tell me I’m wrong, Condyl; I’m not nearly so dense as my beloved diamond, and quite better versed in affairs of the heart.”
“So what is this?” They grumbled, slightly red-faced. “‘Hello, I’m here to tell you I could blackmail you if I felt like it and I know your taste is shite? Ciao!’”
The highblood cracked up, laughing like his lusus would.
“No, no.” Jamie chuckled. “Just wanted to hear what you plan to do about it.”
His expectant gaze was met by Crista’s annoyed look.
“Absolutely nothing.” They shot back. “If you’re here to make fun of me, it won’t work! I know that he’s not interested and he won’t ever be! You haven’t got a thing on me, fellow!”
They shook their finger at him.
He raised his eyebrows. “Really.”
“Really really.” Crista said acidly. “Do you think I look in mirrors and go temporarily colorblind? Or that I don’t know the sheer flack he’d get if he was ever found out to date a maroon? Oh, and let’s not forget the most important part - he’s not interested! Bloody hell, I don’t think he can be, not after what that woman did to him.”
Jamie went still.
“He…told you? About Veruco?”
“Is that her name?” They said blankly. “No, he didn’t give me that - not that I pressed him for it, obviously. But he mentioned someone hurt him and that it’s, well, left marks.”
Jamie looked a bit stunned. Crista’s ears flicked.
“Well, I…hadn’t quite expected that. Hm. Yes, I can see where you’re coming from…” He mused.
“Wonderful, we can end it here and continue this conversation never.” Crista remarked pointedly.
“Oh, shut up.” Jamie said impatiently. “Yes, I see your point. But are you really so sure he’s not even a little interested?”
They looked at the shorter troll with tired annoyance.
“Of course he’s not. Even if he was, it doesn’t matter. I don’t want to make anything worse by accident - and it almost happened, getting close like I did. Lucky I backed off before it got too bad, but that’s why he told me.” They sighed.
“I got…well, a bit snotty, and he explained why he’d flinched.”
They looked at the koi again after their admission, watching their steady paths through the water.
“Look. It’s fine. It’s a stupid crush, but I’m not a stupid person. I’ll move on.”
“Well, not entirely, I’d hope.” Jamie huffed. “He does like you, you know. As a friend.”
They snorted. “Yes, yes, I know. Great overflowing bottle of sap that he is.”
Jamie grinned. “You’re the one who fell for him.”
“You date him!” Crista retorted.
Jamie fluttered his eyelashes. “If things were a smidgen different, you’d plant a kiss on his stupid mouth and join me.”
Crista groaned deeply as he kookaburra laughed at them.
“God, you are so annoying.”
“I am a man of many talents.” He agreed jovially.
“Piss off and practice the other ones, then.” The lowblood grumbled.
Jamie scoffed and waved a dismissive hand.
“Do you have any idea how long it takes me to get out here? Absolutely not. Say, want to hear a tale?”
“Well, that time I got in trouble with the empire was quite the story, you see…”
The maroon couldn’t help it; they were enraptured by his talk of demon deals and thinking machines, listening well into the night to the blueblood’s fantastic yarn.
