My nerves are shredded. I'm back in survival mode and after the emotional high of the weekend I crashed back down.
In case anyone is curious:
1) finding out about Jax Gratton was jarring. We didn't know each other personally but we had mutual acquaintances and I don't doubt we would have crossed paths eventually. The fact that her mother made a statement that she was glad Jax wasn't tortured for days (Sam Nordquist was) makes me wanna vomit.
2) now that the job hunting has solved itself, finding a place to live has been at the top of my list and just fuck man. When I moved out to ABQ ten years ago shit was way cheaper. I also had a second person's income to help. Now it's just me with nothing in my accounts.
3) dating casually can be confusing and sometimes you find yourself catching feelings and then what. Also this might be the first time I'm actively seeing two people at the same time since 2014? And now that I know I'm a relation anarchist, it's even harder. Jeebus H Jones.
4) while I have my creative spark back, I still feel like sometimes I am running around in circles. My Laurel told me no more official jobs while I work on myself and just - ugh.
5) therapy is hard. Therapy is even harder when your therapist and you go through an exercise that rips off the bandaids that make you go "oh. Oh fuck."
Anyway. I figured I can just blog here and talk, and maybe people will read it.
Did I mention the insomnia is back?
