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For drabble/short fic: Dean overthinking (maybe even while talking to Cas) Balthazar's line from 6x17 "[...] the one in the dirty trench coat who is in love with you"
Anon I love you, this had me RUNNING 😂 its short, but I think it's cute, and it's kinda awkward, I hope you like it 💙
Pairing: Dean Winchester/Castiel
Words: ~900
Awkward fluff
Unbeta'd
Sorry, you have me confused with the other angel. You know, the one in the dirty trench coat who's in love with you.
The words spun around in Dean's brain, it was all he could think about. At first, he'd just rolled his eyes and had tried to forget about it, but the longer he'd waited, the more prominent Balthazar's words had gotten.
"Dean?"
"Huh?" Dean's gaze snapped up from the book in front of him and he looked at Cas, who was staring at him with a confused expression.
"Have you listened to anything I just said?" Cas asked, and Dean could feel his face turning hot.
"Sure, uh… dead person, lake…"
They were in the middle of working a case, and Dean knew he should focus, but whenever it got quiet, his brain jumped back to those words. What did they even mean? There was no way that Cas, a freaking angel of the lord, was in love with him. Not romantically, at least.
"... and the witness said that he acted strange before. Maybe he was possessed?"
Dean swallowed, internally punching himself for being so distracted, but he just nodded and hoped Cas wouldn't look right through him. He'd get the details from Sam later anyway.
"Is there anything wrong?" Cas asked all of a sudden, squinting and watching Dean closely, but Dean shook his head quickly.
"Nah, nothing wrong, everything's peachy. Just peachy. Go on, I'm listening," Dean muttered, even though he knew it was a lie.
"If you say so. The most confusing thing is, even though the victim was found dead in the water, there was no dirt on him. Not on his clothes, not on his skin, not anywhere."
Dirt. Dirty. Dirty trenchcoat. God, what the hell had Balthazar been talking about? Cas was the most blunt person ever, so surely he would've said something, right? If he was in love with Dean, he'd just blurt it out, like always. But he hadn't said anything, so it couldn't be true… could it?
"Are you in love with me?" Dean blurted out before he could stop himself, interrupting Cas, who was just trying to save people, again. Shit, he was so stupid.
Castiel's eyes widened for a split second, at least Dean thought so, but then he squinted.
"I don't see how this is relevant for the case, Dean," he answered, his voice completely calm, but Dean could've sworn he saw a faint blush coloring the angel's cheeks.
"Yeah, uh… sorry man, just… yeah, it's not. But uh… are you? Y'know. In love. With… me."
Way to go Dean, he thought as he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He knew that he'd had a crush on the guy since the moment they'd met, but he hadn't dared to even -
"Dean, people are dying."
Right.
"Yeah, you're right. Sorry," Dean said, before a deep sigh escaped him. He probably wouldn't get an answer, which wasn't disappointing at all, nope. But… what if?
"But -"
"Yes."
Dean blinked.
"Yes?"
"Yes."
"So, you're…?" Dean was sure his brain had stopped working completely somewhere along the way.
"Yes, I am in love with you. Are you able to focus now?" Cas asked, his face completely neutral as always, but there was something in his eyes, something that told Dean the angel was just as nervous.
"Sure, yeah, focus, case. Got it."
Dean was able to focus for a total of three seconds.
"Okay, but… you're serious?" he interrupted Cas once again and Cas sighed, while he pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance. He'd picked up on so many human things already, it was adorable.
"Yes, I'm serious. Are you done?"
As Castiel opened his eyes again their gazes locked, and Dean swallowed thickly. All or nothing, right?
"Actually, no. So… this love thing, is it - is it… romantic?" he stammered, his cheeks burning, but he didn't break eye contact. In fact, he couldn't, he was too mesmerized by the ocean of blue in front of him.
"Yes."
Oh.
"Oh," Dean choked out and lowered his gaze, his hands balling into fists on the table.
"I don't understand why this is something you need to know," Cas said, and his voice sounded different all of a sudden. Almost a little sad.
"I just… have to, alright?" Dean pressed out between clenched teeth, his heart doing flip-flops in his chest.
"Alright," Cas said, letting out another sigh, but before he could continue with the case, Dean opened his mouth again.
"It's just… me too. I think. Maybe. Dunno."
Now Castiel's head snapped up and he stared at Dean with wide eyes, his lips slightly parted, and God, Dean wanted to kiss him.
"You mean, you're…?" Cas couldn't finish the sentence either, just like Dean earlier, which made the hunter chuckle.
"Yeah, yeah I think so," he breathed, and suddenly the tension that had been in the room the whole time disappeared, and they both grinned at each other.
"That's… a surprise," Cas muttered, his cheeks flushing, and Dean laughed.
"Yeah," he answered, while he tried to get some air into his lungs. Maybe it was a good thing that he'd asked, after all.
"What do we - I mean how - "
"We're gonna talk, I guess. Later. Promise. I think we gotta finish a case first," Dean interrupted, and finally, the tension in Castiel's shoulders disappeared as well and he gave Dean a grateful smile.
This time when he started talking about the victim again, Dean was able to actually listen.
for drabbles: maybe fuck or die? (either dean or cas has been sniffing the wrong kind of flower and now oops we got a situation) or: dean is masturbating and thinking about cas, cas picks up on this. or: dean and cas watch brokeback mountain thinking it's just some other cowboy movie but then things happen and it gets a little too hot and they're sitting right next to each other etc
Heya! While I'm not really comfortable with the first trope because of personal reasons, I'm definitely gonna write the other two! I'm gonna give you the first one already which is Dean and Cas watching Brokeback Mountain together 😁 I'll definitely write the second one either later or tomorrow!
Pairing: Dean Winchester/Castiel
Words: ~1,3k
Tooth-rotting fluff
Unbeta'd (like all of the little drabbles probably will be) 😂
"Dean?"
Dean sat up straighter when he heard Castiel's voice and smiled to himself, knowing that Cas searching for him in the bunker usually meant he wanted to spend time with Dean.
"In the cave!" he almost yelled, flinching by how his voice echoed through the bunker. A couple of moments later the door opened and Cas stepped in, a DVD case in hand, and Dean started to grin.
"Wanna watch a movie, Cas?"
Castiel's gaze jumped from Dean to the case, then back to Dean and he started to smile.
"If you don't mind, I'd love to. I was at the library with Sam, did you know that you can rent DVDs there?" Cas asked as he sat down next to Dean, close enough that their shoulders brushed. At first, Dean had tried to teach Cas about personal space, but he'd given up quickly and just accepted that the angel didn't seem to get it.
"Yeah, yeah I did that a couple times already. What movie are we watching?" Dean asked as he took the case and stood up to switch the DVDs.
"I don't know, it's called 'Brokeback Mountain', it's about cowboys so I thought you might like it," Cas said with a hesitant smile, and Dean grinned once again as he sat down next to Cas.
"Hell yeah, cowboys are always good. Haven't heard of that one before, though," he muttered as he took the remote and navigated through the menu. For a second, he thought about reading what it was about, but then he shook his head and started the movie instead. They both got comfortable while their eyes were glued to the TV, and if Dean leaned against Cas a little, nobody had to know.
At first, Dean thought it was just a boring movie, nothing fancy, but the second Jack and Ennis got closer, he swallowed. Oh boy, this wasn't… was it? Instead of saying something though, Dean continued watching, shifting a little in his seat every now and then, and why was it so warm in this room all of a sudden?
"Dean?"
Dean almost jumped by Castiel's voice.
"Yeah?" he asked, his voice a little rough, so he cleared his throat.
"Have you ever kissed a man?" Cas asked, his voice neutral, and Dean's head snapped around to look at the angel, his body getting prepared to flee as fast as possible, but when he saw the shy expression on Castiel's face, the half closed eyes, the faint blush on his cheeks and the lip bite - shit, the lip bite - he took a deep breath to calm his racing heart down.
"No I haven't, nothing wrong with that though I guess. You?"
The second the last word left Dean's lips he wanted to slap himself. He knew that the only people Cas had ever kissed were Meg and April.
"No. But…"
Cas didn't finish the sentence, and Dean gave him some time, but when it seemed like the angel wasn't going to, he had to ask.
"But?"
Heart still racing, Dean searched for Cas' gaze and the second their eyes locked, the angel sighed.
"I don't know. I feel like… I feel like I might want to try it," he muttered, still looking into Dean's eyes, and Dean was sure that this was the moment he'd die. Just like that, a couple more words from Cas about kissing men and he'd drop dead on the spot.
"Huh," was the only thing he got out, not able to form a single coherent sentence in his head, too lost in Castiel's eyes, which had him hypnotized.
"Would… would you want to try it, Dean?" Cas asked after a few moments of silence, and oh god, Dean couldn't admit that he wanted to, could he? Fuck, why did Cas bring a movie with gay cowboys, out of all the movies out there?
"I… dunno, maybe?" he answered, and wait a minute, had Cas leaned in a little? He couldn't remember that their faces had been that close before. Or had Dean leaned in? Oh god, hopefully not.
"Would… Would you mind trying it with me?" Cas asked, his cheeks getting even darker than before, and he looked so adorable that Dean wasn't able to think at all. The only thing he knew was that they were way too close, and that he wanted to kiss Cas.
"Uh… wouldn't that… make it awkward? Between us, I mean. Wouldn't that make it awkward between us?" he stammered, and even though Dean was looking into the angel's eyes, he knew that Cas started to smile.
"Only if we let it," Cas answered and yeah, that made sense. The thing was, Dean always found a way to make things awkward.
"Okay," he whispered before his tongue darted out to wet his lips, and Cas broke their eye contact to follow the movement.
"Okay?" Cas asked, his gaze glued to Dean's mouth, and Dean was sure his heart might explode any second.
"Okay," he said once again, and suddenly, Cas' mouth was on his own. Out of reflex, Dean turned his body to get a better angle, and Cas did the same, while his hands came up to cup Dean's cheeks, his touch so soft that it was barely palpable. For a couple of moments neither of them moved, their closed lips pressed together, but the second Dean inhaled shakily through his nose, the ban was broken and Cas started to move his lips.
Dean was sure he was in heaven.
Cas was clumsy at first, kissing Dean not quite right, but when Dean took over and guided the angel, it was good. More than good, great. Amazing, even.
Shit. Dean knew he was fucked when a quiet moan escaped him completely unprompted and he pulled Cas onto his lap. The angel didn't argue and Dean used his quiet gasp to trace Castiel’s bottom lip with his tongue, a touch so soft he could barely feel it, but it was enough to send a full body shiver through Cas, followed by a deep, greedy noise. Dean could feel his body reacting to the touches and the noises though, reacting to Cas, so instead of deepening their kiss he slowed it down, until all they did was peck each other's lips from time to time while they breathed the same air, both smiling brightly.
"Did you like it?" Cas asked, his voice rougher than usual, and Dean cleared his throat, knowing that he probably sounded similar.
"Yeah, uh… yeah. You?" he asked, and even though he knew the answer already, he needed to hear it, needed to hear from Cas that it had been just as good for him.
"It was very… pleasant," Cas said after some seconds of consideration, and Dean moved his head back a little to look at the angel properly, his brows furrowed, but the second he saw Cas grinning at him he rolled his eyes.
"Get down from me," he grumbled as he shoved Cas playfully, and Castiel's grin turned into a full-on laugh, while he clumsily got up and sat down again next to Dean, this time even closer than before.
"You wanna finish the movie or what?" Dean asked, trying to keep his voice neutral, but he couldn't hold back the smile that spread on his face.
"I'd love to," Cas said, his voice soft, and as he spoke he hesitantly took Dean's hand and intertwined their fingers. Dean squeezed Castiel's hand, not looking at him again, and rewound the movie to the point where they'd started talking. Cas sighed with content and dropped his head against Dean's shoulder, and if Dean was asked if he had leaned his head against Castiel’s later, he'd deny it.
Maybe gay cowboy movies weren't that bad, after all.
I'm still working on the cockles fic I wanted to post, so I thought I'd write something else instead to fill the time somehow. Pure fluff, a TINY LITTLE bit of angst, but it's just Dean being Dean, and that's basically it.
Also watch me writing about their reunion over and over and over again until I have no more ideas.
Pairing: Dean/Castiel
Words: ~2,1k
Beta'd by @the-rollerchloster (thank you so much!) 💙
.
Dean paced back and forth between the door to the hallway, the Christmas tree and the map table. He'd never been so nervous when it came to giving someone a Christmas present, and he hadn't slept all night, anxiety spreading through him like a wildfire.
It was the first Christmas since Cas had come back from the Empty, and of course, they hadn't talked about what had happened at all. It had been weeks, and Dean just couldn't find the strength to walk up to Cas and tell him how he was feeling. He'd tried, a couple of times actually, but every damn time, he'd chickened out.
Cas was different, though. Since he was human, he'd gotten a little softer, and Dean wasn't sure if it was his imagination, but it seemed like Cas' whole demeanor had gotten softer as well. He was smiling more, and even though he'd been avoiding touching Dean, there was a new intimacy between them; an intimacy that Dean hadn't felt before. It was weird though, because it seemed like Cas was distancing himself, but at the same time, in those moments where they were alone, Cas was relaxed, smiling, and over all, happy.
Dean was sure he'd never seen Cas that happy before, and even though his words were still ringing in his ears, some bullshit about being happy is in just being, Dean couldn't figure out how Cas could be that happy without Dean acknowledging his confession at all.
"Good Morning," Cas grumbled as he walked into the room, his eyes still half closed, wearing a giant, blue hoodie, and Dean froze, just staring at Cas in awe. When his brain started functioning again, he hurried to the map table, almost tripping over his own feet, and picked up one of the mugs, which luckily were still hot.
"Mornin'. I uh... I made coffee," he offered as he held out the mug to Cas, who took it with a thankful nod and sat down at the table. Dean took the seat right next to Cas and took a few sips of his own coffee, knowing that the other man wasn't tolerable before he hadn't downed at least half of the liquid, so he sat there, waiting patiently.
"You're up early," Cas commented after some time, and Dean's head snapped up. By now, Cas' eyes were opened fully and he was smiling softly at Dean, but Dean also noticed that he'd leaned away just a little, which totally didn't hurt at all, nope.
"Yeah, I uh... I couldn't sleep, and since I had to wrap up some presents anyway, I thought I could also just... y'know, stay awake."
Cas glanced at Dean with his eyebrow raised, but instead of saying something, he just nodded and continued drinking his coffee in silence.
"Actually, I wanted to - to give you your present already. If - if that's okay with you, I mean."
Dean's heart was racing by now and he could feel how his cheeks were burning uncomfortably, but for once, he didn't look away. He was tired of whatever game they were playing, and even though he still wasn't sure if Cas had meant it in a romantic way, he couldn't sit around any longer and wait. He was as sure as hell that Cas had said anything he'd wanted to say, so it was Dean's turn now, which was fine. Totally fine.
"Dean, I told you that - "
"Yeah, you don't want anything, got it, but uh... it's important to me that you have it, Cas," Dean interrupted, while he got up and got the tiny box from under the tree, wrapped carefully in Christmas paper. His hands were shaking violently, but he knew that he had to do it. Now or never.
As he sat down at the table again, he made sure to turn his chair into Cas' direction and to scoot a little closer, close enough that their knees were touching. Cas glanced down at their knees, but he didn't make a comment, and even though Dean should know that it didn't make the other man uncomfortable, for a second, he saw something flicker in Cas' eyes that scared him a little.
"It's uh... I made it myself. It's not much, but - but it's…"
Dean trailed off, not really sure what to say, so he just put the box on the table without another word, avoiding Cas' gaze pointedly. Cas took the box carefully, and Dean wasn't sure what was going on inside the other man's head, but he was too afraid to look. He could hear the paper rustling, of course, Cas wouldn't just rip it apart, and just a few moments later, a quiet gasp cut through the silence of the room. They both remained silent for what felt like an eternity, and when Dean finally found the strength to lift his head, he could see how Cas was staring down at the little box, his finger tracing what was inside with so much care, that Dean was sure he'd melt any second.
"That's..."
Cas didn't finish the sentence, and his voice was oddly hoarse, which made Dean look into the other man's eyes. They were glistening with unshed tears, and before Dean even knew what he was doing, he took the box and got out the ring inside. It was a silver one, thick enough that it wouldn't break during any hunts, and right on top, there was a small, filigran bee. It was silver as well, but its wings were covered in blue and green, colors that Dean knew were important to Cas - well, one of them, at least.
"Here, lemme," he whispered, not trusting his voice, and he took Cas' hand and stretched his fingers, noticing that he wasn't the only one who was shaking, thank God.
"Dean…"
Cas' voice had gone down to a whisper as well, and Dean could feel how the other man tensed as soon as Dean slipped the ring on Cas' finger, which fit perfectly. Cas was about to pull his hand away, but Dean held on tight, intertwining their fingers with a sudden boost of confidence. Cas just stared at their hands, and at this point Dean was sure Cas wasn't even breathing anymore, so he took a deep breath and, without thinking too much about it, let out what he'd been holding back all those weeks.
"Me too, y'know? I... shit Cas, you know I'm bad with all that talking about feelings crap, but - but me too. I - I love you. I'm so sorry I didn't say it sooner, but I was - I was scared. Man, you dropped all that shit on me and left, you didn't even give me a chance to say anything, and I - in that moment, I just couldn't. Shit, you have any idea how much I wanted to say it? But I was - dude, I wasn't ready. You dumped all that shit on me, and then you were gone, and I - "
Dean's eyes were burning so much that he was sure the tears would start to fall soon, but he looked up nevertheless, right into Cas' eyes, before he continued.
"Of course you can have it, man. We can have it. I just - I just thought you wouldn't... couldn't feel that way, y'know, because you - shit man, you're a goddamn angel, and I'm just a human."
"Dean…"
Cas' voice was quiet, but the emotion in it was breath-taking. They found themselves just staring at each other, fingers still intertwined and resting on Dean's knee. For a split second, Dean was scared that he'd understood it wrong - that Cas hadn't meant it in a romantic way - but all his fears flew out the window when Cas' gaze dropped down to his lips. Unconsciously, he licked them in anticipation, making sure they were nice and smooth. Then, without any further warning, Cas surged forward in an attempt to crash their lips together.
Their noses knocked at first, which made both of them laugh, so they tried again, slower this time, and the second their lips actually touched Dean's eyes fell closed, while Cas let out a more than appreciative hum. It was like a firework exploded inside of Dean, spreading drowsy from his heart through his whole body, making every nerve vibrate. Slowly, he lifted his hands and cupped Cas' cheeks, careful, as if he held the most precious thing in the world, which, well, was true in a way, at least to Dean. He tilted Cas' head a little more, tried to make their kiss less sloppy, but even though it wasn't perfect, it was real, and Dean was sure he hadn't felt anything close to what he was feeling at this moment in his entire life. It was like their lips were two puzzle pieces that fit together perfectly, clicking in place and suddenly, everything seemed to be alright.
"You're such an idiot," Cas mumbled against Dean's lips as they parted, and Dean let out a noise that should've been a laugh, but was closer to a sob.
"You're the one talking. If you ever pull a stunt like that again, imma hunt you down just to kill you again myself," Dean said, grinning like an idiot, and Cas nodded, before he leaned back enough to get a full look of Dean.
"I... might have something for you as well."
Suddenly, Cas' behavior changed and his face turned into a dark shade of red, while his gaze dropped to the ground.
"Yeah?" Dean asked, an eyebrow raised, but he couldn't shake his grin, even if he wanted to.
"You want it now?" Cas asked, and it was almost comical to see a person who usually was so sure of himself wrapping his arms around his body in an attempt to hide how nervous he was.
"Hell yeah!" Dean exclaimed, so Cas got up and took Dean's hand, pulling him into the direction of the kitchen. As they entered, Cas let go of Dean's hand and quickly opened the fridge, pulling something out that was wrapped in Christmas paper as well, but it was crumpled everywhere, and Dean couldn't help but smile. Dean took it when Cas handed it to him and put it on the kitchen table carefully, before he started to unwrap it.
"It's not perfect, but... you told me once that - that the important thing about presents is that it comes from the heart."
Dean didn't answer, because as soon as he noticed what he was looking at, a lump formed in his throat, probably big enough to choke him. His eyes were burning again all of a sudden, and he couldn't keep the emotions out of his voice when he spoke again.
"You... baked me a pie?" he asked quietly, even though it was obvious. It wasn't the best pie he'd ever seen, it was totally out of shape and the edges were burnt, but it was something from Cas, something Cas had done for him, even though the other man knew his cooking and baking skills weren't the best, and Dean was so overcome by how much he loved Cas, that he turned around and pulled him into a bone-crushing hug.
"That's the best present ever," he whispered into Cas' neck, who was tense at first but then melted into Dean and wrapped his arms around him as well.
"I'm glad you like it," Cas whispered back, squeezing a little, and Dean leaned back to look into Cas’ eyes with a lovestruck smile plastered on his face. He couldn't resist, so he leaned in once again, captured Cas' lips with his own. He was sure that he'd already gotten addicted to kissing Cas, because there was nothing he'd want to do for the whole day other than that.
"Oh God. Please, no sex in the kitchen," a rumpled voice said behind them all of a sudden, and Dean tensed up but with one look into Cas' eyes, relaxed again just as fast.
"Mornin' Sammy. Too bad, I already brought the lube," Dean said, sounding much more confident than he felt, but when he turned his head to look at Sam, his brother had a soft smile on his lips.
"I'm happy for you two. Merry Christmas," Sam said, totally ignoring Dean's words, who rolled his eyes, but deep inside, Dean was feeling as happy and relieved in a way he never had before.
"Merry Christmas, Sam. And thank you," Cas mumbled, leaning his forehead against Dean's temple, and Dean wrapped an arm around Cas' shoulders with a grin.
Yes, yes I know this is late and that you've read it already, but I had to share it online, alright? 😂
Also, it's beta'd now by the amazing @the-rollerchloster (thank you SO much again, you really made some great changes there 💙) so it's definitely much better than before 👀
Pairing: Demon!Dean/Castiel
Words: ~ 4,6k
Explicit
Warning: there's some... let's say, morally-not quite-right content, including no explicit consent (though Cas doesn't mind, it reads like he kinda gets pushed into it at first). Not just for sex, also for other things. It's demon Dean, so there might be some dark stuff that I usually wouldn't put into fics, such as Dean cutting Cas to get his hands on his grace. If you're not comfortable with things like that, please don't read.
"Dean?"
Cas walked around the bunker, looking for the hunter who had somehow managed to flee his warded room. Ever since they'd found him after he’d turned into a demon, he'd been locked up in there, and even though it had pained him to watch Dean like that, right in this moment Cas wished he was in there.
"Dean!" he called out once again, his voice echoing through the empty halls, but there was no answer. At least Sam was on a hunt with Jody, which made Cas sigh in relief. If Dean got out of the bunker though…
"Hard time finding me, angel?" Dean's voice echoed through the halls, and Cas immediately straightened his back, his vision sharpening, but he couldn't see anything.
"This isn't funny, Dean," he answered, while he kept walking, trying to get closer to the other man's voice.
"Oh come on, you're the one ruining all the fun," Dean said, followed by a deep laugh, and suddenly, Cas knew where Dean was. With fast steps, he walked down the hallway until he reached the dungeon. A sigh of relief escaped him when he saw that he was right, followed by a shiver when Dean suddenly started to grin. It was hard to look at him; to see his demonic features, his true form. Suddenly Cas remembered that Dean could probably see his true form as well, and he shrunk in his spot, looking anywhere but at the hunter.
"What's wrong, angel? Cat got your tongue?"
"Dean, I don't wanna fight," Cas said, his voice thin and he swallowed hard, while he watched as Dean stepped closer.
"Oh, me neither," Dean murmured, only stopping as they were standing right in front of each other, their faces only inches apart.
"I just wanna have some fun," he growled, leaning forward, his lips barely touching Castiel's ear, and Cas shivered again, though this time he wasn't sure if it was out of fear or… something else.
"You're going back to your room. Now," Cas said, trying to sound as confident as possible, but even he knew that his voice was too high and too shaky.
"I don't think so," Dean said, slowly walking around Cas, and Cas couldn't do anything other than to stare at the ground.
"See, I know about your feelings about me. Isn't that fun? The old me was too weak to admit it, too scared to open up, but the point is, you're hot as shit, Cas. Though your true form is… a problem," Dean said as he stepped right in front of Castiel again, and Cas tried his best not to flinch. He knew it was the demonic part of Dean speaking, but hearing that his true form was something Dean hated hurt more than he wanted to admit.
"Dean…" Cas started, but when Dean didn't interrupt, silence stretched between them, because Cas had no idea what he had wanted to say. He knew he should be scared, or at least disgusted, but he couldn't be. It was still Dean, still the hunter that he'd fallen for, and even though he'd turned into a demon for now, he wasn't a different person because of that. In fact, Cas could still see a faint glimmer around Dean's demonic form, so Cas knew he wasn't gone completely, not really, because that glimmer shone in all the wonderful colors of the hunter's soul.
"You wanna have some fun, Cas?" Dean murmured, a smirk on his face, and Cas swallowed hard. His hands clenched to fists, but he couldn't get a word out, not with Dean so close.
"I can make you feel amazing," Dean whispered as he leaned in, their lips so close that Cas wasn't sure if he was breathing actual air, or if he was breathing in Dean. He felt dizzy with desire and he knew it was wrong; the last thing he should feel was desire towards a demon, but he couldn't help it.
"C'mon, say something," Dean mumbled, watching Cas the whole time, and Cas couldn't look away. There was something in Dean's voice, something that made him believe the old Dean, the Dean who cared, was still in there, and a whimper escaped him, while his head started to spin. He just had to lean forward a little, and everything he'd ever wanted, everything he'd dreamed about for years would come true.
But he didn't have to. The second he blinked, Dean surged forward and pressed their lips together, his mouth hot and wanting, his lips plush and soft, and Castiel's eyes fell shut, while another whimper found a way out of his throat. The force with which Dean kissed him made Cas stumble back until his body hit the wall, his head colliding with concrete, but he couldn't feel it, could only feel the heat of Dean's body surrounding him, consuming him. His hands found Castiel's hips, his nails digging into the flesh there, and Cas moaned deeply, his body getting uncomfortably hot. A voice in the back of his head screamed at him to stop this, to run as far away as possible, but Cas knew he wasn't strong enough to do that. This was what he'd been wanting for years, what he'd dreamed of, and now he could have it, so he wouldn't let this opportunity go. He knew that the second they found a way to turn Dean human again things would change between them, most likely in a bad way, but he couldn’t find the strength to care.
"Shit, wanted to do this for so long," Dean murmured against his lips, and Cas whimpered once again, his arms wrapping around Dean's neck to pull him close once more, but Dean seemed to have other plans. Without any effort he spun them around, leading Cas to the center of the room, before an evil smirk spread on his face. Cas was terrified immediately.
"No leaving for you," he said while he pulled a lighter out of his pocket and lit it, before he threw it on the ground. Castiel's eyes widened the second he realized what was going on, but when his body found the strength to actually move, it was too late. A ring of fire surrounded them, heating up the whole room, and Dean chuckled quietly. Castiel's heart started racing, but when he looked into Dean's eyes, he could see something glistening in them that made his whole body feel hot, for a very different reason than the fire surrounding them.
"What, you're not even gonna try to escape? Shit, I would've expected more from you," Dean said, while he grabbed Castiel's face and squeezed his cheeks, hard.
"I know you're still in there Dean, so no, I won't run from you."
This time, Castiel's voice was steady and as he stared into Dean's eyes with a confidence he hadn't felt before, something in Dean's eyes flickered, but it was gone too quickly to tell what it was.
"You sure about that? Maybe I should stuff your mouth with my cock, and we can talk again after," Dean snarled, and Cas' breath hitched. Dean stared at him for a second longer, before he started to grin.
"You'd like that, wouldn't you?" he asked, looking amused, but Cas was tired of lying, tired of pretending the things Dean had said to him over the past couple of days didn't affect him, so he nodded silently, expression calm, eyes wide. Dean's face fell and his jaw dropped open, followed by some cursing. Cas narrowed his eyes, tried to understand what was going on, but the second Dean moved his hand to his crotch to adjust himself, his eyes went wide.
"You're… actually turned on," Cas stated, his voice sounding surprised, and Dean glared at him, while his hands moved to Castiel's shoulders and slowly slid down his arms, until his hands were covered with Dean's. Then, with a sudden move, he tore Castiel’s arms up, and before Cas even had the chance to react, two thick, heavy metal chains were wrapped around his wrists, holding him in place. A gasp escaped him and he looked up, just to see that Dean must've prepared this before, because he couldn't remember any hook being on the ceiling before. His gaze jumped back to Dean, who took a step back with a grin and crossed his arms in front of his chest.
"How about that? Don't know about you, but I think that's much better," he said, lust glistening in his eyes, and for a second Cas thought Dean must've brought out his demon eyes, but as he took a closer look he noticed that no, he hadn't, his pupils were just blown so much that almost no color was visible anymore.
"What do you want from me, Dean?" Cas asked, licking his lips after, and Dean's eyes followed the movement of his tongue, before he spoke.
"I want to fuck you until you're not able to walk anymore. I wanna take you apart and hear you scream my name," he muttered as he stepped closer once again, and Cas couldn't hold back a moan, while his eyes fell shut.
"Look at me," Dean said suddenly, and Cas opened his eyes immediately, just to see Dean holding the end of the chain. When their eyes locked, he pulled, and suddenly Cas was barely touching the ground, his wrists protesting, but his dick twitching in his pants. Dean noticed, judging by how his eyes snapped down to stare at his crotch, and the other man licked his lips, while he slowly tore his gaze up to Castiel's face again.
"Shit, you like that?" Dean asked, while the corner of his mouth turned upwards and he leaned in to bite Castiel's bottom lip, who whimpered quietly. He wouldn't tell Dean how he felt, in no way, but he wasn't able to deny his attraction to the other man, not even in this situation.
"The things I wanna do to you," he muttered and Cas couldn't do anything but stare, but for some reason he wasn't scared. He knew Dean was still in there, and as much as they'd fought in the past, he was sure that Dean wouldn't actually hurt him.
"I'm yours," he said before he could stop himself, and he gasped as Dean's eyes went wide.
"You mean that?" Dean asked, surprise in his voice, and a quick attempt to cover it with a smirk.
"If you say so. Bet you can't wait to have my dick in your mouth," Dean mumbled and let the chain go with a sudden move. Cas was so surprised that he landed on his knees before he was able to react, and the pain shooting through his legs made him hiss loudly.
"Aww, poor angel got hurt?" the other man asked as he crouched down in front of Cas, taking his chin between his fingers and lifting Castiel’s head to look at him properly.
"You should know by now that I don't feel any pain," Cas said, which technically wasn't even a lie; he just didn't expect to feel pain, so his body and his grace weren't prepared.
"So this," Dean reached around himself and pulled something out of his pocket, "shouldn't be a problem for you, right?"
The moment Cas realized that Dean was holding a knife his eyes went wide, but still, he couldn't find it in him to feel scared. A little uneasy maybe, but he wasn't feeling any fear.
"What do you plan to do with that?" he asked quietly, his eyes not leaving the blade, and Dean twisted it in his hand, playing with it for a moment, before he answered.
"I wanna test a theory. If you hold still, it'll be over very quickly," Dean mumbled, while he lifted Castiel's chin even more to expose his throat. Suddenly, it hit him.
"Dean, you - that's not you, you can fight it, I know you can. Please," Cas rasped while the blade moved closer and closer to his skin, but the other man just chuckled.
"It's me, Cas, I'm not possessed, remember? It's all me."
Cas swallowed, and Dean watched his throat move, licking his lips absently. He knew that it was Dean, knew that he was fully aware of what he was doing, but he was still hoping that Dean could turn it off somehow.
"Time to see if I'm right, huh?" Dean said after a moment of silence, and Cas opened his mouth to answer, but he was cut off by Dean lifting the blade and cutting his throat. Cas clenched his teeth, used his grace to stop the bleeding and to numb the pain, and Dean surged forward with a sudden move and covered the wound with his lips, starting to suck. Cas was torn between fighting him and moaning deeply, because even though he knew what Dean was doing was wrong, he had to admit that it turned him on in some weird, fucked up way. Maybe something was wrong with him?
Dean's hands found their way to Castiel's hips and they squeezed, hard enough to leave bruises while moaning deeply, taking in the essence that was necessary for Cas to survive. Cas closed his eyes, blocked out every instinct he had to fight Dean, and just let it happen. In a way, it was even kind of satisfying to know that Dean willingly took a part of himself in, and enjoyed doing it. When the other man slowly pulled back, Cas wasn't sure if he should feel relieved or disappointed.
"Cas…" Dean croaked while he lifted his head, his eyes hooded, turned completely black, but there was a spark in there that hadn't been visible before. As Cas leaned back to look at Dean properly, his eyes widened when he noticed that the light around his demonic form got much brighter.
"Dean," he responded, his voice cracking. Dean swallowed hard, seeming unsure for a second, before he surged forward and captured Castiel's lips with his own. Despite the force, the kiss was much more gentle than before, and Cas couldn't do anything other than kiss Dean back, sighing quietly.
"Want you so bad, angel," Dean mumbled against his lips, and once again Cas could feel his dick twitch in his pants. He could feel that something had shifted inside of Dean, and he seemed much more human than a couple of seconds before. Could it be that his grace was able to heal him?
"Then take me," he answered, unafraid. Dean moaned while he started to fumble with Castiel's clothes, taking them off so fast that Cas couldn't find it in him to protest. He let it happen, and when he was kneeling there without a shirt, he couldn't suppress the reflex to stretch his wings. Dean caught the movement and his gaze jumped to Castiel's wings, which stretched from one end of the room to the other, glowing faintly.
"Shit…" Dean mumbled, blinking a couple of times, and suddenly his black eyes were gone and Cas was able to see the green shining again. He was so lost in Dean's eyes that he didn't notice how the other man stretched his arm, until he felt a sudden touch, which made his whole body shudder. Dean immediately pulled back his hand, looking at Cas with something dangerously close to worry, and Cas shook his head.
"It's alright, you can touch them," he said, and for a second he asked himself if he'd lost his mind somehow, but the moment Dean's fingers brushed through his feathers again, every thought left his head and his body dropped forward, his forehead resting against Dean's shoulder, while a deep moan echoed through the room.
"Feels good?" Dean asked, and all Cas could do was nod, because he was sure he'd never felt anything better in his life. The other man's chest vibrated and Cas was sure he was chuckling, but he couldn't hear a single thing, too focused on his wings being touched for the first time in his whole existence. Dean brushed his fingers through them over and over again, being careful at first, but after noticing Castiel's reactions he got more confused and pulled a little from time to time, making Cas gasp in surprise. The closer Dean got to the roots, the more intense the feeling got, until Cas was so lost in sensation that he didn't even notice how he started rocking back and forth, his cock so hard that it would've hurt if he was lucid enough to notice.
Suddenly, the hand in his wings was gone and Cas lifted his head slowly, opening his eyes just enough to see Dean staring at him in disbelief.
"You… get off on that?" Dean asked, his voice sounding surprised, and Cas actually blushed.
"It's not - it feels nice," he answered honestly, and Dean started to grin before he got up slowly, brushing the dust off of his knees, before he opened his jeans and dropped them in one fluent move, together with his underwear. The second his dick jumped out, Castiel's mouth went dry and he stared at it, licking his lips absently.
"Open your mouth," Dean ordered while he buried one of his hands in Castiel's hair, and Cas obeyed without even questioning it.
"I want you to suck me so good I'm gonna have trouble keeping myself upright," Dean said while he pulled at Cas' hair and wrapped his other hand around the base of his dick, and Cas nodded, eyes wide, his own dick throbbing. Dean stepped closer, until the tip of his dick was right in front of Castiel's face, and Cas stuck out his tongue with a sudden move, tasting Dean for the first time, a moan escaping him while doing so, and Dean hissed.
"Stop teasing and suck it," Dean groaned, pulling at his hair once again, and Cas obeyed immediately, opening his mouth wide and taking him in completely, his eyes falling shut while doing so. The second Cas hollowed his cheeks and started to move his head, Dean's knees buckled and his other hand found its way into Cas' wings again, brushing and pulling right at the roots. Another shudder almost caused Cas to bite down as a reflex, but he stopped himself at the last second, his teeth only grazing Dean's skin, which caused the other man to curse loudly.
"Shit, be careful," he moaned, his grip in Castiel's wings tightening so much that it almost got painful, and Cas pulled back a little and opened his eyes to look up at Dean who was staring down at him, and Cas was sure this was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. Dean's eyes were wide and focused on him, his pupils blown so much that no green was visible anymore, his jaw hung open slightly and his lips glistened with saliva, and his cheeks were covered in pink, making his freckles stand out even more. There was nothing Cas wanted to do more than to kiss Dean, but since his mouth was currently occupied he sucked even harder, showing Dean how much he wanted this, how much he enjoyed this. The second Cas started to swirl his tongue around the tip of Dean's cock, he got yanked back roughly and watched as Dean gripped the base of his dick, cursing once again.
"Shit, you're driving me crazy," he rasped, before he bent down to grab the chain he'd discarded some time ago and yanked on it. Castiel's arms got pulled up with such a force he couldn't hold back a whimper, and suddenly he was standing right in front of Dean, who let go of the chain and started to take off Cas' pants and underwear, trying to get it off so fast that he was fumbling a lot, but eventually he managed it. The moment Castiel's pants and underwear dropped to the ground Dean stepped around him until Cas could feel his breath on his neck.
"I'm gonna fuck you now, and you're gonna use your grace 'cause I'm way too impatient to open you up," Dean growled right next to his ear, and Cas' knees almost buckled, while he nodded quickly. Closing his eyes, he focused on sending his grace to the right parts of his body, using it to relax his muscles, and just when he opened his eyes again, he could feel the tip of Dean's dick pushing between his butt cheeks, while an arm got wrapped around his waist from behind.
"Ready?" Dean asked, and despite Cas using his grace, he could feel that Dean's cock was slick; he'd probably used some lube as well.
"Dean, I just - I want you to know - "
"Shut up," Dean interrupted him, his voice sharp, but there was a desperation in it that Cas couldn't ignore.
"Dean, please. I want you to know I'm not mad at you, and I won't blame you for doing this," Cas got out in a rush, and he almost expected the other man to get angry, but instead, he could hear a sharp intake of breath, followed by a shuddering exhale.
"You should," Dean whispered and Cas opened his mouth to argue, but he didn't get a word out, because Dean pushed inside of him with one sudden move.
"Holy shit you're tight," Dean groaned the second he bottomed out, and Cas knew exactly what Dean was talking about, he felt huge, but luckily there was no pain.
"Maybe preparation would've helped with that," he pressed out between clenched teeth, fighting hard to stay upright, despite his knees having turned into jelly.
"God, why are you so annoying?" Dean asked, still not moving, and Cas whimpered quietly, trying to ignore how much hearing words like this from Dean hurt. In an attempt to focus on something else, he slowly started moving back and forth, just a little, but it was enough to make Dean moan deeply.
"That greedy, huh?"
"Dean, just move," Cas whined, and Dean actually listened to him. Slowly he pulled out, just to push back in with much more force than before, making Cas almost fall forward.
"Love how you feel, angel," Dean mumbled against Castiel's neck, before he started to place light kisses on his skin, which made Cas shiver. He knew that something must be wrong with him, fundamentally wrong since he was enjoying all of this so much, but he couldn't find it in him to care. Dean spun them around then and pushed Cas forward, forcing him to walk to the wall in front of him.
"Hold yourself up," the other man commanded, and Cas barely got his hands on the wall, before Dean started fucking him for real. Cas gasped, unable to do much more, and when Dean's hands suddenly appeared in his wings once again, his dick twitched and started to leak, while a deep moan rumbled out of his throat. He bent his back a little more to give Dean more access and was rewarded with another string of curses, followed by Dean leaning forward and burying his face in his feathers. Feeling Dean's breath there almost made Cas lose his mind, and everything felt so intense, the touch on his wings, Dean's dick in his ass, his own dick throbbing, and it was almost too much. He knew that he wouldn't last very long, not like this, especially not if Dean would keep his face buried between his wings, but judging by how fast the other man's breath was coming already, he figured that Dean wouldn't last much longer as well. Cas lowered his arm to wrap his still chained hand around his own dick, but Dean reached around him and tore it away, growling quietly.
"Don't you dare, wanna make you come untouched," he rasped, his voice even deeper than normal and his breath coming fast, and Cas moaned once again as his dick twitched heavily.
"Dean, I don't know if - if I - "
"You're not gonna come if you can't come like that," Dean said, and suddenly, something hot and wet appeared between Cas' wings, making him rear up in surprise. Dean licked along the roots of his wings, even grazed his teeth over his skin from time to time, while continuing to pound into Cas. There was a coil of heat in Castiel's lower stomach, tightening with every lick, with every thrust, and just when he thought he couldn't bear it anymore, Dean spoke again.
"Shit, gonna come into you angel, gonna mark you from the inside," Dean growled, and Cas' vision went white. He felt like his whole body was exploding, his grace trying to escape, lightning up the whole room, and his body started to shiver, while his dick twitched and twitched, shooting out spurt after spurt of come. He faintly noticed Dean tensing, before he could feel him throb as well, but he was so lost in his own feelings that he couldn't find it in him to care. He'd had sex one time before but it hadn't even come close to what he felt right this second. If he didn’t know better, Cas could swear that this was how a human soul must feel in heaven, completely at peace, pure bliss flooding them.
"Cas? Cas!"
Cas opened his eyes slowly, blinking against the light in the room, until his vision wasn't blurry anymore and he could see Dean's face right in front of his own.
"Dean," he rasped, his throat dry, and it took him a second to realize that he was sitting on the ground, his back against the wall. Did he pass out? Was it possible to pass out during sex?
"Shit, you kinda scared me," Dean said, but he quickly pulled the hand that was resting on Cas' cheek back.
"What happened?" Cas asked, now seriously confused, but for some reason something warm spread in his chest when he realized that Dean had been worried, despite being a demon.
"I dunno, you came and then I came and - shit, you kinda… left your vessel for a second, I guess," Dean said, looking a little guilty, and Cas couldn't hold back a chuckle.
"That seems plausible," he answered honestly, and Dean let out a sigh, shaking his head.
"You could've warned me, y'know."
"I didn't know this was possible," Cas said, and Dean gave him a doubtful look, but then his gaze jumped to the door.
"You're gonna put me back in that awful room?" he asked, his voice a little shaky and he wasn't looking at Cas.
"I don't want to, but - "
"But you have to, yeah, alright," Dean mumbled, brushing a hand over his face, and seeing him like that felt like a stab through Castiel's heart. When Cas checked if the glow from his grace was still surrounding Dean's demonic form, he had to smile, because for some reason it was even brighter than before, which would explain why Dean was acting almost human again.
"Cas..."
Dean looked up, and for a second Cas thought he could see the other man's eyes filled with tears, but Dean blinked quickly, and it was gone again.
"Dean, let us help you," Cas mumbled, cupping his face with his hands in a soft gesture, and Dean inhaled a shuddering breath.
"Please..." he mumbled, and his voice sounded so full of hurt, Cas almost couldn't take it. Then, with a sudden move, Dean got up and put out the fire. He walked to the door after putting on his clothes, but once he reached it, he turned around again, looking at Cas sitting on the floor, still completely naked.
"I'm counting on you, man," Dean said, his voice cracking, before he turned once more and left the dungeon. Just like that, he was gone.
I got presented with an idea recently, an idea that could be so much fun if done right, and I wanted to share it in case someone wants to join.
The basic idea:
Someone (probably me, in that case) creates a Google document, and it gets shared with everyone who wants to join. It can be edited by everyone who joins, so of course there will be some rules, but I'll come to that later.
The document is shared, now we come to the fun part: someone (probably me as well, but if anyone else wants to, I wouldn't say no) starts to write a Destiel fic. This person writes until they run out of time/ideas/just don't want to continue anymore. Since everyone can edit, the next person can jump in and continue the fic as they'd like to, without talking to the person who wrote the first part, and so on. I get that this can get very confusing real fast, so I'd limit it to 5 people at first (IF anyone wants to join, that is). Basically, it's like writing a fic together without actually talking about plot points before.
Now, I come to the rules I'd set up:
1. Anybody who wants to join has to be 18 or older
2. Nobody is allowed to delete anything that was written before to make it fit their idea better.
3. Editing is allowed, but only when it comes to grammar and typos.
4. Please leave everybody some time to actually join in. If you wrote something and someone else added a bit, please wait at least 12 hours before you add something again.
5. You CAN talk about ideas, but the basic idea is to create a fic that is a surprise for everyone, so not talking about it would be more interesting.
I think that was it so far, I'd really like to try this, so if anybody is interested, please let me know! If more than 5 people are interested, I'd create different docs, if all of you think I'm crazy, that's fine too! 😂 I don't know, it just seems like a fun thing to try, so I thought I'd put it out there and who knows, maybe I can find some writers who are interested too, and maybe we can even create new friendships that way 😊💙
I JUST NOW realized that because of my url change a while back the links in my masterlist didn't work anymore (yay me) 😂 anyway just wanted to say I fixed it now and every link should work again 🤦♂️
Warnings: mention of Dean's death, mention of Castiel's death (but it's mostly just pure fluff, I promise)
Post 15x20, Fix-It-Fic (kinda)
Happy Supernatural day guys, I thought a little Destiel fix-it would be fitting for this day 💙
Not beta'd, all mistakes are my own
"Cas, you stupid son of a bitch! Do you hear me? That's what you are, alright?"
Dean looked up into the sky above him - which, now that he thought about it wasn't actually the sky, but who knew what was real in heaven and what wasn't. He had been driving around for a month now - maybe it had been just two weeks? - Dean didn't know, but what he knew was that he was praying to the stupid angel in a trenchcoat, without success. He'd thought that after everything that had happened, Cas would be happy to see him, would come to greet him the second he arrived here, but nothing.
"Damnit Cas, I know you can hear me!"
The former hunter was standing at the foot of a mountain, surrounded by nothing but trees, flowers, and bees. He didn't even notice how far he'd walked, but when he let his gaze wander, he realized that the meadow was huge. He felt an ache in his heart all of a sudden, because he knew that this, right here, would be one of Cas' favorite places.
His anger grew all of a sudden, but at the same time, his eyes filled with tears and he sat down on the ground, leaning against a solid tree.
"Listen, I know that - that things aren't that fancy between us right now, but I - I wanna... God, move your ass here, Cas!"
His voice got louder and louder, until he could hear it echoing back from... somewhere. Dean had no idea, but he didn't care. He was exhausted, even though he didn't need to sleep up here, but he knew exactly that it wasn't that kind of exhaustion, no, it was the emotional kind.
For what had felt like forever, he was searching for Cas, trying to reach him somehow, starting right after he realized that he loved the goddamn angel as well, but until now, there was not a single sign of him.
"Please man, I need you. We need - we need to talk."
His voice cracked at the last word and the first tear found its way down his cheek, but he wiped it away quickly. His head dropped back then against the tree with a sigh, and he closed his eyes.
"You realize that you can't hide forever, right? Come on, whatever the reason is, we'll figure it out, we'll figure everything out. Cas, please."
His eyes were still closed, and suddenly, there was a light breeze at the meadow, making the trees rustle a little.
"Hello, Dean."
Dean's head snapped up while he tore his eyes open, and for a second, he felt too dizzy to see anything. When his eyes got used to the light again though, he was looking right at Cas'...
His eyes snapped up so fast that once again, he got hit by a wave of dizziness, while his cheeks got hot in an instant.
"Jesus, you could've showed up next to me, or behind me, or... or..."
Just then, the former hunter realized that it was actually Cas standing right in front of him, and just like that, his heart was up his throat, while at the same time, his stomach seemed to tie itself in knots. It was Cas, his Cas who he was searching for a month, standing right in front of him like nothing had happened.
He jumped up, not sure what he was about to say, but all of a sudden, he was furious.
"Hello? That's all you have to say?"
His voice was shaking, and his hands automatically clenched into fists, while he tried to control himself not to punch the angel right into his stupid, beautiful face.
"Yes."
Cas' expression was blank, and Dean huffed an angry laugh, while he turned to bring some space between them. When he took a few steps, he didn't turn around again, because his eyes were burning with unshed tears, and as much as Dean was thinking about this moment, prepared for it, even, he couldn't say what he wanted to say, not now, not like this.
"Do you have any idea how long I've been searching for you?" the hunter asked, his voice quiet.
"I'm aware, yes," Castiel answered, and Dean had to close his eyes. He'd been thinking about this moment for almost two months now, the whole time on earth and in heaven, and this wasn't how he'd thought it would go. It wasn't even close.
"Then why? Why did you make me wait?"
It was a desperate question, Dean's voice full of emotions, he could hear it, but he couldn't stop it. It took him some time to become like this, to not hide his feelings anymore, and he wouldn't be ashamed of it now.
"I could sense your anger, Dean. I thought that -"
"Well, next time stop thinking buddy, and do what I ask you for."
Dean knew it sounded selfish, and again, a little desperate, but he couldn't stop himself. Slowly, he turned around, his head lowered to hide his tears at first, but after he took a deep breath, he raised it slowly to look at Cas.
"You have any idea how much I've missed you, you son of a bitch?" he whispered, while he slowly approached the angel, one small step after another. Castiel's eyes went wide for a second, before his expression went completely blank again, but even though he tried to hide it, Dean noticed the small gulp anyway.
"You have any idea how I felt when you left? When you dumped all that shit on me, not even caring about what I'd have to say, and then you just disappeared? You have any idea how that made me feel?"
Dean's voice got louder and louder, and at the end, he was almost yelling, his voice echoing from the mountains, and for the first time since Cas' confession, he understood what the angel had said.
'You think that hate and anger, that's what drives you, that's who you are. It's not!'
No, what he was feeling wasn't anger. He wasn't angry at Cas. He was desperate, and heartbroken, and confused, but not angry. Slowly, the former hunter took a deep breath, his gaze locked with Cas' the whole time.
"You think I'm a rock? That you could just dump that on me and leave, and that I'd be okay with that?"
Dean took another step closer, then one more, until their faces were only inches apart. The angel lowered his head in shame, but not a single word came out of his mouth. When his ears turned into a dark share of red, Dean almost smiled through his tears.
"You think I'm okay without my best friend by my side?" Dean whispered, while he pushed Cas' head back up, using his index finger.
"Cas, say something," he begged, almost desperate, because even though Dean had learned to deal with his shit by now, he still couldn't stand it to get no answer when he was being vulnerable in front of anybody.
"I'm sorry," Cas whispered, while he lifted his head all the way to look into Dean's eyes. The former hunter could see tears glistening in Castiel's eyes as well, and just with one look, he knew that the angel was sincere.
"Just don't... don't ever do shit like that again, alright?" Dean mumbled, before he grabbed the angel by the shoulders and pulled him into a hug, so tight that breathing got hard after some seconds, but Dean didn't care, because first of all, he was dead already, and second, he'd die for this, for Cas, just like Cas had died for him.
After some moments, Castiel hesitantly lifted his arms as well and wrapped his arms around Dean's lower back, which made the former hunter sigh. His eyes fell shut and he had a hard time resisting the urge to bury his face at the other man's neck, but somehow, he did it. Just when he was about to let go, he could feel a sharp pain at the back of his head, accompanied by a loud slapping sound. Dean jumped back, eyes wide, and stared at Cas in disbelief.
"That," Cas said, the smallest of smiles on his lips, "was for dying right after I sacrificed myself for you to live. You can thank Charlie for showing me this."
Dean raised his hand and rubbed the spot that was throbbing a little now, and he was more than aware that in heaven, he wasn't supposed to feel any pain, except of when he wanted to.
"That's... that's fair," he mumbled, and his cheeks turned pink, while the corner of his mouth lifted a little.
"Yeah, I think I deserve that."
He wasn't sure if Cas knew how he died, or why, but if he did, he wasn't showing it. No, if he'd know, he wouldn't grin like that now, Dean was sure, and for some reason, he was more relieved about that than he thought he'd be.
"Listen, there's... there's something else we need to talk about," he mumbled suddenly, and his smile disappeared immediately, just like Castiel's.
"If you mean what happened on earth -"
"No, you shut your mouth and let me talk, you had your moment already."
There was no heat behind Dean's words, but Cas' mouth snapped shut anyway. Suddenly, there was a light breeze ghosting over the meadow, and Dean felt the urge to turn around, so he did, blaming it on his still very present hunter instincts. He was almost sure to see someone behind them, Jack maybe, or anyone else who wanted to see Dean, but what was there instead took his breath away.
Right there, just a few feet behind them, was a huge barn, but not any barn, no, the barn they'd met all those years ago. The light changed as well, and suddenly, it was dark, the only light given by at least a thousand fireflies, quietly flying around the barn.
"Friggin' heaven," he mumbled and his face turned into a dark shade of red, because even though he was denying it all the time, he knew this was his work - he was a fucking sap.
When he turned his head again to look at Cas, the angel's eyes were wide, staring in awe at the spectacle in front of his, his lips slightly parted.
"Dean..."
"Not a word. Listen, there's... there's some stuff I wanna say as well," Dean said, his voice more firm that he'd thought, but he cleared his throat anyway before he began to speak.
"First of all, I'm still mad at you for what you did back there, alright? And I will be, probably for a long time. But..."
The former hunter searched Castiel's gaze, and only when their eyes locked, he continued.
"But even though I was - or am - mad, that doesn't mean I didn't miss you like crazy. Do you have any idea how fuckin' thrilled I was when I came here and Bobby told me you're around as well? And how - how disappointed I was when you didn't show up?"
"Dean, I didn't mean to -"
"No, shut up, man. I already told you, you had your moment."
Dean waited for an answer, but Cas was just standing there, staring at him, without saying another word. He shoved his hands into his jeans pockets, but when his fingers hit something that hadn't been in there before, he furrowed his brows. Slowly, he tried to make out what it was. It was something small, a little box, maybe? It was soft and -
Oh. Oh no. Definitely no. This couldn't be, this-
"Dean?"
Dean's eyes snapped back to Cas, and just then he noticed that he'd had lowered his head. The angel stared at him with his brows furrowed and his head tilted to the side, and Dean's heart jumped by the sight.
'Why not?' a voice was whispering in his head all of a sudden, and he knew it was right? Why the hell not, right? It's not like he'd suddenly die, he already was dead. Go big or go home.
"Yeah, I'm, uh... let's walk a little, alright?"
Dean tilted his head into the direction of the barn and started walking, and Cas followed him immediately. As soon as they were side by side, their arms touching just a little, like they'd always done when he was still alive, Dean started talking again.
"So... I have one question. Did you mean it? What you said, I mean, the - the love part."
The former hunter was too afraid to look at Castiel, so he kept his gaze at his feet, watching every of his own steps carefully. He knew Cas had meant it, but he still needed to ask, just to make sure.
"Of course I meant it, Dean."
Again, Dean's heart jumped and he had to take a few deep breaths to calm it down. They walked around the barn until they reached the entrance door, which was closed, and that's when Dean stopped. He took another deep breath and lifted his gaze, about to start talking again, but as soon as their eyes locked, he couldn't get a word out. Instead, he lifted his hand, which was shaking a little, slowly, almost like he could break Cas if he wasn't careful. He couldn't breathe, couldn't think anymore, his whole body worked on its own. As soon as his fingertips touched the other man's cheek, careful, soft, he exhaled.
He wanted to say so much, wanted to tell the angel that he loved him, that what he did was stupid, that he could have what he wanted, but his mouth didn't work.
Cas' eyes went wide by Dean's touch, but not even a second later, he leaned closer to Dean's hand, and Dean cupped his cheek fully. Somehow, they got closer and closer, and now their noses were almost touching, Dean could feel Castiel's breath on his own lips. Out of reflex, his tongue flicked out to wet them, and Cas' gaze dropped down, just for a split second, but he didn't move.
"You stupid son of a bitch," Dean whispered, his eyes full of tears once again, before he closed the distance and pressed his lips against Castiel's. Their mouths were closed, it was a soft, tender kiss, almost a little shy, but feeling Cas' lips on his own for the first time was enough to drive Dean crazy. His eyes fell shut, which caused some tears to roll down his cheeks, but he didn't even notice, he was too focused on the other man.
Cas gasped when their lips met, and at first, he was frozen in place, but when Dean started to move his lips, slowly, to give the angel time to proceed what was happening, Cas hesitantly put his hands on Dean's waist and pulled him closer. Dean whimpered and he knew he'd deny it later, but he stepped even closer, until their bodies were pressed together from head to toe.
They were standing there for minutes, hours, days, hell, it could've been weeks, according to how time worked in heaven, but when they finally separated, Cas was looking at him with such awe in his eyes that Dean had to lower his head.
"You could've just asked, you know? I know - I know I wasn't easy to be around, but... to think that this is something you couldn't have, that was just stupid."
Huh, his voice sounded way too deep. Cas didn't say a word, didn't even breathe, and as the seconds ticked by, Dean got a little worried. Slowly, he looked up, just to see Cas still standing there like before, his eyes wide, his mouth slightly opened, his cheeks flushed. He was beautiful.
"I love you too, Cas," Dean said, his voice quiet, because he didn't know what else to say. Then, just like that, Cas' eyes filled with tears in mere seconds, and the liquid slowly ran down his cheeks as soon as he began to smile. The smile quickly turned into a grin, and Dean couldn't resist to smile as well. For some reason, they both started laughing, at the same time, and they laughed so hard that their bellies started to hurt.
When they finally calmed down a little, Dean took Cas' hand and took a few deep breaths.
"We're both a couple of dumbasses, huh?" he mumbled, his mind once again wandering back to the small box that was still hiding in his pocket.
"Dean, I -"
"I'm not done yet," Dean said with a grin, which felt a little off, because he was nervous as hell all of a sudden. With his free hand, he pulled out the little box, still hiding it in his fist, and started talking once more.
"So uh... I know that I'm - well, dead, and you're an angel, and heaven is a fucking traitor, but uh... would you... wear that? It's - it's not - I mean, marriage is a bit useless up here, but -"
The former hunter wasn't sure how to finish, so he just closed his mouth and lifted his hand with the little box. As soon as he opened it, he couldn't hold back a little chuckle. What was inside was a ring, a silver ring to be more specific, but there was one blue line, going around the silver all the way in little waves. Dean remembered how he'd seen this ring once, and even back then, his mind had jumped to Castiel immediately, because the blue was the exact same color as the angel's eyes.
Cas' eyes went wide once again and he lifted his hand to touch the ring carefully. Silence stretched between them, and just when Dean started to think this had been a bad idea, Cas sobbed, just once, before he wrapped his arms around the former hunters neck and squeezed tightly.
"It'd be an honor to wear that ring, Dean," he whispered, right next to Dean's ear, and Dean breathed out, just then realizing that he'd been holding his breath. When Cas pulled back from the hug, Dean took his hand once again and slid the ring on his finger, before he intertwined their hands with a smile.
"I know that - that there's a lot to talk about still, but could we just... dunno, enjoy the night? Or... day, or evening, or... whatever..." Dean asked when he looked around. The light had changed once again, and instead of the barn, there was a small house, just big enough for two people to comfortably live in. Nearby was a little lake, surrounded by trees. The meadow was still there, but there was also a road now, close to the house. And a white picket fence. A fucking white picket fence. Dean's face turned red in an instant.
"Is this where you want to live from now on?" Cas asked while looking around, not even noticing Dean's embarrassment.
"Seems like it is," Dean shot back, his voice a little more grumpy than usual.
"It's beautiful," Cas answered, before he looked at Dean again, his face turning serious.
"Do you want to... live alon-"
"God, Cas, are you fucking kidding me? Don't even think about leaving me again or I'll find you just to stab you."
"Wouldn't be the first time," Cas mumbled, but there was a huge, loving smile on his face, and Dean couldn't do anything else than to smile back.
"Let's get inside then," Cas said and squeezed Dean's hand, and the former hunter nodded and followed quickly. Cas was back, finally, and Dean wasn't a coward for once. He'd been honest about his feelings, and for the first time in his life, there was nothing that could destroy his happiness. No monster, no sudden death, nothing. It was just Cas and him. Cas, angel of the lord, soldier of God, who loved him. Him, just a human, a tiny, little human. Dean couldn't believe his luck. He followed Cas inside the house, and when he turned around to close the door, he exhaled. This was heaven, right here, with Cas, the man he loved. Finally, he was at peace. Finally, he was home.
